When does being in love become an unhealthy obsession

[LittlePenguin]

For a while I have been separated from my girlfriend of 8 years and we are considering making it a permanent separation. I initially took the initiative to do so because of too intense disagreements arguments but now after 4 months I miss her a lot. I am at a point where I feel I am unhealthily obsessing over her. I know that she might be dating and it hurts sort of deep down in the gut. She seems to want to get back together but is quite unemotional about it, I almost lean to not wanting to as I have a feeling the relationship may no be the best of influences but I am having a tough time keeping up the conviction. When does jealousy or missing someone become unhealthy, and is there anything one can do to clear the air?. She enters my mind constantly and it is very distracting.

Suggestions would be appreciated
LittleP

[field_day]

I think you've already answered your own question. People have been going through the same thing for as long as the human race has existed. Move on, dear.

[Tayesin]

You got it bad huh ?

You could sit home and pine for the girl, or you could pick yourself up and do something else focused.

Just to insure it is your thoughts on a daily basis and not her actually entering your thoughts, simply imagine something like a mirror wrapped around your head...  if it is her unwanted attention you will feel it soften/weaken then be gone.  If you experience no noticeable differences then it is your mind and it's thoughts.

Apart from that, only time, other interests and activities will dull the inner pain you desire so strongly to not feel.

Be well

[JAW]

I think reading and learning are good things to do when in this sorta state. It keeps your mind occupied, you feel you are growing, becoming a better person and so on. You might want to read things on relationships, self help books, and anything related to your situation/what youre interested in. You may find yourself initially searching for answers but then forgetting about it and learning some good stuff... Or maybe you arent a reader... Good luck, I know I speak for everyone when I say you are in probably the most useless, down feeling/mood there is. If only you could fast forward time out of it...

[Tyciol]

Lovesickness... hmm... I dunno... it can just get bad... but I don't want to guard against that or it would seem so artificial... but I don't want it spoiled either... *cry*

[Badwuv]

I think you'll find that you'll miss every person that you end a relationship with, that's what happens to all of us.  But time heals, so until then try to find something else to focus on, and I'd try to avoid jealousy because it's bad to even start that (although often it's hard to help it, I know).  That's just the way it is, I suppose.
Best wishes

[beavis]

You are unsure if its best to stay with her or leave. Try being separated and then together repeatedly until you make up your mind.

[jilola]

When does jealousy or missing someone become unhealthy, and is there anything one can do to clear the air?

When: When you start defining yourself in terms of the emotions you feel for the other person.
What to do: Examine  your conception of love. Is it what you expect it to be or is it something you have accepted it to be?  Make sure you understand the difference between Love and the expresssion of Love. Then do  the work necessary to be able to make that disctinction  a part of you and your life.

Just keep in mind that that will probably be one of the most difficult things  you'll ever face.

2cents & L&L
Jouni

[Naiad780]

IMO, it becomes dangerous when you stop living for yourself and your own dreams and ideals, and start living solely for the other person, or the hope of being with that other person.

The best thing you can do is focus on yourself.  No, it's not selfish.  Focus on being YOU, do the things that you enjoy doing on your own.  Prove to yourself that you don't need her to enjoy life.  What good does she bring out in you, and how can you bring that out in yourself without her?

[McArthur]

http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibtable.html

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.