Hi, and how I got here.....

[bproulx12]

Hello, this is my first post. I am a 52 yo Military retiree, who was raised in a Southern Baptist environment, and held onto those Christian fundamental beliefs until 4 plus years ago, when I opened my eyes and found out their was something wrong with the world we live in and that things were not what they appear to be. 

Those beliefs shattered 7 months ago after I found out a girl I knew in elementary school (crush for both, but she moved away), and then we bumped into several times in my later teen and early adult life (we were both too insecure to move forward with anything). We both walked away, telling each other I hope to see you again, not exchanging address or phone number (I was in the military then). I was pretty cut up afterwards about how I handled it. That moment she indirectly played a major role in a turning point in my younger life believe it or not, as the person I was with felt pity and introduced me to my first wife who essentially destroyed me mentally and was the start of a period I spiraling out of control which lasted a decade until I finally got fixed.

I always hoped I would bump into her again but, finding someone back then is not like it is now. Never the less it did not happen. I have always thought about her, she held a special place in my heart. It was a desire to tell her how I felt about her then, and how there still was that little spark, or just to say hello, which got me to try to locate her, but I found out she had died back in 2007, but I did not know the cause. Life sucks.

I was able to contact her father this year in Jan '12 in which he told me how she died.  She killed herself. He said OD, but I think other wise knowing the details. The difference between OD and suicide is intent, so when someone tries to kill them self and succeeds, that's suicide.

She had pretty much just existed and lead a depressing life, drugs, living with a guy she did not love enough to marry, who was old enough to be her father, I guess because he took care of her. No children. He had died of a heart attack. And I guess because the loss of some form of security and the choices she made caught up with her and she could not live with them. Very, very sad.

I visited my parents last month (June 2012), and my mother gave me all the school pictures of myself, including class pictures from elementary school and there she was. I then finally located her brother during my visit. We talked and he gave me a small black and white photo he kept in his wallet. you know the ones you get in those money making quick photo booths. It was a picture of her taken on the day I last saw her.

Coincidence? Was I "guided"? was it from a force outside what I thought was my reality?
I have seen death up close and personal, beneath me, and all around me, but this was hard to take. She was the biggest regret of my life.

Anyway, in the process of trying to make sense of it all, why after all this time, I thought to make a attempt to find her,  the picture which was a killer, bring up buried subconscious feelings, This had me searching the internet for answers. Then I found out there was one. 

I Do not want to get too personal, but I think it will give everyone a general idea how I  ventured down this path. Its not like they give Astral Projection 101 as a college elective or you see how too books on QVC. It is amazing how we take a step back and looking at the "big picture". But it was finding out how she died that brought me to my current mindset and changing views of "reality", the shattering of my religious views,  further propelling me "down the rabbit hole" and to the truth of who I really am (in this reality).

I am still putting the pieces together, and yes I purchased Adrian's book, and have spot read some chapters and it is awesome so here is a plug for him, and watching Tom Campbell's youtube videos, which has my head spinning at the moment as well as reading the forums here for the last month and a half. I practically bought every book, or audio self help, binaural beats, etc on OBE's and already have read several of them. I have amassed quit the collection.

I have picked up Steve G. Jones course on Astral Projection. Yes I actually bought it thru MindValley, should I be kicking myself in the butt yet? got inpatient with not being able to do much and put it aside, and now listening to CD's and reading books by William Buhlman's  i.e. Adventure Beyond the Body which I think is great. I am sure the others that are sitting on a stack in my den will be too. I also got a bunch of Hemi-Sync CD's including The Gateway Experience...gee am I going crazy or what.

Less Incomplete: A Guide to Experiencing the Human Condition beyond the Physical Body by Sandie Gustus is a good one.
Every available moment that I can, I have been trying (more like practicing) how to OBE, working around my life, spouse, children, dogs, busy job, extra curricular activities, etc, etc. I have made about a dozen attempts so far. At first it was tough keeping my mind from wondering, and to learn how to relax. I started getting discouraged, but I am not going to quit,  Every moment of peace and quiet I am going to make an attempt. I think all this has a meaning. There is a reason.

This morning I woke up at 3:30 am and tried William Buhlmans Hypnosis session from his 4 CD Adventure Beyond disk set, for the past week I go to bed listening to his Sleep Programming on my IPOD. I did feel relaxed, but I also felt wide awake. I felt energized that when I decided to stop after his 30 minute recording because I felt It was not going to happen and went back to bed it stayed with me. I did feel a kind of pulsing during my attempt. And While "seeing" under my eye lids there was flashes of light.

Today from noon to almost 2 pm (I know bad time, but I had time and it is my day off) I tried something different I got from a post I think here, where the the poster mentioned starting out with Alpha Binaural beats for 30 minutes and switching to Theta for about a hour . I tried a affirmation "Now I am out of body", caught myself falling asleep several times and focused. I feel I got the farthest,  but still could not hold a visualization, or technique for very long and just started switching visualizations, from visualizing me walking around the house to floating out of my body, to just floating in the air. Again my body felt it was energized, mostly in my arms. I felt I was on the brink of changing to a different vibrational level I guess.

So in short (LOL) this is where I am, besides the collection, I am throwing another line for assistance in my quest.
 

[Contenteo]

putting the pieces together

Well welcome to ground zero of the puzzle.  We've been workin' on this jigsaw for quite a while.

I hope many of the stickies help you at least put the edges of it together. As for all those pieces in the center, it's up to you to figure those out.

Stay conservative. Stay open.

Welcome to the Pulse.

Cheers,
Contenteo

[Szaxx]

Hi and welcome to the Pulse.
Be more optimistic, once mastered this art will release your inner tension.
Its a waiting game and the prize is worth everything.
You'll understand more as you progress. Those smiles will return, they're only lost in time. You should understand this one better.

[NoY]

Welcome to the Pulse 


:NoY:

[Greytraveller]

Greetings bproulx12 and welcome
Wow!, quite the intro. Thanx for sharing all that. I can empathize somewhat as my father was very religious (Presbyterian) but (fortunately) I turned away from organized religion in my teen years and so spared myself a lot of mental and spiritual grief. I hope that you Will find some answers here.

Sincerely 
Grey