a mothers curse

[shadowdancer]

Namaste,
    and whoa....its not really that big of a deal []  now, take a deep breath and relax.  these energies that you are working with are not uncommon xander.  all of what i am saying is my opinion and nothing more, take it for what you will.  if you find anything useful, excellent!, if not, no skin off our proverbial backs []  when i say that it is not such a big deal, i am really trying to shock you into a radically different perspective for a moment.  a view a thousand miles up, so to speak.  or spanning a thousand years....imagine a thousand years....millions of lives coming into existence and falling under the sway of Kama en masse....an endlessly pulsating rythem(sp?) of life and death....sometimes it just helps to see things a little differently for a moment.  
     from my experience xander, what you are potentially dealing with is a karmic issue.  before i say anything more, please be sure to use strong discernment regarding what i say as far as whether or not it resonates with you, try not to accept anything outright as a truth, just be willing to explore...and vice versa.  it is very possible that your and your "mom" have very deep karmic ties to each other.  meaning many lives spent in close contact playing out the various roles of human interaction...and this can be a problem...knowledge and awareness of the past can be harmful or helpful...for example, potential: previous life incarnation, you played out the role of husband with this persona who is playing at being your mother in this life...maybe you cheated on her or let her down in some terrible way in a past life(I AM NOT PLACING BLAME); and now she runs upon this deeply held unconscious drive at placing blame upon you for all that has gone wrong in her life??  this is a common theme in many many peoples interpersonal karmic dramas...lovers, friends, children, etc, etc.  
     now before you think that i am a "blame it on my past lives" junkie, there is such a multiplicty to life...many many times the wounds that we carry from life to life, tend to manifest themselves over and over within each life...so for example, while the karmic issues mentioned above may be true, it may also be true that your mom has experience some tremendous trauma in this life, and as so often happens, she is passing on the poison of her un-healed wounds to you.  this is the most grounded place and imho the "best" place to start; with a loving, understanding soul of a counsellor who can help to take you into a safe space within yourself so that you can hear your inner child and you wise man.  they hold the truth and the keys.  lastly, we come to the possibility of the "negative entity" scenario, which is so popular here....sure!  it is just as much a reality that some kind of bleh though-form or "entity" if you must, to your mom, and helps to perpetuate the flow and stagnancy of her energetic body...but this really needs to be understood in relation to the other three first...especially the 2nd.  without the understanding of how we, and others feel, here, now...we will eternally be chasing shadows and demons, mistaking our own tail for them.  this issues, particularly with mother/son energetic challenges can be really difficult to work with...a really good book that i can recommend that helped me to see myself as a stronger "man", and a spiritual being at the same time was Robert Bly's "Iron John"; it's excellent imo.  much love, namaste

[Celeste]

Hi xander

   I would suggest practising New Energy Ways found on the main site. www.astralpulse.com This will help you get stronger and better at distinguishing and dispelling energy that is not yours. People don't even have to have an evil intent to cause extreme discomfort to others especially when there are emotional connections.
http://www.astralpulse.com/guides/new/new.htm

 You might also need to clear your negative emotions towards her and towards yourself for feeling guilty perhaps. Here is a visualization to try if you like.

  You can help the process by saying a prayer asking for help to cleanse away the negative energy that you feel is effecting you. Sitting comfortably and focusing on your breath go into meditative state. Visualize a Pure, loving,magnanimus and Sparkling, Light-filled energy surrounding you and getting brighter and brighter.

  Feel the warmth and acceptance of it as it pours all around you. Then see this loving energy coming in through your heart chakra and spreading all through your body. Every breath you take you are breathing in the Pure White Loving Light and as it is coming in through your breath and in through your pores, it is pushing this dark grey smoky energy out.

  See yourself breathing in the White Light and breathing out this dark smoky substance until you see it getting lighter and lighter. You can also see this dark smoky energy coming out and oozing into the ground where it is used and cleansed by the Earth. See your energy getting Lighter and Lighter and a light now radiating from your pours, your heart and your breath out into the Universe. It's always good to end in gratitude--ie.give thanks for the healing you received. Do this a couple of times a week along with the other stuff. If it feels good do it. If it doesn't stop.

You might want to try going into meditation and visualizing a sword and cutting energy cords between your mom and you --not done in anger but in compassion or in a neutral way if possible. It would be beneficial to to work on some core image removal.

http://www.astralpulse.com/articles/robert/articles_31.htm

Celeste

[Dark Knight]

Xander,

If you don't have Robert Bruce's book, "Practical Guide to Psychic Self Defense" I would highly suggest getting it. He describes situations in his book that are similiar to yours.

I'm coming to grips with it myself. My mother was extremely verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive to me growing up. Very selfish, self absorbed, thought only of herself. She never grew as a person, which always shocked the hell out of me.

Long story short, I'm a grey ET contactee who has become demonically possessed by short jet black leathery skinned entities and 9-12 ft tall entities. I was partially freed last Feb/Mar during a data download (massively powerful sending of energy and information). During that time, I was shown a few things, namely I watched as these negs channeled my mother. I can't go into too much detail but I can give some simple examples. I sexually assaulted by these things. In one of their more humiliating moments, one of them referred to me as their little "sex kitten." My mother was playing with the family dog, the dog roled over on her back and mother said out of the blue, "Oh look at the little sex kitten." My mother never left the fifties and couldn't even explain how people had sex when I became a teenager, she was too uncomfortable. I watched as they would tell me they were going to influence my mother to do this or that, then sat back and witnessed my mother exhibit the behavior.

Realizing what was happening to me, that they were manipulating my energy so my emotions wouldn't pass, I wasn't growing, and was repeating lessons over and over because they'd sever the connections I had just previously made, I started realizing that in some ways, they had probably been doing the same thing to my mother. It's probably the reason why my mother was so abusive when I was young, why she'll never change, why I'll never have a relationship with her. I forgive her, but I feel robbed.

Try Nita Hickok [nita@astralpulse.com] She requires a picture of you, does not charge anything, but if you can give a donation it would be helpful to her. She's helped people. There are still things you'll have to do, but at least it would give you some room to walk away.

Good Luck!

[Rob]

Hey Xander,

So so sorry to hear what you are going through, sounds really terrible.
Call me Captain Obvious, but you sound pretty overwhelemed by the things which are going on in and around you. In other words, you are like a young sapling trying to stand up to a hurricane. So, in my mind, one of the best things you can do to start with is to quiet all the winds, find yourself, and a little inner peace, quiet, and stability. Which means meditation - lots of meditation! After a while, you'll find spontaneous bursts of joy which just sparkle around you, its an incredible feeling (IMO this is caused by the mind collecting itself together, and differentiated sections integrating back into the whole - the feeling of joy is like how a wire being tightened suddenly comes into resonance with a sound, and vibrates to it - that is, your mind suddenly starts vibrating in harmony). But, its also likely that you'll go through some releases of emotion - I've never had this, but I have read it can be quite painful. No worries, it'll pass, and you'll come through much healthier for it!
Whatever, if you take up meditation, you'll find that the winds around you subside, and you'll start radiating from withing. You'll find an inner peace, and a tranquility that is just ecstatic. It'll help you cut yourself off from all emotionally brutal things going on around you - and give you a headstart when it comes to doing things like core image removal, and all types of practical stuff.
You might want to buy a decent book off amazon, or just cruise the net and see what you can pick up. Basically, just learning to quiet your mind is the first step (counting your breaths, keeping 100% focused on it to the exclusion of everything else).

"I bought roberts book, the day I did I could feel something around me that was extremely angry and I had total strangers walking up to me and treating me like garbage."

Yeah, negs dont like being disturbed....
Another good idea, if it is a neg thing (and by the sound of your mother, if she didn't have negs years ago, she's probably picked one up by now) - apply all the countermeasures in Roberts book. We just painted my room - below it all are a series of big pentegrams, crosses, sacred God names, and etc etc!! Needs quite a few layers to stop it showing through [].
So yeah, *every little bit help* - all your actions, what you watch on TV, your lifestyle, drink/drug use (including medication...), the food you eat, music you listen to - even the colour of your carpet! It is, obviously, quite a radical thing to try and get every little thing around you as positive and clean as possible, but applying simple countermeasures is easy enough, as is reducing your meat intake, and keeping a tidy house.

Hope this helps. Much love

Rob

ps you might also want to try taking some ORMUS products - see www.subtleenergies.com (info) and www.life-enthusiast.com (purchasing) or http://www.asc-alchemy.com/ (also purchasing but best to mail them - horrid site!)

[CRIMINALMIND63]

Hi,I hope you are doing well. When it comes thoughts popping into your mind just say you are not going into it. Take your mind somewhere else. This is going to take some time to adjust to and it's something I just learned on my own. I have to tell my attacker it's none of your business and it works most of the time.
You have to realize that your mother is your mother. Don't try to change her, she is who she is and it doesn't have to reflect who you are. Try not to se so sensative to her. You will make yourself codependant. Try to make excuses for her, you may find a reason for her being the way she is and learn to prevent her from effecting you.
I also had some problems with my mother, but she is stilling. She does like dictating my life and telling me how she thinks I should live it. I have in the past often thought she admired me for what I have accomplished in my life that she didn't because of the life I lived. You may also find your mother maybe jeaslous because you are living the life she wanted.
I still have a hard time when my mother starts complaining, still still has a tendency to get to me, but i'm learning to over come it. I also realize that she is getting older and that she has done without over the years.
here is another thing that will work well, I learned this along time ago, don't be like your mother. What ever you don't like about her do be like it. If she complains don't complain,that is within reason. You will find that you will like yourself more for who you are and not what influence has made you. I have gone through this many times in my life and it's not that easy to change and I work on something different over time. This will help create a happier you. You may never make a good relationship between you and your mother because you can't change your mom only yourself. It will help you tolerate her more. You may need to comes to terms that your mother may only be happy if she is complaining, many people are like this. Accept her for this and live your live the way you see fit.
You may also want to analyze what your mother says to see if there is any true to it. She may see something you don't or you may find she is projecting her qualities on you.

Inguma,
You are right about changing your life, but what people need to be aware of when it comes to real psychic attacks. Your attacker wants to control you and your live style. For example my attacker doesn't like me smoking. He lets me know it. articles I come across he lets me know it's because of smoking. Every change he gets it's smoking. I also here about me being materialist that I don't deserve a job I had because it paid 12.50. Also the work I did is a man's job. Men are suppose to do those jobs I need to work where woman work. I was an inspector for metal. I come across a website about metals and magic. He told me about working around metal, said that's why my attack hasn't stoppped. I would also go out and listen to a band once in awhile he told me I had to stay out because that's where you pick up negs. I had been in bars many times before my attacker and I never picked up a neg. The only thing negative your going to pick up is someone's attitude. I do realize that when you do these things it does open you, but i'm sure you will close back down. Hopefully there isn't an attacker oops neg around to enter you. I'm not going to let my attacker change my life. I rather change to be more loving then to stop smoking. I was also told by my attacker that I should go to church, sorry I don't have to go to church to hold God and love in my heart it's there. Most people in my opinion that go to church live a double standard live anyway. Really we all do depending on what button is pushed in us.

[Dark Knight]

Criminal,

Sounds like your attacker is doing to you what my attackers do to me. They try to make you hypersensitive to EVERYTHING. Everything is wrong and nothing is safe or good or appreciated. Everything petty and little that most people ignore becomes a an act of murder. THank you for inspiring me again. This is how our boundaries are attacked and in some cases annihilated. Then they put their boundaries up for you to navigate through and you basically become their little wooden dummy. You move when they want you to, your mouth moves when they want you to.

This is why I keep saying, VALIDATE people! When something is constantly doing this to you, and manipulating how your emotions feel by manipulating your energy at the same time, you can't find stable ground to detach and see the bigger picture to break free. People jump all over you for being sensitive to such stupid stuff, blame you for it, and then you start thinking like the 18yr kid from Bruce's book...you're a failure, it's your fault, it ruins your self esteem...which is what these things want. Low self esteem = low energy which gives them more access. Next thing you know you're fighting a battle on two fronts, the attackers and the people you turn to for help.

Unless you're dealing with a Neg that takes off on the first sign of trouble, you can't do this alone. Your thoughts and emotions are always in question and over the dumbest, petty things.

[Dark Knight]

Criminal...one more thing...

I know you think he's trying to stop you from smoking, believe that a woman shouldn't hold down a job, etc...that's not what he's doing.

I can tell you what will happen, b/c again, it's being done to me. Let's say you listen to him and you stop smoking. Pretty soon, after you get used to not smoking, maybe not even liking the smell of smoke/taste of Nicotine, he'll contradict himself and urge you to start taking up smoking again. Why? He doesn't want you to have ANY boundaries whatsoever. No belief systems, nothing structured or constant...a total zip. That's how he goes about fragmenting you (and how my Negs try to fragment me). It's a total brainwash job. Without boundaries/some structure, our sense of self and identities can't exist. We become empty little shells that these things can fill up with anything they want.

From a combination of being attacked constantly, not knowing what has happening to me, not being able to think or feel clearly, and getting "help" from a pair of daffy dimwits telling me things like, "If you don't buy me this, if you don't stop telling us things we do not want to hear, we'll let your whole family die,"...that was exactly what these things had turned me into...mindless, brainless, souless.

Then I was calling, emailing, faxing UFO groups at the Negs whim because they wanted me as a tool/vehicle to help them attach to certain individuals.

If you'll excuse I feel a punishment coming on

[Anonymous]

Dark Knight... I'll destroy your negs. Bring it on.

[xander]

she is a narcisistic egomaniacle woman. Even as a young child I could feel her psychically causing harm to me. I know its taboo to speak of mother as evil, but she is. Even though I am far from her I still feel her words and actions in my heart and soul, still hear her words in my mind.

I get a letter from her adn I feel the evil oozing all around, cold and sticky. She keeps attacking me though I'm not sure she realizes that she's doing it. I sometimes wonder if its her or something working through her to bring misery and pain. I could write a novel regarding the things she's put me through and the things she does.

How do I get her out of my mind, out of my soul. I want freinds, a car, to hold down a job. i'm sick of the monotony of sitting around and feeling like garbage. I'm tired of pushing people away, tired of being afraid.

She screams hysterically, my first memory of her is of her screaming as though the whole world must hear her infinite pain, screaming as if I had the power to do something.

I had a dream once, I was hanging on a tree with other people, these creatures came by and would pick a person off the tree and then drink their soul then discard them. I'm tired of being some parasites puppet!!!

I need help to shake this curse....need to kill the parasitic demon.
I bought roberts book, the day I did I could feel something around me that was extremely angry and I had total strangers walking up to me and treating me like garbage. I'm tired of people saying its me when I know it's something else. I've tried many religions and none have helped. I cry out to god and my pleas fall on deaf ears.

Xander