Ever feel like not wanting to go back?

[quant]

Have you ever thought about meditating and working to fix your problems?

[kakkarot]

well, i haven't oobe'd yet, but i don't really like being on this planet anyway. if i had a good enough reason too, i would just kill myself and go to heaven. but i have reasons to stay, so i'm not going anywhere just yet (except back to medicine hat in a three days! YAH!!).

~kakkarot

Secret of Secrets

[alpha]

ive been fighting this most my life.Ive tried pretty much everything.I am here because of this.I think It could be post traumatic stress syndrome.(sp?)Theres really not much you can do,I dont think..But somethin happened and I will post it up.

kakkarot-nah you wouldnt do that to yourself!I dont know you but you cant stop fighting back.Its like a constant struggle of good and evil within yourself.Ive come a long way and managed to make myself happy again.If you get down you have to push yourself up again.Dont feed the negs!

[alpha]

kakkarot BTW whats a medicine hat?and what I meant by negs was your taughts not some bad entitiy.Didnt want you to get the wrong idea.

[alpha]

This might get long.My last obe was great.I posted it in the other forum.I felt like I was in a much better place than the real world.The people seemed  so at peace with themselves.I could feel them and I could tell just by there faces.Ive never felt such freedom before,that I get in my obe's.Well maybe not since I was just a child.Its like I am in my own cage in the real world.In the astral all that is gone.Im not even able to fully control myself on the astral yet either.Ive been suffering from anxiety since my mid teens.I know where it all came from.Ive run across alot of negative people in my life.And I would pick up on things.Like how they would talk about each other so badly behind there backs.Almost immediately after they left sometimes., and before they were actually  talking to them like a human being.I began to think about this and wondered what kinda things they were saying about me..Eventually I was just in the background.I noticed how when I was alone with someone they would treat me like a human.But when in groups they werent the same person.Eventually all this started to affect me.And my hate grew and grew.Till it was out of control.I began to take everything personal.My anxiety was starting to get bad.I closed myself off from everybody.No more friends and started spending most my time alone chatting on the net.I made alot of friends on there.Mostly women of all ages and I would call them.And rack my phone bill up.I didnt mind because I loved these people so much.They made me happy.I would call them no matter where they were.Things didnt seem to bother me as much anymore because I had them. Even if it wasnt my real life it was something.Than I got hurt by someone who I really loved.All those bad feelings came back and I was in a suicidal mode.My anxiety was very bad..Again I went off alone and away from everybody.I started reading alot and did some anxiety program.Started to change the way I was thinking and my hate faded.Than eventually I met my girlfriend.I was still working at this time and had some good people around me.Things were alright.I still had anxiety but I could function. I never got close to anybody at work or anybody else..And often wondered if they taught I was weird,because I would hardly talk..But than we got a bunch of new people.Things started going bad again.I guess people find me an easy target.And that was pretty much the straw that broke the camels back.I began to dread going to work.And would take weeks off and than months because my anxiety attacks.My doctor understood what  I was going through.She gave me notes,no prob.Eventually I just stopped going and they fired me.More stuff happened down the road with more negs.And now am always home.Thus why I have all this time to practice obe and read other stuff that interest me.
Is it possible to become overly sensitive to negative people?Sometimes its like I can just feel it when someone has bad intentions.Dont get me wrong.Im not an angel.But all this stuff has caused me to learn alot about things.And I have totally different views now.I realized that its not peoples fault that they are like that.Thats not the real them.Most of  It comes from all those beliefs that are fed to you when you are young.I believe little  parts of the bible.But most of it I think was twisted to gain power and wealth.I could write  alot more on this but its gettin a bit too long.Lets just say that Im not the same person anymore in that sense.Even though my beliefs are ever changing my body still remembers.And Im not able to be around people.Without my anxiety acting up.Especially when I feel I need to make conversation.I will have an attack.Theres more to it but you get the idea.
Sorry this kind of doesnt belong here.I hope you dont mind.I just want you all  to know where im coming from.I feel my girlfriend is the only thing keeping me here.Im not saying I would kill myself if I didnt have her.I know better now.And even at my lowest moment I wouldnt do that.Im still here writing this after all..I believe in life after death especially after my last obe..And I know I mine as well face my fears now.From what Ive read it would be harder on the astral and eventually have to be done,to get to the higher planes.Its harder to look at the world the same now.Do any of you have simular taughts.I feel at peace when im out.When im on earth im terrified.Is earth the breeding ground of negs?

Note:I didnt write this for sympathy.I dont feel sorry for myself.So you why should you?.Im actually a pretty happy person now believe it or not.Im just a little messed up coming off these meds,I was taking right now.If It hadnt been like this.I would just be another neg. person.This could be related why I can project pretty easily(not conciously)Im sure im not the only one here who hasnt had bad experiences in life.If your going in the same path.Try to look back and do a recap of your life..But only look at the good things.And see the good qualitys in those people.And just let go of it all.You just might end up on those higher astral plains someday.Im figuring where you end up on the astral is directly related to love.The more you have the higher you go.Im not sure if this is so.But im starting to get that idea.Sorry so long you guys probably think im crazy.lol