I'm so ashamed and mad at myself right now, words can't begin to describe.
Here is my latest entry in my Dream Journal, I made 8 minutes agoQuoteI experienced it all in 1 blow...
I was dreaming and suddenly woke up
I heard my Mom say my name
Her voice was in front of me
then to the right of me
It sounded scary
My eyes were without a doubt closed, but I could see, it was dark, and a bit blurry, but I could see as if they were open. I saw in front of me,
and above me, on the ceiling.
I then right after hit vibrations..
I panic'd, I wanted to say something but I couldn't open my mouth, I was officially in sleep paralysis.
I was afriad and mumbled screams until my mom heard me and came in the room, I then woke up.
I took 5 minutes to cool off in my bed.
I am now filled with pure anger..
Why did I get scared...
I told myself I was ready to do it and I failed.
Everything I needed was laid out right in front of me, when I finally was about to reach astral projection I failed because of my hidden cowardness.
I'm pathetic.
I have no memories of the dream that occured BEFORE all this...sadly..
Why did it have to be now when my fear had to show itself, I KNOW I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE STUFF THAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME, SO TELL ME WHY I JUST GOT SO AFRAID?!
You're sooo not pathetic.. And honestly I tell myself I'm not going to be afraid and in the beginning I would always get afraid... It's so alien for us to go into that state after being so accustomed to the physical.it gets better though, you'll have your good AP's and your complete failures. Haha. No worries, keep on trying.
Never underestimate your self buddy...!!!! Have confidence....!!!
There may be several reasons. One could be that an Aspect of Self was returning to you and wanted to enter and merge with you. Just accept it. There will be some fear and turmoil for a few moments, but then you will have become more once you unite with your lost Aspect.
It's not that you are pathetic (or maybe you are but I don't know you very well apart from your self-pity :-D). No, seriously, this is a case of you entering the fight-or-flight mode when synaptic reactions in the amygdala, which are involved in emotions such as fear, caused the release of stress hormones. This can make you freeze with fear, even though muscle atonia has already kicked in (SP), and at times tachycardia (rapid heartbeat) is experienced.
This is a pretty natural physiological function which occurs sometimes when you are in SP and trying to induce an OOBE. Often the mind experiences the fear because it is still partially conscious of bodily reactions and, at the same time, as in your case, wonders why fear is being experienced.
Don't beat yourself up about it. It is also interesting when we consider the fact that the amygdalae have been linked to memory processing and it is quite possible that even for a nanosecond you may have imagined or thought of something scary while you were in the vibrational state.
I'm gonna say that you ARE pathetic, but not because of this. You're pathetic because humans are pathetic.
This doesn't make you pathetic, it makes you human (which does indeed make you pathetic, lol).
I know it's discouraging but it's hard to resist. There is the possibility of a biological reaction that you can't avoid. The idea is that when you're returning from a dream reality, you're coming back from a place that is unfamiliar to your physical body/brain. So, upon return, when you're still "between worlds" so to say, your physical body perceives this as a threat and reacts by stimulating your sympathetic nervous system (ie fight or flight) in preparation for the impending danger. Within moments your body realizes that there is no danger, but it's too late, the damage is done. By activating your sympathetic nervous system, your body goes into reaction mode and floods itself with all those awesome chemicals (like adrenaline) that prepare you to handle the perceived danger. This effectively ruins whatever trance state you had. The chemicals in your body during trance are almost at the opposite end of the spectrum from the chemicals released during a threatening situation.
So it's not really your fault. It's a natural reaction to an unfamiliar situation. HOWEVER! The more you practice, the more your body becomes habituated to the experience and learns that you aren't in any danger when you're projecting. It may take a few tries, but eventually your body gets the hint and stops reacting like that when you try to project. So it isn't even about a conscious, rational fear. It's these unconscious, instinctual fears that everyone has that may be interrupting your practice. Even though humans are pathetic (in a cultural sense), the human body is still amazing and it can help you if you teach it what to do. One of the things that I did was repeat affirmations multiple times a day to the effect of, "I am always safe in my projections" or "I am free of fear when I project". I also repeat these types of affirmations upon waking in a scenario like the one you described. It helps to reassure your body that it's ok and nothing will hurt it.
What you should practice, to get you used to that state, is meditation. Practice losing physical awareness and senses.
Become a point of consciousness... it's a very unique experience, very unrelated to being human. Once you can hit that sweet spot and hold it, you'll be used to it. :)