That is indeed some crazy stuff! [|)]
Supposedly, real things generate energy. So, if you were able to see energy directly (without interpreting it into shape), you could separate real from fiction... If there is no energy, it's your mind. (Taken from Castaneda's book).
well what does energy look like and how do I know that my mind isn't just making energy up based on what it thinks it looks like?
No idea... [|)]
Some of you might recall me talking about being raped by various beings while in sleep paralysis.
Well... that hasn't happened for about a week, until last night.
I was dreaming about sleeping, lilke I always do, for some reason in the same bed as a guy I know from some other forums and have met once.... and... then I kind of halfway woke up into my bed, and felt him touching me, but.. it wasn't "him" it was something else. I woke up and I was kind of weirded out, because it felt so real.
I started falling asleep and all of a sudden felt it again... so I was trying to talk, but it was really hard... I kept saying "go away, i'll f*cking kill you, i swear... go away!" and it wouldn't.. so I woke myself up... rolled over, and decided to give it another try.
I entered a hypnagogic state and was reading a post I had made about the Patriot Act.. I was reading a reply that had something to do with schizophrenia, and it said something like "you have to have SCHIZOPHRENIA (it was flashing) to understand" and as soon as I read that I snapped into paralysis and the presence was back.
So... I talked to it... it went somthing like this
(for reference, Maynard is the singer of Tool/A Perfect Circle)
Me: Who are you?
Him: I'm Maynard.
Me: If you're Maynard, then why didn't you give me tickets to the show or backstage passes?
Him: Because I don't like your music.
Me: Well I'm just a beginner.
(can't remember what else was said)
Me: Can you speak telepathically? (asked him with my mind)
(an AIM screen pops up in front of me)
Him (on aim): Yes. (i also kind of heard his voice in my head, but in a different way than before)
(he starts fondling me and I'm attempting to stop him, and he tells me not to, I said if he doesn't want me touching him then he shouldn't be touching me, to which he replied "no")
Him: There is a war coming... a war on terror... similar to the war on crime.
Me: I know, we're already in it.
Him: Oh.
Him: I want you to testify in court tomorrow.
Me: What?
Him: About your accident, even though they won't believe you, I want you to.
Me: Oh, I am.
(i'm actually not testifying, all the court stuff is over, I just have to take a driving course tommorrow)
at some point, I float down halfway inside my bed and am looking at the doorway to my room.. a strange looking man in blue walks in.. I'm freaked out, but I know I should stick around and see just what is going on... he approaches and he looks... so familiar.. like I've dreamed about him before very recently, and that he has a connection to the online guy at the beginning of the dream, like his grandpa or dad or something.
He looks kind of like the janitor from Mulholland Dr that gets shot by the hitman... ..... who... I think is some old 70s actor, like from CHIPS or something? Well.. he looks familiar...
He has a bag of presents... and he hands me one... and this seems extremely familiar, like I had just dreamed it this night, or something. I take a small green one.. and I ask him if he's real..
He looks at my strangely... I tell him "I'm sleeping right now." he looks at me even more strangely... I grab hold of "Maynard" and wave his arm in front of this guy and ask him "do you see this?" He still looks at me strangely and seems to nod his head "no".
For some reason I thought this man was really real and in my room in real life, and I was half awake talking to him. I'm getting scared... I'm expecting him to attack me or turn into something scary.. I'm like "so you're real right?" and I like make a weird motion and I go "boo!" and he kind of half laughs and continues looking at me strangely... I'm expecting him to do SOMETHIGN to either scare me, or wake me up... or just do something to me in general..
I think I transitioned back into bed and the conversation with "Mayanrd" continued.
I asked him if he was my subconscious and he didn't say anything, then I woke up.
To describe him... He umm.... he was golden... kind of scaly but in an armadillo type way... had a tail... all I could see was the tail and his hands... he was kind of sort of sitting on top of me in a way.. as if done to keep me from leaving my body. I've read about reptillian creatures but I don't really believe in them, so...
I'm not sure what to think about it... it almost seemed like I was creating and controlling him.. I seem to remember thinking his replies in my head while he was simultaneously saying them... which has happened to me once before in a LD type projection talking to some weird looking lady, I eventually figured out how to manipulate her responses anyway I wanted..... which makes me think he was my subconscious that I was interfacing with.
But if he was, why was he umm... violating me? I don't really have a self destructive personality....
I'm thinking it could be some sort of symbolic way of showing me that I'm online too much... but I don't see what Maynard has to do with all of that... aside from him being a familiar figure to me.. and I have been raped before (no not in real life, in these semi dreams) by someone and asked who it is to get a reply "Maynard" about half a month ago... but I mean, the guy is fricking sweet and all but I'm not too obsessed with him or anything like that, and I don't worship him. His music does me a lot of good, too. So I don't see why I'd dream of him raping me...
I don't know.. that was really screwed up, but things got even weirder...
I later dreamed I was at school and I had somehow enrolled in a math class... I couldn't keep up with what they were doing and it was like I was in slow motion.. I ended up failling some homework (i recall in the common dream theme thread someone talked about this yesterday so that probably had something to do with it) I exited the class and was stuck in this building, it just looped around in a square and had no exit...
I saw a door marked "stairs" and opened it up, only to find a classroom... I embarrassedly closed the door and turned around, this girl a year under me (still in high school) was there and she started laughing at me. I'm like "well, it said 'stairs'" and then I started laughing.... and I couldn't stop... it was insane laughter like.. coming from the inside and echoing outward... it was really weird.. I started waking up... and I didn't want to wake up so I'm calling out to this girl to help pull me back into the dream.. only I'm awake now.. I keep calling.. nothing happens... I'm like "hey, the girl next to her, HELP ME OUT!" she did.. I feel her grab my hand and she tugs me back into the dream... the other girl is gone and I ask her where she went.. she gave me some sort of answer that made no sense....
I followed this girl around and all of a sudden she started running insanely fast... I couldn't keep up... she ran into this really cool looking center room with a stairway going up to a second floor, and like, the bottom floor was enclosed by a walkway that you can look down on it from... I jumped up really high in the air and tried to land on the second floor but I fell halfway down, bounced up again and managed to land.
The girl was gone...
my dad ran into me. He wanted to drag me off to some sort of... thing... I think he said it was a feast... I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. I told him no, I wanted to stay here and do things. He got upset... I told him he shouldn't be upset because he isn't real and this is a damn dream... he adamantly insisted I go with him and tried to drag me off... I started trying to hit him (with little success) then he said fine, and he went to the ledge and he said "since i'm not real do you want me to jump?" and i'm like what the hell is going on here, this isn't normal dream character behavior... I said "no" but that I don't want to go.
Somehow he convinced me to go... it's like.. some sort of get together barbecue or something... I find a weird looking keyboard and manage to turn it into a guitar and start playing some Tool... and I sound insanely sweet, much more so than I can get my amp to sound.
Some kids watch me play for a bit then disappear... I want to find a bass player... my dad again intrudes on my fun and wants to tell me something.
Well... my family is there, including some people I don't recognize... and I'm like "WHAT IS THE PROBLEM HERE, THIS IS JUST A DREAM" and they are like "we need to tell you something.... you're just like your uncle" and they said something about how weird I was... I started floating up in the air and walking on top of these canopies and they told me to get down and not to draw attention to myself.
They explained that I was an alien. They didn't say from where. My grandpa kept saying something about "don't you want your birthday presents?" and I'm like "My birthday was over a few months ago." and he's like "no, it wasn't" and my dad tells me my real birthday is on Christmas Eve....
I'm like, in my grandpas room while this explanation is going on.
Somehow, I'm feeling like this isn't a dream... like... this is real stuff going down, and they are really communicating with me... and I told my dad I'd just say "CHRISTMAS EVE" to him randomly in real life to see if this is him really talking to me now (which i don't think i'm going to do, actually)
Well, the next thing I know I'm at home and I'm like looking at some internal computer.. I tell it to take me home, but it warns that though I can come back to Earth things may be different than they were before and the reality may be altered some. I might loose all my songs, music, and posts, and they might be different.
So I decide not to do so at this time... I notice an interface for creating guitars/amps... I made one...
Umm.. it kind of ends shortly after that.
So umm.... this is really weird..... and like... a few weeks ago I had this good looking and familiar seeming woman contact me while I was dreaming about being asleep and she told me something was going to happen on January 13, 2004... it was... really strange... she kept saying "THIS IS IMPORTANT! 5 WEEKS AND 5 DAYS! 5 WEEKS AND 5 DAYS!" and she wanted to be sure that I remembered that as I was waking up.
I don't know if I'm being contacted by weird entities or what... but... this is a bit abnormal, even for me.
This other guy I also talk to online also tried to kill himself last night.. I haven't heard from hin since, so that might have had something to do with the insane dreams and message board/aim content.. but... I don't know. I figure he's probably alive though, pills aren't the best method to go with.
I need interpretations lol, anything you have to say would help. This is just really crazy stuff.