Empathy

[JaxV]

What are your views on empathy? By empathy I mean not just picking up on others emotions, but feeling them intensely.

Is it something we all do as part of human nature? I mean, we are emotional beings and can all choke up at a really sad tragic news story, we can all feel the pain of our loved ones when they are in pain right?

Or is it something that some can do more than others?

I have always been able to tell immediately when someone is lying. I can walk into a room and feel the emotions that were there before me. I can tell when someone is covering up a pain, putting on a smile. And it is physical too. For example, I came to work the other day and as soon as my colleague arrived my shoulder started to really hurt. She then told me she had disloacted her shoulder over the weekend and it still hurt. An hour before my best friend miscarried, I had been getting strange cramps in my lower abdomen. And I always seem to get a headache at around the same time my partner has a migraine, wether we are in the same room or not.

But the questions is...is this a gift? Something unique? Or merely a talent we all have naturally?

[Noxangelus]

Hi,

I'm just going to add something short here. I think that empathy and all other mysterious psychic phenomena is human potional that is widely not experienced nor understood by common man.

I believe that these potionals are for a human being to commincate with everything around themself in a way that we are designed for. Since we don't live in a world were common man has reached their full potional of multi dimensional awareness, the people who experience these abilities often suffer from the misunderstandings.

So yeah I think empathy is an ability that is natural to a human being. Its another form of commincation.

[Stookie]

Without getting into it, empathy was the cause of me getting angry this weekend, which I'm now a little ashamed of. I let it get the best of me instead of putting up my shields. I've said it before and I'll say it again: empathy is an awesome tool when you use it for you, you're worst enemy when it spurs irrationality. For those that experience it deeper than others, it's a lot harder to keep in check, but they also have the ability to make it work for them in ways others can't.

[JaxV]

Yes I also think it is something we all have the potential for, among other things. Some people just close themselves off to it subconsciously, or are not in tune with the world around them I guess?

Stookie, you mention shields...I have tried a few different shielding techniques, as it only seems to be negative emotions and pain that effect me but haven't found one that works. One thing that really effects me on a daily basis is when I come home from work in a really good mood (I am annoyingly fond of my job lol) and my partner is in a bad mood....which is daily as he suffers from mild depression. I try really hard to cheer him up and let my good mood rub off on him. I open the blinds and let the light in, turn off the TV and put some up-beat music on instead, give him a hug and talk about my day and try to get him laughing, but it seems within minutes I am pulled into his depression. If I could get home with some kind of shield in place, I'm sure it would end up with him picking up on my good mood instead!

Do you have any suggestions?

[CFTraveler]

If I may butt in:

I try really hard to cheer him up and let my good mood rub off on him. I open the blinds and let the light in, turn off the TV and put some up-beat music on instead, give him a hug and talk about my day and try to get him laughing, but it seems within minutes I am pulled into his depression. If I could get home with some kind of shield in place, I'm sure it would end up with him picking up on my good mood instead!

Do you have any suggestions?

This is the problem in a nutshell:  Empathic people tend to want others to feel good because it makes them feel good- however, it is not your responsibility to make him feel good- he's a big boy now.  The first shield you must erect is to allow him to have his own feelings and to try to distance yourself from the idea that he has to 'feel' a certain way, because the more you do this, the stronger the influence.  So first cut the emotional codependency thread you have with him, and then erect your shield- but a shield  will not work until you cut this bond.  It's like putting up a wall with a hole and a wire going through it.  The influence is still there.
Now, cutting a tie doesn't mean there is no connection, that you don't care, that he doesn't care about you- it means that it is ok for you to feel one way and for him to feel a different way, that you don't have to do anything at all to make him happy, that it is not your responsibility.  It's simple, there's nothing to do, it's just a consciousness thing.
Then you symbolically cut the codependent tie, and go on to shielding.

Ok, now I'll go away.

[Noxangelus]

I agree with the above person. Thats good advise. 

[JaxV]

That is good advise, and makes sense. I will work on it and let you know how it goes

[CFTraveler]

Thanks.