Bliss

[poetic_tragedy]

About two months ago a strange thing happened. Something that definitely affected my life. I am not sure whether this occured because of the effects of substance that I used three days earlier - although the effects were gone by the next day -or if it was something else.

Anyway, after about three days of being - normal - I became aware of my "self" more than ever. It was like watching myself constantly. For instance, having a conversation with someone would be more like examining another person have a conversation with someone. I felt like a completely different person all the while feeling as if I was MYSELF for once. In all true form. Not cluttered by any false identity.  I remember coming into my room - looking at it with a whole new perspective. I was thinking of the old me, and how I was attached to all these items in my room. I began to take everything down-longing for blank walls. Feeling as if none of it mattered. I then began crying for I was overcome with love, joy and empathy for everything and everyone. I was in awe of the beauty of life and its creations. It was an extremely powerful feeling - and extremely hard to put down into words.

This lasted for about two whole days. I am now back to the old me again and am desperatley wanting to go back to the REAL me.  

** I just don't understand how this could have been related to the substance: DXM that I used three days earlier. I mean,  why would I have experienced this days after already returning back to normal? This is what makes me think this was the cause of something else and is why I am asking if anyone else has experienced anything like this??

[Tom]

What you experienced is just a small taste of what you can experience. The problem is that the moment you became attached to the experience you drove away all possibility of getting it back. How can you cultivate non-attachment by way of being attached to it? When you experience something good, enjoy it an let it go. The more regular your meditation discipline is, the more likely it will be that you will have more experiences regularly in the future. What you had was only a small taste of what you can develop, but the moment you refuse to let it go you keep it away. Your system has to gradually adapt to this kind of energy, or else it will break down. When it comes, it is because of all of the time spent when it seemed like nothing was going on. Your body and mind were preparing for the next peak experience. When you have it and it goes away, you are preparing for the next peak experience.

[Naiad780]

Yes, I have.  You just reminded me of how I was in high school and had this sudden, bizarre feeling that nearly everything in my life was contrived or false.  The things I said, wrote, did, owned, etc. were mostly not really reflecting the "real" me, but only my social image or what other people thought was right.

My mother was aghast when she saw the big pile of things in the middle of my room that I was throwing away because I'd deemed them "irrelevant."  Every so often I still run across things I've written with "irrelevant" scrawled or typed across them and I remember ...

In contrast to your experience, though, I was *angry.*  I let the anger overtake me without realizing it (anger at myself for "being so stupid").  I fell into judging myself, the people around me, etc.

There is a difference between examining your motives and determining if they are in keeping with your "Real self" and just being judgemental.  So be careful about that!

As for the drug, sure it could be related to the drug.  Certain drugs can open "the doors of perception" as they say (who said that, Aldous Huxley?  William Blake?  I forget) and there have been plenty of people who have experienced delayed emotional reactions due to drugs.

What Tom said about being attached to the experience is right on the mark.  Here is something I ran across recently that hit me like a slap in the face:

Realization is direct experience and insight
which can lead to liberation.
Realization is that which allows one to truly let go.
The result of that letting go is liberation.

We can have many, many spiritual realizations,
many spiritual experiences, many deep insights,
and still remain very attached to
the experience of realization.

In this sense, realizations themselves
can become forms of addiction.
Even deep and profound realizations and spiritual experiences
can be co-opted by the mind
and become mere objects of fascination.

~ Adyashanti
The Impact of Awakening

[poetic_tragedy]

Naiad780: I appreciate your post - Especially towards the end - where you added the poem-like-thing .. very insightful. It's good to hear that you have gone through something similar - at the same time period, too. (I am currently a sophmore) The only difference was that your experience stemed from anger. What do you thing caused that realization you had back in high school? Was it just out of the blue?

Tom: Thanks for providing some feedback. It never occured to me that the problem could have been from my attachment. I guess I will just have to let things flow from now on..  When you say it "is just a small taste of what you can experience" - I wonder - have you tasted anything "better"?

[Tom]

Yes, I've experienced a lot better. I have drawn in so much energy during meditation that it knocked me out of my body into an enormous open space, and I seemed to expand out in all directions to fill it. There was nothing but bright light and my expanding awareness of it. It changed the way I felt for about two weeks afterward, when I experienced myself as an energy being in a physical body during that time before it went away. Still, I was different afterward than before. It was my best experience, but not my only one. During the time when it feels like nothing is going on, that is because everything is going on below the surface. It is preparation for the next big experience.