Memories

[TheGuardian]

Hey guys I haven't posted in forever as I've had nothing to report but I just woke up from something that left me very confused and seems like a breaking point to a recurring problem I've had. A lot of the last posts I've made haven't gotten any responses but this is something that I would really like help making sense of.

For the past half year or so, I've been having dreams that have a sort of 'memory' quality to them during their duration, but when I wake up there's nothing to work with as the memory I've experienced has no real connection to my life. There are three main versions of it -- one is a movie that I can't figure out or remember what it is, and my dream is about me getting the answer to this broken memory, but when I wake up there's nothing to work with, as the name of the movie actually has no real counter part. However, the plotline of the movie is very similar each time I dream it, which further adds to my confusion. Then there's another version with a platform videogame with the level themes remaining very similar throughout. One of them I can recall from the top of my conscious head is a visceral inner-body level and another one is an 'office' level where I'm trying to be stealthy. Again -- never played a videogame like this, but the gameplay is similar to ones I've played. Always, as it is a dream, I'm directly in the game so it has a stronger feeling than just 'playing a game.' The third pivot of the 'memory' dreams revolves around a school I never went to --- from what I've gathered in the dream, I was 7-9 or so when I went to it and it was like a school at Childrens Hospital. True, one time in Third Grade I went for a week to a Childrens Hospital school because of how much trouble I got in -- but that was not nearly enough of an impact on my Psyche to create this much more prevalent dream environment. Maybe it draws other information from my time at religious school, but it's a haze in comparison to the reality. It's just such a strong memory that I'm feeling in the dream that really leaves me confused. Usually I'm trying to return to school somehow or find out what it is that's influencing me. There are also some other hazy memory dreams - but this one is the most important.

I was doing some work on my computer earlier today and I got really tired so I decided to take a nap. Nothing out of the ordinary until I started having a dream like this where I was at the school and I was fighting the teachers (I was my current age) and somehow the teacher managed to explode some of the computers while trying to catch me, setting off a fire and burning the building down. This was all part of the memory part, but in current day I found out about the school and how it was eventually going to be rebuilt. I wanted to visit it for some reason, but I wasn't allowed to. Transition back to the memory where I was fleeing the scene but my parents weren't mad at me (even though I wasn't the one who started the fire, but was still responsible) then we were taking a train back from the school, even though there's no trains I know of in my hometown -- closest I have is subway. And on the train I fell asleep into a calm state for AP and somehow became lucid. It was very weird as I was still in the back in time part. Later, in the future, as I was recovering the memories, I was trying to AP but wasn't successful. I eventually achieved it, unlocking my non-dream conscious at the time, but I still had influence from the 'memories' I was begging for answers inside the space-like neutral environment. I just kept yelling "Is anybody out there? I need answers!" at the top of my lungs. Then, I started being transported in a windy teleport vortex. The type that feels so weird as it bends space that makes you know you're in a higher state of conscious.

I arrived at some person's house and he was talking about how his house was renovated. I apparently knew him when I was younger and I used to astral project frequently. He seemed happy as if he hadn't seen me in a long time but we were close. He was older than I am. Somehow, he had a sense of familiarity and despite not remembering anything. I asked him how his dog was doing, and he said fine. After I asked it I was worried that it may have died in the time apart, but since he said it was fine it made me remember it was a non-physical dog. I asked him what all the memories were about and he said that one time I accidently fell asleep at school and then astral projected and he and I used to adventure together until I stopped showing up. He didn't know why my memories went away. We were about to enter his house when I woke up, completely confused what to make of all this. Is there any validity to what he said? Did I really use to astral project and somehow lost the memories and ability? This could explain the other dreams with a videogame/movie as it could have been something he and I did together instead. But it could be just nonsense. As I looked at his face though, his appearance looked more feminine so maybe he wasn't male/female as we tend to think of it in comparison to the real world. Maybe he/she is a more fluid entity.

I don't know if this is another load of bull to further confuse these dreams that I've gotten to the point of annoyance with since I can't figure out for the life of me what they mean and they waste dream time for other dreams I'd rather be having... This could be a huge step forward, on the other hand. Could I please have some other member's thoughts regarding this? Also, sorry if the explanation is confusing, it's hard to write when it's confusing to me too. Thanks.

[Szaxx]

There's something your either doing to hard or not doing enough of.
It appears you want an experience and these dreams are an experience of sorts, they're trying to teach you something.
The memory issue is one thing, there's something else.
What are your methods?
It's looking like this may be a place to start. Have you had any success at all?
I've not looked at your posts yet...