Feeling like I am in an experiment

[StrangeDreams]

I gave up on trying to consciously project.  I wanted it to stop. Nothing but weird and bad things kept happening.  Problem is now I can't stop.  Soon as I lay down to go to sleep here comes the color swirls and flashes.  So as soon as I fall asleep I'm projecting.  Every single night and sometimes twice a day (if Itake an early nap).  I keep ending up now in these different situations like someone is testing me.  I watched Campbell's video about "fear tests" and felt a little better.  I've been forced to jump to my "death" and pushed off a cliff (I passed those fine).  I've been made to confront an attack dog and some other creatures that don't exist in the physical.  Made it through all those just fine.  I've gotten to the point where Ijust fly right thru them or let them fly through me.  It was only when I was scared and tried to fight them when Ihad a problem.  The problem I'm having now is sexual.  Right after being pushed off that cliff I found myself naked in some sort of metal bathtub.  Someone touched me (I couldn't see them) and I guess I started showing signs of arousal.  Immediately someone pulled me out and I heard the guy's voice say, "nope".  I couldn't see the guys face I was lieing on my stomach on a metal table with wheels and I clearly saw the bottom of his white lab coat and his feet.  I became totally preoccupied with the floor - the floor had holes in it that you could see right through, similar to walking on a metal grate.  Through the floor I could see that brilliant vivid purple light - knew I was in the astral, they don't have colors like that here.  Another time during some kind of test I clearly head a girl's voice say, "help her because I really want her to make it".  One time after failing the test with the attack dog some guy shook his head "no" and told me to go back.  During these different tests people are laughing at me and it doesn't feel very good.  I feel like I am in a semi-conscious state most of the time, but I can't help but feel someone else is controlling things.  Especially the sexual urges.  I am celibate and not even thinking about sex.  But it seems everytime I show some sort of a reaction in the projection somebody immediately pulls me out. 

Now I can understand after hearing Campbell's video about fear and expectations and all that stuff having no place in the astral, but if I'm not consciously showing signs of arousal (it only happens in the projections after someone or something touches me) how do I stop it?  I am believing that I'm being kept out until I learn to do away with all of those behaviors like fear and sexual urges.  But at the same time feel likeI have no control over it.  Soon as I'm booted out and wake up I say to myself, "what's wrong with you, you wouldn't do those things in the physical".  It appears I've hit a roadblock and until I learn to project while consciously awake so Ihave all my wits about me, it's not going to happen.  They keep me in the bad parts.  Guys in lab coats?  Can't help but feel I am some kind of guinea pig in an experiment.  It has made me not want to project anymore.  Honestly I can't think of anything else they could possibly do to me to scare me.  At this point I am getting kind of angry and that is just not the person I am.  And the big question is, who are these people doing this stuff to me? Even when I was trying to project and repeating affirmations and had a firm intent of where Iwanted to go, it didn't happen.  These people won't let me.  They keep putting me through some sort of obstacle course and they don't seem very nice.  Anyone else ever been put through this and have any advice?

[shineling]

Yeah, I've come across them. I don't know who they are either. I would like to believe they are just manifestations of my own fears but the experiences seemed so real and intricate to the smallest details. The part of me that weighs these things was telling me... THIS IS REAL!

I haven't had those experiences for awhile though. I've gathered some power and my defenses are better. I also was given something that protects me. I've forged alliances, made friends with the right kinds of beings. Love and Light. That's all I'm really interested in. So try to seek those kinds of people and experiences. There's a lot of help you can get from the right groups of astral beings.

As for sexual feelings in the astral. They are just natural. Your discriminating mind in the physical is much more successful at shunning baser feelings like sex. In the astral your deepest dreams and urges are expressed without the superego getting in the way telling you it's wrong. You might want to explore it. That's how I finally got over my sexual arousals in the astral. I made love to many a fair astral lady. Now I'm done with that phase and I'm unto higher and better things. This includes communing with beings that are of the Light and being accepted by them and letting them help me and heal me. The help is out there... you just need to meet them half way.

[StrangeDreams]

Thank you Shineling, knowing I'm not the only one makes me feel better.  A lot of times I am afraid to post my unusual experiences on this forum for fear of people thinking I'm crazy.  I'm experiencing a lot of unusual physical things.  For instance the sudden heat rush to my head that feels like someone placed a tight cap on my head and the little burning pain that I keep feeling off and on in the bottom of my left foot that was never there until these strange projections started.  And the little waves I see on the walls.  I sit and think a lot and if I go off into a stare, I see waves of something moving all over the walls.  Sometimes down, sometimes across.  It is like in the summer time when it's really hot and you can see "heat" coming off the street that looks like some kind of colorless vapors.  I'm assuming this is energy??? And then there are the people in my waking life that keep walking up to me and giving me messages.  Like I'll be sitting there going over something in my head, trying to find a solution or answer to what's puzzling me (usually has to do with a projection experience Ihad) and suddenly someone comes up and says a few words to me and a lightbulb goes off in my head and I get that overwhelming sensation through my body, sort of like how you feel when something is suddenly revealed to you and gives you a deeper understanding.  Just like the other day after I had that projection with the guy in the lab coat.  When I woke up I "prayed" asking for an answer, some guidance, why did I keep getting pulled out, what is wanted from me?  That morning in my psychology class we were discussing psychological disorders and when we got to a certain part, my psych. professor looked directly in my eyes and said, "those are maladaptive behaviors, they get in the way of what you really need to accomplish".  And there it was!!  My question about fears and sexual urges had just been answered.  At least that's the way I interpreted it.  That's just one instance, but I usually get these "synchronicities" at least 3 times a day.

Do you have any suggested reading, links, or any other info. you could refer me to as far as me "gathering some power" and improving my defenses?  Also, as far as "forging alliances" do you mean with spirits/beings in the astral, or with people here in the physical?  Anything that would help me would be much appreciated.

[shineling]

Do you meditate? That might help you out a lot. Try meditating on the Love and Light. Make a plea to the Universe for assistance. Sit down maybe an hour or more a day and just meditate on positive feelings. I know that helped me out a lot.

Well... yeah, I've bumped into these mean group of astral beings before. There's more than one of course. The more I dealt with them the stronger I got. I got better at phasing out to a new reality. Or better at running away. Gathering power is a slow process but the truth is there is no better way to do it than with a tyrant on your back. I remember Don Juan (Carlos Castaneda's books) said that in his philosophy they actually go out looking for tyrants. The bigger the better. It makes it possible to get strong and learn to defend yourself. At the right time you strike back and your foe is vanquished. I've had more than one tyrant that f***ed with me and I sorta am glad I had the experience. I still hate the heck out of them though.

I think it's just one of those facts of life. Why would all the astral be flowery and full of Light? They are just like the people down here. Some are nice and some are not.

Yeah, try focusing on Love and Light and see if you can meet with a Collaborator. They are everywhere. Well not everywhere but not that hard to find if you focus on them. They help souls that are trying to reach the Light. At least that's what they call themselves sometimes. They can be angelic beings or spirit guides that help you. Focus on them and see if you can astral travel to their location.

Good luck my friend. Sending you positive vibes.

[StrangeDreams]

Thanks shineling will take all of your suggestions

[linemile]

There's always a yin to the yang, here and on the astral. Light and Dark will always balance each other out. Of course, focusing on the light really helps. Going into OBEs with a negative (or even neutral) mindsets can open you up to the not-so-beauteous things on the 'lower levels'. Sex is a primal, low-level urge built into every living being. It's natural, and you sure as hell aren't exclusive to having that problem. XD
So yeah, it's likely just a system of 'moving up', from the basic levels to the higher, brighter planes. Sounds like an adventure to me, anyways. 

Good luck in all you do! Get out there and show those shoddy dreams who's boss!