special dream

[skiax]

If I am to be honest with myself, the reason for this posting is to blatantly seek the encouragement of those members whose opinions and outlook I have come to value and enjoy. I think I'm in need of that internet arm around my shoulder and some reassuring text.
Earlier this year I had an operation, which gave me two months off from work. I looked to fill some of that off time with Tom Campbell's trilogy, "My Big Toe." That led me to rediscover an idea I hadn't considered for almost twenty five years. Need I say more? That led me to Bruce's A.D. and finding you folks. Well, an optimistic opinion would say I've made small, incremental progress while not consciously recalling a full blown A.P.
BUT... this whole time has made me reassess a dream I had sixteen years ago. 1994, I was in SoCal, going to school and got a call from home that my mom had cancer. I wrapped up my affairs at school and flew home. My mom died on a snowy April day. I was staying with my dad until I could pick up the start of the next semester at school. It was during this period that I had a dream that has stayed with me to this day. In this "dream", I was practicing guitar in my fathers' den. I saw my aunt Connie coming to the back patio door. I knocked on the den window and motioned that I would come around and let her in. When I went to the sliding patio door, my aunt was smiling at me through the glass. As I slid the door from left to right, my aunt changed into my mother. She,my mother, came through the door FAST!, and scooped me up as if I were a bag a flour. We started to rise at a rate that was beyond my comprehension. Then I said, "No!" It all stopped and I woke up. I regret turning down the gift my mother offered. Years and years before this, so called "paranormal" events were a semi-regular occurrence in our household, so I wasn't totally ignorant to the potential of this dream. I think I have been regretting missing the chance of sixteen years of A.P. progress. I am also a little jealous. My sister has A.P.ed since her teens, but has not found any of it enjoyable. In one episode, our dead brother took her back to the scene of his death back in '68 and she, like me, didn't seem ready. She continued to A.P.
I will admit I have not been as diligent as I could be, but my ego says I am ready and deserve this. By the way, I can make the distinction between "me" and my ego. I just seem compelled to put this story out there. I appreciate the opportunity to place it in the hands of understanding travelers.
                                                                                                                 God Bless All Of You,
                                                                                                                                               Jim

[Pauli2]

Welcome,
perhaps it was the right choice to say No? It could be the case that you was to seek other tasks in this world until now. Remember, Bruce Moen also had one vision and waited a long time, 16 years (from 1975 to 1991), before he proceeded his astral work, see Moen's first book, page 38, the vision of the Disk.

[horaciocs]

There must be strong emotional memories involved there, how are you feeling about all of it? Is there any resentment present? Towards your sister, perhaps, for she has had the experiences you wish you had?

I think paranormal abilities only become truly useful once you are in peace with yourself and know what your inner self really wants. By that I mean there is no point in seeking paranormal advances until you have enough emotional control over yourself.

I'say deal first with any emotional issues there may be left and then your paranormal development should probably kick in much more easily.

[skiax]

I would say I was being facetious when I said I was jealous of my sister. We have a very special bond that comes from experiencing so much together. I don't think she has shared her A.P. experiences with anyone else but our mother, which belies a special trust. Plus, she's pretty cool.
                                                                                                                                                                Jim