Hello - Depersonalization Disorder sufferer from Northern VA

[eyesclosedmindopen]

Hello everyone. I'm a 23 year old from Northern VA who's recently tried to get into astral projection over the past few months. I began suffering from Depersonalization Disorder about 9 months ago, which really opened my eyes to questions of reality and different forms of consciousness. (Spent 5 months as a spectator of my own body and living in a world which looked and felt like a dream state.) Through the extreme anxiety and suffering from the disorder, I eventually reached ego death, which was unwanted and something that truly has been traumatizing over the last 3 or so months since it happened.

First, let me say that with ego death, I don't feel like a body at all. I feel like a point of consciousness. When I move around, I don't really feel like a body moving through space, I just feel like awareness moving. It's like there's no separation between my body or anything else. "Being one with the universe" I guess is what they call it.

Since the ego death, I noticed very strange things were happening to me. I would be laying in bed and would randomly notice that I was seeing through my eyelids. I would also be lying down with my girlfriend and felt like I couldn't sleep, and when I would open my eyes my gf would tell me I was snoring, even though I had felt conscious the whole time. I didn't really think anything of it until I stumbled upon a video of Tom Campbell and then through him I found Robert Monroe. I immediately rented his book from my college library and found great interest (and truth) in the fact of a larger reality which we can access.

I started trying astral project and about the 2nd time I was able to feel vibrations, it scared the mess out of me and I stopped. I tried many times after that but was always too afraid to follow through the vibrations and strange sensations.

I've been trying to steer away from it until a few nights ago. I had my first astral projection unwillingly. I had been lying down with my girlfriend on Christmas Eve, and realized that I was seeing through my eyelids again and my girlfriend was claiming I was snoring several times while I believed I was still conscious. Out of nowhere, I found myself in my room (different from the room we were in) watching myself talking to my girlfriend.. as soon as I realized I was watching myself, I flew to my body and tried to get inside of it and then woke up immediately with chills all over my body. I just didn't realize I was astral projecting when it happened, I felt like it was real life.

Anyway, that's my story. I hope to learn from all of you experienced travelers and hopefully I can add another perspective with what I've gone through with depersonalization. Thank you all for reading. 

[Astralzombie]

Welcome.

I have never heard of your disorder but it does sound like it would be very difficult to cope with.

My first intro to all this was also spontaneously and it both scared the crap out of me and made me completely change the way I view reality.

Please listen to Tom C. and what he says about conquering fear. I wish that his work would have been available to me in the beginning.

Stick around and I'm sure we can learn much from you as well.

[Szaxx]

Hi Eyes... welcome to the Pulse. Your description is almost textbook of what's experienced. The one with all thing would be unforgettable. It's not a physical reality state of mind.
I too have not heard of the disorder. It does have positive aspects in the non physical. The ego is a killer of many attempts for beginners, their expectations get in the way and the ego sets off emotional disturbances. One without an ego is passive and not attached emotionally, a watcher of sorts. This is a good mindset to have for learning the art. The attitude of not being successful will simply be ' I'll try again tomorrow' rather than the egoistic 'it's a load of bull...' then going off in a huff.
Lets see how you progress.

[Lionheart]

Hello and Welcome to the Astral Pulse! 

I was just reading what a "Depersonalization Disorder" really is and it sounds like what a Doctor/Psychologist would diagnose many of us here at the Astral Pulse as having.

Have a look for yourself: The core symptom of depersonalization disorder is the subjective experience of "unreality in one's sense of self",[9] and as such there are no clinical signs. Patients who suffer from depersonalization also experience an almost uncontrollable urge to question and think about the nature of reality and existence as well as other deeply philosophical questions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder#Diagnosis

I was just reading my reply here back to my (better half) MJ and she brought up the fact that maybe you should watch some Youtube videos from Dolores Cannon. I too have had an "extraordinary transformation" 2 years ago and haven't been the same since! 

If you are more comfortable, we can speak about this in a Private Message (PM). I don't feel comfortable speaking about this in public.