Strange and shocking experience from a while ago

[Blazewind]

I remembered this today and thought I'd post it on here because someone may be interested and also I would love to know what it actually might have all meant.  This was a couple years ago now.  I was at a point in my life where things were a fine as ever.  I wasn't ill or over stressed or anything.

The whole thing started out seeming just like a dream, but quickly it became very very real.  I came to awareness in a tiny shack in some past era.  It looked like maybe a hundred years ago or so.  Hard to tell for sure.  There was not enough to go by to indicate a time period.  I didn't realize at the moment I had just simply gained awareness at all.  More like I just merged into the situation and assumed I had always been there.  I was suddenly a very small girl, and no longer me at all.  This didn't seem odd to me at all at first.  "My" mother was in the shack screaming that someone was coming and we had to get away.  She screamed that there was no way out and were going to be captured and dragged away somewhere.  She couldn't let that happen.  Outside I could hear noise and chaos.  She was frantic with panic and fright.  At first she tried to hide me, then must have decided it would never work.  I saw her then begin to go completely crazy with fear of whoever it was outside.  I never did figure out who it was out there.  I just knew, in my childish mind, that they were bad.

I saw "my" mother set our little shack on fire.  I think she used a stick from inside the stove, but I can't be sure.  I just know that very quickly the very dry old wood of the walls was burning and smoke filled the place fast.  She then ran toward me, and much to my terror, she set the fabric of my little dress on fire deliberately.  I understood then that she intended for us both to burn to death to save us being caught and captured.  I had never been so terrified before.  I didn't want to die and my own mother was trying to kill me, while I could do nothing about it. 

Knowing then that I was going to die and could do nothing, my awareness simply left the body of the girl.  Of course this was where it all got weird and confusing.  For the first time I realized that something odd was happening.  I was me again, but f course without my physical form.  I knew I was not her at all and I actually wondered what was happening and what it had to do with me.  For a moment I watched the scene continue to unfold, now of course detached from it and just an unseen observer.  The girl was dying, I had lost track of the mother, and the shack continued to burn to the ground.  The scene replayed, almost like it had been rewound.  My awareness was back with the child again, and again "I" was about to burn to death.  This time I caught on fast and simply willed myself to "jump out."  I literally flew instantly a few meters to the top of the room to observe again.  The scene seemed to reset again, and again I jumped back out at once.  I had began to know I could get easily, but still I was puzzled as to how to actually wake back up. 

On the next reset of the scene, it all went very wrong.  This time I tried to jump back away again from the awareness of this little body and I couldn't.  My dress was up in flames.  I could feel the heat near my head and smell the smell of burning fabric..  I willed myself out again, but I couldn't go anywhere.  I knew I was not her.  I was me, and I knew I had my own body somewhere.  Still though, it was the though of experiencing the death of this child that scared me.  I wondered for a second if I was supposed to experience it, and if that was why I had been sent there somehow.  Still though I just couldn't.  It all felt too real.  I panicked worse and worse until I thought I might lose it.  The sheer panic and dispairation to free myself from the strange and horrible experience must have snapped me back quickly, because the next thing I knew I was at least somewhat awake in my bed, with my eyes open, seeing the room the early hours of morning with the images of the other place still in front of my eyes too.  The phone started to ring.  That forced me to move and thank goodness it did.  I could barely stumble out of bed to pick it up though.  I just didn't feel good at all.

Even so long later, I would love any possible insight on this and what might have happened.                           

[ChopstickFox]

It reminds me of this:
http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_astral_projection_experiences/i_think_i_had_a_retrieval_last_night-t39940.0.html

That sounds really terrifying... I know what you mean by feeling like you are a completely different person, no knowledge of your waking self. Szaxx best describes what I'm getting at with these retrieval things... ^_^; I can just speak for what I've personally experienced and have read of others.

Here is one that I have had, though I was not human. I still completely believed I was living my life. Different memories, personality. I wasn't me as I know myself.
http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_dreams/failed_a_test-t39167.0.html

I don't want to assume anything, but just throwing this idea out there because it's what first came to my mind. Just gotta clarify that. @_@ We are put into situations sometimes that kind of function as a test to see how we would react and think on our feet. They are learning experiences. They are incredibly vivid and if we don't know we're dreaming, we actually feel like we are in danger. It keeps it truer to how we would react since if we knew we weren't in danger, we might not learn much. What is important is how you react. And how you grow.

I wasn't able to protect the person in mine and I still have a small knot in my stomach for it. They can really seem so incredibly real... And linger long after they're over.

[Astralzombie]

Wow! This would be a hard one to deal with for me.

Did the little girl or her mother at any time ever notice that you were there? If so, you may have been meant to retrieve either one or both of them from this situation.

If not, it may have just been a test. If you were not aware of the idea of what a retrieval is then it probably wasn't. It's just flat out wrong to be thrown into these situations and not have a clue as to what you need to do.

I'm sure you could go back there if you wanted to. It may be different though if they have already been helped by another but it may be the case that you are the one who as the specific insight to help them. I am just too new at the idea of a retrieval to be any more help though.

I'm sure Lionheart or Szaxx can give you some much greater insight.

Good luck. Okay, I'm off to work. I think paying bills and good credit is sooooooooo overrated.

[ChopstickFox]

I guess I still don't know what the difference between tests/retrievals/whatevermacallits are xD

Oh well, words will be words, hehe. Could someone explain the differences?

Took me a little bit to find but here is where I was explained about tests before:
http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_astral_projection_experiences/complaints_about_a_zebra_striped_bathroom-t39108.0.html

Really well explained by Bedeekin and Szaxx.

[Lionheart]

 What I see is that you WERE supposed to experience this.

This taught you how to see things from a POV instead of your own physical body. This also taught you how to "JUMP" from that POV back into your own physical body, albeit all done in the NPR.

It was strong, emotional, it had everything in it that would help you to remember exactly what occurred. Especially the part of your Mother being your savior, as should be!

An excellent learning experience, courtesy of the NPR.

Make sure to say Thank You, next time you visit.