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[Psilibus]

I first registered with this site yesterday but have perused articles here on and off for several years. I sincerely apologize if this message is too long or wordy. I just felt the need to share.

Two months ago a dear old friend of mine passed away suddenly after a long bout with a tragic illness. He had been my mentor. My only real source for substantive discussion of things metaphysical. He and I both shared countless hours of discussion over the last 25 years of my adult life. His wisdom and intelligence set many in awe but his countenance and mannerisms would set you at ease. He was a teacher who was not afraid to learn. I called him "Pops"; he was my father.

His death was a suicide.

I only relate this short story because it is the cause for my resumption of practicing projection. I have been coping well and have much support. Those who are supportive share many varying views on death and dying, let alone suicide. There are some spiritual friends and some religious friends. I love them dearly for their support but unfortunately none quite share my beliefs. I have decided to pursue my neglected practice because I felt the need to search him out. To see if I couldn't find that soul and directly offer my love and forgiveness, encourage him to love and forgive himself.

My skills of projection have been rusty of late, to say the least. It has been at least six months since my last successful attempt. I have mostly been practicing lucid dreaming which comes easy to me. I have been rereading some of my old astral projection books and literature, visiting a few reputable websites and relearning my best techniques.

Tonight I went to bed with intention. I slept soundly for about four hours with purpose. When I awoke I drank some water, voided, made sure the house was in order and returned back to bed. I positioned myself lying on my back with my head slightly craned back to maintain open airway. With my eyes closed I began to relax and comfort my nerves. My breathing was allowed to become even and slowed. When ready I began shifting my focus and releasing my thoughts. After about an hour of using old familiar techniques I was about to give up. I was in a satisfactory trance state though and decided to try something new. I recalled reading on this forum of "noticing". Was that from "Frank"? Anyway, I proceded to start "noticing" and stirred my imagination.

Here I will now present my brief journal account as I had written when I completed the "projection" -
"The process of noticing.
The focus of the situation.
Drifting in dream.
Bloody furniture falling away.
Government buildings,
bivouac with my boss.
Important documents.
Three in a bed,
empty room - Noticed him!
Stark office,
meditative pose.
My comments,
dawning realization.
I AM HERE!
It worked."         - I always journal in a brief format to help stimulate memory of the experience. Usually works well.

It may have only been minutes but soon I realized I was dreaming. The images presented as what I imagined, for the most part. They were related to recent memories of my father. I allowed myself to progress through the dreaming as I worked on lucidity (this can be the hard part sometimes). When negative or emotional images presented, ie. "bloody furniture", I cast them away.
I found myself sitting against a cement wall when my consciousness fully awoke. I looked over to my right at what appeared to be several large 5 or 6 story buildings. I could hear voices coming from the buildings, sounding like people were at work. The area had a "military" type feel (my father was ex-military). I continued to examine the scene and focus on my awareness when a lady approached me. It was my current supervisor at work. I have never dreamed of her before (never would have wanted to either!). She stated she had a "job" for me and handed me a large yellow envelope. I remained seated and informed here I was "on a bivouac!", implying I did not want her task. She handed me the envelope anyway and walked away. When I opened the envelope I found myself suddenly swept away, I was off my feet, feeling as if I were flying upward. I struggled here to maintain awareness, focusing hard in front of me. Suddenly I realized I was laying on a large white "mattress" in a room surrounded by darkness. I was in the middle of the mattress and I realized that there were two nondescript beings on either side of me. I thought for a minute I had returned to my own bed, that perhaps my wife and one of my children was there with me. I turned to my right and realized my father was laying next to me! He appeared to be asleep.
It may have been an emotional response but I almost lost focus at this point. My vision blurred and I felt as if I were spinning. The other "person" in the bed took my hand and led me to what appeared to be an office. It was like a patient room in a doctors office. I noticed a bench and two chairs as I regained my focus, using the environment to give me perspective. I looked around further and suddenly saw my father sitting cross legged on the window sill, in a yogi-type pose. His eyes were closed and he did not move.
I said "that's quite the meditative pose!" and his eyes slowly opened. The expression on his face was one of surprise. I asked "are you really here?"
He looked at me as if he were dazed, "yes, I am really here." He began smiling at me and appeared very excited. He exclaimed "It worked!" I did not quite know what he meant.
At this point I felt my emotions were flooding my senses and had to resist the urge to rush to him and hug him. I could have cried. Instead I kept my calm by becoming "serious". "I want to be blunt with you right now" I said.
He also looked somewhat serious, "that will be fine".
At this point I realized there was that "person? being?" standing outside a door to the room. I went to the door to close it for privacy. As I was closing the door I panicked and realized I had dropped the focus from my father. I caught one last glance at him when I felt the pull and surged out of the scene. I knew I was returning to my body. Last I saw was an odd honeycombed, golden "grid" fall away from me and I was back in my bed.
I allowed myself to rouse gently, not fight the paralysis I knew was there. As soon as I was moving I documented the brief note. I will say that the experience is firm in my mind. It was cathartic to say the least. I felt relieved. There was no sadness. It was as if we had exchanged something or shared something despite the brief encounter. As I am writing this I consider what others would think. Just a fanciful dream of a worried mind? A lucid dream of my own construct? Or how about a true projection to my intended destination?

Tell me what YOU think.

[Psilibus]

Really? 24 views and not one comment but my own? Are there no opinions, constructive criticism or related experiences? Surely someone could at least say "Dude, you're a dork!" This is disappointing.
My friends, I related an experience of a deeply personal quest. This was just one of dozens of experiences I could share. This was simply my most recent and, I might add, successful attempt after much time letting my skills languish. There can be no arguing that at the very least I was able to summon the visions I sought - no small task in of itself.
For anyone who is even somewhat knowledgeable regarding astral projection this must be a worthy quest. The experience is firmly rooted in my mind. I know this was significant. I feel it in my heart. Catharsis does not come easy.

Someone please respond. I really hate to think I would be wasting my time here. Is it the length of the story? Does my writing style turn you away? Is it the personal mature of the event?

Thank you!

[personalreality]

Sorry.

Your post was long. 

I was just bored and decided to read it.

I will comment on the content later.

[Psilibus]

LOL. Yes it was long. Hopefully more readers are bored as well if thats what it takes. I have the tendency to over-elaborate to try to get my point across. Just ask my wife!
Thanks for the comment, I feel better already.

[CFTraveler]

I'm sorry about your loss, Psilbus.
I'm glad you were able to interact with your father.  I would say it looks like he's doing well and fully interactive.  I'm glad you're able to connect with him.
I have nothing of value to offer, just the mixture of condolences and congratulations.

[RisingSon]

Such an experience is very personal, so it is hard to comment specifically.  I have gone through the experience of losing my father though and I too had cathartic dreams about him.  He died one of those ugly hospital deaths, hooked up to machines, etc.  The last time I saw him in this world he was essentially almost dead.  He couldn't talk because of all the tubes in mouth (one for a respirator and another was feeding tube).  I just spoke to him and he looked dazed and then really terrified and then he would cry.  To this day I cannot express in words the emotions I had that last meeting.

Some weeks later I began to have lucid dreams about him.  At first they started out as typical fear imagery - I was in a house that was burning down, alarms going off, and I could here my father screaming, etc.  That phase lasted for about a month.  I'd have dreams about 3 times a week of this sort.  The 2nd month the dreams morphed into pleasant ones and became a bit more infrequent.  He and I would meet in a beautiful natural place or some interesting context.  I even remember hunting dinosaurs with him in one dream.  This phase went on for another couple months.  Then one day he came up to me and said something I didn't expect.  He said, "I have to go soon.  I can't stay here anymore."  A couple dreams later he expressed the same thought and followed it up with, "you have to let me go now.  Don't worry, I'm OK, in fact I feel great.  Let me go."  That was the last time I saw him in a dream for many years.  This process took around three months in total and I had many dreams in this sequence, but I didn't remember them all very well.

Was this all just a matter of me "playing with my mind"?  Maybe.  I do know that my father was the one true love of my life, he was not just the man, he was the one, period.  I like to think that connection is what caused those dreams, not some silly mind stuff.  Knowing that he was OK allowed me to let him go eventually.

Please do post any other experiences you have with your dad.  I wonder if he will fill your dreams like my dad did mine.

[Psilibus]

cfTraveler and Risingson,

Thank you so much for the responses. I posted this accounting here because I was looking for others of like mind - persons able to break the convention of "well he's dead now, it's in God's hands" or "People who commit suicide go to hell". The simplistic views of existence. I was looking for others who might encourage or provide hints as to how I might pursue this effort. I have read of people who participated in astral "retrieval". I have been stuck wondering about my fathers well being since he died. He was very ill. I no longer hold ill judgment although I found this hard in the beginning. I do not think my purpose is retrieval it's about the contact, continued experience with the soul I so enjoyed.
By posting here I am looking for people who think, who consider, who know there is more to this life than the life we see. Thank you again for the response. It helps.

[CFTraveler]

I have participated in retrievals, (or otherwise communicating with the recently dead)- however, it's hard when you are grieving.  Contact usually (in my experience) happens when you are able to get out of your own stuff, and when they have completed the portion of their life review that calls for isolation.  The more traumatic a lifetime, the 'longer' (if even time is appropriate) it takes for them to get out of their own self-created environment, and are able to interact while still in the life-review process.  Then you can interact provided you're ready.
Someone who has ended their own life probably has some stuff to work through- so I'd guess the interactive part of the process may come later for you- or not, given your relationship with him.

It took me around three years to communicate with my dad (besides the right-after dreams)-
I communicated with my grandma shortly before her death (while in a coma) and then months after, after she was done in her isolated self-deal, and while still in her life review.
My mom passed away in February and I have had glimpses of her, but no communication.  It's hard, because I'm still in the 'me' stage of the grieving process.

So that's my input, I hope this helps.

I found this book to be very helpful- this one and also The Unanswered Question. They 'ring true', and clarifiy some of the symbolism in some of my experiences.
Unfortunately, Otherwhere is out of print and very expensive used, but the author is in the process of getting his rights back so he can publish it at a more reasonable price.

[Psilibus]

Thank you CFTraveler.

Yes, I would have no idea of retrieving anyone if I were in that position anyway. And yes I am today questioning dream vs lucid dream vs astral projection. I always do that anyway, question my experiences. I usually gauge the experience by the amount of lucidity, emotional level and ability to control/participate the environmental processes. This was very lucid, I "felt" myself there and controlled my focus with purpose and intent. Once focus was lost so was I. I will have to continue the pursuit, "endeavor to persevere".

Enjoy the day!