Salvia divinorum and OBE

[Logic]

Salvia is very spiritual, no scientists really understand how it directly affects a person. It is widley used by shamans, although I dont know exactly how it ties in with OBE, but it sure helps.

[Nick]

Hi Kerrblur,

As you can see, I moved this topic out of our Welcome to Permanent Astral Topics forum. That forum is reserved for topics that have been placed there on a more or less permanent basis. I went ahead and moved your topic to our OBE discussions forum. If you disagree please pm me and we'll work something out.


Very best,

[The AlphaOmega]

I've smoked salvia on more then one occasion and it didn't do anything for me.  I didn't feel any different, so personally I don't think it does anything beneficial or harmful in terms of OBE.

[rodentmouse]

ive done salvia a few times and it revealed what i am to expect when i learn to OBE at will.

as soon as i took a hit- i seemed  to phase out of the physical into what i assume to be a low astral region.  
After about  2 minuites of taking the hit i was surounded by mischevious little beings who  kept on laughing at me,  i found myself asking them why they were laughing at me- until i realised i was talking  to myself.  

Theres absolutely no doubt in my mind that these beings were products of my own  subconscious imagination,  because as soon as i meditated they dissapeared.

it wasnt just little naughty  beings though, everything i thought about appeared  in and around me, for example....
i thought  about  a time i got  paranoid  at a party  and just sat in a corner wanting to be left alone-  this  appeared as a man with hundreds of spiders  crawling all over him-  this i knew was me,  and the spiders representing my fears and insecurities.

the most memorable part of being on salvia was the sense of being "home"  i had complete certanty that i wasnt my  body or mind,  this was actually quite scary,  my ego was completely left behind. Salvia  i think temporarily  releases us from the prison of our minds,  unfortunatly you know you have to go back to limeted thinking and limeted being when the high ends.

 i could sense  souls around me that i knew were with me, and perhaps waiting for me to die so they could be with me again,  or it could be they were just higher beings watching me,  or maybe just simple  thought forms---
 whatever the case may be, salvia  really  connects  you  to  how  subtle  your mind works, and how  there are so many aspects of ourselfs  we dont understand, and  how  even the smallest  thought  or life event  can control us.

trying to  express the experience is a nightmare,  the sensations, revelations and impressions  you get when on them cant be communicated with words or speech. Robert mentions   this in astral dynamics,  which is a reasurance.

It induced an OBE in me,   but  unfortunatly i was attatched  by my right shoulder because it was tense-  which brings me to another point-  as soon as i realised  tension  anchored me to my body,  i could see the realisation of that become a part of me forever.

does that make sense?   i  could see the realisation of me knowing that tension inhibits OBE  go  into  my mental  filing cabinet, and that i had just learned it as i thought of it,  i knew from then on i had learned something more, hence was that little bit more learned, knowledgable and evolved than i was 10 minuites before.

there is also the amplified awareness  you get of  your physical body, by this i mean  that i could actually  feel the mucas in my  sinuses, and could feel the contents of my stomach,  this is another plus  for those wanting to OBE-  you will be so much more attuned to the tension in your body that youll be able to relax it a lot easier.


to all those who are learning to OBE but havent yet had any success,  i  reccommend  trying salvia,  then  i think  youll know what to expect when you actually  do learn.

the trip lasts about 45 minuites,  the  first 30 minuites is the real  shock/thrill part, the  last  15  are  spent  slowly  coming back to  earth and trying to comprehend with  your now limeted mind  what  you had just experienced, which is a  real nightmare.

if  your a smoker  you  SHOULD  have a ciggarette when   your  high on salvia,  then  youll  realise what its doing to you,  you will feel  the mucas in the sinuses and the filthy lungs caused by it.
Its a disgusting  sensation,  but hopefully youll learn.

[holy reality]

Did you SMOKE salvia, or did you INGEST it?

Because smoked salvia is only supposed to last about 5-10 minutes.... and... you said you took a "hit" so I'm guessing you smoked it, being kind of ironic in that all forms of smoking are nasty for your lungs so you should have realized that about salvia, not just cigs...

but... did you use an extract? If so, what strength?

I've heard many stories about people that smoking it running around unaware of what they are doing and I wouldn't particularly want that to happen to me... I guess I could like handcuff myself to something if I were to try it, but it sounds interesting.

[rodentmouse]

holy, yeh  i did smoke it,   but a single hit of salvia is incomparible to  that of  regular  ciggarette smoking,  i felt the dirt inside me caused  by  2 years of it.
All  smoking is bad,   but  tobbacco is far worse than  salvia.

it was a 10x extract,  i tried another strenth (5x i think)  but it didnt do anything so i had to buy  the  10x.

i tried   chewing it too for half an hour,  but it  didnt  do anything for me, and not being able to swallow for 30 minuites is extremely difficult.

[Logic]

Salvia has no effects when ingested.

[Kerrblur]

THANK YOU rodentmouse THANK YOU
sorry, thanks everyone else that replied also!

You have officially been the first person to actually help answer(have a near 100% answer compared to mine) my question.  I have tried salvia way back, i bought it once a month.  I first would by a normal strength bag of salvia, yes! smoking salvia is by far the harshest smoked substance I've ever done.  But my reason behind this is, After I found out about OBE's.  My VERY first thought that came up was my experiences with salvia (when i upped to the 15x extract!)  Cause for those of you who do not understand Salvia and just try to class it in the room of any other common type of drugs, you have something coming to you because, Whenever I did 15x Salvia, I swore to God to my friends I felt out of my body, All sounds around me went away, I was, at the time from the readings, "In a Dream State Trance"  But It actually i believe induced me to have a OBE.

    I seriously break all rules of drug use, wait wait wait! Salvia=Herb, lets start over..

I recommend to all beginners/novices trying to OBE/AP to use salvia. to get the base feelings as to what it feels like to project in the astral field, and how to induce thoughs feelings better as compared to when your not on salvia.  And I soon hope once I get more experienced with AP'ing  I'll be able to use salvia to reach far far high realms of the astral plane! I'm glad I had someone post his full opinion on Salvia.

 For the people who say if you use salvia, they will become dependant on it, and its bad for there natural development to AP, no no no, my theory is(but might be wrong correct me if i am), and still is(cause im new also) . . is people have such a problem leaving there bodies because, one; they never do the relaxation fully, but even if they do, and there just doing technique on "what they read"  they have nothing to back thoughs techniques on.  Basicly they dont honestly know how to "FEEL" for it.  I believe it'd take year or more to consciously be able to AP on a regular basis, w/o a substitute to help your mind learn(get a jump-start) faster.

  This is where I believe Salvia comes in, Salvia I believe will help train your mind and body  and what it feels like once you are projecting.  Think of the herb as a substitute teacher coming into class at litterally  the beginning of the school year, because the real teacher haha lol totally forgot a main equation in math.  If the Real Teacher dont know that equation, its gonna take the kids a hella lot longer to learn there studies cause they dont know the equation(like with people posting why they cant AP after such a ridiculous amount of time/patience).

The Real Teacher is not able to show the kids what they need to know exactly w/o that her knowing that special equation(beginners try to do these techniques, and never succeeding to complete OBE/AP, missin' the "feeling").  So the Substitute is there for the period of time, to get the kids caught up with learning(Salvia trains your mind, like them brain wave cd's).  When the Real Teacher finally regains her memory,the kids arnt "still" set back from the beginning of the year(salvia trains your mind so you can do it by yourself without guidance).  The substitute Teacher helped teach that big equation needed for math, and the Real Teacher can then on continue with her schedule(you can AP/ have a OBE now that you know exactly what to feel for).

okay, I'm ridiculous, too much thinking haha (adderall does that too you, damn ADHD)
OH YEA, I TAKE ADDERALL as a perscription, you all know wut it is, well, I've found it helps my AP Greatly!!! my concentration is ridiculous! and helps keep you in trance keeps your mind awake and your body passes the hell out

[Kerrblur]

oh yea another thing. . .

    lol Please if you have a comment of what I believe is a good answer to succeeding in AP/OBE with Salvia, please please post something rather its against it or all for it[8D]!  lol i apologize for the ridiculous explaination as to what I think about.  I'm well known to analyse litterally everything I come across too, lol[^] like if i see someone driving stupid, I just analyse that to every potential, lol to even ridiculous reasoning, then I pick(lol basicly finish the story I just thought up) out the right reason why the guy was driving stupid. lol im ridiculous![]

[singularity]

To any of you who have never "really gotten off" on salvia, I'd like to say this.  I am an inveterate "recreational" drug user, with many years of experience with just about any substance which will catch me a buzz.  I am in reasonably good physical and mental health for my age, and a fully functional practitioner of a "learned profession".  I say this only to encourage you to take this post seriously.

Salvia divinorum has given me some of the most extraordinary, liberating, enlightening, terrifying, and profound experiences I've ever had or could imagine.  I've never had any kind of remotely similar effect from drugs, dreams, program of meditation, religious or spiritual commitment, or everyday "reality".  Nothing can possibly prepare you for it.  It is very wierd business.

I can say this because I remember thinking it as I popped back from a salvia trip.  At such moments, I often think to myself "I should devote the rest of my life to studying this plant and this experience".  But the actual fact is that you can't remember what it was like when you aren't there.  Every time I do it, the first (last)thing that goes through my mind is "holy sh*t, I forgot it was like thiiiiiiiiii...."

The intense part only lasts a few minutes, you're pretty much back to normal in a half-hour, and the toxicity and hangover are practically nil.

I would be happy to provide any information, even though I shouldn't because it's gonna end up being outlawed, like it is in Australia.

[holy reality]

I doubt it'll be outlawed, becuase not many people know about it.

Basically, DON'T TELL ANY OF YOUR LOSER FRIENDS ABOUT THIS DRUG, don't talk about it on non spirituality based forums, etc....

Keep the irresponsible a**holes that more or less are responsible for the illegal status of drugs (neglecting the corruption of the government and the strong holds of the alcohol and tobacco industry and our stupid dogmatic puritan values) off of Salvia and keep them on X and Meth and all those other stupid drugs and you'll keep Salvia legal.

So now, I have a very serious question here, and I know I shouldn't post this, but oh well, here I am doing so....

My parents are a bit facist when it comes to drug use. They forbid me to use anything, regardless of it's legal status, but I am an adult (and living with them).

I want to try salvia very badly, as well as perhaps these legal amarita mushrooms that are said to give you a very Alice like trip....

But to do so would... well... it would go against their will... I dont' care about their will too much but it does feel disrespectful in doing so, at least, while I'm living with them. But on the other hand it is extremely intolerant and selfish of them to forbid me to experiment with NATURAL substances... I mean who do they think they are, the government?

I realize that by responsibly experimenting I could very well jump start my as of this far uninspired attempts at gaining spirituality and understanding of things.... and yeah sure there are some small risks too, but that's okay, I'm fine with them.

And I realize that objectively speaking my happiness and spirituality matters a lot more than some stupid FORCED agreement to not use drugs while living with them. I mean, hell if I were a christian it'd be like them saying "you cannot pray."

Becuase really Salvia has been a staple in many religious practices for thousands upon thousands of years dammit.... to people back then it was no different than going to church or praying regularly.

So it's like... what should I do? I figure I should probably not do it given if caught with it they are only going to SPY ON ME (yes, they spy on me, and yes, I have plenty of solid proof, and even admittance from them about it) more (isn't it illegal to monitor my computer activities since I'm an adult?) and lose more and more trust for me.

I don't like them at all, but I do love them a lot and I don't want to destroy whatever form of relationship we may have right now.... but enough is enough and I feel oppressed and violated... even to the point where it affects my dreams, I mean hell that's probably why I'm getting raped almost every night... I have all these issues with oppression and invasion of privacy and it does feel violating... and I hate wondering whether this is going to be read by them or not but I'm not sure they know about these forums yet.

If they do, leave me the f*** alone, please, this is horrible parenting... it's not like I'm sitting here plotting killing sprees... I'M TRYING TO EXPAND MY MIND, and whether you agree with it or not I'm an adult and you have no right to tell me I can't do so, at least, with legal substances... I understand not wanting me to do illegals while living with you completely.

(I hate living in Nazi Germany (a.k.a USA, "land of the free" where you don't have due process and can be spied on without warrant, and you're just as bad as a thief or a rapist if you smoke a plant)

[singularity]

quote:Originally posted by holy reality

I doubt it'll be outlawed, becuase not many people know about it.

Basically, DON'T TELL ANY OF YOUR LOSER FRIENDS ABOUT THIS DRUG, don't talk about it on non spirituality based forums, etc....

My loser friends?

quote:Keep the irresponsible a**holes that more or less are responsible for the illegal status of drugs (neglecting the corruption of the government and the strong holds of the alcohol and tobacco industry and our stupid dogmatic puritan values) off of Salvia and keep them on X and Meth and all those other stupid drugs and you'll keep Salvia legal.

So now, I have a very serious question here, and I know I shouldn't post this, but oh well, here I am doing so....

My parents are a bit facist when it comes to drug use. They forbid me to use anything, regardless of it's legal status, but I am an adult (and living with them).

I want to try salvia very badly, as well as perhaps these legal amarita mushrooms that are said to give you a very Alice like trip....

But to do so would... well... it would go against their will... I dont' care about their will too much but it does feel disrespectful in doing so, at least, while I'm living with them. But on the other hand it is extremely intolerant and selfish of them to forbid me to experiment with NATURAL substances... I mean who do they think they are, the government?

I realize that by responsibly experimenting I could very well jump start my as of this far uninspired attempts at gaining spirituality and understanding of things.... and yeah sure there are some small risks too, but that's okay, I'm fine with them.

And I realize that objectively speaking my happiness and spirituality matters a lot more than some stupid FORCED agreement to not use drugs while living with them. I mean, hell if I were a christian it'd be like them saying "you cannot pray."

Becuase really Salvia has been a staple in many religious practices for thousands upon thousands of years dammit.... to people back then it was no different than going to church or praying regularly.

So it's like... what should I do? I figure I should probably not do it given if caught with it they are only going to SPY ON ME (yes, they spy on me, and yes, I have plenty of solid proof, and even admittance from them about it) more (isn't it illegal to monitor my computer activities since I'm an adult?) and lose more and more trust for me.

I don't like them at all, but I do love them a lot and I don't want to destroy whatever form of relationship we may have right now.... but enough is enough and I feel oppressed and violated... even to the point where it affects my dreams, I mean hell that's probably why I'm getting raped almost every night... I have all these issues with oppression and invasion of privacy and it does feel violating... and I hate wondering whether this is going to be read by them or not but I'm not sure they know about these forums yet.

If they do, leave me the f*** alone, please, this is horrible parenting... it's not like I'm sitting here plotting killing sprees... I'M TRYING TO EXPAND MY MIND, and whether you agree with it or not I'm an adult and you have no right to tell me I can't do so, at least, with legal substances... I understand not wanting me to do illegals while living with you completely.

(I hate living in Nazi Germany (a.k.a USA, "land of the free" where you don't have due process and can be spied on without warrant, and you're just as bad as a thief or a rapist if you smoke a plant)

I have the same problem with my wife.

Surely you can rationalize the salvia with a pretty clear conscience. Start sampling the mild herbal preparations of herbs like ginseng, gingko biloba, St. John's wort, stuff like that, that claim to have mental benefits.  Keep the bottles in the kitchen with the vitamins.  Get them used to it.  If they can't handle that I'd blow them off and start doing what you want for crissake.  But hopefully they'll get used to the idea that you're an herb nut.  

Then buy some salvia extract prepared for sublingual use.  Show it to your parents, tell them its just a cool new herb.  You won't have to smoke it (which is a hassle anyway).  You won't trip as hard, but it lasts a little longer.  I like it.

If Mom or Pop wants to try it, let 'em.  Sounds like they could use some mind expanding experiences, and it's great fun watching people get off.

Good luck.  Salvia rules.

[holy reality]

quote:Originally posted by singularity

My loser friends?

I have the same problem with my wife.

Surely you can rationalize the salvia with a pretty clear conscience. Start sampling the mild herbal preparations of herbs like ginseng, gingko biloba, St. John's wort, stuff like that, that claim to have mental benefits.  Keep the bottles in the kitchen with the vitamins.  Get them used to it.  If they can't handle that I'd blow them off and start doing what you want for crissake.  But hopefully they'll get used to the idea that you're an herb nut.  

Then buy some salvia extract prepared for sublingual use.  Show it to your parents, tell them its just a cool new herb.  You won't have to smoke it (which is a hassle anyway).  You won't trip as hard, but it lasts a little longer.  I like it.

If Mom or Pop wants to try it, let 'em.  Sounds like they could use some mind expanding experiences, and it's great fun watching people get off.

Good luck.  Salvia rules.

Loser friends.... I'm assuming most of us are teens and know a feel alright people that we might call friends but that have zero responsibility when it comes to substance use and do really stupid things while on drugs, and do them soley for the sake of seeing how messed up they can get or escapism reasons.

Leave them off salvia and angry parents won't find out about it, and complaints won't be made.

Anyway, my parents know what salvia is, like I said, they spy on me. Though my dad called it "saliva" I think he may have said not to use it, or something.

Also I don't think I can find sublingual stuff locally and I can't have some damn drugs sitting on my porch for my parents to find.

[goku22]

Holy reality, go to a friend's house and use their computer and get it sent there. Salvia is crazy, go to the salvia divinorum research center website if you haven't already, it's got lots of good info. I've done it a few times, but only got "there" twice, on the first time with regular salvia and the fifth time with 10x strength. I recommend that, and get the stuff where they reapply pure salvinorin A back onto the leaf. It comes in little gel capsules, and it only fills a couple of millimeters of it, you take it out and smoke it, and though I could still taste a little of the harshness, it was completely easy to hold it in for a long time. As someone said earlier  "holy sh*t, I forgot it was like thiiiiiiiiii....", salvia is beyond words and is always a surise. The first time, I didn't feel as if I left my body, it's more like my body didn't exist anymore, then I came back because I heard some hysterical laughing (me), saw my window, heard a sprinkler, and the rhythm of the sprinkler made the window look like a pink train, I was being drawn towards it to go somewhere, but I fought it off unfortunately. I forgot to say something about the intensely physical pulses, they're powerful. The second time I got "there" I felt the pulse in lines going through my body lengthwise, they felt like they were chopping me up. I left and looked at the slices of me from the side and they were sort of like screens being made in a factory, with the regular world being what was on the screen. Some guy was above one of the "me-screens". I laughed and the clicking of the heater behind me made it seem like my eyes were projectors with the film running too slow, slow enough that I could see that it was made of seperate pictures, rather than a smooth vision. It only lasted a couple of minutes, but felt like a dream in terms of time. Weird.  Ben

[holy reality]

i don't have any friends that live near me :/

[goku22]

A library for internet connection, and a post office box might work. Or make some new friends, and I'd try to get out of that house as soon as is monetarily possible. Parents or not, they shouldn't be spying on you, that's not right. A person has a right to make their own decisions, whether they are mistakes or not. Having someone guarding you from your own life experiences is only going to make it more likely that you'll rebel and do something much more damaging than if you had freedom. Guidance not imprisonment. Ben

[Quiet_Storm]

I plan to try salvia divinorum one day. I will not smoke it, I will vaporize it. I plan to invest on a vaporizer soon.

I strongly beleive that every plant on this earth, have at least SOME healing properties to it, if ingested right. Smoking obviously is not the right way. Ingestion of plants should always be controlled, because you obviously, too much of anything can be harmful.

It is better to ingest plants by drinking a tea, eating it, or vaporizing.

Has anyone here tried a vaporizer?

[holy reality]

quote:Originally posted by goku22

A library for internet connection, and a post office box might work. Or make some new friends, and I'd try to get out of that house as soon as is monetarily possible. Parents or not, they shouldn't be spying on you, that's not right. A person has a right to make their own decisions, whether they are mistakes or not. Having someone guarding you from your own life experiences is only going to make it more likely that you'll rebel and do something much more damaging than if you had freedom. Guidance not imprisonment. Ben

I know, they're just making me really depressed and paranoid and resentful of them...

In fact I was reading a chapter on personality disorders a few days ago and I can somewhat objectively say that I fit the bill for paranoid personality disorder............

Who do I have to thank for that? Well, there are other factors, like stepping out of the box and looking at the government for what it is, rather than some holy insutituion full of happiness and candy canes that doesn't torture people and violate constitutional rights like there's no tomorrow.

But... I mean.. I KNOW my parents are spying on me, I can only guess whether the government is or not, and if they are I don't think they'll find anything interesting that separates me from all the other  people like me out there.

It's so bonking depressing though.. I want to get out of here, but I can't... I dont' have a job and in order to support myself I'd have to work full time while still going to school, and that would lead me down the nice dandy little road of suicide because I'd just get so insanely bonking stressed out I'd either ram my car into something on accident, go insane, or ... something, involving great mortal risk to myself.

So I could quit school... but.... I don't want to work minimum wage forever....

All I know is I can't take too much more of this and I'm going to hate this holiday season of having to be home doing nothing with them for 2 damned weeks.


and MY DAD IS GOING WITH ME TO THE bonking APC SHOW.... yes, I'm an adult.. and I have to be SUPERVISED on a damn 3 HOUR DRIVE... for christs sake.... I understand their concern with me driving that far but you know what, who gives a damn...it's like, sure I could die, so what.. i could die on the way to school tomorrow too.... I mean... I'M AN ADULT, and I can't even go to a damn 3 HOUR AWAY CONCERT???

No chance at scoring with any chicks now......

It will be nice having someone there to look out for me while driving, and he won't be IN the concert, but still.... god dammit.... i just... feel... like i'm going to explode here.... I don't want to get back into fuckign depression, I never want to go back there again, but these people are really pushing me.

[beavis]

It doesnt make you paranoid if they really are watching.

[holy reality]

well, what would you call it then?

extremely anxious and inhibited?

[Logic]

Being atvantaged. You should know how to work your way around things now, as long as they think you dont know whats going on you're still one step ahead of them, these are the perfect circumstances for deception, or even better, revenge[]

[goku22]

Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself. Are you going to school learning something you enjoy, or are you doing it just to avoid minimum wage? In the right circumstances (renting a room that includes utilities like I am) minimum wage will do you fine. But I agree that it probably isn't the best final goal. I took a year at Penn State for surveying, hated it, didn't know what to do, quit, and lived with my parents for a while. Then I travled and did seasonal jobs for a while, it opened up my eyes to the numerous possibilities of life, look at www.coolworks.com . "The Good Life" as advertisied by commercials every second of every day is an illusion. It's materialistic and shallow. How much money you make isn't important, it's how much you live during the short time you have. You ALWAYS have a choice, you just need to know it exists. I went to massage school because it's something I want to do, and now I'm done and for the past two weeks I've been hanging out and reading and not working for a second, and you know what, I'm not worried. I am finally getting a job (fingers crossed) today, but it's just at a movie theater within walking distance of my room, and it's just to cover rent, food, and the cost to get my massage license. I'm saying all this to point out the innumerable options of life. Also, do you think maybe you're a little afraid of leaving the security of your home? I was, big time, but now that I'm out there, it's no big deal, mostly because I'm only supporting myself, kids, the blessing that they are, complicate things. If you really do want to do what you're studying in school, I suggest you buckle down and become the most boring son in history. Don't even hint at anything that they might dissaprove of, just go to school, learn what you need to know, hide your burning desire for freedom until you graduate, and when that comes, move to Alaska, or at least far enough that they can't visit very often. Once you've been gone for a while, they'll probably let up and if they don't, you can tell them to shove it. I would do the same, but my parents are pretty cool, so I don't need to. Though I did go to school across the country Ben

[holy reality]

well see, I don't know what I want to do.

I think I want to go to that lucidity institute (or Monroe institute) and find something I can do relating to lucid dreaming and or OBE... but I'm not sure if there are actually JOBS related to that or not...?

At any rate I'm just in commmunity college right now and it sucks... thinking about majoring in psychology but I hate the BS corrupt shove pills down kids throats way that profession is right now... I could always be the next Leary though or somthing... and I don't have to necessarily work with troubled peoples to get a job in psychology, I could do research, or something....

But... I dont' know what I want to do. I know that I'd be happy if I had a moderately sized place with enough money for okay musical gear once and a while and being able to rent movies and go to movies and stuff.... you know, just an average life with enough cash to do enjoyable activities once and a while, and stock up on salvia and other things.

But in order to get to that point without getting a degree involves a lot of risky mininum wage work and hoping to somehow rise a few ranks and get into a stable job somewhere. Even then, how stable is it? If I get fired I start all over at the drawing board, sort of... a degree would help.. but...

I don't know. I don't see what is so much to ask that:

1) I, as a human being, deserve privacy.
2) I, as a human being, deserve the right to be able to ingest whatever I want.

Try telling that to the government though, land of the free my butt.


Oh yes and the problem is I can't be myself around my parents... I am a quiet, untalkative introvert. I spend all my time in my room on the computer. I don't talk to them much. I don't come downstairs much.

That's me.

They think I have something to hide or I'm depressed... well yeah I am dancing with depression due to all this BS they are putting me through, but other than that, NO.

I mean what the hell, why do I draw suspicion for BEING MYSELF...? I don't like you guys, I don't like most people, I don't have friends, I just sit up here and read and post and such, and I talk to you once in a while, what's the big deal? IT'S ME. I'm not up here coordinating drug deals, etc.... god.....

[Nagual]

I think I can relate to your feelings a bit; I myself did not find my "path" yet and I am just... waiting... and waiting...  I got a master in computers, and there is no jobs anymore, and I hate it anyway...  So, I wasted 5 years and have to start my studies over...  And I still don't know what studies.  Most jobs looks so boring to me... [xx(]

But, since you are an adult, you are free to do what you want...  Some students get loans or/and take night jobs to pay for rent and studies...  You can take one of these mininum wage job for a few years and save some money to continue your studies after that...  I know it is scary out there, but you will have to leave the (financial) security of your parents home.

[TheSeeker]

Where can I get salvia?  And, holy reality, sounds like a sh*tty situation.  I hate to say it with what's going on, but maybe you should join the Navy for the shorest amount of time possible.

You'll be away from your parents and you'll get some money for school, and you'll be able to live on your own 'cause the Navy pays for it.  My ex-girlfriend joined the Navy because she wanted to get away from her parents.  

Other than that, have you told your parents these things?  That they are making you depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts.  That you're an adult, that you don't appreciate their prying.  I'm sorry, I don't know the whole situation.  I'm not a violent guy, but I'd probably have to beat my dad.