'With arms wide open'

[Shawn McCaffrey]

Here is what I posted before.

quote: Lately I have been trying to get my freinds off drugs, and help them out, Iv'e also felt like I should be more open with them, and I have told some about my experiences and intrests in this type of thing, including mysticism, one thinks it's real, kinda, the others skeptical, but beleive the conspiracy part, the other kinda hates me now and I feel like he has taken my other freind with him. I have lot's of freinds, but 3 main BEST freinds, and the one is bringing my freind down, and he knows it, but he does it because he hates his social life, and resents the fact he is fat. But that is no excuse for bringing my other freind down, he was #1 computer 3d animator in VA last year, this year he didn't even place. And it's like they threw me out of their group and replaced me with this kid that beforehand they thought was soooooo supid, but now that they go to drunken drug parties he's cool. But my real true freind stands by me and helps me out. I feel like he allways has been my freind and allways will, it's great to know that I have such a nice person sticking up for what I beleive in. Now to muster the courage to ask a girl out I like before SHTF lol . Seriously though. Man, I know that is really irrevelant, but it's nice to get it off my chest.

I'm Shawn McCaffrey, age 16, grade: 11th, In Richmond VA, USA uhmmmmmmm I like Martial arts, and think that I was a Philosipher, an Artist, an Explorer, and a Warroir in most of my past lives, Because that is what everything inside me want to be. Even though right now i'm basically a no-body, I know that I have a big roll to play, I have known this all my life (not to sound overzealous, but I do think it's cool, nonetheless) Like I will be a huge leader of some group, or something to that extent. Well theres a tid bit from me.... Or a Big Bit.... Either way. .... I dont know what I'm talking about anymore..... crap... lost train of thought..... and it's gone..lo

[kakkarot]

describe ourselves, well ok. (but shouldn't this be in the general chat[?][|)]). i don't know how in depth you wanted it to be, but i guess i'll get REALLY in depth.


well, i wasn't exactly a popular kid growing up. i only had one or two friends at a time all the way up until ... well, actually i still only have a small amount of good friends, but that's good enough for me.

i died at birth, ambilical (spelling?) cord wrapped around my throat. parents say i literally turned blue in the face and was clinically dead for ten minutes (and for those of you who don't know, if a person is clinically dead for around ten minutes, it supposed to be nearly impossible for them to come alive again. "strange, but true." - Ripley). but this hasn't really affected my life in any way, i just wanted to throw it out there [)].

well, anyway, i grew up in a not-rich family, with just enough money to get by with the neccessities. we went to church every sunday and wednesday and most of my immediate family is christian. all my sisters, both my parents (though my dad was heavily skeptical of it for decades even after he married my mom), myself, and one of my brothers is kind of seeking God but not in the religious path. my other brother is completely against it, but whatever right? to each their own.

i've grown up with the church as just a "sidenote" in my life, without it really affecting me much. until i was 14, and i just up and decided to get baptized. still don't know why, and when the minister asked me "why", i took a minute to think before answering "because i don't want to go to hell". strange, isn't it, that a person could just want to be baptized without a reason. and this is when my life changed from a normal life into a spiritual one.

soon after my baptism, i desired to know God better than i currently did. so i set my life towards God and continued to want to really get to know God. after only a few months like this i could see the complete apathy and uncaring attitudes that the other so-called christians in the church i attended had towards God, so i knew that i could not find any real help from them. they preached sermons, they talked big about what God's Word was, but they really didn't know anything beyond the bible. they didn't know God, and they had no clue as to how to find Him.

so i continued my quest to find God on my own. i started off by doing the only thing that i could, i prayed. i asked God to let me know Him, to show Himself to me and to help me know more about His Will. i remembered something that i heard in church about "people not being able to hear God because of their own selfishness" so i decided to try to shut my own inner voice off and listen. soon enough, too soon i thought, after i asked questions of God i would get responses, but it would be difficult for me to make out the message, and i really started to think that maybe it was my own voice answering.

well anyway, this continued on, and i tried harder and harder to listen to God's voice. but on top of that, i also started thinking about other things to do with God. i started asking questions about the bible and trying to listen for the answers. usually though, my questions were answered in the next week or two by the church sermon.

but on day i remembered old Solomon and how God had given him a choice between wealth, wisdom, and i think power, and Solomon chose wisdom. so i thought about it for a while and decided that i cared little for wealth or power but i greatly desired wisdom. so i asked God, remembering again that God gives gifts freely to those who ask in faith, to give me wisdom. i got the feeling that He then asked me if i was sure that i wanted such a thing, and i said i did. so over the next few years, my mind was really opened up. knowledge and understanding beyond that of people five times my meager age of 15 flowed into me. i understood so much, most of it was about God and how everything fit together, about things that were never talked about in the bible, and truths that were in the bible were really opened up to me in ways that most people couldn't begin to realize. in the end, though, i think it was a bit too much, as i began to find it difficult to relate to other people. my entire life was changed then.

as the bible says, i truly felt that i was no longer a part of this "world". and i became even more alone than i already was. i have not felt like i belonged in this world ever since then. my life was centered on God now.

but as i continued learning these things, i also did other things. for no reason at all, just like with my baptism, i decided that i wanted to learn the martial arts. without money to get an instructor, i read books from the library and then created my own style; a style that fit around my body, rather than having me try to fit my body around someone else's style. and i excelled at it. and i enjoyed it.

but i also started learning how to use my body really in depth. i started trying to learn how to control every aspect of it, from manipulating the nerve pulses, to forcing my skin to heal faster, to trying to shut down parts of my body temporarily. i learned a lot about what i could control, but realized that i would have to do a lot more in depth experimenting to control more. as an example, i learned how to see in the entire range of my vision, not just what my eyes were centered on. i used to sit in class and stare straight ahead at the blackboard while watching everybody. i also learned how to keep simultaneous track of up to five people at a time (though i have since dropped down to only two) even if they were at opposite ends of the class. and i don't mean that i kept switching between the people, i kept my focus on all of them all at once, it was ... wow. amazing.

this was also the time in my life when i "found" chi. quite accidentally. but since i've talked about that in a number of places, i won't bore you with the details.

this was also the time when i had the visions. they were what caused me to desire to continue my martial arts training and take it to the extreme. i became really infatuated with the desire for power. i got really strong because of it, but ... well, the bad things of gaining too much power too quickly also came to me: it was like i was constantly walking the path between the "light side" and the "dark side". but anyway.

i was learning so much, none of it from school. and this learning kept up until near the end of highschool. during the last year of highschool, something changed about how other people interacted with me. up until highschool, i had been picked on, during highschool only a handfull of people talked to me, but in the last year of highschool people began talking to me like i was their friend. it weirded me out, and i kept my guard up around them, thinking they might just be trying to find a weakness so they could pick on me again. but that wasn't they case, they genuinely wanted to talk to me. i wasn't sure how to act, or what to say, but it really was unnerving.

but anyway, as highschool was coming to a close, some people from the local reserves militia unit came to our school to try to recruit people. i was sold. i really just wanted to test myself out and see how well i would do in basic training, but i got a sensation that God didn't want me joining it. but i begged Him to let me, and eventually i felt that He would. so i joined, and they let me even though they said something about i barely should NOT be let in, but they let me in anyway (i didn't participate in sports, i drank a litre of pepsi each day, i didn't excercise. they were afraid i'd get hurt.). well, school finished, i was like "whoopdie: whatever".

then i went into basic training. wow, i loved it. people were saying that it was like hell, and that after basic training the military got easier. during basic training (QL2), i was almost in heaven; they pushed me harder than i pushed myself (but only a bit). the physical part was awesome, i must admit (and the food was to DIE for[^]), but the mental and emotional hardships i was not prepared to deal with. this is when i created talis to deal with the mental hardships for me (if you don't know who talis is, look for an old thread of mine about personalities. forget what it was called though). when i was done QL2, i was like "dude, this sucks. basic training rocked, and non-basic training military blows". so i quit.

then i sluffed around for two months, being amazed at how much physically stronger i had become after going through basic training. i was in love with myself [:I]. j/k. but i loved it. so my parents were bugging me to do something with my life, so i decided to do what my brothers did - go to devry. whoops.

calgary, (sucks) was a much bigger city than i was used to, but i adapted to it pretty well. and after only getting lost once (God led me back to a place i was "familiar" with, and i took it from there), i started to get to know the place almost like my own city. i went wandering like crazy, cause that's what i do. i went everywhere, and checked out everything (and i walked, too [)]).

but anyway, going to devry really changed me a bit more. the neccessity for group assignments forced me to become less introverted (i was a complete introvert before devry). the constant demand of school also caused me to forget why i was living. i got really wrapped up in living for the schoolwork that i totally forgot about God, until i was praying in bed on night and i literally felt Him turn His back on me. i was hurt to the point that i cried. for the next two weeks i was crushed by it, begging Him to not forsake me, until finally i decided to say "screw you" to the schoolwork and start living for Him again. and it's kinda been rough sailing from there.

see at this point, i also had a job, as a busboy, and i really really really took that job seriously and put a lot of my energy into it: my chi energy. after only about six months i had burned myself out, and that's when i finally went out to a park in calgary and tried to gather chi from it. i got zilch. i got screwed. i quit that job and worked a much easier job for a couple of months until i, foolishly, felt like i was fully restored and that i could go back to doing such a hard job. the next four months were when i started using the dark side of ki. i burned myself out even more than i previously had. but once again, since i've already written about this, i won't bore you (look under the same thread as the one about my personalities).

so the dark ki thing happened, i nearly killed my best friend, i threw away all my power, and i moped around for a while. (i'm still a frickin' virgin though []. oh well. [|)]). my spirit had been crushed by nearly killing my best friend, and it took a full year before i even STARTED to get over it; the measliest, tiniest amounts. it took another full year before i started feeling like i was getting better.

and during this past year, i've finally started recovering completely from it, with the help of God. i'm finally at peace again, i've finally begun to feel love again, i've finally begun to feel that i might be able to hope again.

i've learned a lot in the past six years of my life. i've been through a lot too. and i truly do think that life will get better for me, for a short while at least, before it gets worse again.


is that too long? or too brief? [] thanks for listening to this "old fart's" story.

~kakkarot

[Marker]

About myself eh?  Well I'm 21 and in college.  I used to get dreams with "extreme foresight" when I was younger.  Basically, every few nights I dreamt the entire next day in all it's detail.  I don't get these anymore.  Now I get a pieces and parts to stick together.  I've recently stubled on this website.  With that, I've started energy development hoping to get my foresight back, and I hope to AP as well.  

As far as trials, I have led a pretty calm life.  Being that I was always the tallest guy in my class(I'm 6'7" now) not many people picked on me.  Other than the fact that I believe I am constantly under psychic attack.  I found when I started NEW, I had been doing about half of the techniques in order to raise a shield to protect myself and others.  Now, I'm protecting about 4 other poeple without their knowledge.  I don't think they notice, but they're much better off with my support.  This led to me spreading myself too thin before I started NEW.  Basically, I was mentally drained all of the time.  I think this is what leads to my memory loss(I can't remember specific events older than about 2 years).  It usually takes someone else to start telling me what happened before I can remember over about 6 months.

As far as my spiritual knowledge...  I was raised in a protestant church.  We went every Sunday.  I don't go much now that I'm in college.  I think it's because my church growing up, and all of the others I went to, was way too focused on money.  I've noticed this in most organized religions, because I've become sensitive towards it.  I'm with Kakkarot on the churchgoers not knowing past "The Word."  In that, I've found my own path to/understanding of God, something I think that everyone should do.  I found my paths in the religions of the world.  I've studied most of the major and some of the minor religions.  Out of these, I picked the information that seemed to coincide with my picture of God, and tossed out the information I thought to be futhering the people who made it.  I've studied in college, and learned even more.  

I've asked God for wisdom and understanding as well.  I have gained a personal picture of God.  I've also had troubles relating with other people since I've learned all of this.  I can't even talk to this stuff to my parents without them telling me I'm wrong in every way.  I was getting discouraged with all of the people around me being too devout in their beliefs (atheist or theist) to even listen to outside ideas.  I think this is what is leading to a lot of hatred in the world.  Well, just when I was about to give up on this quest of mine...I stumbled onto these forums.  The people here seem to have the same understanding, and openess, as I have.  And for that, I thank you all.

I have the problem of taking too much time on the spiritual learning, though.  I'm not doing so well in my other classes.  They don't interest me at all, which I should probably take to mean I'm in the wrong field.  Oh my field is Computer Science, if you wanted to know.  

Since starting my energy work, I've been getting more of my prophetic dreams back.  I hope this will continue.  I've only been training my etheric body.  I hope to start training my physical body during spring break.  I have 4 tests this week so starting now would be bad.  

What's leading to my increased effort into spiritual development is that feeling of dread that I have(discussed on the other post).  I've already learned a great deal here.  I'm hoping to continue.  

Well that's a quick version of me.

[Tarconiss]

Heyas everyone... This thread is dealing with a responce that was in the 'bad feeling about something' thread i previously made.

Heh... I'm not sure where to start.... but...  oh well... here it goes..

My name is Theodore Anthony Borowski Jr.  I'm currently 16, and I have had a lot happen to me, in my short time living so far. I had a fairly decent childhood, but had a bit of a rough time during my middle school years... I used to be mocked because i had long hair and i seemed to not hang out with people dureing the recesses.... [ oh how i miss such free time during school..... ] anywho.... I never had a problem with how many friends i had.... infact i had more friends than most of the people that were makeing fun of me... its interesting how things work out like that, eh?... heh heh.. but none-the-less i was still only a boy and words had some affect on me... i went through a depression period, and kindof had a release of reality, through roleplaying in chat rooms.... [ i've been roleplaying for about 8 years now.] The things that a person could go through in an imaginative world, are limitless.... and being so young and fairly vulnerable, i poured my heart into my character [ of which i still have] and i was literally rp'ing as him as if it were myself inside that situation.... That had positive and negative affects on me... I now am able to help and comfort almost anyone that i meet, and i have an open mind about things, with being able to see things through different perspectives.... but i also suffered with a lot of emotions that a 10-14 year old shouldnt have to deal with.... Things like, finding a deep and true meaning in the concept of 'love'.... loseing a 'child' and a family through them being assassinated.... being put in a situation of a 'life or death, one of us dies today' fight with one of your closest friends.... questioning reality and the true roles of our existance..... these are things that not even a lot of 40 year olds have experienced, or even considered.... but hey... i'm happy with the way things turned out.... It's made me the understanding and helpful person i am... and even though i was put into a depression [ and eventually got stuck with 2 voices, one male the other female....... you probobly have no idea how confuseing that got.... and how much more i questioned myself, due to this] all due to people mocking me.... I dont regret any of it.. infact i'm glad things turned out the way they did..... i came out for the better of it all... heh...

what else can i throw in here..... heh... oh.. i know...

Through-out all that stuff, since i was young i've always had a feeling that theres more out there than what meets the eyes[ things that delt with energies]... I was quite the mid-evil knights /honor /samurai /magics /legends /swords /martial arts /dragons /mythologies buff.... [heh... that helped out with the role playing a bit....] and i at a certain point learned that i could 'focus power/strength' through-out my body... [aahhh.. the beginings of my metaphysics endeavor...] and i was always interested in the paranormal side of things with spirits/ energies/ ufo's/ and various types of kineses's.. at one point someone i knew, in one of my classes, brought in a book... i think it was called 'How to achieve Astral Projections'.... yeah.. it was a 'how to' book, but it REALLY caught my interest.... i began looking up things that dealt with energies and astral projections... this started about 2 years ago. From that point i kindof entered an osmosis-toward-information phase, that delt with metaphysics....[] i've learned a lot so far, but there is still so much more out there that i would like to learn/experience...  Sadly i haven't achieved an astral projection yet [] but thats probobly because of my lack of relaxation due to stress/ and a place to become relaxed. And even though i've read up on so many different ways to 'project', when it comes up to the point where i feel that im as relaxed as i can be..... i go flatline on what to do from that point. *sarcastically* I get to the right conditions and have a frikken brainfart!!!.... heh.. oh well... i'll remember what to do at some point, and FINALLY be able to project... and from there ' i will gain power and help those in need [with permission by them to do so ofcourse]' .... heh... sorry... got carried away...

This is probobly getting increadibly long... heh... time flies by when you get too preoccupied, i guess.... I have other interests and hoobies, aswell, as from what i've said, but i'll leave that to another post..... Hope you guys have enjoyed what you've read, and have a better idea on how i 'tick'... heh heh...