Doubts about my sleep paralyzis episodes

[Yorae]

Hello everyone, first I would like to say I am new here and that I am happy to be here, I been trying to find a forum before to share my experiences and also read about other peoples experiences and techniques, and so now I am here with you all
I am writing to you all now to get some insight and advice to my "problem"( which isn't really a problem would call it a block/impasse lol...), for me to explain what is my issue I will start try to tell accurately about my past experiences with OBE.
I think it all started when I was already 3 or 4 years old, I remember well my past from young age, I dont know to say if its because of who I am or due to having lost my father when I was close to 7 years old from heart attack... either way that isnt important whats important is what I think that happened when I was maybe around 4 or 5, its not easy to know since I was so young and I didn't register things chronologically I can only say from what I sorta remember from the first day I remember of having awareness( which I do) to the day I first think this happened, since the day of awareness of myself that I tell you about I remember having dreams and nightmares, often I had nightmares and some very weird ones too sometimes but can only suppose was thanks to my sister watching things on TV or so I wasn't supposed to watch yet lol. Either way I always remembered my dreams well and til this day I do remember dreams and a lot of nightmares I had since little...but there was one dream I had that didn't feel like a dream... I was around 4 or 5 when this happened, I used to go to my parents bedroom sometimes to tend to sleep between them since I was afraid of the dark, but this night it felt different, I have a feeling it wasn't just a dream but can never confirm for sure since I was so young, til nowadays I only considered it a very vivid dream though things always felt weird about it.
I was going to my parents bedroom, it was dark but somehow I could see very well in the darkness, it was still scary and I was specially scared of the basement door installed on the floor of the room my parents had there, I was going to their bedroom with intentions of going to their bed, but somehow I think I was pushed instead close to the basement door, I thought I was screwed for obvious dream like reasons but then a very shinny light showed up from behind me if I remember right... it came towards me and stayed floating in front of me and the door and told me it was dangerous to go there that I could get hurt, so even thought it was like a light ball flying on the room it somehow helped me stand and carried me back to the bed where my parents were sleeping, I remember feeling very good, safe and happy while I allowed this light to help me and next thing I just remember waking up in the morning in my parents bed alone, before I forget have to say I always had lots of episodes of sleep walking since I was little til I was around 12 or so, then it stopped.
I didn't had anything like this happening to me again for long, at least I don't remember, I had many more dreams I would remember, many I would even take control and do what I want and such, anyways later when I was maybe 10 years old the husband of my oldest sister( got 3 older sisters) died of leukemia, and some days after that I had my first episode of sleep paralysis, I was in my bed without being able to move for how much strength I would do... and then I see the head of my sister dead husband rising up from the side of the bed... I completely freaked out and I somehow was able to wake up... ever since then I started to sleep with my belly down since I was afraid it would happen again... I wasn't sure if would help but I was just not wanting to have more nightmares since then I considered that a nightmare just much later when I was about 20s or more I started to understand more about OBE and sleep paralysis since I was always curious about the occult and stuff too just scared about it also at the time... my mother was always against this things also so it sorta stuck to me for a while too.
I remember sometimes later when I would take a nap in bed or sofa, I was maybe around 15s or 16s, if I would be lying with my belly up in bed I often had a sleep paralizys episode... it was very frightening for me... not being able to move and have a sence of something being in the room out to get me or so... sometimes I even felt stuff touching me on the sides and tickling me or so... I would eventually force myself to wake up with an idea of storing energy inside me and wait for the right moment and then push myself all at once, usually it worked most of the time though sometimes I felt so tired I couldnt do it or so... this also happened sometimes while I was sleeping in the morning, one time I remember my mother going inside my room to fix clothes she had washed and such, and I was able to see what she was doing and such but I couldn't move from bed, tried to call her but didnt work and I realized my eyes were actually closed but I could see very well and also had some sence of astral eyes since I could close and open them too, I asked later my mother if she had been in my room and if she had done this and that, ( like put socks and underwear in the closet next to me and clothes in the wardrobe) she wasn't sure but she said it might be possible and I never thought much about the matter after that...
A few more episodes happened til I was maybe 24 or 25, it was always the same sleep paralysis thing, I sorta considered only a normal occurrence explained by science that it was a physical thing and so on, thought deep down I always felt it could be something more... but either way I had realized this only happened to me when I was lying up in bed so I stopped doing that, and so I don't think it happened to me anymore til just some months from now, and it just started to happen because I decided I wanted to.
I was one day thinking about life while working outside on our farm, and feeling something about me was missing, I have a good life nowadays and happy too, I have a great girlfriend whom we together for 2 years and some months now, our pets, job department maybe the only thing that lead to depression for quite a while since every plan we made went bad thought things are looking to be going in the right direction now either way it was on this day I was thinking about life that something struck me... like my mind was clearing up and one of the things that was missing in my life and accept about myself was this OBE experiences I had and how I wanted to learn more about it... so I started reading about it, even got some books and read many peoples stories online too and this haves lead me to more experiences and even if now I am still afraid of it a bit I think I have progressed a bit though I feel I cant leave my body yet but I am not rushed about it either...I believe it will happen eventually but either way I wanted to share my last experiences I had to hope for some insight and advice too.
I tried to meditate on the sofa, though it never worked there... in the bed the same thought I was able to feel like some energy surging from inside me or so in my legs and belly/chest areas but I think due to feeling happy for the progress I messed it all up and dissapeared lol... also I am a person who loses focus easy.. I get side tracked by other thoughts very easy, is it fantasies or whatever else... so I have issues to remain focused for long in a single topic or idea... so what I tried after was what I had already some experience with, sleeping in bed with belly up, it worked on the first day in the morning, I had a sleep paralysis episode, I was paralyzed in bed but it was scary because I felt I had something constantly touching me between my legs and butt area, mostly those areas, I tried to ignore it and not care about it but the feeling never went away, I eventually woke up and I tried to go back to it after since I wasn't going to let fear sway me but well nothing happened more in that morning, I realized though after my underwear was a bit tight so maybe that was the feeling I was having in the sleep paralysis since I know our senses become much sharper in that state...
Second experience I want to report is something more weird that happened, I had read about astral winds but what happened to me was nothing like I had read so its impossible for me to had read about it and had made it up in my mind... I woke up in the morning, think was around 6, and then I focused myself to try to do OBE, I laid down to the side this time instead but I was able to go into sleep paralysis right away still, only that I was only half paralyzed, I could move my arms very slowly with some effort, it was like in a way I felt I was in slow motion... but the other thing I felt was like I had a giant hurricane noise in my left ear, I was scared about it but also very curious... so I tried to put my left hand on top of my ear, but I couldn't since some strong magnetic pull was pulling my hand away from it, it felt like a very strong wind was coming out of my ear... then I woke up and I told the experience to my girlfriend when she woke up, she was happy for me, few days later same thing happened but this time was a bit different, this time I didn't try to move my arms, I tried to relax and just accept/let it all in and go with the flow but trying to stay on the state without starting to dream... that is when the weirdest thing happened, I had heard about vibrations but didnt knew how it felt like... that was when I felt it for the first time... I felt like my whole being was vibrating very strongly... somehow it felt good though it was also a bit scary at first, also the hurricane noise in my left ear again became much sharper and stronger, like a bomb about to explode, I also heard some crackling noise I think, but I think due to me getting happy about it or losing focus about my state of mind it all stopped and came back to the start... only thing that remained was the stronger hurricane noise on my left ear like it was coming from inside my ear, I eventually woke up after that nothing else happened...
Some days later I had another experience but this time I was with my belly down... I never thought I could enter sleep paralysis on this state but I guess maybe since I started getting more used to it it happened this way... but this one was more frightening... I felt I had weird stuff, like ghostly presences or whatever touching me on my butt and between my legs, was really not nice feeling... I tried to concentrate and ask for my guardian to come help me which never did... and this things on top of my butt seemed to be getting more attached to me... so instead well maybe was stupid but I tried to get ticked and scream... at first didnt work I couldn't make a noise but I eventually got so frustrated that I was finally able to scream( or so I think don't think I heard noise though but I was able to like pull air out of my lungs in that state) and then I heard weirdest thing before I woke up, whatever was attached to me got upset and started to scream too, it was like a scary little girl voices screaming and upset , maybe upset I was getting off of them or something I don't know... it could have been all my imagination since I know on this state the mind plays a lot of tricks but either way I am open minded to what people could tell me about it, I had read some books about the astral projection topics, like Astral Projection Guidebook by Erin Palvina, Astral Dynamics and The Phase, dunno if any of this references might have affected my mind also but they offered some good information for me...
I forgot to mention that one of my recent sleep paralysis episodes I was able to ask for my guide to help me and the light in the room became much brighter but I wasn't able to see anything since I was in a very weird position with very little sight of the room... one of the reasons I am trying to also learn astral projection is to learn more about myself and also meet this light that once helped me when I was small, but I seem to be failing to be able to get out of the body, I might be doing it all the wrong way... I had an idea that if I would be just sorta passive about it but with the intention of going out it would eventually happen, that I would  feel myself going out, I am for sure doing something wrong or with the wrong state of mind... I also would like to learn to meditate better and try to reach the state from there without needing to go to sleep first... I do the deep breaths from the nose and try to relax my body, I eventually stop feeling my body and feel something more but I think maybe due to becoming aware of this I lose the process on the way... as for my OBE experience I would like some help insight for what to do to be able to eventually get out of my body and get to live the experience that many report to have here.
First I want to say sorry about the very long text, I tried to make it smaller and just put what I thought was important to be known about my story of the experiences so someone with more experience than me could give an opinion/advice about everything I just wrote...
Thanks a lot in advance and thank you to the Admin who allowed me to join this great community and I hope to someday be of help too with my own experiences in future.

[Szaxx]

Have a read if this to start with.http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_out_of_body_experiences/everything_you_could_ever_want_to_know_about_sleep_paralysis-t38734.0.html

What you are experiencing is normal, the fear is something you get over as its all self generated.
Your beginnings are similar to mine too. I was around 3 years of age and the light covered everything in the room for me. I had no fear as it felt safe and I ventured out of the window many times.
The wind you hear is normal too, it has a frying chips attribute at times lol. All normal and this sound is one of the last things you hear before your free to roam the NP.
Fear and doubt are the two things you need to master. Once done the rest will be easy for you.

[Yorae]

Thank you very much Szaxx, its nice to know alike people and to get advice of how to proceed, I shall read from the link you sent and try to learn from it, I shall give input later in how it went and once again thank you for helping me out I am really interested about this and want to get better at it even if takes time as I am sure it will, as you say I have to overcome my fears and doubts that I know I have deep inside...

[Yorae]

Just to give a small update off my situation... I was able the other day to go into sleep paralysis again,  I was sleeping in the morning and I realized I was dreaming so I willed myself to the sleep paralyzes state and there I was, I wasn't afraid this time and didn't feel anything weird just some usual weird noises,  I tried to focus to be able to get out of the body but before anything happened I fully woke up, I think the whole thing only lasted some 10 seconds I started doing it to late I think since was already around the time I usually get up... anyways its been long now since I was able to go back to that state always tired so I don't even put enough intent into making it but will be trying it again soon once my body is more used to the current physical labor I been up to this weeks, realized though its easy to go into sleep paralyzes from my dreams if I become aware so will try more often from there and also from afternoon naps if the right environment is meet...

[Szaxx]

Keep going and the fear will not be issue anymore. It'll still catch you out every now and then so don't worry on this one.
Once you've removed the fear aspect, the rest will be easy.
Keep us all posted on how you are doing.

[Yorae]

Hello again, sorry I took so long to post but til just recently I didnt have anymore episodes as I had mentioned I was starting to have issues to have it happen before... I been some days resting this days without doing so much so I think thats why yesterday and this night/ morning I was able to have some more finally... the episode of yesterday to be honest I dont remember it super clearly anymore due to not have been so important it was very similar to the episode that started this night, I went to bed and focused in staying awake( focusing on my third eye and trying to turn most of my mind blank without thinking to much) but letting my body sleep without movement, it happened after a minute or so I guess I was tired, I woke up in that sorta similar to paralizis state, I cant really move my body or get out of it but I realised yesterday I could move my arms already a bit slow but quite well, I felt something weird all over my body, like energy going all over and touching certain sensitive spots too, what I felt was weird was like I had a presence in my head trying to bother me, like a ghost inside my head but it was not doing anything bad to me besides making my head feeling heavy and like squashed feeling or so without pain... I came to realise though that all this was just due to tireness I had last night since not been sleeping so much lately and been going to bed more late...
Then I tried to wake myself up but I didnt do it to hard so instead of waking up I went to a half realistic dream, I call it that because it was a dream but the details werent so good on it, was like pieces were missing on the world around me or so, I thought I had woken up and I came out of bed and feel on the floor and my girlfriend came to me to care for me but then I realised was a dream and the dream was starting to turn into a nightmare but I woke up before that, I told myself I would go back to where it started and control it better and not care but I just feel asleep and dreamed naturally after that...
But in the morning I had to go to bathroom, closer to the time we usually get up, and after that I focused again and was able for some maybe 20 to 30 seconds to do it again... I didnt concentrate in moving my body but this time I keeped my eyes wide open, I was looking at my girlfriend, I heard some hallucination noises like when my girlfriend is reading a book and I hear she changing the pieces but in the projection she was just laying down like just before I went into it, I moved my hands to touch her and I noticed something that made me quite happy thats why probably I woke up because I got excited maybe but my hands werent really hands in a sence... was almost transperent blueish white energy or similar hands, I was trying to touch her but I was sorta trespassing her a bit instead... afterwards I woke up... I tried to do it again afterwards but no sucess, but was happy with the "progress" and to know I didnt lost this... was getting a bit concerned since been a while since I had a paralizis episode before lol...
Anyways that was it sorry for the long text and I will keep posting when more happens take care everyone and thanks a lot Szaxx for your support was important for me as I dont find many open minded people out there or that would give advice for this.

[Szaxx]

You're welcome. The blue hazy hands I have not seen since 1974. I was in the same position as you feeling tired but aware enough to try something. My arms were sort of see through blue with tiny bits of colour inside them. It was fascinating and it woke me up too.

[LightBeam]

Huh, I also saw my hand one time in a form of a blue substance with sparkles inside. I was laying on my side and my hand was placed in front of my upper body, the fingers touching the lower edge of the pillow. I woke up during sleep with my astral body and, just opened my astral eyes, as I was laying. I was aware I was laying in bed in the same position. I could see my surroundings as they are in the physical, including my bed and my right arm. Then, I listed my arm a few inches, and to my surprise, my physical arm did not move, but my astral arm lifted, I could see both. My astral arm was bluish substance, slightly transparent and it had sparkles inside. That was very interesting, as I kept moving my astral arm up and down. That happened only once. During APs I usually see my body as it is in the physical. Of course you can easily manipulate and shape shift, but I guess we are so used to seeing this physical body that our mind is strongly influenced by our daily lives here, that most of our experiences are physical like in nature, including bodies and surroundings.

[Yorae]

First I wanted to say thank you guys, for reading and for sharing your experiences,  it was indeed fascinating the experience and it is nice to hear other people also had the same experiences or similar... I guess for me might take some time til I learn to get out of my body... I still feel stuck though now I can move my arms and I couldnt before... I guess its just a question of getting used to it so it becomes someday like second nature for me to get up or move from place to place or so...
Also to learn to not get excited or so so I can stay longer there... I not been rushing and not in a rush either, I been trying to be passive about it too, truth be told like I said I was starting to wonder if I had "lost it" but I was also not trying to hard to get it as I have read if you concentrate on it to much and think of it to much its lesser the chance to get results... but I start to have this feeling inside now that I am starting to learn how to do it more easily as I did it last night right after I went to bed while trying to focus on staying awake but let the body sleep and now this morning... now I dont know if I am fooling myself but I like to believe so and hope to give more updates soon about how it goes for me...
I agree to think that we so used to our daily life that we usually just see our normal physical body on projections, I would love to experiment later once I got more experience with it though...
Anyways I must go now but like I said I will keep reading here and will give updates if anything more happens, once again thank you guys and take care too have a nice day and see you soon.