Please, some help/advice...

[SunLover]

Hi all, I'm not sure how to post this message, and might read a bit awry - sorry.

The fact of the matter is that my df is just a plain negative person. I have been with him for 5.5 years and I've changed myself during that time.  When he is gone to work during the week I'm actually not too bad, by the time he is home on the weekend and leaves for work again by Sunday night, I can't wait for him to go. It is a stressful where it feels like we are sharing 'power' struggles (if that makes any sense), and we butt heads so much.  This encompasses everything from having people over, traveling, to my purchasing a vehicle (2nd time now), home improvements, my finances, friends and my life in general, etc. I end up just drinking too much on the weekends/and (for the most part) just to deal /escape with this c--p.

I try to put up this 'mental wall' / 'circle of energy around me' to go between my energy and his just so I feel better, but it is really hard to do.  It is just draining being around him so much of the time! I just don't understand it... I just end up feeling drained, tired and just don't want to put up a 'fight' anymore and end up not caring about things.  Now I am feeling that I am resenting him more and more and semi-seriously considering terminating the relationship.

The past year I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and the last 7 months has been a struggle with getting my health back under control and I am almost there! (Thank goodness). The awesome side to this story is that I am feeling way better due to hormone replacement and am feeling more like myself, and ready to face challenges again - almost.  

One of the main issues with this disease is that much of the research I have done on it is that the issue of stress-reduction comes up time and time again! Ha ha. Ironic, because stress has been a touchy issue with me since grade 6!  

Basically, I think what I'm asking anyone here is this: Is there a way I can build up my internal/positive energy back up again?

I have experience in Yoga, transcendental meditation (which I haven't done for several years), Pilate's, etc.  I have had an energy cleansing done, but that was approx a year and a half ago, and there is no one in this community which does that particular thing. I am sensitive/very receptive to certain things and have had some particular interesting experiences with meditation, energy healing and also some kind of meditation which focused on the chakras and whatnot, but I won't get into that here.

Okay. That's all for that long-winded story. Thank you kindly in advance anyone.

Cheers,
D

[zelc76]

I am no expert but, i think that you have to make some serious changes in your life. If you can not live with df (?) you must talk to that person so maybe you can sort the ˝power struggle˝ if that is not possible reconsider other options. I don´t actually know your age and the relationship with df.....

The point is try to make peace, talk can smooth things out in most cases, but be honest. Good luck.

My opinion on the positive energy is, you can build up positive energy with positive thinking, don´t try, but have positive thougts about every thing in your life.

Remember if you think negative you collect negative energy....stres,

[GorillaBait]

I'd say you should start working on your meditation again, relaxation techniques (deep, slow breathing for example) and start doing some energy work.  I'll give you a link to a good guide for this.  You need to honestly assess where you want to be in life, and what steps you need to take to get there.  Decide why you're staying with your boyfriend, what your real reasons are.  Security?  Fear of independance?  Love?  If he's bad for you, and you know it, you have to make the leap.  Trust yourself, and your instincts.  You CAN trust yourself.  Trust me  

Here's the link.  Good luck with everything.  If you have any questions about anything or want advice, feel free to ask here or to PM me or anyone else who appeals to you.  Really, good luck.

http://www.astraldynamics.com/download/NEW-V2.pdf

[SunLover]

Well, after I posted my message, I really mulled things over. My posting doesn't really cover completely the situation, and I was slightly distraught when I wrote it.  And thank you all for your kind input.

BUT, I did research into the chakras meditation that I learned a few months ago, and started meditating again. After the 1st day, I had a dream about a journey I was taking by myself, (of which I posted under the Dreams message boards here). I was hiking thru the snow to be on a journey by myself somewhere. I felt great! When I awoke I felt great as well!  

It's been a super week, actually, and other than a horrific dream yesterday, things have been feeling quite positive. (I dreamt that some house where I was hanging out, meditating with an older lady with long grey hair, and with friends, was sucked down into the earth! I tried to reach down and grab these two special friends of mine, but they were lost. The earth closed up over everthing. And there I was - in the middle of a countryside, train tracks on one side of me and the countryside all around.  By myself.)

I've been researching into university courses and ended jup signing up for a local course ... and I feel great about it... a bit nervous, but good! (The course follows along a creative/artistic interest I have.)

I've also been feeling somewhat more assertive internally (if that makes any sense), trying to quiet down that 'little voice', ie: "thanks for sharing, talk to you later" type things.  Hanging out with positive people, etc. Just have been really exploring how I have been feeling about things lately, and what is going to be the best for me.

I think what I have realized, (after reading on other relationship type web-sites message boards), is that there are definetely huge issues within this relationship (both parties) and will this work.  

Thank you kindly, Gorilla, for the awesome NEW information. It will be a terrific read that is right up my alley!

Cheers,
D