Hi all, thanks for being and welcoming, which brings me immediately to the reason I state my shyness - if not actual fearfulness.
Moved into a new neighborhood ten years ago, a move forced by diagnosis of a congenital disability, which, had it been noticed at birth or at any time previous to age 37 would have not affected me so severely.
As it is, I had to leave NW Scotland where disability is a real disadvantage and get closer to a) hospitals and all things necessary like schools etc so that I could participate in my sons' education.
To my horror I found myself (having been unable - because of the way the UK system works if one is poor -frequently inevitable along with disability here - to travel over 500 miles to inspect our new tenancy) in a right dump in an area where to say the least "the natives are unfriendly". Basically if one is not born in the immediate locality and is without the local accent - insta hatred! Plus I am disabled - worse; educated, shocking! - and, unbelievable in this day and age - and especially after having spent seven years in a place where things are still reckoned to be 'behind the times' - but where, altho the Scots have good reason not to be fond of the English,l I was accepted after natural (summer inundation with frankly awful English tourists plus other, historical, reasons) perfectly natural initial reservation. Basically, like any normal people with common sense, when they had seen that I was a reasonable being - and not just there to gawp, chuck litter then disappear, but to live thru the hard winters and RAIN!! and be a hardworking member of the community - despite my disability, not then diagnosed (I got even more respect for having been a hard worker when it was known I had been fighting this all my life without showing it) when it never occurred to me to hide the fact that I am gay - I am treated like dirt. Arson, attack, ostracism, false allegations of antisocial behavior (trying to get me evicted) etc etc for TEN years - have left me really isolated; not helped by the fact that I live in solitary confinement with no access to any transport - again poverty - and lack of council provision. The local 'authority' doesn't advertise that it has the worst social services (so bad they earned a half page article of condemnation in the national 'liberal' broadsheet) and medical provision in the country (and that Bristol has been voted Britain's most neighborly city!) I get no medical attention at all, and because I am not a cute child and dint fit into any of the 'support' categories I get no help at all from anyone - being an orphaned (at 16) only child doesn't help much either! Neither does my 'Received English accent' - this means I sound like the class that send my neighbors to jail (the only organization who have shown the slightest sign of giving a damn are the police, whom I had to contact after the arson 'cos of the damage to 'my landlord's' (the city) property after the arson attack - and after 5 years of my immediate next door neighbor's foul behavior. That they are sympathetic to my situation has a lot to do with the fact that they get so much grief themselves (this estate is the worst for drugs, crime and anti-social behavior - uncontrollable kids in the city - and I have the about the only pair of post-adolescent children male or female who are not 'known to the police'. They also agreed that my accent being that of the 'bench' class might well have a lot to do with my ostracism - they should know!) It would all be funny were it not for the fact that having moved from such a distance and having no mobility I have not a single friend here . . . even when someone passes my gate if I am in the garden - if looks could kill . . .. All of which leads to how I ended up here - I bought a certain book on psychic defense against negative influences. This city has a very long history of nastiness - quite apart from anything else, the slave trade had its roots here, and coming from a line of 'sensitives' I can literally feel the malice projected toward me. For instance, I was in the garden during a rare hot summer and having worked hard to turn the ruined patch of oil stained grass and broken asphalt into something pleasant, I'd dozed off in my wheelchair. I woke suddenly, covered in goose flesh, to see my other immediate neighbor standing silently at the gate just staring at me.
(it runs aunt/uncle to niece/nephew in our family, seemingly)
Why on earth these people can't find anything more interesting to do than hate someone they've not taken the trouble to know, ????? It's the way they are though.
So please forgive me if I don't contribute much at first - I am not used to communicating with others, having got right out of the habit - plus the time I can spend upright typing (owing to spinal damage before diagnosis) is limited. I am by now terrified of phrasing something in such a way as to offend, having had no-one but myself to 'talk' to, and as I understand myself without explanation, I am bothered that I may occasionally phrase something in a way that I know means no offense - but others, not knowing me, may not. I mentally 'shorthand' - plus I am not up in the current PC language and may use a word or term that has, in the last year - or five - become unacceptable. (I tend to avoid a lot of news reading as this only leads to a desire to discuss it with someone - which makes me feel isolation all the more! A bit like window-shopping when one can never afford the goods, so apart from keeping up with world news thru Reuters I don't follow the papers much, especially as a lot of it is what they want us to hear rather than the actual truth. (No I'm not a conspiracy nut, it's just things that don't suit the govt. of the day tend to be swept under the carpet and we get the boring sex lives of boring people instead. Who cares if the Home Secretary was bonking someone? Only his wife and those immediately concerned -it's their business and I very much doubt it actually affects his work. In close to 50 years that's one thing I've noticed - adultery is pretty common but if it had the effect on work that the papers would have us believe - civilization would never have got started at all, surely?)
Sorry for ear-bending - as I said, I don't talk very often . . . . I get accused of whingeing - but a complicated life can't be explained in ten minutes flat - which I wish my so-called 'doctor' would understand.
Thanks for putting up with it all if you've got this far - one more thing, my profile calls my interests 'legion' because there is little on this planet other than (SORRY! - but the English can talk of little else unless one is lucky enough to live among the civilized. Even that famous subject, the weather is only as it relates to 'rained off' or 'heavy going'/covered pitch . . . . ) sport that doesn't interest me.
Having said my piece, bye for now
damnationali
PS - I forgot to say - typical as it's probably the most relevant thing! - I believe all the malice and negativity attitudes around here encourages psychic attack and malign forces generally - hence the book purchase and my arrival here. BFN
Hi Ali,
Welcome to the Astral Pulse forum. You have certainly been through quite a bit. I hope that the time you spend here will be an uplifting journey. :)
Nick
What kind of disiblity is this? Is it like where you cant move your legs only?
...When you've thought you heard worst stories.. somehow the next day something worse happens. The most horrible part of your situation is it 'seems' hopeless!! I'm soooo sorry, but to live in a neighborhood with mean people who are mean for no reason (reminds me of my middle school life) and no friends...ugh
What about your children? Are you able to talk to them? Are they being succesful in their schooling?
I just cant understand why ppl there would just hate you so bad, or for any1 in that kind of situation for that matter... i guess just ppl have nothing better to do, and it makes them feel elevated if they step on someone else =/
but yeah, like i said what about your children?
p.s. are you female? ali seems like a womans name.
Welcome, Ali! :D
Welcome to the forums :D
Hi and welcome to the forum.
Hope you like it here!
Yours,
Frank
Welcome!
Quote from: damnationaliI am by now terrified of phrasing something in such a way as to offend, having had no-one but myself to 'talk' to, and as I understand myself without explanation, I am bothered that I may occasionally phrase something in a way that I know means no offense - but others, not knowing me, may not.
Don't concern yourself too much with this, for political correctness is not the force it was in the 1990s.
Don't concern yourself too much with this, for political correctness is not the force it was in the 1990s.
Not in the real world, or what is left of it - no - but this sure ain't real real world! As I think I have said, I've lived among all races in more than one country - and after the usual tail sniffing that humans do rather more politely than dogs<g> - if you take my meaning! - people have accepted me. Never have I come across this before - some of my few happy memories come from living in a city that is only 15 miles from here - no problems at all; in fact friends I made there - could I trace them, this was nearly 30 yrs ago - would still be friends, and as for employers, I was 'headhunted' - even before that term came into being.
Because people did the normal - waited to see what I was like before pronouncing judgment.
It is really hard to believe that I am in the same country never mind the same county!
Thanks for that - after ten years of people taking everything I say, look or do as 'perverted' 'peculiar' or downright alien I have become extremely wary . . .
Thanks very much
damnationali
ps
Quote from: OrionsDreamWhat kind of disability is this? Is it like where you cant move your legs only?
...When you've thought you heard worst stories.. somehow the next day something worse happens. The most horrible part of your situation is it 'seems' hopeless!! I'm soooo sorry, but to live in a neighborhood with mean people who are mean for no reason (reminds me of my middle school life) and no friends...ugh
What about your children? Are you able to talk to them? Are they being successful in their schooling?
I just cant understand why ppl there would just hate you so bad, or for any1 in that kind of situation for that matter... i guess just ppl have nothing better to do, and it makes them feel elevated if they step on someone else =/
but yeah, like i said what about your children?
p.s. are you female? ali seems like a woman's name.
Marfan Syndrome - a fault on chromosome 15 which means that the stuff (fibrin)that makes muscles ligaments - everything except hair and bones themselves are affected - weak - takes a long time for blood to clot, wounds to heal - when tissue gets stretched it stays that way so all my joints collapse (inc. those of the spine) - it is particularly bad in me cos diagnosis was so late - 37 yrs late, after age 40 - when fibrin production slows in normal people (that's when everyone rushes for the face lifts!) in Marfans people it almost stops. No cure. So none of my joints hold together and resulting pressure on nerves where they pass thru the foramina (holes in bones that allow blood vessels and nerves to pass) or stretching when the joint is displaced causes varying degrees of temp. paralysis and circulatory problems. Great fun.
My children are great - my eldest son is my carer beside being lead guitar in an increasingly successful metal band - for all the satanic looks, long hair etc. he has manners, is well-spoken and educated - my younger son, away at uni - the same, and neither are 'known to the police' for anything other than the fact that they are NOT 'known to the police' in the usual sense.
>>i guess just ppl have nothing better to do, and it makes them feel elevated if they step on someone else =/<<
Yup - that's about it. Few who leave school can read - the local 6television form college has to have 'key skills' classes - basically to teach them sufficient literacy and numeracy to cope with whatever course they are taking.
I taught both my boys to read pre-school, very limited TV - long periods when we didn't' have one - and even when we did we never used it (lousy programming - it would be different if we had something like the US PBS!)
so we got rid of it, and switched to DVD for films - got the drives and the monitors and don't have to pay £120 plus for the privilege.
Of course, because both my sons have long hair and don't get raving drunk and attack people when their favorite football team loses, that is another 'sin' for which we pay.
Marfans is a heritable disease - but I didn't know I had it when I fell pregnant - doesn't stop doctors blaming me for it though. It's all my fault I wasn't born a qualified rheumatologist, you see!
Quote from: Almost SolidWelcome, Ali! :D
Thanks - sincerely - I am beginning to feel like a human being again already!
Quote from: FrankHi and welcome to the forum.
Hope you like it here!
Yours,
Frank
I think I shall - as I just said, I'm beginning to feel that there can't be
that much wrong with me after all . . .
cheers
Ali aka damnationali
Quote from: .Rachel.Welcome to the forums :D
Thank you! I'm so glad that I did post - I'm so used to getting horrible reactions that I've gotten completely unused to speaking or writing to anyone or thing
Thank you! :twisted:
damnationali
Quote from: NickHi Ali,
Welcome to the Astral Pulse forum. You have certainly been through quite a bit. I hope that the time you spend here will be an uplifting journey. :)
Nick
Thank you - I feel a lot better already - it's amazing how much damage Ten3n years solitude and hatred can do. I used to be nervous of nothing - but I've had so much absolute **** thrown at me for no reason, the very illogicality of it just makes one withdraw further and further.
Many thanks
damnationali
Hi Ali:
I would have replied right after you had posted, had I been able to come up with the right words to say. I just want to say sorry to hear all you have been through; I hope you find some relief to your suffering here, and that we can help lift you up.
Best,
Jeni