Maybe this is not the place for it and if so I apologize. I've been told that when things are too stressful that they can't tell my emotions. Any other time they can. On the inside I feel very strong feelings but for what ever the reason nothing shows on the outside. I've been told that it feels as if we're not connected anymore. From my perspective I feel everything what is going on on the outside with someone or with some people, how they are doing, but because my face does not show off any emotions they think I don't care or that I'm not stressed out. Am I the only one being like this? Why is there no connection to all the feelings I have on the inside to my outside? The only way I can describe it is that I put myself on a break because what ever is going on on the outside with someone else or other people is taking over, like I can't see another person or people being ready to take on my emotions. I've heard more than once complains about this, as if I come off as cold or that I don't care, when I am taking so much consideration to how that other individual is doing right then, but it's not easy, there's no room for me. If and when I have tried to get a word out I get shut down because the other one is still too much in their own heads and feelings and interrupt or take the few words I was able to get out and twist them or cut my sentence short to fit into a category, or even finishing the sentence for me, only that is not the rest of the sentence, message, I had in mind. Doesn't feel as if there is any use at that point to say or do anything. I'm wondering if there is something wrong with me.
Do you think there is something wrong with you?
Don't base who you are on other people's responses or behavior. Take your power back and stand your ground. You don't have to report to anyone and you have the freedom to be who you are and feel/express however/whatever you want. Start showing this to people. How they react to the true you is none of your concern.
True compassion is to understand, but not to show pity or fuel further the negativity by agreeing with them that circumstances or others are to blame, as this would be disempowering. True help to others would be to encourage them to see what are they learning from each situation and to know that they are powerful if they believe in themselves.
If you think there are areas in which you can improve, then dive deep within yourself, listen to your larger self, ask for guidance, ask what are you learning about yourself by attracting such people. Check if you have any limiting beliefs that may be creating such circumstances. But it boils down to how do we perceive our own selves and how do we perceive the world around us, do we judge ourselves, do we judge others and the world, do we love ourselves, do we think we are worthy, do we have difficulty forgiving, what do we fear. All elements that need to be analyzed on a deeper level and limitations brought to the surface to be dealt with and released/replaced with beliefs that will serve us to become who do we wish to be.
It sounds like in a way you are learning that you are an "Empath". It is a very hard thing to describe to other people that may not understand what that is. We here at the Pulse know what it is and how it feels, because many of us are too.
Thank you both so much Lightbeam and Lumaza.
I did not use to think there was something wrong with me but now as I have been hearing this again and again I start to wonder why somehow my facial expression is cut off from my inner emotions that I'm going through, at the time. In the past I've meditated a lot and been up to all sorts of things. I know it is a long shot but thought maybe something happened there. Foolish thought, I suppose.
In one way I think I'm overwhelmed, tired, or too practical about a situation.
The one who has told me this the most is someone who has (what I've learned) is called fearful attachment style where all needs were met except the emotional part, where as it is believed that my emotional needs were met during early childhood, that is secure attachment. What ever happened after that is another story.
Been work related situations where the group I was in endured something really bad one time. When the experts came in (psychiatrists) they got to me last as that was their judgement call that I was doing OK considering. Everyone else was being taken cared off as there were displays of their emotions, I suppose, still once I was up they already had the picture clear that I had been at the center of the whole (bad) thing, and the psychiatrists been told by the others that the others cared about me. I got that everyone else were doing really bad and it was my understanding as well to let everyone else get help before it was my turn, but still I knew I was not doing well myself, but again I guess nothing showed on the outside. They would tell me that nothing showed that I was not OK. I don't know what's up with my face.
The one I'm in a relationship with tells me it's his nightmare that I'm a reminder of his cold parents in one way but in another I'm not as he says he feels safe to show me his emotions as he knows I would never mock him or turn my back on him, walk out, or tell someone else about it, but still I'm not who he wants me to be in those types of situations.
It's always after things has calmed down where I feel that he can connect to me as me him, the time in between he's all out there, he takes up about 99,9%. I can listen to him for a long time and then when he asks me a question as I am about to answer it he answers it for me and then I realize it's not a question after all. He's not looking or ready for my perspective. It's no use. When I have tried in the past or I have been vulnerable to him he has not received that I am (as he is so worked up).
I'm told I make it worse because of my face (no display), but in another he says he thinks the way I am is a good thing as it somehow too makes him feel grounded.
Been told that usually it is people who both have something wrong with their attachment style that are attracted to one another, not the other way around. But too believed that in time the one with the wrong attachment style will find calm and safety with the partner who has the right attachment style. I find it more difficult to get what is wrong with me than to see what could be the matter with others, LOL.
I am told I am sensitive and have much empathy. I get effected by how my surrounding is doing and want to fix that if I can when something is wrong.
Quote from: Molly on January 29, 2025, 00:39:44now as I have been hearing this again and again I start to wonder why somehow my facial expression is cut off from my inner emotions
Here is what popped in my mind when I read this. Because you are demonstrating to yourself and others neutrality, as you face is showing it. Why neutrality is important. Because in order for us to see clearly all choices in every situation and the applicable consequences, we have to arrive to the point of neutrality first. From there it would be easier to go to a more positive state. You are giving hints and sign posts to yourself and others how to get out of the negative state by looking at things from a neutral perspective first. If others are not recognizing your hints that's their choice and none of your concern as creation allows a complete freedom of choice through unconditional love. So, the most loving thing you can do for others out of compassions is not to insist on what choices they make, but to allow them to make their own choices. But if others' choices bring you down as suppose to build you up, you don't have to stay on the same path.
Nothing is wrong with you, you just have become a messenger of solutions. Pay attention to the messages that are being shown through your body language and follow its path. At least for yourself. When we start seeing the positive side of every challenge and respond in a positive way by understanding what is our lesson and keep growing, then the circumstances eventually change to align with our dominant state of mind.
I have also been told in certain situations I am hard to read. Recently at work one of my colleagues told me that I have a poker face haha. I go into that neutral mode at times, which shows on my face for the purpose to guide others to the point of neutrality and get them out of their negative state when I observe they are stuck and cant get out of. I am reflecting with my face and words to them how to find neutrality. Once they are there, they can see clearly without so much fear and anxiety and are able to move to a more positive state.
Quote from: LightBeam on January 29, 2025, 10:04:19I have also been told in certain situations I am hard to read. Recently at work one of my colleagues told me that I have a poker face haha. I go into that neutral mode at times, which shows on my face for the purpose to guide others to the point of neutrality and get them out of their negative state when I observe they are stuck and cant get out of. I am reflecting with my face and words to them how to find neutrality. Once they are there, they can see clearly without so much fear and anxiety and are able to move to a more positive state.
A "smile" achieves the same goal. Nothing clears the air more than a smile! :-)
Quote from: Lumaza on January 29, 2025, 17:20:30A "smile" achieves the same goal. Nothing clears the air more than a smile! :-)
Oh, believe me, my smile rarely leaves my face, mind and heart :) Sometimes I catch myself smiling for no reason and I question if my body is producing abnormal amount of dopamine because I have elevated mood almost all of the time and I make a point to project it into others. But there are situations where if I smile at someone who is in distress they may think I am enjoying their pain, and this is where I have to take them into a neutral point first for them to be able to process the situation before I direct them to a positive state with a smile.
Quote from: LightBeam on January 29, 2025, 10:04:19Here is what popped in my mind when I read this. Because you are demonstrating to yourself and others neutrality, as you face is showing it. Why neutrality is important. Because in order for us to see clearly all choices in every situation and the applicable consequences, we have to arrive to the point of neutrality first. From there it would be easier to go to a more positive state. You are giving hints and sign posts to yourself and others how to get out of the negative state by looking at things from a neutral perspective first. If others are not recognizing your hints that's their choice and none of your concern as creation allows a complete freedom of choice through unconditional love. So, the most loving thing you can do for others out of compassions is not to insist on what choices they make, but to allow them to make their own choices. But if others' choices bring you down as suppose to build you up, you don't have to stay on the same path.
Nothing is wrong with you, you just have become a messenger of solutions. Pay attention to the messages that are being shown through your body language and follow its path. At least for yourself. When we start seeing the positive side of every challenge and respond in a positive way by understanding what is our lesson and keep growing, then the circumstances eventually change to align with our dominant state of mind.
I have also been told in certain situations I am hard to read. Recently at work one of my colleagues told me that I have a poker face haha. I go into that neutral mode at times, which shows on my face for the purpose to guide others to the point of neutrality and get them out of their negative state when I observe they are stuck and cant get out of. I am reflecting with my face and words to them how to find neutrality. Once they are there, they can see clearly without so much fear and anxiety and are able to move to a more positive state.
So nice to read your words about all of this. yes it is my instinct too to be neutral. To be calm when approaching or being approached like that (or I can't think straight or loose my path). When people lose it one way or the other they let me know they are not in control of their emotions. I can tell when he's like that he won't treat me right if and when I would dare to show emotions such as tears. I've seen this ways of his going on by his other family members and I've realized that each time the object comes to a point where they get vulnerable maybe they can't help it, maybe they feel inferior, maybe they're hoping for a break - but each and every time it is as if that is satisfying (power) to the one going on they way he does and to also take what's there, the valuable vulnerability, to use it to their own advantage. And that's not using it right. I've told him he is himself behaving the very same ways that he has told me he don't like how his parent done to him. He may not think it's the same scale but it don't have to be, he's still on the same path. He's learned nothing. I've looked into how to deal with someone who has anxiety (as how he gets has got to be anxiety) and from the look of it I'm not doing it wrong. The one thing I am doing that he has a problem with is that I refuse to show myself vulnerable then and there because I don't trust him, not when he's like that.
I always go to myself first, think if I have done something wrong and feel bad about it, without knowing if it is my fault or not, I still always feel bad. I get so wrapped up in feeling bad and thinking about it that I never even throw something back at the one giving me the bad news. I think about it a lot and then I come to a conclusion if the one saying it was right or wrong. Now he's been telling me this over and over and I've been comparing it to other situations where people has told me the opposite that they feel safe and that I've handled the situations, the people the right way. I'm really grateful for your reply and you not thinking there is something wrong with me.
I want to be neutral and be grounded I suppose because I've been around people that are manipulative. When I was a kid and knew that about someone I knew in my gut how wrong that was and that nobody has the right to play with other people like that, as if we were all in this game of chess and the manipulative one trying to move us this way or that way for own benefits.
I know few people in my past and someone in my present that have a sensitive and an intelligence to them, they have an advantage that they see something in someone, but then they use their gifts to be manipulative. I don't like that. They can't be trusted. I think all of us can on a subconscious level manipulate but if you do it so intentionally there's something wrong with you. I am weary of it. I don't want to do it to someone else. I don't want it done to me.
I know some people won't catch on, won't see the signs, won't believe me, but in time they will from their own experiences, if "lucky", the result from it is that they will break away from the manipulator.
I can tell when he gets to a good place after the anxiety wears off him as well as all his defense mechanisms and taught ways, then he is able to connect to me, and wants nothing else, then he's different.
Quote from: Lumaza on January 29, 2025, 17:20:30A "smile" achieves the same goal. Nothing clears the air more than a smile! :-)
A smile helps when it is at the right time, yes, I think so to but agree to that it seem as if timing is everything. There has been situations where other people goes off, stress, about to cry but I instead start to laugh about it (but you got to be careful so they don't think you're laughing at them, you're laughing at the situation itself).