I am relieved to find this forum. I wish I could have when I was 14, I am 33 now

[karonagrl]

Hello to everyone who is here.
I am, obviously, new here. But not new to all of this. I am a 33 year old female who had certain "experiences" when I was a lot younger. About 9 or 10 I would say is when (guestimating on age) I realized things were happening to me, and I had no one to talk to, seriously, about it. It continued in various ways until I believe I was about 16, and started drinking heavily and doing drugs (nothing serious, but numbing kinds). And got far away from myself. Please excuse me for being blunt and straight forward here. I don't know anyone here so I feel like I have nothing to hide, make excuses for, or try to rationalize. I was about 16 when all of this stopped, and now I am 33, getting sober, at times for longer periods, and some of the things I experienced back then, are coming up and happening again. I spoke to my husband of 10 years, who does not have these types of experiences, and we came up with finding a forum or place for information about this. I never expected to find so many people and options, and information. So now, at least, I can rest assured that I am not entirely crazy.

Background: I am slightly clairvoyant, in that anything that is truly not of importance, I can sometimes see. I feel or think of someone or something that has been far away or out of my life, involuntarily, and literally (this has happened twice in one week, after 17 years of nothing) has all of a sudden come back full force. I used to get this all of the time, again, never anything of significance, and mostly involving people around me and not actually me, but not since I was in highschool.

I also have sleep paralysis. Never knew what it was until I met a scientist volunteering with me for a project I was involved in last spring. He has it and had never met anyone other than me with it. When it happens, I feel immediate threat, and it has gotten to the point after years, that I know I have to do whatever it takes to get out of the situation. Frozen, not awake but not asleep, and having slept next to my husband for the last 10 years, I always try to scream at him and reach for him but I can't. he has confirmed that he never heard anything, and so I  believe these cries for help were silent. I feel so paralyzed, that even my voice isn't coming through. In these states, I feel like I sound like I am barely making a muted, unrecognizable sound much like that of a deaf person.

And, somehow, I have managed to learn to 'will" myself awake when I realize no one else can help me. I can't do it every time, but it's been getting more consistent. And I learned that to shake it off and not fall right back into it, I have to get up, walk around, smoke a cigarette, and then try to go back to bed. Otherwise, if I don't, I end up falling back into the terror again.

When I was young, I had a lot of varied experiences (as I described, and also others...) dealing with  the spiritual plane. Not in the sense that I saw ghosts or was haunted, but when I was "asleep" I had vivid, physical reactions that  I could still feel when I woke. I had the rubber band  thing where I would leave and then look back on and see my body laying there asleep in bed. And at the end of them, I would snap hard, back to my body, so much so that I felt (or so I thought) the bed shake as if I had actually fallen from the ceiling into it. I read a book when I was young, unintentionally (oddly enough) about a girl who had the same thing. Astral projection. Rubber band...
And then it went silent for all these years, and now it's back. So that's my background. My name is Liz and I am not going to ignore this again. I want to meet and know people who understand, and try to figure this out, or least talk it out.

[ancient_one]

This is not easy to deal with when you do not have anything to compare it to, or anyone to discuss it with.  I was also afraid when I was a child.  I discuss this from the beginnings of my blog that you can visit - see my signature line.  I never wanted this when I was younger, but gradually, I accepted it, and now in later years, it has faded away a bit.

Welcome, and good luck in your travels. 

[Greytraveller]

Hi Karonagrl
Hallo and welcome to AstralPulse. Sounds like you have had lots of spiritual experiences so you should fit right in here.

Regards 
Grey

[Timandra]

Hello Karonagrl, nice to meet you and welcome. Love to read about your experiences.

[karonagrl]

Hello everyone. And thank you for your responses welcoming me. I admit I will spend some time at first, reading about others' experiences posted here, and I will post some of my own as well. I am only beginning to reconnect with this coming back into my life, and right now, I am just trying to stay open, and accepting of whatever comes with it.

[Inkheart]

Best thing you can do, just open yourself up to it all and eventually you couldn't ignore the truth of it all no matter how hard you trid. Wishing you lots of luck on your journey,

Inkheart

[Zino]

Well, I joined when I was...14 or 13 and it's hard to get the hang of, I'm still trying but I know a plethora of things now (15), so I'm due to catch it soon...Although I have had gaps between it as well as not trying for a while

[Lidybug]

Welcome to the site I am new here myself. After reading you entry I thought you might benefit from a book that I am reading called "Your Aura & Your Chakra" by Karla McLaren. It would help to explain why you hear info about others instead of yourself. It is an amazing read and really helped me to understand why I feel the way I do sometimes and how to follow those feeling for answers. It is really a book about healing yourself and connecting with your gifts. 
Love & Light,
   Lidybug