A rather unsettling experience.

[Mystic Cloud]

Hmm. Nice post and nice experience []

They say that Death is the Ultimate teacher, and I must say that I agree because I have really thought to die many times.
It really gives a widening perspective []

[wendi]

Dear Lord of the Bunnies:

I would like to explain the experience you had.  When you felt your desire to be in two places, or part of yourself wanting something unusual, you were feeling the desires of a negative entity.  The strange visuals you experienced were its imposition of an obsessional/psychotic perception.  The stuff about "We eat this, we are form..." is a glorification of the way they can change form.

The feeling you are having about that particular spot in the road is a way of controlling you.

Historically, I have seen these things referred to as unclean spirits.  I call them idiot filth--they can be very powerful.

I also sending you a PM.  Please let me know if you got it.

Criosta an Ri.

[shadowdancer]

Namaste,
    I don't come here much anymore...but I am glad I checked this post out. LotB, I send my love and salutations.  I really feel that, for me, I feel in your words, is a powerful and very clean distillation of your experience.  Thank you for sharing.  Wendi, your desire to help and offer your truth is commendable, but try reading LotB's post again.  Thank you both for your Love, Namaste

[LordoftheBunnies]

A couple days ago I was leaving a friends house when, for seemingly no reason, I felt like driving out into the country.  I do this every now and then to collect my thoughts, but that night I felt strangely driven towards it for some reason.  After traveling northward for a couple minutes, I turned down a deserted country road, moving out into an isolated area.  At that moment I was thinking about horror, and how I might bring it out in my writing.  However, I began feeling as if I was somehow being drawn towards the essence behind my thoughts.  As I drew near a bridge, I felt a change come over me and the surrounding area.  It was pitch black outside, and my headlights were shining out over the road, illuminating several road signs and trees.  What happened is very difficult to describe in words.  Somehow, the way in which my headlights were shining out over the darkness changed.  In one respect it looked the same, and yet it was as if there was something behind it.  I felt myself being drawn forward.  My thoughts seemed to be pulled along with it.  At that moment I experienced a sense of fear, but it was different, it was as if I was the fear, was the changing atmosphere outside my car.

By this point I was wondering whether or not I was simply imagining things, or if the dark road was simply creeping me out.  This was a different type of fear though.  Somehow part of me wanted to participate in its increase.  As I continued down the road, I noticed that it almost felt as if I was travelling down some gaping tunnel, the illumination of my headlights giving form to a nebolous world in the state of decay.  As I turned down another road, I continued letting my thoughts come as they would.  What happened next was quite strange, although I only imagined the scene it felt like my thoughts were being guided.  I imagined a man crawling out of the ditch beside the road and walk in front of my car.  His eyes were completely blue, his teeth razor sharp and stained with blood.  My car hit him, and at that moment I thought "Yes, this is evil."

My imagination had been partly following my attempts to formulate the actions of a villian in my writing.  However, when I saw him in front of my car, headlights illuminating his smile, it was as if my desire had been displaced to two places at once.  Driving back home, I felt very strange, one could claim I simply imagined it but it did NOT feel normal.

The next day me and Spectral Dragon drove out towards that area again at night to investigate.  As I drew closer to the same location, he mentioned that something did feel different.  I noticed the same effects as well as we drew closer, feeling as if I was merging with my fear of the road and desiring it in a strange way.  SD said that he felt some sort of presence further down, and instead of turning like I had the previous night I continued forward. This time the feeling drastically increased. I don't know quite how to describe this.  A cold sensation spread through my body.  My body seemed to meld with it, and I felt like I was rotting. The area behind my eyes started to hurt and I experienced a strange urge, a predatorial urge to feed.  I wanted to seek people out and feed upon them.

I was letting the presence effect me so that we could understand it.  I suggested letting my thoughts be givin voice as they came, and SD agreed.  I don't remember exactly what I said, but here's part it:

We love form.  We are form.  Form defines us, and we seek it.  The form mutliplies, it keeps multiplying all the time.  But it goes away and we have to go along with it.  We like form, we must eat it!  We must eat the form and bring it through us and we cling to it as it rots.  We go on and on and we eat the rot, we EAT IT EAT IT!

Now I know this probably seems ridicolous reading it on a message board, but hearing it is something very different.  But this point me and SD were quite terrified.  I was scared of what I was saying, but it felt like the words were growing within me and part of myself liked it.  My voice started rising in volume and sounded obsessive.

SD told me that he had perceived there being some sort of program in that area, probably a magic servitor or thought form that wandered there.  Supposadly I have a residue left over from some hellish experience in a former life, and it was feeding on that.  The next day we banished it, and the strange feeling was gone.

It gave me some more interesting insights into a subject I've been thinking about lately, the true nature of evil.  Now, I don't think there's any such thing as intristic good or evil, but nevertheless there was a certain essence behind what happened that helped me in my understanding of actions that create this polarity.

Basically, we are defined by our form and its boundaries.  We have a body that is separate other forms and thoughts and experiences that are particular to our own self.  However, to maintain this form we must consume other forms, so that we may be able to maintain ourselves.  We love our form, and love the very act of existing.  However, existance is not static, and in order to fight against the deterioration of one form we must destroy other forms.  A mother fox must kill other animals in order feed its young.  Even a kind human mother may develop irrational hatred towards others whom she feels threatens her young.  A religionist defines his reality and sense of self through his idea of God, and envisions a bright future where the form of him and his loved ones will be maintianed.  Because we are defined by the form of others, we seek validation for our existance through those forms.  An interesting paradox can be seen in how a fundamentalist may indeed have great love for his family, and yet express rabid hatred towards that which threatens the defiitions which define his perception of reality.  Fearing the inevitable deterioration that arises from conflicting boundaries, we seek to preserve the form that defines us, our body and those that influence us.  And yet, in order to maintain that which is changing, more form must be taken in.  By feeding upon it, we ensure our own existance.

During my strange encounter with the presence in the country, and dreams I have had about hell, I have felt a distinct sense of matter and form being multiplied somehow.  It reminds me of the idea that hell is that which inhabits a lesser vibration and greater density.  Its as if I'm spreading through it, the fear of the unknown causing a finite form to impose itself upon its surroundings, drawing pleasure from absorbing and subdugating wearker forms.  Lately, I've been asking myself the question, what is evil exactly?  What is good?  What is suffering?  What is pain?  What is power?  We experience these things all the time, and yet we don't really understand what they are.  If I cut my thumb, I feel physical pain and a sense of fear.  But what are those sensations really?  What defines them?  However, I think I have gained some small understanding of the answer.  Cutting my finger damages the illusion that is my body, and I insticivelly fear being separated from that illusion.  The essence behind a person rapeing an innocent and one who drives pleasure from killing and eating things is similar, both are seeking to preserve their form, both are seeking to validate their form by asserting it over others.  Spreading the rot so it wont die out if you will.

As one begins to die to their sense of self and spreads their love outward, though they may draw closer to the absolute they also realize the love of the infinite within the finite.  Thus, life still be cherished and preserved.  So existance perpetuates itself, the aspect of creation that is the rot remaining illusionary and seeking to devour itself.  Thus, existance continues, and the potential for evil will always exist on some level.