I desperately need help/guidance/advice.

[JustLikeThePill]

holy crap. If someone tries to rape you agian, just make them stop. i think your afraid and your subcon. is manifesting that fear. there are no negative entities there, you just THINK there are. I dont understand what your asking about dreaming inside a dream, but i've dreamed that i was dreaming before, and it doesn't cancel anything out because your not really dreaming inside a dream, because its just a dream.

I dont see how you seperate reality from "not reality" and physical from      
astral/rtz. alot of what you have talked about seems like you were just in the rtz.

i would go to a doctor and try to get on valumme or something else that will give you a deep dreamless sleep. maybe see a therapist or something. I only WISH i could do what you can do.

[holy reality]

well i can't make them stop because i'm not in my normal state of mind and it's usually much like sleep paralysis, it's pretty screwed up yet funny in a way, i'm not sure what it's supposed to mean but it's always like:

i dream that i'm sleeping, but there is someone sleeping next to me (i'm almost always in a different bed) and they are doing things to me.... and i partly enjoy it and partly don't...

well anyways what is the "rtz" ? real time zone?

last night i was in this clasroom and i was like up and dancing on the table or something and i partially woke up into paralysis, so i like, i'm not sure what i was doing, but i pulled myself out of my body and back into some place while trying to recreate where i had just left, and i ended up outside this building and went into a classroom expecting it to be the one i had just left, but it was different...

there was a window in it and you could see the room i was just in but the people in there told me to get down becuase they shouldn't me see... they said if they did i would wake up again... and that my brother was in there and he was like, REALLY there, not just, like fictional, and he would pull me out of the dream if he recognized me or something....

so....

i was talking to this girl and i'm asking her if she's really here, and that all these people are projectors, and they said yes, so i told her to like, enter me and show me her life and give me some form of proof that she's REAL and not just you know, a creation of my mind... so she said okay and touched my hand... and

like... i was completely bodyless like i've not really felt before and in this dark place... and i was falling rapidly toward these weird looking trees, yet i'd never hit, they would get bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller and i was freaking out but i knew it was okay and i should stick around and see just what this is i'm experiencing....

i don't know how to describe what follows at all, i've never done acid but .... that would probably be a fitting description...

i had the sensation that i was being born... i was in this black space and there were pulsating small dark blue/purple inner eye vision type things all around me, and i wasn't really "me" i was just like... some sort of presence... yet... i had intense feelings of vertigo and distortions as if i were on a roller coaster or being expelled rapidly from my sleeping body.... i twirled in and out of all these colors and stuff and i don't recall it too well but it was insanely trippy and weird and i felt as if i were about to come out of this space i was in, and i thought maybe this is what it's like to be born, maybe i'm about to live her life....

and i do think i came out, but i don't really know what happened, i remember thinking that this is taking extremely long, whereas most accounts i read about you just kind of instantaneously absorb life informaiton and experiences from someone while simultaneously living them out, but it feels fast... this didn't feel fast, this was, incredibly slow...

a lot of stuff seemed to happen, and i'm not really sure what... i don't think i lived out her life... if i did i don't remember anything about it, and to my recollection upon coming out and back into the room i still didn't remember anything after exiting the black space full of trippy visuals and weird feelings....

but at any rate, i guess i kind of forgot about those people and exited into this auditorium where my HS band was playing, they were glad to see me (as i graduated but i still know most of the people that are underclassmen and still in it) and I kind of took control of the show and told them we were going to play Tool songs... so I stole this guys really crappy guitar and we started to play Sober but my tone was horrible and the frets were all screwed up and there was a capo over the 12th fret so I couldn't play things right...

I needed to find my guitar, and I tried to will it into the dream by grabbing random instruments and believing they were my guitar... this didn't work too well but I ended up with a better sounding one and played a little bit of 46 and 2.

Well... anyway this went on for a little while, then i was back in my body, with it still being asleep... I wanted to exit and get back to that scene I was in again, and was trying to climb out... I felt I had a hold of something otherworldly from that band auditorium scene and I was trying to climb back into it... then there was this guy ... I couldn't really see him very well, just kind of dark and vague shimmery outlines, but he was helping pull me out of my body... I think he may have been my cousin... at first I didn't know what was going on but then realized he was helping me so I climbed on top of him and kind of got back into the dream scene.

I remebered at this point this post on some occult forums I browse that this guy told me to ask for the help of this angel "Sandalfon" or something like that... so I thought why not, maybe he can help me stay in the dream without waking up or give me some advice... so I started asking as I re entered the complex, but he never showed up.

I don't remember what happened after that.. I'm guessing lucidity left and the dream changed....

it was interesting though.

I don't believe that girl though, that I contacted and asked to show me her life... I don't believe she was real.. I think my mind was just tripping trying to figure out how to make me feel like I'm reexperiencing birth and going through another life... because... if it were real I think it would have been more memorable and such and given that I am capble of projecting I should be capable of fully recalling contact and information exchanged with any "higher being".

Also, they looked like normal humans, as did I, to my knowledge.

[xander]

I'll be blunt here, but please take no offense. You seem sexually repressed and in the throes of a continuous self imposed guilt complex. Know thyself.

I dreamt once of a large panther chasing me, she caught me and tyurned into a woman and said "don't be afraid of me". The next time I dreamt of her it was an incredibly sensuous experience.[}:)][]

When one clings tightly to an extreme, its opposite will reveal itself in many ways.

Hope this helps

Xander[8D]

[holy reality]

just lost my reply [!]

okay well, I completely agree with you, but the only problem is I don't really have any hang ups or feelings of guilt about sex, and I don't think anything is wrong with having sex.

However, I used to, given my religious upbringing, and those beliefs may still be lying dormant... as sometimes I do feel fleeting feelings of guilt that I have abandoned my "faith" but then I realize... WHAT FAITH? This is my faith right now, and that's all that matters. And of course I'm fully aware that the only reason I, and most of humanity, adhered to that particular organized doctrine is because we were RAISED INTO IT before we knew any better.

So... I don't know.

I think it would be good for me to get some though...

[sstonevenuss]

hey, just a quick note to try to help...

I've been through spiritual warfare, I know what you are going through, mine happened from birth to about 20, and in the past 10 years, I have managed to sort it all out.

how long has this been going on?

Do you feel as if you are being fought over? Like two different sides are trying to win/seduce you?

I had the best empowering results when I declared to the universe and everything in it, imaginable or not, that I am a sentient being. I am in charge, I am flying this space machine, just me in the cockpit with God on the head set from mission control, and they are all subject to me/my will for myself.  No one and No thing has any power over me.

something like that. As I kept it up, and started to believe it, myself, I found I had hugely increased my ability to protect myself and activate my own will in situations like you talk about.

bless you, you are powerful, believe it.

[holy reality]

quote:Originally posted by sstonevenuss

how long has this been going on?

Do you feel as if you are being fought over? Like two different sides are trying to win/seduce you?

I'd say........ since August. I've had a few encounters here or there with scary things during isolated sleep paralysis episodes since well... age 13 I guess (I'm 18 now).

I've never felt like there is any sort of battle going on....I've only been visited by one presence that I would call an angel.

She was a beautiful transluscent pale white being, naked, I believe... full of compassion and sympathy, she came to me during the worst period that this has ever gone through (a 2 week span of constant "attacks" over and over again every night, which needless to say I wasn't pleased about) and she rested on top of me and I believe I cried on her shoulder.

Later I think she came back, and I asked her who she was, and I wasn't really getting any kind of coherent answers (which makes me think it wasn't real, well I don't really necessarily think any of this is real, more just me confronting dark sides of my personality) and then when I tried to touch her (i may have been arguing with her, not pleased with her lack of answers) she turned into a lizard and landed on my finger, which startled me, then she scampered away.

I wonder what it was she said to me, I may have posted it somewhere else... I think I'll go look...

At any rate, that is the only being that I'd consider worthy of calling "good" or an "angel" that I have ever encountered.

Last night I felt a presence again whilst hopping in and out of dreams... I thought it was my dad, but I wasn't sure, it sounded like him but it felt different... he was just touching me saying he loved me or something, but it felt strange and eery, probably because of the paralysis.... I could hear myself talking to him, as if I were talking in my sleep... it was very hard to do though, but I told him to go away... and he said okay, and I think he did, but I still felt a presence... I then rethought that and was trying to get him to wake me up becuase I couldn't will myself awake... but nothing happened.. eventually i just kept twitching my foot and wiggling fingers and got out of it, no one was there.

EDIT

Whoah okay, this is really weird..... alright this is what I wrote about the angel.

9-06-03
"now then.... last night instead of being tormented in my sleep a transluscent angel came and hugged me and i cried on her shoulder.... it was really cool and a nice feeling.....

then the next time i woke up the angel came back was a lot smaller and looked weird... and landed on my finger.. i tried to talk to her and asked who she was, she was answering in my head... or i was just thinking of answers because i remember wondering if that was really her answering

but she said she was tinkerbell.. and i'm like "no you aren't" and i was getting frustrated with her weird answers, then she turned into a lizard, which kind of freaked me out and she started crawling down my arm, but then i'm like "oh, it's just a lizard, nothing to worry about" and then it crawls onto my pillow... then i fully wake up, and it's not there.
"

TINKERBELL.... this is screwed up, last week, this happened:

"Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2003 1:46 pm    Post subject:     
wow something really strange happened last night that I just now remembered...

I was sitting up in my bed, thinking I was awake (which is doubtful) and there were 3 figures floating around my room... at first they were just in the back of my head and whenever I tried to turn to see them they would stay behind me, then they floated into my field of vision in front of me.

One was what seemed to be exactly like Tinkerbell.... one was a floating knife.... the other... I'm not sure what it was... they were all cartoon like...

They were kind of annoying me, but I'm not sure what it was they were doing.... I think I tried to talk to them but I wasn't really capable of speaking, though I'm not sure.......

At any rate... I got sick of their presence and tried to smash one of them... Tinkerbell took the knife and jabbed it into my chest, which felt very strange... not painful, but... I could feel it go in, and it kind of vibrated and tingled...

this scared me awake, and I checked the time, and it was 1:11..... only... I wasn't really awake.... becuase I did the clock test and the time kept changing.... so anyways I woke myself up fully and was a bit weirded out.... and coincidently I had been recording myself last night to see whether or not I talked during my sleep, so I should have said something about it while it was fresh in my mind, but I just went back to sleep.

It was really strange though.... and I couldn't find myself talking at al during the recording, though I need a more sensitive mic......... my fans kind of drowned anything audible out."



What is going on with Tinkerbell? Do I have trauma from Disney? Their shows used to scare me quite a bit what with Fantasia and all those demons.. and that mirror man... and then of course, that nightmare I had about Captain Hook as a child... but I mean, I've seen those shows since them and they don't bother me in the slightest....

[sstonevenuss]

hmm...could be that the original light being was a legitamate source of comfort, but the later ones could have been other entities trying to get close to you by disguising themselves as her.

The ages 15 to 18 are typically volitile, and it makes sense that these things are happening...awakening now. From my experience, it is a natural thing for many people, it's learning to live with it and use it that makes it worth having. Fighting it is exhausting, acknowleging it is empowering. By "it" I refer to the ability to be fully aware of these experiences. You are, so protect yourself, and master your gift. Take charge.

[sstonevenuss]

a similar experience I had:

I was asleep, in bed, and someone sat on my bed next to me. I woke up when the bed moved and a very attractive young man was there. he wanted to talk. He told me all kinds of things and as he was talking, his "immage" shifted. I saw through the good looking face and kind smile and what I saw was a rotting scarry horror film image of what used to be a man. He saw that I was disturbed and bangged his fist against his head and said he was sorry, but that it was better now. His good looking face came back into focus. He wanted me to know that if I needed anything, he would be right down there, and he gestured towards the ground under my bed. I pretty much told him to stay down there until I called...which I had no intention of doing.

ok, my bed was in a room on the second floor of the house. The room under mine had been re modeled and taken out to add space to one of the living rooms. I was under the impression that this person was actually burried under the house, but he could have died in the room downstairs, thus the remodelling to rid the house of the "area" he died in.  

my point is that he showed me a false apearance in order to win my trust. A.

[Nagual]

quote:my point is that he showed me a false apearance in order to win my trust.

If you were looking like a "rotting scarry horror film image of what used to be a man" and wanted to contact someone...  Wouldn't you think it will be easier for you and the someone by hiding yourself under a nice mask...?  Especialy since the guy seemed friendly...

[xander]

quote:Originally posted by holy reality

Originally posted by sstonevenuss
TINKERBELL.... One was what seemed to be exactly like Tinkerbell.... one was a floating knife.... the other... I'm not sure what it was... they were all cartoon like...

They were kind of annoying me, but I'm not sure what it was they were doing.... I think I tried to talk to them but I wasn't really capable of speaking, though I'm not sure.......

At any rate... I got sick of their presence and tried to smash one of them... Tinkerbell took the knife and jabbed it into my chest, which felt very strange... not painful, but... I could feel it go in, and it kind of vibrated and tingled...

The Irish folk have many a legend about evil fairies, malignant vile things they be. Size doesn't determine deadliness in regards to them.

Xander

[holy reality]

Okay, this is going to be really long and disorganized, but I have so much to say and things are really confusing right now.

First off, I regularly have lucid dreams, if I don't have at least 3 a week it's abnormal, and I usually have 3-5 per night.

So having said that, the author of this site claims that dreams are a sort of "fantasy" like projection, and not into the actual real world.....

Now.... this more or less seems true, but often times I will have many false awakenings where I know I'm not awake the second I "wake up" and my room looks more or less identical to how it should, minus there are no decorations on the wall and my computer isn't there and my amp usually isn't there.

This may be due to those objects having not had an impact onto the astral realm of sorts yet? Well.. at any rate I can go outside and everything is more or less real and layed out like it should be, but once I wander around town it falls apart and is dream like.

Lately whenever I wake up into my room I go out the window or front door, fly up in the air, and ask to be taken to the higher self of one or two select individauls (one being my teacher)....

Well, this worked extraodinarily well at first, given that any other times I tried to see my teacher in my dreams she never looked right, and I figured the key thing I was doing right was asking to see her HIGHER SELF.... so.... I saw her... talked to her about things, etc... it was very cool...

One time I did that... and instead of going to a usual mental representation of what her house/apartment looks like (i'm assuming I wasn't actually REALLY there) I went to this place and saw a violent scene involving a black man that was on the verge of killing his family.

That night, I also kept dreaming that my friend had killed himself... so upon becoming lucid I sought my friend out and made sure he was doing okay.

Then a few days later I had a dream that one of my other friends died, the way the news was presented to me was much the same as before. I tried to contact him but failed... ended up seeing his girlfriend in what I assume to be the "future" and she was very lonely and I got the impression that he was either cheating on her or neglecting her.... he had a huge mansion.... well anyway to keep things short I confronted "him" only he looked nothing like himself and I made things good between the two again.

Umm..... also, I've been plagued with negative episodes of sleep paralysis for the past few months... demons, spiders, scorpions, a giant scorpio like man, a witch or two, a girl that insisted she was Satan..... yeah.. it's not fun... and I keep having these dreams where I am "sleeping" (like, usually not in my own bed either, but I'm like laying down trying to sleep) and people will be doing sexual things to me that I don't want them to be doing, and they are usually male.

This happened last night, and it was a baby doing these things to me, I was about to kill him but I couldn't do it... and I told him to leave me alone and never come back again....

I don't understand what this means... I mean it could be that I'm sexually confused.... which given my status as a virgin makes sense, though I thoroughly enjoy women and find no attraction to men... the baby could I guess represent my sexual innocence I guess, but it's irnoic that he is violating me....

I don't know.

Then we have the dreams in which I dream that I am projecting. Often times I'll dream that I'll lie down somewhere and project, and I usually come out into my room.... what in the world does this mean? Am I really projecting if I'm doing so within a dream? I feel the vibrations and everything.........

Then sometimes I will be unsure of whether I'm awake or sleeping and project from my bed.

Once in a while I'll be positive that I'm awake and I'll let my body go back to sleep but keep my mind awake and project... but... it's... it's just a lucid dream... I always end up in my room, weird stuff happens, with an overall tendency to be negative.. I even once worked on balancing my chakras before I left only to step outside of my house and see part of it on fire.....

I have yet to be able to project from waking via meditation and cannot get my thoughts to stop without drifiting in and out of consciousness and becoming severely tired....

I've had two extremely bizarre dreams within the past two weeks also, which I'm going to paste in here:

this is what I wrote on 11-10-2003

Saturday.... had this dream that I can't remember very well, I was talking to a man about dreaming, and about pot, and he said something akin to "Do you know what happens when you wake up?" and he was talking about waking up a lot, and then he asked me again, and I realized that if I woke up, I was going to cease to exist.....

and then BOOM there is just nothingness, all that is there is my mind, but I can feel it rapidly decaying.... I'm screaming this distorted fuzzy internal scream like I've never heard before... crazy excrement... and that scream remains in my head well upon waking up, and then slowly fades away.
to elaborate on that.... I felt like I was really dying... I've had my fair share of nightmares and hypnagogic hallucinations and really weird things happen to me, but this really felt real.... the adrenaline rush... some intense vibrations, but not of the projecting variety (at least I think, I can't remember very well) and that scream..... eminating from within and echoing inside my entire being, body, and spirit.....

this is what I wrote a few days ago, I had the dream on 11-23 I believe.

I was reading a thread on some other forums I post on called "Dream Fantasy" and someone said something akin to "If you have a dream within a dream, doesn't that cancel the two out, making the dream not real?".... most of the posts were incoherent, which is to be expected from dream content... the last post in there I clearly remember saying "a! f*cking......." something something..... I have it written down.... but... what it said isn't important.....

Anyway, this dream I was in lasted a very long time and spanned many different scenes and scenarios and even involved perhaps a dream within a dream or two, as I did dream about sleeping.... at the end of it I was back at that thread, and to my recollectoin (in the dream that is) it said THE EXACT SAME THINGS as it said before, right down to the very last post... now... I was not lucid, but I wasn't quite normal dream stupid, and I realized that this shouldn't be.... the posts should have drastically changed given the nature of text within dreams.....

Well I read the last post, and it triggered a chaotic reaction within me much like the first one when that man said something to me.... I was on my side in my bed, vibrating fiercly, hearing electricity running back and forth through my head and feeling it go through my body.... in pulses.... during each pulse, I could see and hear, to an extent, but inbetween them I was in nothingness, but still had a sense of general existance.... my dad was there, and he was saying something like "please stop shaking" but.... it was broken up and fragmented due to the pulsated hearing going on..... I kind of thought maybe I was dying and EMTs were trying to revive me.... but I decided it would be acceptable to will myself out of this, so I did.... and everything was normal.... and I was like "hmm... that was interesting"

I wonder what would have happened if I didn't decide to "live" during that moment... I know it wasn't real... and I didn't really panic of freak out like I did the first time, but while I was in that brief state I kind of halfway felt it might have been real.... what if I had decided "no... i'll just stay like this...." ?

So I mean... a lot of weird stuff is going on, it doesn't bother me too much, though... the sexual ones tend to.... I wonder if perhaps it's karma for my... umm.... "sex sprees" I go on when I become lucid, maybe I'm actually entering those peoples dreams and such? I dont' know.. I doubt it, but...

I'm just overly confused about this whole projection stuff, I want to be able to do it from waking but I have a horrible time clearing my head, as if I clear surface thoughts I hear subconscious thoughts, and they are next to impossible to clear.... I cannot visualize at all... I just tried the ROPE exercise briefly today and perhaps I can achieve something with it... but...

I'm just looking for comments on anything I wrote, advice, interpretation, etc... I'm kind of lost... I've been lucid dreaming for several years only it hasn't really picked up until this year... I'm progressing in what I'm able to do in the dreams nicely....

I've only "projected" (during the early morning upon waking up and letting my body go back to sleep) maybe 4 or 5 times... it's very hard to do when you're that tired, but it's the only way I've been successful.... but there just isn't any difference whatsoever in the projections and my lucid dreams... none....

I want to be able to go to higher realms of consciousness... I want to actually visit REAL places, or at least, places that look realistic enough to make me think they are real.... I'd like to be able to interact with the REAL higher selves of people so that I may resolve issues and stuff... and perhaps influence my future in positive ways.

Sorry for making this so long.

edit: The TOS is kind of unclear...is mild usage of profanity acceptable on these boards? I'm assuming non graphically and generically describing sexuality (as in the dreams I had) is acceptable given the nature of dreams in general and the fact that these seem to be mature boards... so... if anything I posted wasn't acceptable please do forgive me, I went ahead and "censored" myself a bit with the profanity... I'm assuming the dream content was vague enough to not be anything offensive or upsetting though.)