Very profound experience this morning

[moondreamer]

Just a bit of background...many years ago, an older man took advantage of my intoxicated state, and this is something I have carried with me all of these years.  About a year after that happened, I started having these experiences where I would lie down to take a nap.  I would feel myself being '
lifted up', and then I would feel like I was being raped.  This happened many times, and it was a horrible, horrible experience.  I didn't know what was happening back then, and I shut everything down.

About a year or so ago, my guide, Ben, made himself known to me.  I sense Ben's energy and know it well even during my waking hours, but I will also feel him when I AP.  I have been working on the 'fear' I have from projecting, and have come a long way.  I have also been doing some work on letting that man/incident from the past be put to rest.  Last night, before I went to sleep, I thought to myself "I wonder what would happen if I had that experience (the feeling of being raped) but 'interpreted' it differently." 

This morning, I had the opportunity to sleep in.  I got up and let the dog out and went back to bed.  As I laid down and relaxed, I felt Ben's energy with me.  I felt I was in a different state of consciousness.  I realized I could make my exit at that point.  I went to a dark peaceful area for a moment.  Then I felt as if I gone into a different area.  I felt Ben's energy with me.  Then, I felt as if someone was touching me (physically).  It felt good, but I became a little worried.  I asked Ben if he was of the 'light' (something I started doing a while back), and I felt this big energy surge.  I asked him a second time and got an even bigger energy surge and felt very reassuring.  BUT, I had to ask a third time (lol), and I got this overwhelming energy that could knock your socks off, and I felt very secure and loved.  Then I had what I can only interpret as a sexual experience.  I felt it physically, but there was something more to it, like a merging.  I don't know.

I feel like I have healed because of this experience in some profound way.  I don't think that my guide would go with me to astral to take advantage of me, LOL, but I am wondering what just happened?  I can't wrap my brain around this yet, but I do really feel my guide was with me.  Did the physical feelings come from me?  I would ask more questions, but I don't even know what to ask