Advice needed!

[Ais]

I'll try and keep this as succinct as possible. In 2000 I moved into a Quaker Meeting House to be warden there. At weekends a crystal healing college used the premises. After having been invited to be a patient on a number of occasions I decided to enrol on the course in October 2002 to find out more about how crystals work. I was very impressed by the results of my crystal healing experiences: profound inner calm, yet energised. I did the first weekend of the course and was looking forward to practising on a few friends. The first two healings were fine, but the third, given to an acquaintance I had invited to dinner, turned out to be a bit of a disaster. At the beginning of the healing I started to experience distracting negative thoughts. If I had been a little more experienced I would have stopped the treatment at this point. At the time I did not realise that this was thought insertion due to a malign entity residing in my patient's aura. I carried on with the treatment. About half-way through I suddenly became fearful for my patient who had fallen asleep. A split second after this feeling of fear the entity in question gushed into me through my solar plexus. That night, in bed, I experienced all the symptoms of full-on psychic attack: a foul bristling up and down my aura that made me shake and sweat. I could not sleep at all. I rang the course leader at 7 the next morning and she came to clear me an hour and a half later, with smudge and a powerful prayer to the four archangels. This worked, but the whole of my flat had become contaminated with this energy. I felt it trying to get back into me. In the evening the course leader came to clear the flat. It became obvious to me that this energy had forced my psychic centres open in a very extreme way: that same evening I had been invited to dinner with some acquaintances and I could vividly sense their auras. Going to bed later that night I realised that some vestiges of negative energy remained in the flat. I could sense a crawling around my body, as if the energy were searching for a way in. When I turned off my light I experienced two visions: a kind of close-up of a stone temple built in colours of indigo and magenta and a picture of a priest lying in robes as if he had just passed away. Although startled I was not afraid of these visions: they seemed very heavenly. I managed to get to sleep despite the negative energy. The course leader had put sodalite crystals around my bed as protection.

Over the next few days I found myself accustoming myself to my new-found sensitivity. I could feel the auras from plants and the energy from currents of water. I could sense other people's auras and know if they were clear or not. This was fine. Unfortunately, in the weakened and shocked state I was in I began experiencing attacks from other negs. Strangely I noticed that each one seemed to represent each of the seven deadly sins. I wondered whether I was going through what Rudolf Steiner calls the 'purification of fire' and whether I might die soon. At this point I became psychotic. I woke up one morning experiencing the most extraordinary thoughts. I began believing that I was a reincarnation of Jesus and that the number 42 was significant for me, meaning my death in 2014. I began believing that I was a starchild, spiritually connected to Sirius, and that it was my task to help humans reclaim the planet from the lizard people who were controlling it. I visited the crystal healing course leader and enthusiastically reported my new-found information. She did not disagree with me: I must have been very persuasive. She gave me a book about psychic children by James Twyman, thinking that I was one of these. I also persuaded her to give me her most precious crystal, for what reason I don't know: I just felt I needed it. It stayed in my flat for a few days. One night I was lying in bed and heard a voice: it said 'Be still: I love you'. Even now I don't know whether this was my guide or whether it was a neg trying to trick me. Interestingly this was the only voice I heard throughout my ordeal (unless you count voices heard in the semi-waking state). I began to sense that there was something not right with this crystal. I put it as far away from me as possible, wrapping it up in aluminium foil, thinking that this would contain its influence. I felt anger coming from it after I had done this. That night, just as I was dropping off to sleep, I felt an energy shoot up through my feet. It reached my neck before I realised what was happening. I remember choking and spluttering. I felt that this attack had come from the crystal and, terrified, I got a hammer from the kitchen and smashed the crystal.

I wrote to the course leader to tell her what I had done. She was absolutely distraught, and a few days later I received a legal-looking letter from her asking me what I was going to do about this matter. At the same time my grandmother died: on 13th November. We went over to Ireland for the funeral and stayed there for a few days. When I returned I started experiencing a very frightening neg which would periodically settle around my head and make my mind feel rotten. I started to become very paranoid, thinking that my phone was bugged and that negative energies were out to get me through other people. I even began to suspect that the course leader was a lizard and that she was using black magic on me. I remember talking with a person who came to the Meeting House to preside over spiritual healing sessions, and as she was leaving she turned towards me and I saw her look like a lizard. It was her and it was not her. Even now I don't know what the cause of this was. Mental illness? Clairvoyant vision? Was I seeing a neg which had attached itself to her? I don't know. I began to think that I had had some involvement in my grandmother's death. I wondered who would die on 13th December. Sure enough, the elderly sister of someone who attended Quaker Meeting died on this date.

I managed to live with all this, sleeping fitfully, for about a month. But the neg which was making my mind rotten got more powerful as I got weaker through lack of sleep. The crunch came in the middle of December 2002 when I was staying at my parents' house. My mind felt so rotten that I could not sleep: it was sheer mental pain. When the negative energy was not around my head it would shift to my heart, putting a tremendous sense of pressure on it and making it beat faster. I felt that this neg was trying to kill me. The following morning I had a doctor's appointment to keep, back where I lived (a month previously I had arranged an appointment with the doctor to make her aware of my condition). My mum drove me back. I entered the flat and was going to the toilet when a very powerful sensation of pins and needles swept over my entire body, from my legs upwards. I felt myself disappearing and jerkily made my way to the kitchen where my mum was, shouting 'Get out! Get out!' This sensation of being knocked out of my body was the last straw. At the doctor's I was too distraught to sit down. The doctor diagnosed schizophrenia and I was sent off to hospital and interviewed by a psychiatrist who admitted me as a voluntary patient. My sister came to visit that evening and I tried to explain to her that if a neg took control of me she should know it wasn't me. I was terrified of what I might do should I become possessed.

Anti-psychotic medication and sleeping pills saved me. The neg continued to try to get into my body for the next two months or so, but it eventually got fed up and left me. I had big problems remaining in my body: the smallest upset would cause me to dissociate. I developed agoraphobia, which I still have. Every task became a huge effort, even shaving. I went to my parents' to recuperate, tiring of the boredom of life on the ward. This is a pity because I would like to have talked with the other patients about their experiences, but I didn't feel up to talking to anyone. Mealtimes were depressing: everybody tried as much as possible to sit on their own, facing their own personal hell alone.

On 9th February 2003 I returned to the Meeting House. When entering the lounge I immediately sensed an energy going up my arm. It seemed that my problems were not yet over. It took an enormous amount of will and courage to stay in that place, but I did it. In retrospect I should have moved. I learned subsequently that a negative energy ley-line runs right through the flat, making it very easy for negs to reside there. In addition there are a number of gravestones propped up against the Meeting House walls and I have felt a troubled soul attached to one of them, looking for help. With the assistance of another psychic I managed to help this soul find the doorway through to the light.

Recovery was slow and painful. When I felt sufficiently well, I went to see Ruth White, a very well respected medium in the UK (where I live). I wanted to get to the bottom of why this had happened to me, and I had heard that her guide Gildas is very good on past lives (I suspected a karmic reason for my experience). Sure enough he said that a very long time ago, in Ancient Egypt, I had been a priest in charge of training young sensitives. Unfortunately my methods were a bit quick and I short-circuited some people, in the same way that I was short-circuited by my crystal healing experience. The priest I saw was myself in that incarnation. I was given this vision because it was most applicable to my current situation. I had also been a monk, and had striven for spiritual perfection to the extent that in my current lifetime a split has occurred between my upper and lower chakras. This makes psychic development dangerous for me until I get my chakras in balance.

The anti-psychotic medication protected me from psychic interference to a large degree. This was a relief because it gave me the much-needed time out to heal. I occasionally felt things but only fleetingly. However, once the medication got reduced, the more I felt disturbance. I took a holiday with my mum to Ireland in July 2004 and realised how much the energies of the flat were affecting me because of how good I felt away from them. When I got back to the flat I had a horrible week of neg interference and decided to move out as quickly as possible. I moved into student accommodation where I am doing my PhD.

Unfortunately the day I moved out of the flat coincided with another psychic attack. It was as though the negs knew I was leaving and decided to give me all they'd got. I contacted the crystal healing course leader - with whom I had since become friends, as soon as she understood what had happened to me - and she cleared the energy. I spent the next three weeks fighting this persistent neg. My dad visited and unfortunately his aura was not clear and I had a gruelling evening with him in a restaurant, privately fighting off his demon. This psychic attack had, like last time, opened me up again and made me vulnerable to further attacks. I noticed that supermarkets and pubs were a welter of negative energies, suffering a lot because of them. I increased my dose of anti-psychotic, fearing a relapse. Fortunately this did not happen. I spent a few months at my parents' again, aware of a neg in my aura. In comparison with last time it was not nearly so bad, and after a while my aura became clear once again. In November 2004 I moved into student accommodation once more.

I have since contacted the College of Psychic Studies in London for help with psychic attack. They don't prevent the attacks from happening, but they do offer practical assistance. I am still on quite a high dose of anti-psychotic medication and still taking sleeping tablets. These seem to enable me to live a relatively stable life, but I know that I cannot rely on them forever. I don't actually think I am ill any more, although as far as the psychiatrists are concerned, I might be. I recently saw a psychic specialising in psychic attack and she could find no trace, energically, of psychosis within me. All through this ordeal I have been up against different people's different belief systems: there aren't many people I can talk to about the detail of my experience.

I would very much appreciate advice from anyone who feels qualified to explain some of my outlandish experiences and comment on where I should go from here, how I can live cheerfully again, how I can best manage my psychic sensitivity, how I can steer clear of neg disturbances. Why is it that some psychics are never bothered by negs, and others have their lives destroyed by them? I don't believe that I have come into this lifetime to be mentally ill, since I have quite a number of skills that can be put to use to help others. Gildas, Ruth White's guide, mentioned that in many ways I am a healer: of course, the saying goes, 'physician, heal thyself'. If you can help with this process I would be very interested to hear from you.

[Nita]

Hello Ais
  http://www.lava.net/~pagios/
This URL is William Misteles site and he has two articles on Problems in the study of Magic. They talk about chakra problems and how to balance them after traumatic occurrences.
  Robert Bruce has New Energy Ways which helps you to help keep yourself clear. You can decide what to clean after understanding what happened to you by being forced open by a negative entity.
  Robert Bruce's book has valuable information in it that may help you including a self-exorcism. I also believe you may benefit from some of the things upon my website www.astralhealer.com
  The things to use are what keeps working for you. You should test out the different methods until you find out something that helps you. You can get in touch with me at nita@astralpulse.com or nita@astralhealer.com if you need any further advice.
  Nita