Hi Rodentmouse,
You've asked a really good, valid and very important question.
The quick answer - Find out who YOU are first, and be yourself.
In many books that I've read about spiritual growth or gifts the authors have always made a big point about knowing yourself. This is critical. Until you know and accept who you are, you can only really change things on the surface.
Once you can become comfortable with who you really are, and with the beliefs that you can accept without question, then you can change and grow naturally, not forcibly. With this in mind you'll find that you don't have to struggle with the concept of having to be a loving caring person, this will come on its own as you grow spiritually.
Your personality or charachter is not something set in stone. It is fluid. Don't struggle with a dislike of who you are.
James.
Rather than second guess your motives just do as the buddhists and offer the fruits of your practice/donation to the enlightenment of all beings.
Look Mom, I can see me from here!
Been there, still there, looking for the T-shirt.
Might I suggest that you stop trying to find the answers by reading about it.
It very much looks like your problem isn't how and what to believe in but rather the ancient and truly righteous dilemma of "Who Am I?".
Read "The Three Pillars of Zen" by Philip Kapleau and "Zen mind, Beginner's Mind" by Shunryu Suzuki.
Yeah, I said don't read [:D]
2cents & L&L
jouni
Note: This works for me because it is my path.
But I have found that in spiritual development there are no rules, no laws, only guide posts and signs. I have touble conforming to one set of rules. So I don't. I pick and choose the items that make sence to me. In doing so I learn who I am, what I like, and what I don't like. With this I learn what I need to change, what I want to change, and what will always remain as a part of me.
Continue your search and you will find the "rules" or "laws" that ring true for you. Do not follow some thing or do some thing because you read it or some one told you to. Only follow/do because you believe, honestly believe that it is true and some thing you need/want to do.
the golden rule works pretty good. Do to others what you would have them do to you.
hello to the people :D
getting into AP has opened so many doors for me in terms of spiritualism... e.g. meditation, energy work, yoga etc
hence i have been reading lots of spirituality related books...
Now i am finding it hard to try and be what the books tell me... e.g..
after reading "nirvana in a nutshell" i should not try to be anybody except myself, which is ok even if i am antisocial and shy....
but after reading "the spiritual teachings of yoga" i should try and become compassionate and loving toward my fellow man, which i am having great difficulty doing naturally,
i mean, lets say if i give money to a homeless man, i will consiously refer to a passage in the latter of those books which says something like "a selfless act is the quickest way to enlightenment"
but after reading "the power of now" that book suggests i should just accept who i am without question or without a desire to be someone im not.
what troubles me is that my positive actions are NOT natural, when i am compassionate towards someone, it will ironically be selfish... because i am wanting to make myself compassionate instead of genuinly caring for whoever has a problem.
do you see what i mean??? i hope so.
but, how can someone who is not compassionate learn to be compassionate without "practise" liek what i am doing.
i must admit, when i give a homeless person some change (ive only started to do this after reading the books which "tell" me i should do so) and i see the glint of happiness in there eye, it does genuinly make me feel good (feeling of compassion)????.
Its like i am slowly buying compassion, literally..
anyway, back to my point....
If i am naturally antisocial and introvert, am i not "worthy" of enlightenment???
or is it the act of embracing your natural self which will lead you to understanding compassion.
I know its a cliche, but I am very confused as to what to beleive at the moment, i am trying to uphold all these spiritual laws, but they end up contradicting each other and i dont know which beleif to take my chance with.
the 2 main beleifs in question are...
1) be compassionate, be loving, love your enemy, free yourself free desire etc (be like jesus and the buddha) and you will reach enlightenment...
2) be who you naturally are, compassionate or not, and you will reach enlightenment.