destroing need for attention

[b12145]

athough i have two brothers, a mom, and a dad, i grew up alone as a child with little attention, always playing by myself, and talking to myself. im 15 now,i never had a girl friend, i have problems in school with excessive talking and being the class clown by doing stupid things to make people laugh all to get them to notice me, and mostly all my hopes, dreams, and plans for my life is envolved with getting attention from other people and it's a problem, is there any way i can get rid of my need for attention, please im out of options

[AxisAstral]

Do you believe you did not receive enough attention as a child, and are now seeking it excessivly?

How would you picture a situation where you receive enough attention to feel secure in yourself but not feel the need to draw more than necessary attention to yourself?

You seem to be pulling as much attention towards yourself as you can, and you mention all of your dreams and plans are based on having that attention. Do you feel you need others to pay attention to your success for it to be worthwhile? It might be meaningful to explore the reasons behind this possibility.

[Awake-and-Aware]

I think that due to your lonely childhood you have developed an unconscious instinctive reaction to seek attention constantly to prevent everyone from leaving you alone again. Subconsciously you are clinging to everyone and your grip is very loose, they could all slip away at any second so you need to put all you've got into holding on forever. This (your subconscious mind's) view of the situation is wrong, it doesn't match reality (or more specifically, it doesn't match your will) and this is where both the problem and the solution will be found.

In a nutshell your subconscious needs to be trained. You can't simply decide to believe something else in your subconscious, you have to change it's mind.

Now, you'll probably be able to do a much better job of getting to the specific roots and causes than me but I'll give you a start.

First, know that it is possible for you to heal yourself, no tools or anything, just your self.

Then I recommend you examining your thoughts while you are seeking attention. Just keep in mind that your subconscious is holding on to everyone not wanting to be left alone. And just look, and feel, and notice all you can within yourself at this time. Get to know your enemy.

Second, you need to teach your subconscious that being alone and/or not have people's attention is OK. It needs to be shown that it won't be alone if it doesn't have attention.

Be alone, but don't force it, find something you can do, something you enjoy, and spend some time enjoying be alone.

Always pay attention to what's happening inside you, that's where you'll find clues and answers that will guide you to recovery.

After this you should consciously "not" attract attention from anyone. Keep totally focused on that alone. Do it for as long as you can, as often as you can.

You're taking your subconscious mind by the hand, and showing it that there are no monsters in that dark corner. And everntually it will believe you.

Awake-and-Aware

[Sharpe]

Ok, you can't change your subconscious that easily if you're over 15 to be honest...
The need for attention is normal, don't bother yourself, it's better that you have that, because if you don't make a fool of yourself when you're doing the things you do to get it.
And if people think of you as funny but cool, you have no problem whatsoever.
But it's not what they think of you actually, it's what you think they think of you.
If you think that they think you deserve a girlfriend, becoming rich, becoming famous.
If you think that they think you are of higher status then them.
If you get a lot of attention / love from people, you get happiness, that's more important then money or a big house.
But if the attention is wrong attention, you will feel miserable.
By the way, being the clown gives you authority to do stuff actually.
Just keep in mind that if you degrade yourself, they will feel superior of you, we can't have that, so be sure that you are the dominant, superior one.
And you will get their approval.
Which means: IT'S SERTONIN TIME, ENJOY THE NEUROTRANSMITTER OF HAPPINESS!!! YIPPIIIEEE!!!

[Stookie]

If you get a lot of attention / love from people, you get happiness, that's more important then money or a big house.

This isn't the case with everyone. Some people don't enjoy attention at all. Feeling loved is one thing, but having everyone's attention on you, even "good" attention, is not flattering to all. You're talking about an ego-boost, which is feeling good about how others perceive you. But it's possible to feel good about yourself, not caring about what anyone else thinks or needing their attention or an ego-boost. I think this is what attention-seekers need to find out for themselves. And I think that's what Awake-and-Aware's method is about.

[Sharpe]

People who don't like attention are people who think they don't deserve it because they are low in status of what our society expects from them.

"But it's possible to feel good about yourself, not caring about what anyone else thinks or needing their attention or an ego-boost."

Impossible, you can't rebuild your brain.
Just like you can't change hardware with software.

[Mez]

do you have a degree in psychology to back that statement up? Of course its possible to change how your brain functions. People do it all the time, every year... its happened to me in my life. This isnt about changing hardware its about changing software and you can always change software. Dont be so closed minded.

[Awake-and-Aware]

Ok, you can't change your subconscious that easily if you're over 15 to be honest...

Yes you can, you can change your subconscious mind instantly, it's isolating the right thing to change that can be difficult.

So basically what you're saying to the original poster is how he feels is wrong? That he shouldn't want to be free of this problem he asked for help with? That he should learn to live with it? Get over it?

You're putting too much emphasis on other people, you lost focus of the question. He stated a problem, and asked how to achieve a desired solution. He didn't ask if he was allowed to have this problem.

I don't mean to sound like I'm telling you off, if it came across that way.

And you will get their approval.

Or you could become whole, so you are content (or at least comfortable) with yourself and your ability to remain focused and in control of your own life and mind and other people will seek your approval.

Awake-and-Aware

[Stookie]

People who don't like attention are people who think they don't deserve it because they are low in status of what our society expects from them.

"But it's possible to feel good about yourself, not caring about what anyone else thinks or needing their attention or an ego-boost."

Impossible, you can't rebuild your brain.
Just like you can't change hardware with software.

Believe it or not, there are people that exist that truly don't care about social status and don't need a society to tell them they are OK. It's not hardwired in everyone's brain to follow the masses. I don't think "society" expects anything from anyone. It's peoples' individual contributions that create society. When people do only what they think is expected of them, where is the joy in that?

There is a large amount of freedom in thinking for yourself and doing what you feel is good for you and your society, regardless of what others think. That freedom feels better than a patronizing pat on the back.

Granted, some people just don't think like that, and changing your mode of thinking into living that way can be a challenge. But it's one of those challenges that end in a more satisfactory way of life for some.

[Sharpe]

Ok, I'm getting tired of disagreeing with everyone.
Here's what I said:


"Ok, you can't change your subconscious that easily if you're over 15 to be honest...
The need for attention is normal, don't bother yourself, it's better that you have that, because if you don't make a fool of yourself when you're doing the things you do to get it.
And if people think of you as funny but cool, you have no problem whatsoever.
But it's not what they think of you actually, it's what you think they think of you.
If you think that they think you deserve a girlfriend, becoming rich, becoming famous.
If you think that they think you are of higher status then them.
If you get a lot of attention / love from people, you get happiness, that's more important then money or a big house.
But if the attention is wrong attention, you will feel miserable.
By the way, being the clown gives you authority to do stuff actually.
Just keep in mind that if you degrade yourself, they will feel superior of you, we can't have that, so be sure that you are the dominant, superior one.
And you will get their approval.
Which means: IT'S SERTONIN TIME, ENJOY THE NEUROTRANSMITTER OF HAPPINESS!!! YIPPIIIEEE!!!"


Now, this is a very logical answer to what you should do: if you feel depressed at the moment, you need to rise your status to the point where they approve you as higher then them.
I noticed you also noted that you don't have a girlfriend, this is very important because this is the key-factor of status-anxiety with people our age, do a lot of boys in your class have girlfriends?
If so, get one, or else your status will be lower than your equals, meaning: no serotonin.

Take my info or leave it.

[malganis]

athough i have two brothers, a mom, and a dad, i grew up alone as a child with little attention, always playing by myself, and talking to myself. im 15 now,i never had a girl friend, i have problems in school with excessive talking and being the class clown by doing stupid things to make people laugh all to get them to notice me, and mostly all my hopes, dreams, and plans for my life is envolved with getting attention from other people and it's a problem, is there any way i can get rid of my need for attention, please im out of options

Here is one option. The work has been effective for me. Check the websites and it's very easy to learn. It helps you find the truth and that brings you happiness and not some status.

http://www.byronkatie.com/

http://www.thework.com/index.asp

[Sharpe]

Don't believe that guy, status is more important.
Don't lose touch with reality.

[Awake-and-Aware]

Don't believe that guy, status is more important.
Don't lose touch with reality.

Do you know that by achieving total contentment with oneself and rising above any and all need for the approval of others they instictively recognise you as higher status? Only someone of the highest status doesn't concern himself with how others think of him.

Awake-and-Aware

[sk8chik]

Just like you can't change hardware with software.

You could program a robot to build hardware.

To the poster: People often take things way too seriously when they're young. Find what you love (it seems like you have an idea of that, it was nice to hear you talk about "hopes and dreams), and concentrate on that.

[Sharpe]

Do you know that by achieving total contentment with oneself and rising above any and all need for the approval of others they instictively recognise you as higher status? Only someone of the highest status doesn't concern himself with how others think of him.

Awake-and-Aware

Explain.

[Mez]

the entire contents of the bhagavad gita will explain that very nicely.

[The Present Moment]

athough i have two brothers, a mom, and a dad, i grew up alone as a child with little attention, always playing by myself, and talking to myself. im 15 now,i never had a girl friend, i have problems in school with excessive talking and being the class clown by doing stupid things to make people laugh all to get them to notice me, and mostly all my hopes, dreams, and plans for my life is envolved with getting attention from other people and it's a problem, is there any way i can get rid of my need for attention, please im out of options

It's normal to go through a period of heightened self-consciousness (and self-criticism) around your age. Everyone -- everyone -- has these sorts of hangups, it's what makes us human.

[Sharpe]

It's what shows the pattern, the flaw that we are all programmed to do things.

[Awakened_Mind]

Why get rid of your need for attention? That's who you are! Be proud of it.

My little brothers 13 and he is quite similar. He got into an agency for television commercials and radio voice overs etc. Now he's got 10 grand in the bank. I wouldn't always see it as a bad thing.

-AM

[Sharpe]

Congratulations to your brother.

[Awake-and-Aware]

I don't get why people keep telling this kid that he hasn't got a problem, it's up to him if he's got a problem or not isn't it?

Quote by Awake-and-Aware
"Do you know that by achieving total contentment with oneself and rising above any and all need for the approval of others they instictively recognise you as higher status? Only someone of the highest status doesn't concern himself with how others think of him."

Awake-and-Aware

Explain.

Well, it's a little bit beyond getting rid of a need for attention, but the phrase "total contentment" was just a quick grab at a few words to quickly label it, meaning that it's not a very good name for it:)

It's beyond not needing or wanting attention, its not needing or wanting anyones approval (unless you want to want it of course). When someone needs your approval it's obvious and annoying as hell to everyone (unless you like the power!). Basically everything he does or says screams "I need you to approve of me!"
Things like following you around, agreeing with everything you say or do, getting right next to your ear screaming "I NEED YOUR APPROVAL!!"
Of course this depends on how needy he his and his personality. Someone could be very quiet and shy due to worrying about everyones approval of him.

My point is this: You are ALWAYS, 100% of the time expressing your need for approval through everything you do, and so is everyone who you have ever met or will meet, every second of everyones life. There's no hiding it (unless you try to pretend, in which case it can either make it better or worse I suppose).

This is obvious of course. The rule applies even if you don't have any need for approval, because that's exactly what you'll be expressing, through your body language (relaxed, you don't orient yourself towards the other person), voice tone and words (no signs of nervousness or need), and personality. Some personality examples:
You walk at your own pace, no matter how far ahead or behind everyone else ends up, that never happens though, they always adopt your pace, especially when they see how totally unaffected you are about them walking at a different speed. Of course if there's a genuine hurry and you're walking slowly expect to be told to hurry up.
People will be able to tell instantly (or near enough) that you are "genuine", because you can never stop expressing it to everyone in every direction. As to what I mean by "genuine", every action, word and expression is showing that you don't need anyones approval (this all happens subconsciously btw, you don't need to consciously recognize anything). It is subconsciously also that you are recognize to be "genuine". Think of this hidden (subconscious) part of what "no-need-for-approval" means. If you have no need for someones approval then you have no need to lie or be dishonest, because their approval means nothing to you. And if you always (or usually) are honest people will value and respect your opinions, praise and criticisms much more, knowing that your words are honest.
People's opinions won't effect you, you'll listen to whatever music you like no matter how much everyone else moans about it or makes fun of it. You make fun back, you say "Oh don't you like it? That means one of us has got bad taste, and since I'm immune to all forms of bad taste, it must be you " Then turn it up. (In a playful cocky kinda way, not like an**hole).
One other thing is that you smile a lot less, smiling is a submission signal. You don't smile, you don't submit yourself to their approval and this is recognized subconsciously by everyone. Most people react to this by trying to get your approval, because all that smiling and laughing isn't there to relieve the tension anymore, you are totally unaffected by it, completely comfortable and in control of yourself, this makes the tension twice as tense for the other person (a person who doesn't care either way about your approval won't feel this tension.)
The other person squirming under the tension will be smiling and laughing pretty much constantly, trying to make you do the same to break the tension. But someone who has no need for this persons approval will be totally oblivious to that tension and therefore will never break it.

People will recognize you as either equal (people who don't need your approval) or as slightly superior/higher status (showing no submission, concern) by everyone else.

Just imagine being or being with this kind of person, their control, confidence, and congruity is never less then obvious.

It's only a very slight superiority though, enough for you to be comfortable and relaxed, be confident in and be in control of yourself, you won't be submissive but you won't be aggressive either. You can show this by having fun, being playful or making jokes. Your security and comfort shine through.

If you get too superior you become Mr. A**hole

Awake-and-Aware

[Awakened_Mind]

I don't believe a man content with himself would believe in higher status or superiority. You'd expect him to lead toward the contrary, unity.

Does a baby smile in submission or because it's happy?

I'd agree that some people lose themselves trying to be somthing they are not. I don't agree with setting boundries to how the person must walk and smile or act toward others for them to be a self content person.

-AM

[Mez]

those "boundaries" are set accidentally and for a lot of us become the programs that make up our personality. They are automatic.

[Awakened_Mind]

I remember reading "Human's are not machines, but where they are given the opportunity to behave like one, they will."

Humans do tend to fall into behavioural tendencies and habits. Television, smoking, 9-5 job etc in a world of realistically infinite possibilites.

-AM

[Mez]

ultimately the programs our brain picks up are learnt from our life experiences growing up. Its the world around us that shapes us when we're young. When we're older we can think more freely for oursevles but still most of those programs we picked up from our childhood still just run in the background automatically forming our personality.

in short... humans are not machines but when given the chance they will behave like one!!!