Hello all,
I am lurking here for a while but after a expierence i had i want to contribute and seriously develop my self.
I will describe the problem for you here for i seek some help and preferbly from somebody who recognises te traits.
I Am currently unable to function in normal life because im sensitive? or thats the excuse im living for whole of my life.
Until highschool i managed with my inflated ego but then i found myself unable to function because of total absence of emphaty, I cried and wallowed in my pain and found pried in being different only to found that i am completly empty in side.
I am also for the last 3 years smoking marijuana wich in term only sustaint my illusions, I also find myself searching and thinking obsessivly for an solution, going over and over playing heroistic fantasis in my head wit no basis in reality.
4 years ago i used a inhalent wich i am not proud of but wihtout i would not be here so please listen:
While i was using that i felt like i was in a dream world, Things would hallucinate the same exact way if i would perform the same movement or triggering some thought:bending forward while inhaling etc... I would be wishing,,: just start the trip etc'' but when it started i would be oblivious to the fact that i had taken any substance, it was after i while that i had the most distrubing trip to wich im still uncertain how to fit in in my reality.
Suddenly evrything turned dark outside ( sunny suddenly bit dusk-dark) wich was the trigger for the trip, suddenly i saw a big bus outside ( I did not see anything, but i knew it was there, i saw it in my mind as to speak ) and a hooded figure like te one in harry potter moved towards me and i was going to die, It ''sucked'' itself in me and i felt a chemical cloth so to speak being lodged in my throat i was crying hysterricly PLease PLease O please dont let my die WHY ! Why Aharhgh etc.
But then i Shouted YES I BELIEVE I BELIEVE and i felt to my knees praying--> this white light appeared for only a brief moment tho and i felt wonderful crying tears of happyniss. I felt a weird electrical sensation over my whole body wich i thought was good...
Yesterday i was reading a piece about Narscistic personality disorder and i noticed that my throat clogged up very badly and i knew this piece was treu but i was almost fainting, so intoxicated by marijuana i started meditating ( as i did 15 times or so ) but while there was this threshold previously of this scary sensation in my throat i know continued.
Then i had this amezing expierence, my whole body was electrified and i felt very light and every breath i took felt pure bliss and releving me of the pain.
So i ask anyone to please give some information about the throat, stumache problem, The expierence i had was so real but seems so distant like a foggy memory, but it happenend yesterday ! so any help is much appreciated espesially in relation to this narscistic Personality disorder i feel at a lost here and need some affirmation.
Blessings
Exzalibar
Bit long but i had to get this thing of my chest :lol:
Think of yourself if you want to be miserable, think of others if you want to be happy. Can you understand when others suffer? You don't have to experience their emotional state, you just need to wish them well. That's all there is to it.
For example, let's say a baby has a dirty diaper that needs changing. You can be disgusted by the smell and resent doing it, or you can be happy doing it because you care so much for the well being of the baby. The truth is that there are many things in life which can make us miserable, but they won't matter if you don't think of yourself.
:cry: Your throat relates to personal expression and your truth. Your stomach relates to your thinking mind and lower ego. The answer to both is to relax the areas of your body you have trouble with and your mind. This will help you release your karma and clean away miasma.
emapthy is a wonderful experience. To relate to others on a deep level requires understanding. I used to struggle with this for a long while, until I actually practiced the skill of empathy. It is not something I would recommend untill you are comfortable and able to control yourself on a very deep level for it can easily get out of control.
You may want to start to simply question others. Say for example a person walks by you with an angry look on their face and bumps into you. your imediate reaction would be to be upset and mad at this person. But instead to doing so, calm down and wonder why they would be like that. Maybe they just had an argument with someone, or someone hurt them and they don't know how to chanel their emotions. To Awknowledge that people are just as you are, wonder why you might do such a thing, what would cause a reaction like that from yourself. You will be able to connect with others easier and be able to expereice empathy for others when you can simply understand them and why they may be the way they are.