What was that all about? (a question about sudden panic)

[Blazewind]

I'm just posting on here because this really was/is odd for me, and I'm looking for insights.  This morning I woke up a bit earlier than I intended too.  (Off work today, no big plans, and I intended to sleep in a bit longer.)  As soon as I woke up though I looked at the clock and still tired and seeing no reason to get up, I decided to roll over and lay in bed a while.  I must have been far more tired than I though or something because almost as soon as I thought that, I started too doze off again.  I was however instantly aware that I was not falling asleep "right" or completely.  Within a very short time I had the felling of falling and spinning, yet still in my bed.  I was getting almost dizzy feeling, and trying to move was suddenly far more complicated.  I didn't feel fully attached to or within my physical body, and yet |I was just as completely aware of it and it's position in my bed.  Strangely in that instant I thought that the way I was laying could not possibly be comfortable and I struggled to move to a different position.  As soon as I'd succeeded in moving though, it all just got worse.  Suddenly I was completely aware somehow of the possibility that I would take off completely away from my body, and it occurred to me fully that that was the very LAST thing I wanted to let happen at the moment.  I didn't feel right.  I was panicked, and dizzy and, lacking control.  I certainly hadn't been trying on purpose at that point, and I suddenly wondered vividly what on Earth I had been thinking to try this on purpose at other times.

Well I woke myself right up quickly and instantly I climbed out of bed and stood with my feet firmly on the floor.  I was still so freaked out by who only knows what exactly.  I could not even imagine getting back into bed and tryingf to get a bit more sleep.  No  way.  I got dressed and went on to start the day.  Even typing this now an hour later, I still feel quite startled and I still can't quite put my finger on what exactly caused that complete panic.  I still can't imagine having to go back to sleep.  I'm just thankfully this wasn't two am or some crazy hour because then I could have been up all night.  I'm just as thankful it was daylight out side.  I'm an adult woman.  I live on my own and have for years.  I hold a job and have a life.  Yet here I am admitting to basically being so freaked out of something that I couldn't go to sleep again after that.

So that leads me to ask a question that this whole thing brought me to wonder after |'d finally managed to think clearly.  I know I have come close to projecting before.  Actually when I think it over I realized I have been much closer than I might have been today.  I've been close to it and instead of completely panicking to the point where i can't go back to sleep, I've simply found it all amazing.  Some experiences have been almost fun in away.  What the heck made me completely lose it this time?  Furthermore I feel like it should have known better than to suddenly panic like that.  I've been into this subject for years?  I know I should know better.  This was a BIG set back in my attempts and I know that.  I'm sure I will change my mind again at a later date and decide to try again, but at this moment I have to admit to thinking I may be done with this whole subject by my own choice.  Or at least I may not ever try it again myself.  This is ridiculous.  I don't even know what exactly scared me this bad.  It was nothing truly obvious or clear that would have done it.

I have to admit that by now, as I've gotten to the end of my post, I feel quite silly on top of everything else.  Yet I can't help my feelings or reactions and I am very curious about this.  If someone happened to have some advice or insight for me I would be most thankful.                              

[bproulx12]

I have not projected yet....but I do get to a point where I feel something different, maybe the next stage up, and panic. I feel I can't breath..So maybe it was something new and you freaked like I do. Unfortunately, I still have not gotten past that point and still panic.

[Blazewind]

Now thinking this over in hindsight, I have to laugh a bit to myself over it all.  Wow, I was certainly having a bad morning.  I suppose in a way I'm just a bit shocked and surprised.  A good while ago I'd questioned the idea of fear and was completely convinced that the idea of projecting didn't scare me.  I think yesterday I found myself thrown headfirst right into a fear barrier I didn't know existed at all.  Good to have discovered it in some way I suppose.     

[Bedeekin]

That's really interesting.

I know of a few instances where people have been 'getting close' and suddenly did, not realising that was what it was going to be like.

Like an 'OK.... This is F&£%$NG real now!!!' sort of reaction.

[Blazewind]

In part (though not a big part I think) I suppose it could have been the slight feeling of really experiencing both bodies at once.  It was really a state of feeling like I was spinning and falling and drifting and yet still also laying my bed and not moving. That's never happened before.  of course I've read a lot of accounts of such duel awareness, but to read and experience it are two different things.  Then there was also at some point that infamous, "Oh my... I'm dying!" reaction that again I've read about from others but never quite experienced myself.  It's ridiculous of course, looking back and wondering why I would have possibly thought I would be dying right out of the blue and for no reason at all.  But the mind goes weird in such a state and I know that full well by now.  It really is a gut-wrench reaction, and that sudden and illogical panic over dying really doesn't feel so illogical in the moment.  Lol, I can easily imagine some of the more experienced members of this site, nodding understanding over this one, while laughing good naturedly to themselves at another person doing that very same thing and losing it.

This little experience was completely unplanned at the moment, and simply happened right out of nowhere.  That gives me something else to consider too that I guess I never truly considered seriously before.  It looks as though my first conscious projection experience, could actually be a spontaneous projection at a time when I simply intended to go back to sleep in the night.  I mean I thought of that before of course and I thought that would be a great thing to happen.  But obviously I'm not so sure now.  I've decided by now of course that just walking away from this altogether would be silly and very much over reacting.  Like falling off a bicycle once and deciding to never try to ride again.  lol, I was just really panicked when I wrote that first post.  The question I am left to ponder though now is will I be ready next time?  Will I really be ready for anything?               

[Szaxx]

Hi,
Know you'll be ready and you will.
Its that thought=action thing.
Keep up the good work, you're doing great!

[Blazewind]

Well yesterday I finally decided I was ready and interested in practicing again.  I had some time to go back to bed for a while after being up for a couple hours on a day off, which was ideal.  It was certainly a good practice, and no more fearful happens, which is good.  Unfortunately my door buzzer rang, forcing me to get up and answer the door just as I might have otherwise gotten somewhere with it.  Just thought I would leave this neat little if not quite pointless update because I'm happy to find I've not been completely thrown off after all.