A man in SERIOUS doubt...

[kakkarot]

well, think of it this way demigod: good things happen, bad things happen, neutral things happen. statistically speaking, most people will have an even spread of good times and bad times in their life, merely due to random chance.

add on to that the psychology of perspective on whether something really is bad or whether it is "a blessing in disguise", as well as the ideas of "self-fulfilling prophecies" and optimism vs pessimism, and you've got yourself a really messed up way of looking at the world.

but basically, think of it this way:

"Whatever my lot, though has taught me to say,
It is well,
It is well,
It is well with my soul."

-lyrics coutesy of a song.

"I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil - this is the gift of God." ~Ecclesiastes 3:12,13.

~kakkarot

[the_demigod]

thanks.

I KNOW violence well--in my surroundings it has become an ART FORM. I have many-a-scar from the process. I have lost many-a-pint on the streets and people simply stood by.
I have seen it, heard it, witnessed it, suffered it, stood by it, etc.

DEEP DOWN, I know that there IS an answer--maybe I am it, maybe not--but all that I have experienced WOULD help me in standing behind or alongside someone who could STOP IT.


I am @ at a point in life [at 29] when I perceive all GOOD happening in my life as a prelude to evil. I look at developments and ask myself "what and when will kick me in the butt???"


In a bar, I simply look at a man and think--should you be stupid enough to assault me--HOW would I snap your neck?? or what combination of combat moves would "take you down' the fastest??
Yet I read Bardon, Long, the Bible, etc and try to move on with energy, soul and mind development.

Is it simply a POINT in my development?? Do we ALL pass a time when the tendency to MURDER dominates our thoughts? Is THAT the way we channel our hidden [societal] anger??

[kakkarot]

"Is it simply a POINT in my development?? Do we ALL pass a time when the tendency to MURDER dominates our thoughts? Is THAT the way we channel our hidden [societal] anger??"

probably not for spiritualists, but i am sure that people involved in combat development (the martial arts or just plain street fighting) all have the tendency to go through that stage in their life. you would have to have a fairly pure heart not to. i know i went through that stage[|)]. the important thing to remember is that you go THROUGH it, you do not stay there. []

"time and chance come upon all men" -King Solomon

~kakkarot

[the_demigod]

Thanks fopr the support--I am going through a nasty time right now--the surroundings ain't helping [a sad, depressed town filled with unemployed, alcoholic, sad people].
But, it seems, I have to face my inner demons...

[Frank]

quote:Originally posted by the_demigod

I KNOW violence well--in my surroundings it has become an ART FORM. I have many-a-scar from the process. I have lost many-a-pint on the streets and people simply stood by. I have seen it, heard it, witnessed it, suffered it, stood by it, etc.

DEEP DOWN, I know that there IS an answer

Maybe you ought to give up supporting football and take up golf, or something.

Yours,
Frank

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a test. The world taunts your soul. It is a distraction. Nothing more. Some have such control over their emotions they can be hit over the head with a baseball bat while meditating, and yet they continue to meditate, not so much as batting an eyelash. It sounds like you are still connected to something. Some kind of desire. I have read Robert Bruce's Treatise on Astral Projection. There is a part where he describes what happens when we die, and it makes perfect sense to me. It would take a really long time to describe it, but I will recommend that you give it a read- it can be found in pdf format in the download section.

Having control over our emotions and egos is the most important thing we can do to form a sturdy foundation for spiritual enlightenment. Last year I went through my own personal hell. I learned a lot from it, however. None of it made sense at the time. The girl I was dating was- and is- extremely important to me. We broke up at the beginning of the school year when I got back to college, and it really made me want to just end it all. For the first time in my life I had seriously contemplated suicide. But I decided that wasn't going to solve anything, and so I endured the pain, which lasted for a few months. I felt there was a void within me, and I felt it needed to be filled. Where she once was in my heart, there was a gigantic hole, a gap. And it was hurting, even physically. I went out with people I normally wouldn't have dated. I made a few more mistakes. It became a vicious cycle, which I only became aware of about four or five months ago. I knew the only thing I could do was to remain single. I was a changed man, and I knew that nothing could be the same between my ex-girlfriend and I. In fact, we both changed. I know that the only thing I can do now is avoid dating people until I am comfortable with who I am, and be able to show it to anyone's face without fear or embarassment. I must become strong so that I do not change for anyone. Once I can be myself anywhere and around anyone, I know I will find my soul mate. I've stopped worrying about it because I know I don't have to. I must become whole on my own first. The desire for a soul mate is merely a distraction from finding a soul mate.

Similarly, in your situation, you have deep anger within you, and you're ready to explode. You need to find an outlet for this. Have you considered martial arts? If you do, do not take lessons from anything less than an excellent instructor. What makes an excellent instructor? One who can see what the reality of martial arts is. Pain is mental, not physical. We do not have a breaking point. It takes a person's experience of crossing their threshold of pain to understand this. Once past it, nothing else matters. It is no longer physical. It becomes mental, and they can achieve anything.

When you are out on the street, do not be one who watches while a person is being beaten or stabbed by another. Get involved, neutralize and subdue the asailent. Separate yourself from the group. This is one of the things I hate most about people- they are so dependent on others that they will not help another in such a situation. There were many instances I have heard of where someone was being mugged/murdered in broad daylight in front of everyone, yet no one did anything to help.

I think you're on your way to making a break through. You are SO close. The reason you cannot see it is because you are probably staring right at it. Don't try to see it now, just remember your belief system and stand by it at all costs. Revise it when necessary.

[the_demigod]

So, I'm now at a point in life when I doubt in the SENSE of my spiritual development. Today is the Offficial Doubt In Yourself Day of Depression.

I doubt whether I can achieve what I'm destined for.
I thought I KNEW what I was destined for.
I ask myself--is the nasty stuff in my life the result of the puny/stupid/reckless [yet relatively simple] things I did??
I ask myself--is the nasty stuff in my life a payback for something I did BEFORE my life??
I ask myself--is the nasty stuff in my life a PRE-payement for what I'm about to do?? Does Karma work FORWARD??
I have a lot of pain inside me.
I sense no "upper being" support.
I ask myself--WHY is this s**t falling onto MY head??


It's SO easy to channel the violence within me and move to the "other spectrum". And I DO mean lethal violence--the willingness to hurt, the ability to hurt, the readiness to hurt, the mental images of hurting, the matter-of-factness of hurting...its ALL there, a thought/smell/image away.
The anger...rage...is building. At myself, at "the powers that be", at the supposed sense of self-development, at the more-than-this-reality outlook...

I don't now what's more satisfying--finally achieving an OBE or snapping someone's neck. Maybe BOTH are a short breath away....


Help a drowning man.
PLEASE.


PS--the funny thing is: I CAN achieve "this realm" success [money, position, etc], but I've always felt that wasn't "it".