Ok, I've made leaps and bounds over the past year. I basically stopped hating the world and people in general. I don't get mad in traffic and road rage anymore and I don't worry about money. I've realized that all the s**t that I own is meaningless and ego based and that physical items do not make you happy. I've learned how evil ego can be. I now pass my days one by one, instead of living in the future. I've essentially never lived a day in my life. I can't remember a single birthday of my life really. Why? Because I never lived. I was never aware or awake. That has all changed and I feel much better psychologically. However with the energy work, it's going slow. The meditation, although it makes me feel good, does not yet provide the results I'd like.
Here's my problem though. It's the system and my job and the corporate greed filled rat skum environment. The pigs that own the companies I work for. The people that never shut down business, having people risk their life traveling in blizzard conditions to get to work. The pigs that make people work New Years Eve Day and New Years Day.
"Must push lasers out the door, no matter what"
This irritates me to no end. I'm not even the one that had to work New Years Eve, or day. It's the poor factory workers. I got it easy, well somewhat. I just can't stand it anymore. I hate my job. I'm an Oracle Database Administrator. I literally do nothing for 9 hours a day. Plus the 2 hour commute to get to the miserable place. I wake up in misery daily and it's draining me. I've almost perfected my thought process on life to an extent. This is the missing link and it's draining the life out of me. I can't stand to sit in a chair for 9 hours a day and 2 hours in the car anymore. Suicide is a common thought, although I would not do that to my wife and child (8 yo daughter, who doesn't live with us, but my X).
I just can't imagine another 30 years like this. I'd rather be dead. I just plain hate work. I can't stand working for these greedy pigs. Why a 40 hour work week? Ha? What would be wrong with 30 hours? What makes these pigs tick? I try so hard not to hate my job and the executive pigs. It's draining me and I have no way out. I've screwed my wife and I financially by being a greedy jerk, making poor decisions money-wise, credit card debt, you name it. All in the name of trying to fill the hole. A hole that I've finally realized can not be filled with external things. Happiness is internal. I know that now, but now it's too late. What should I do? I'm at a crossroads. I'd like to file Chapter 11 and just throw in the towel and start over simple. Work at a gas station, pumping gas 4 days a week. Seriously. I can't take the corporate environment anymore. This is hindering my spiritual progress. What do you suggest I do? This is not a sob story, I wish not to receive sympathy. I'm just desperate for a solution. I can't spend another 30 years like this. I'd rather be dead, seriously.
Thanks in advance for any insight, guidance.
Kevin
Nobody's saying that you need to work 40 hour weeks, nobody says that you have to show up for work, and nobody says that you even need to have a job. Decide what you want, what you need, what you're budget requires, and work hours that will allow you to make enough money to keep out of the hole. Just because you may have worked 40 hour weeks for years, doesn't mean you need to continue to do so. If you have other people relying on you for the necessities of life, then that needs to be factored in and the pro's and con's should be weighed out accordingly.
Simplest solution is to quite your bloody job if you hate it that much. Try to find another before you quit, in a different carreer if you just want to get out of what you have been doing in particular. Nothing's going to change for you unless you change it yourself.
Good luck,
c
Well, unless I make 70k, the house is gone, and the IRS comes and puts me in jail for non payment of child support. Of course the child support gets reduced if I make less, but I'm about a paycheck away from losing everything. I could care less, but my wife works hard as well and it's sort of not fair for her. I don't know what to do. It's sort of my wife holding me back somewhat as she wants to keep the house. I want to get rid of it and live in a shack with dirt floors and own nothing but my 1 bicycle and 1 classical guitar.
I've had it with stuff. I look at all the crap I own and it makes me ill. 2 27" flat screen TV's, a widescreen TV, 5 mountain bikes, 6 banjos, 4 guitars, 2 laptops, 3 pc's networked, a server. I look at all this stuff, although not much compared to some people, but it makes me sick, knowing that I created this mess, based on greed. I wish I woke up 10 years ago :(
Well, although i'm not in that field, hopefully, you can still embrace what you have :). I have many friends who are in the Information Technology area and who've been out of work for 2 years because jobs are so hard to come by in that area you are in. Most of them had to take HUGE paycuts and had to sell their homes because they say that most of their jobs are moving overseas...
Anyway, I guess that's besides the point, but I can understand where you are coming from, although my IT friends would probably want to strangle if you they read your comments :)
best of luck to ya and hopefully you can find what you REALLY want to do in life... I know it's tough sometimes to know what type of career would really make you happy. I've went through that many times.
Dusty
Well, you need to figure out what you need to do. People who aren't in your shoes can only generalize about the options that you may or may not have. But if you want to change how you live, find a way to do it that will be a fair compromise between what you desire and what your reposibilities are that you need to keep.
If you don't need all the material goods in your house, sell some stuff, get yourself less dependent on the material goods. I'd assume that you'd discuss this with your wife before making a drastic change.
That's all the general stuff I can come up with right now, maybe more later.
I think that you should not complain having such financial situation. You are very lucky living in USA, having a great job and no financial problems. You should know that in other countries like Poland it's nearly impossible to find any job. My mother has a good job, but we frequently even don't have money to buy food...
knucklebrain, I'm just a 21-year-old college brat, and I am not as personally familiar with the corporate grind as you are, and I do not have a wife and child, but I feel as if I have faced similar dilemmas. I hope I can offer what my short life experiences have offered me.
I have been eager to drop out of the "college grind" (which is just a boot camp filtering process for the corporate grind) and starting over poor, pure, and spiritual. Death never ever once bothered me... except in the way that it was not coming fast enough. I distanced myself emotionally from my family, friends, and girlfriend of 3 years, trying to cleanse myself of their "spiritual ignorance" and to achieve purer states.
My first and only night at a homeless shelter very quickly changed my thinking process.
Unfortunately, it was too late for some things. My gf had already left me, I had already failed over 6 courses in school, and I had already lost a whole lot of other opportunities. Sure, I gained some learning experience, but at a great and tragic cost.
If you throw everything away and start over, you will only realize how much you love everyone and everything that is currently in your life, including your job. At your place of work, I am sure that there are opportunities you do not see because you've unknowingly blanketed them with distaste. I am also sure that your place of work will become much more satisfying if you choose to see it as your method of supporting your daughter, your wife, and whomever you choose to love. If you do not like your current work environment, another will be offered to you, if you choose to accept it.
This book may look corny at first, but I highly recommend you read it and consider its claims. It is not so much of a "get rich" book as it is an orientation of mind (a mindset that will help you "cope" with being rich).
http://wikisource.org/wiki/The_Science_of_Getting_Rich
Good luck.
[Edit: Oh, and my father is right now studying Oracle DB administration, so I know you have no small job.]
If you didn't have dependents, this would be much easier. Choice is the key here... I remember one day, about a year ago, when a friend of mine came home for a visit. This friend had been with me through some of high school, then had to unfortunately move to Nebraska. He is an EXCEPTIONALLY smart person, and was raised very spiritually. He had just been to a seminar that had changed his life, he said.
We talked about his seminar for a few hours at a coffee house. The basic gist that I picked up (though I must not have realized the entire concept as well as he, since he was so pumped up) was that no matter what happens in life, we have choice. So what, is what I said. So what if we have choice? I know that.
It turned out that I really didn't realize exactly what that entails. The way I got to understand was to make a very important distinction... The distinction between choice and decision. A decision is when you have many options, and you knock them down, one by one, until an acceptable one is left, then you take that course of action. However, choice is different. If instead of deciding a course of action, you choose a course of action, your choice does not have to meet the prerequisites that it would if you decided. It delegates the responsibility of your choice from your logical mind that is entirely wrapped up in the material world to your inner intuitive mind, perhaps even your subconscious mind. Choosing is freedom, while decision is bondage. This is what I got from him, anyway. It makes sense to me.
And while I didn't spend a weekend learning this, it really did make me feel better. In your situation, living by decision leaves pretty much only one option, and that's to keep your job, misery and all. However, you could choose any number of other options. If you're saying to yourself, "My problems are still the same, just changing semantics isn't helping anything," then I don't think you've got the picture yet. Contemplate it during the time when you're supposed to be working.
Anyhow, it's a difficult situation, but unfortunately the one most appropriate for an awakening. It's just the nature of the world.
QuoteI think that you should not complain having such financial situation. You are very lucky living in USA, having a great job and no financial problems. You should know that in other countries like Poland it's nearly impossible to find any job. My mother has a good job, but we frequently even don't have money to buy food...
We Americans know how lucky we are. Our poverty line is about middle class or higher for almost every other country in the world. But our judgement and lives are lived on our scale, not the scale of Poland, and that's just the way it is. When you don't have to worry about food, shelter, & the essentials, it leaves you free for higher pursuits. But we're also brainwashed by our culture into being spiritually bankrupt, so it's not all about fast cars and huge TV sets.
the workers like you chose to work new year eves...
think about that, don't think that u don't have an option that if you would quit you would be a looser or whatever...you can quite anytime you want and find something 2 do to get some money 2 eat, drink, take a bath...
we make are lives hard...yeah...stupid us...
i make my life hard, like all of us...we want 2 much outside but i guess that inside we don't want not even a small piece of dirt
oh...and if your wife wants to keep the house and u have 2 work for it do it cause u love her and if u don't quit everything and live your life as simple as your heart wants
btw don't listen my stupid advice, u shall know if u don't know already what 2 do, the thing is if u'll chose 2 do it or not
cacodemon: i know life aroun here ain't easy but...the USA ain't the land of honey and milk...i live a lil (or more) souther then u and believe me...the overall excrement is way bigger
I don't understand a thing you said Cheyyne. I don't mean to offend you. I just don't get it. I've read about visual imagination stuff as well, it doesn't work for me. As for what you said about society, your correct. It's all ego based, just as I stated previously. I'm as guilty as the rest. I do have a choice somewhat. A choice not to make the same mistakes. I see through the blinds now, and see how the rut is created. Society is evil in the USA I think. The media is to blame and the people listening to them. Buy this and you'll be happy. Car commercials for 50 thousand dollar cars. People think nothing about spending 50k on a car these days. It's nuts. It's a big whole. The sad fact is that your right. When your internal reference point is your ego and not your spirit, your broken. This whole country is broken. We're all a bunch of mindless robots, buying into the lies of "happiness" and "the American dream"
Well as far as I'm concerned, it's the "American Nightmare"
Next time your at a BBQ or party or outing. Just shut your mouth. Do not judge, just listen. Listen to what people are saying and realize that nobody is happy really. Nothing but negativity comes out of every ones mouth. Myself included, although I am more conscious of it now and catch myself most of the time now. I must fix this, this is my goal and the only way I'm going to fix it is to learn to love what I hate. I truly believe that is my reality. However what I want to do is help people. It's in my heart to do so, but my soul is in turmoil, because I myself and contributing to the demise of society by doing what I'm doing, which is feeding the machine that spews out the lies. Think about it.
Kevin
Quote from: knucklebrain1970I must fix this, this is my goal and the only way I'm going to fix it is to learn to love what I hate.
QuoteHow do I lose the hate?
I think what got me to stop hating was when I started to realize that we have only one life to live. We have only one chance to live in this body at this time with all the people we know right now. We have only one chance to look like who we are now, and do what we do. We have only one chance because this life of ours is unique from any others. After that realization, a thought popped into my head and just showed me how "hating" was pointless. It showed me how i could either spend most of my life hating people, or use the remaining time that i have to just learn to love and enjoy life.
Of course, by just realizing that we have only one life to live does not guarantee a successful disappearance of 'hate.' So in my quest to try to find other alternatives to diminish this 'hate,' I started to internallized about who i am and why i hate. This was difficult for me at first because i couldn't find that deeper "reason" why i hate, but it eventually became clearer and much easier. During this same time of introspection, I discovered something very amazing. I found out that everything on this earth seeks balance. You can look at the scientific data of how and when a plate tectonic converges under the sea, new land arises somewhere else. You can look at a curved pipe (u-shape) and see that when you pour water into it, both sides of the water will be the same length (assuming you don't tilt the pipe). You can argue that this happens because of gravity, but isn't gravity part of nature, therefore it is part of earth's way of balancing itself? Another example of how the earth seeks balance is to take a glass of water and stir the water with a drop of red food coloring. What color do you see? There are many more examples, all you need to do is 'look.'
With the introspection of why i hate combined with the discovery of the earth seeking balance, it finally led me to another conclusion. My new conclusion was that in life, love and hate; good and bad, must exist to gain balance. And so this made me realized that i shouldn't hate the bad or hate the 'hate,' but learn to love it as much as i would love the 'good.' Now i don't hate anymore.....well, not that much anyway.
Note: I don't hate but there are things I still dislike. Dislike and hate are different. :D
I hope it helps at least a little.
My love to everyone.
Love & Peace
w/ LittleNinja
PS I forgot to mention that in order for you to truly love something you hate, you must first 'understand' it. Don't love it for the sake of 'righteousness' or 'duty' like what i did before, but love it because you want to, and you understood why. (http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon/icon17.gif)
Kevin,
Whining about your current and wanting a different situation is all fine for a bit.
But, you need to do something. Get a hold of it and do something
Weather, work, corporate stuff.
You have not traveled the world much I would guess. I guess this since you have little appreciation of how well you really do have it when taken from a comparison perspective
Mark
Well, call me selfish if you may, but this is my life, not someone in Iraq. I pity them, yes, but this is me. It's not my fault that life is bad in Iraq and life in Poland is tough. I'm sorry yes, but I can't do anything about it. I created my life, my hell, by mistake after mistake, because of the clonism that exists in this country. People are screwed. It's all about FAT CAR, FAT CRIB, FAT STOMACH. I'VE HAD IT. My life should be the way I want it right? Well I'm stuck and I can't get out. I just don't like how life works. I seriously think sometimes that I am not supposed to be here on this limited planet. I know what I know in my true self, but I am disconnected. I know the limitless possibilities that exist in my soul, so on this POS planet, nothing compares. If I did not have a wife and child, I would check out, rather quickly I might add. I just don't find life worth it, when I have to do something I hate, 9 hours a day of my entire life. I'm with these people more than my own family. I'm contributing to the demise of society. FOR WHAT? IT'S ALL FOR NOTHING.
Kevin
Kevin,
Get away from daily routine for day or two and gain perspective,.
U choose to be happy or not.
It IS a choice.
knucklebrain, I support Mark.
Perspective is everything.
Well in my rational mind, that sometimes sneaks through, I realize that I don't have it bad at all. I realize as well that I complain way way too much and need something to the effect of a NDE to snap me out of the modes I get in. One of the problems is lack of sleep. I've had a kick *** cold/flu/virus/bronchitis for the last 2 weeks. I've had that tickling cough that leaves me up all night and I've been taking ultrams left and right to get me through the pain. I don't deal with pain well. Anyhow, these little white pills, although not a narcotic, seem to have an adverse effect on me over time and I have to get off them as while they do provide you with energy, it's false energy if you will and when they wear off, you pay the price. I've got some hell to do once this cold goes away. Perhaps that's why I've been in the dumps as of lately. I can always laugh at the people here at work. Do you think it would be mean to go as far as to call them fools? They don't now what I know, but to boast about it is egotistical, so strike that. Furthermore, to call them fools I think would be hindering my spiritual progress as I want to help people, and heal them. I treat them on an individual basis however and if someone is nice to me, I reciprocate. However as a whole I can't get over despising them. This is my battle, 9 hours a day. Is it wrong to hate how the system operates?
Kevin
I am and have been engineer for very long time.
My job is to define methods to begin with and to fix probs when things don't work.
Oft times working or not is result of caliber of folks involved.
Do not judge people harshly. It has little effect on them but over time very negative effect on yourself, which may be where u are at.
.Be happy with what u have. don't regret it.
Be happy. Simple as that
Life is a work in progress.
Do not over analyze.
So it doesn't bother you that you are at work more than your at home with your own family? Not that I know if you have a family or not, but this is why the country is the way it is. People have no time to reflect on their inner self. For Christ sake, I can't even meditate when I get home after working 9 hours and driving 2 hours a day. I fall asleep. This is what is killing the USA. You can't deny this fact. It enrages me.
Kevin
i never get angry,depressed or any state of mind.
i've learned to supress my emotions ^o^
i think i did this by thinking "it's not worth it"
eventually i think my subconscient assimilated it
Yes, I have wonderful family which I adore.
U communicate with my wife on IM.
Try to get yourself more positive.
Maybe more banjo time? I dont know.
But, u can be sure I do know, working hard while in your 30's has rewards later.
Just do not get so down on everything while doing it. U are building right now. Build and be happy at it.
Quote from: missingYes, I have wonderful family which I adore.
U communicate with my wife on IM.
Try to get yourself more positive.
Maybe more banjo time? I dont know.
But, u can be sure I do know, working hard while in your 30's has rewards later.
Just do not get so down on everything while doing it. U are building right now. Build and be happy at it.
Banjo time? What do you mean? I communicate with your wife?
Alright, I give up :lol:
Who the hell is this?
Kevin
I've said much already.
Don't regard your life as my business, but, was concerned when I saw your mention of doing away with yourself.
That could never be a solution. As u say, would cause hurt to those close to u. very selfish.
Perhaps you have me confused with somebody else, I don't understand what you mean by banjo time. I don't play the banjo.
Kevin
Quote from: Leannaini never get angry,depressed or any state of mind.
i've learned to supress my emotions ^o^
i think i did this by thinking "it's not worth it"
eventually i think my subconscient assimilated it
Why you crazy Vulcan you :) Emotions shouldn't control you, but you should not suppress them, they are very thrilling stimulants. While it's not good to get hooked on stimulants, you need to get your jollies somewhere. I suppose physical exertion would work, but one way or another one gets his happiness hormones.
Quote from: knucklebrain1970Perhaps you have me confused with somebody else, I don't understand what you mean by banjo time. I don't play the banjo.
Kevin
I think the reason for him saying that was because you said you have 6 banjos and some guitars at home. This led him to assumed that you must play the banjo because you own them. I dont' know. i'm just guessing. :)
Quote from: Leannaini never get angry,depressed or any state of mind.
i've learned to supress my emotions ^o^
i think i did this by thinking "it's not worth it"
eventually i think my subconscient assimilated it
I agree with Tyciol. I dont' think you should supress your emotions. But of course, i'm being a little biased here becuase i usally follow my heart -----> emotions.
My love to everyone.
Love & Peace
w/ LittleNinja
Did I mention banjos? :lol: Yeah I'm a bit paranoid, especially when someone tells me I converse with this wife :lol:
I know who it is now. His wife and I have conversations about this stuff all the time. No bad stuff, just intellectual conversations.
Kevin
Tyciol:
i don't need thrills, i don't desire girls,money,cars etc tbh because i can't have them lol,i'm destined to failure ;o i don't have a goal i just live, what i want is a very advanced logical thinking.
heh mr spock i'd like to be like him,without the pointy ears :lol:
No offense man, but in order to get the chicks, you gotta get off that anime crap.
Kevin
Why would he want to get "chicks" who have a problem with him liking anime?
LoL but i don't want the chicks, (i think this was a soul decision i did before encarnating -_-)kevin lol
what's the problem with anime anyway ?>_<
aaw im going to bed.
Quote from: LeannainLoL but i don't want the chicks, (i think this was a soul decision i did before encarnating -_-)
Sure.... that's what everybody says :).
Quote from: LeannainLoL but i don't want the chicks, (i think this was a soul decision i did before encarnating -_-)kevin lol
what's the problem with anime anyway ?>_<
aaw im going to bed.
nothing is wrong with anime....
i hate the dubbed anime cause the voices are crappy...
japanese w/ english subs.. are the best
-lines-, i'm not everybody lol,i've had my share of oportunities to get laid but i declined,i am no animal i don't want these desires, for me the purpose of dating,boyfriends,girlfriends,sex wthatever is to make kids.since the planet is overpopulated because the human race consists of persons who can't control their animal side(horny bastards LOL) plus even if i had kids they wouldn't have a high IQ and that's what mankind needs people with very high IQ who will make science go foward.it already has too many dumb people like me ;)
Again, no offense to anyone, but I'd rather walk around a deserted Texaco station in circles on a remote New Mexico desert highway :roll:
I don't think I've ever been bored enough to watch that stuff. Again, don't go nuts on me, it's just my opinion.
Kevin
Quote from: Leannain-lines-, i'm not everybody lol,i've had my share of oportunities to get laid but i declined,i am no animal i don't want these desires, for me the purpose of dating,boyfriends,girlfriends,sex wthatever is to make kids.since the planet is overpopulated because the human race consists of persons who can't control their animal side(horny bastards LOL) plus even if i had kids they wouldn't have a high IQ and that's what mankind needs people with very high IQ who will make science go foward.it already has too many dumb people like me ;)
You're not dumb if you are able to think like that.
well kevin,can i call you kevin?,it's natural you don't like anime,it's not a thing from your generation like my father likes classical music and can't understand how i enjoy gothic,metal,rock etc music ;) honestly if i'm alive in 20 years,i'll prolly not like the "thing" kids will be all hyped around ;)
-lines-since, i know me better than anyone,(hell it's my body :) ) i think i know where my
inteligence reaches ;)
and if you don't mind me being honest bout myself i am dumb! LOL.
well i predict (IMHO) that the governaments in the future before using genetic as the main mean of reproduction,they will do what we do with the horses,only the strongest, most inteligent people will be able to make kids,so the good genes carry on.that way the world population will be under control,instead of so many new born tojunkie parents etc
Quotewell i predict (IMHO) that the governaments in the future before using genetic as the main mean of reproduction,they will do what we do with the horses,only the strongest, most inteligent people will be able to make kids,so the good genes carry on.that way the world population will be under control,instead of so many new born tojunkie parents etc
I hope this is not where our current society is going to end up. The ''Welcome to Gattaca'' kind of scenario isn't the best for humanity.
what's best for humanity?
a world where everyone is at the same level like i pointed or a world where everyone has the chance to procreate and hence continue the spreading of the genes that cause so many problems,setbacks and diseases to the human race?
feelings,emotions,desires are a consequence of hormones,if you destroy the hormones responsible for these situations, the consequences of having such surge of emotions will end.
sure someone may say,"hell that way we'll end up as machines"
if ya give me the high IQ i don't mind to lose my "emotions" ;) i reckon dr spock was kinda of my idol when i was younger ;)
ah it seems the subject of the topic changed from what kevin wanted to know about my perspectives of how reproduction should work in your society LOL
anyway this is nice conversation,telos,if you don't mind i'd like your opinion too ;)
Kevin,
You can stay the way you are for the next ten years and you'll still be posting the same self-hate-filled rants to this forum or you can do something about it NOW. Seriously man, go to work tomorrow and hate everyone and look at them as "fools" and see whether that helps you one iota.
By the way, I also am a DB man and I also could think of far better things to do with my 40 hours such as meditation, spiritual growth as well as spending time with my family but if I was working where you are you wouldn't notice me. I don't complain. I'm happy and I'm genuinely nice to my work colleagues. I'd just be another one of those fools you despise. But every day I grow a little because I have a positive outlook and I contain my inner anger as best I can. I have my own agenda of spiritual growth.
IMHO you really need to let all this hate for corporate life and modern society simply wash over you. Yup, a lot of it is c**p. We all know that. We also know that you ain't gonna change it so stop fighting it. Weren't there stories of prisoners in Vietnam only being able to survive by learning to love their captors? Fighting it/them is pointless. The only loser is you. Whenever you encounter something that annoys you make a mental decision: I can occupy my mind with this rubbish and wind myself up about it for the next half hour or I can use my mind in pursuit of my higher goal; my personal agenda of spiritual growth. For me, the latter wins every time (well, most times :lol: ). Try it just for one day. Commit your mind to achieving a realization and don't let any of the everyday rubbish detract you from it. See if you can do that.
I know this is turning into a rant itself but I can see so much of myself in what you post so I'm writing this as much for me as for you but you have to use the intelligence that you obviously have to realize that there is a way out. There is a way to happiness. There really is! It's just not the way that you're used to travelling, that's all.
Come on Kevin. Stop going round in circles. Take a positive step towards your own happiness.
I will never stop fighting it. For this is not my life. To wake up everyday, living a life that's not yours is life? Come on. May bee I should go and read a creative visualization book ha? Ask the universe for the perfect job? To go with the grain, is to succumb to the evils of becoming like everyone else, a mindless red cell robot. That I will not become. I don't hate the people at work. I understand that they are just a form of artificial intelligence, feeding the machine and the government. See I am not, that's my personal struggle. I will never be them. If you don't understand this, then you are a red cell yourself.
Kevin
Hmm in a lot of respects I agree with you Kevin. I've worked for many years in a variety of jobs ranging from manual labour to management positions in the IT sector. I never hated the people I worked with, but I did start to dislike the system I had to work within. The whole 9-5 grind out of necessity, generating no overall good for mankind, just cash in your pocket to become a more effective consumer, was agony to me.
Even here there seems ingrained ideas along the lines of 'well you have to do it out of responsibility to those you support.' And I do agree with this to an extent. But where do you draw the line between a life spent being responsible for others, and responsibility for your own needs?
Having a career leaves no time for self, work becomes life. And I couldn't live with that. Money wasn't enough to waste an entire life-time. I actually went to university to escape the grind (and yes it put me in serious debt.) I'm now at a cross-roads as I am about to enter the job market again. I will not become a cog in the machine again so I have a number of options available:
1) I'm working towards my own business (doing something worthwhile for others) with 2 friends.
2) Complete a PhD and enter the research field as a career - which I feel will be infinitely more productive than being a cash cow.
3) Gain employment in a charitable organisation, or an organisation which strives to help others or the environment.
If work is a must, I would feel better doing something which helped others rather than just myself. There are also options of joining a commune, self-sufficiency (saving for land and growing your own food etc), or travelling and working as you go. I have friends who have been travelling the world for years, doing work in countries when they need a bit more cash. Travelling for a year or two is something I am planning myself.
I know I sound rough in my posts. Fact is most people say they get a really warm loving vibe from me in person. It's not the people I hate, it's the system and the ideals that are rammed down everyones throat in this country. The template for life in the USA. The american dream
1. school
2. college
3. job
4. marriage
5. house
6. kids
7. minivan
8. save for retirement
9. Retire at 70 years old and start to live (when your bonz start to crumble)
THIS FOLKS, IS THE AMERICAN DREAM. What a dream ha? I'm still waiting to wake up from it.
Kevin
1.-9. sounds boring. School, college, job, house, and save for retirement, are usually necessary to live, but to me they're the boring part, not a dream. But what I really want to do is make smarter technology, not by telling it more rules, but by giving it the ability to think.
Well when you make this technology, incorporate a program that states that what is right for one person, may not be right for everyone else.
Even if I was able to include the code equivalent of "dont hurt Humans", it might kill hundreds of them before it figures out what its doing is killing them. Or it could misinterpret what the goal means, like in the movie I-Robot. I plan to give it as much freedom as I can, to do whatever it wants, even if its evil.
What I've built so far, is very stupid (like most AI), and there is a place to specify the goal, but I cant tell it how to get to that goal. I can limit what it has access to (no nuclear reactors for you!), but if it had access to a set of things that in just a small fraction of all combinations could cause problems (but still a huge number of combinations), I can not force it to never choose those. The way its built will cause it to build things too complex for humans to understand (which is trivially easy just by inserting random code, or code it builds), and you cant control what you dont understand.
QuoteTo go with the grain, is to succumb to the evils of becoming like everyone else, a mindless red cell robot. That I will not become. I don't hate the people at work. I understand that they are just a form of artificial intelligence, feeding the machine and the government. See I am not, that's my personal struggle. I will never be them. If you don't understand this, then you are a red cell yourself.
Ok Kevin. So what exactly is it that you have done that has "fought" the system? Where are all the corporate casualties of the Attack of Kevin? You seem to think that you're in some way different from everyone else but you are as much a red cell as me and all the others. You are feeding the system every day just like everyone else in the same way as your physical body is feeding millions of parasitic bacteria that are nice and cozy in your stomach, living off you. What are you gonna do? Cut away your stomach so as not to give them the satisfaction of using you? Come on man, it's you who needs to wake up here! Carry on fighting. Carry on fighting till the day you die. You'll still be every bit as angry, confused and desperate as you are now and the corporate machine will still be just as powerful - it won't even miss you.
You will never change the system. The only person you can truly change is yourself and if each of us can do that then (in time) we can change the system.
I don't want to insult you here but you seem (rather paradoxically) to have a very high opinion of yourself. You're not Che Guevara, you're not Luke Skywalker, you're Kevin from Worcester, MA. Sort your own life out and stop avoiding the truth by blaming others.
Sincere apologies if this is a bit harsh but you need it my friend. :)
Well you are a red cell, I am not. Your probably one of the ones that is more than happy to go to a company Christmas party on a SATURDAY. I would not. I am not a robot. You are probably one of the ones that loves work and never wants to leave. Your probably happy that you have only 2 hours a night to yourself. You'd probably be even happier if you had just one hour to yourself. Maybe even happiest if you had a bed in your office, then you wouldn't have to leave. This sad asss country is all about work. Two weeks vacation a year for rotting in your office, day in, day out, back aching all the time from sitting in a chair. I will always fight the system. Even if it's a war inside my head. I will not succumb to the evils of being an AI robot red cell like you. Either way I will have freedom. It won't come until death, but death will be mine and the rest of you corporate robots can take your little meaningless lives, compete with the neighbors over who's got the bigger SUV , who's got the greenest grass and all the other bull**** that goes on in the USA, people living with their only internal reference point being the EGO and chasing the elusive tail of corporate success and walking around in circles in this life of LIES. No, your wrong pal, I am not you. YOU ARE AN IT ROBOT. I AM ME.
Kevin
Ok Kev,
I won't get on your case anymore but something you said is quite interesting.
QuoteI will always fight the system. Even if it's a war inside my head.
I'm not going to bother trying to refute all the assumptions you made about me other than to say this. The difference between me and you is that you (seem to) spend your day fighting wars in your head that don't get you anywhere and make you more and more angry whereas I try to use my mind for much more constructive purposes during the course of my work day. I'm happy with my life.
I wish you all the best in your life. Really. :)
Now if you don't mind I have to go and wash my boss's car before the Easter office party this Sunday. :lol:
All I want is a life man. Is that too much to ask? Why do these blood sucking pigs have to rob the life out of people. My work week is not 40 hours, it's 55 hours with commute. There's no good jobs anymore. Also, 2 hours a night to myself is not a life is it? How do others deal with this? Live for work? Is that all there is?. I can't stand IT (MIS) anymore. It's all about my job man. I hate my job, that's all. I want to help people. It's my dream to open some type of alternative healing place and somehow survive. However, that would be impossible, caus the GOVERNMENT wouldn't allow it. The banks would laugh at me. It's all about BLOOD SUCKING PIGS that run this country. However I have to make 70k a year to pay for my house and child support, otherwise the ship sinks. I was a greedy jerk back in the .com days and now I'm paying for my EGO. I'm so done with EGO. I don't have a high opinion of myself. I just realize what BS this all is, unlike most people. What is it all for basically. To have a house and car, that you have to pay monthly for, that you get raped putting gasoline in, that you have to pay endless amounts of money to keep it running. WHY? TO GET YOURSELF TO WORK? BBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA
Then the town charges you to park your car in your driveway. Then you have to pay insurance to operate your car as well. TO GET TO WORK.
Most people are blind to this farse. What do I do? Just forget it all? Be blind like the rest? It irritates me to no end. I realize my complaining does nothing and the hate solves nothing. I just want out. A psychiatrist once told me. It's ok to be angry. However, if something is consuming you with anger, you simple remove yourself from the situation. So with me that means life. Should I remove myself from life? Oh if I didn't have a daughter and wife, I'd hit the off switch so quick. Perhaps I should start drinking alcohol again ha? :lol: Never was a drinker really, but perhaps that would give me the balls for what I need to do. You can't imagine how angry I am right now. I don't like being like this. Just to let you know. I don't blame others for my misery. The people here, although I don't get them, are just here to work and feed egos and their portfolios that will amount to NOTHING in life. I don't blame them. I'm in this mess caus of me. I do not blame others, I would not hurt anyone but myself. I would never harm another life form. But I sure wish I had the nuts to do end it for myself. Seriously. I have no more energy to life.
Kevin
I know what you mean about the time. I have an hour commute each way on top of 40 hours and by the time I get home each night I have half an hour with my son if I'm lucky. What I would give for more time.
I really don't live for work. Honestly. I'm good at what I do but I kinda just let the whole work day "happen" with me doing what I have to do. But inside is where it is all REALLY going on. That's where you can expand your mind and explore your potential. That's where it counts.
The only reason I've got on your case about this is because I know where you're coming from. Call me what you like: a robot, a sell-out, a red-cell, whatever. Honestly mate, think about this: does it really matter? At the end of the day we are both sitting in front of machines in our work places when we'd rather be somewhere else. All I'm saying is that you can learn to deal with it or you can let it eat you up. :)
Well to deal with it is to give up isn't it? And if I don't fight, I wont have the desire to change it and perhaps do something valuable with my life, other than ensure that the blood sucking pigs get their data for their reports so they can think about what gas guzzling pig of a vehicle they can purchase next year. Why 40 hours ha? I guess I'm the only one with a real gripe against it. 40 hours is too much. Lower it to a 4 day work week. Why not ha?
Who made the law that it has to be 40? Blood sucking pigs, that's who.
Kevin
Where is the hate you want to lose? You have mentioned of many things you can lose and of many things you blame for this hate, but where is the hate?
~Zentiger
Well I've done a lot of thinking in the past few days. The hate will be lost and I'm working on re engineering my thought process and I've basically come to the realization that it is not an outside force causing me discomfort, it's from within. So I'm going to change my own reality and I'm going to get out of this computer field that I don't really care to be in. I am working with programming water, working with only thoughts that help me progress, shunning out any negativity, whether it be thoughts, or outside stimuli. Complete non reaction to my environment. I believe if I absolutely convince myself of something without any doubt whatsoever, it will manifest. What do you all think about these ideas?
Kevin
Well, if what you're looking for is to transcend the Matrix-like control system that's going on in this country, I have a web site with reading material that will be well worth your time:
http://www.montalk.net
Take it all with a grain of salt, don't believe everything you read, and glean what nuggets of wisdom you can.
If the discomfort is from within then what good will changing that which is without do? That could be looked upon like pulling weeds from a garden. Unless you pull the weeds by their roots they will grow back and all your effort will be wasted getting nowhere. When the roots of a weed are pulled out then what is left above ground will often die away on its own.
~Zentiger
Hello Kevin,
Greetings from Denmark, and a wish, that you too will come through this OK :wink: ...
I work in the computer business as well, as a Notes developer. About 1 year ago I changed jobs from a High-profile Senior developer with way too many working hours, to a "normal" developer with 40 hours a week.
The reason for this ? ... Well, it sounds much like what you are going through right now.
And how to cope with it ? ... Well, good question :D . I have used several different techniques and tools, because I found, that each "tool" or technique addressed a different aspect inside of me, and today I sort of select the right tool for the job at hand :D .
The latest tool / technique I have found is also my very favorite. It's called EFT, and is a technique within the group of techniques called Energy Psychology. You can find more on this on www.emofree.com (There is a free 79 page manual, and a lot of different case-stories with a lot of help full hints inside).
------------
The ONE major error I made when I tried to "Accept" the situation I found my self in, (As many teachings and techniques say you have to do), is that I tried to accept the situation DESPITE what I felt inside... The trick is to learn to accept the FEELINGS the situation invoke in you, instead of actually accepting the situation, WITHOUT letting the feeling "get" to you. (Accepting a feeling of Hate in this scenario is more like trying to stay calm and balanced in a winter storm than anything else 8) ... Don't despair if you "fail" this - I have failed too many times to even begin counting, but the trick is to continue, and sort of "change" YOUR view on the situation from something that "puts you down", or "hinders your development", to something that actually builds you up!!! .... (This is like "exercising" your emotions / energy .... Have you ever found a way to get in physical shape, that doesn't involve SOME degree of pain / resistance ?).
You don't need development in the areas where you are comfortable and relaxed, or where you have no trouble handling the situation - you need to grow as a human in the places where you encounters resistance and pain inside!! ....
Now I have learned to turn 180 degrees, when there is a troublesome situation, and instead of telling my self "Ouch, this hurts, I better put a lid on my feelings now - or run - or ....", to saying "Okay, so this is the next exercise / test I have to go through. Hmmm - well, then I might as well get the most training out of this as I can!!! .... No need being stressed with similar situations in the future, if I can handle what emotions / energies this situation creates in me NOW" ....
Life has a way of repeating similar situations for you, until you have learned to fully accept how you feel inside while the situation occurs.
There are 2 components to every situation - the ACTUAL situation, and the RESPONSE you feel inside. (The "energy" the situation triggers inside you". Learn how to "split" a situation from your energy/emotions, and then deal with it by ACCEPTING inside, and ACT outside. You will find, that about 99,9 of the "heavy/resistance" part of a situation is INSIDE of you, and NOT in the situation you are in.
Again, check out www.emofree.com for energy/emotional tools :P
With kind regards,
Kenneth
I've tried the emofree stuff a while ago. I didn't get much out of it. I get more out of meditation. I've recently progressed past this matter we are talking about. It's gone. I've realized that all I was doing was feeding the matrix. Feeding it my soul as I would call it. The matrix is an energy feeder and the human red cells (unawoken) feed the matrix by giving it energy. The matrix feeds us lies, on how we should live, what we should own and whatnot. It's a vicious cycle.
But here's the real killer. The matrix is self-created, in each and every one of us. We are born pure, as I stated in another post, but society is what strips us from our very essence/being (true-self) by the constant barragement that we are separate from God and how we should live. The USA is all ego driven. 99% of the population in the USA might as well be a form of AI as nobody, nobody is operating as their true self, but identities that they have created based on their thoughts which were translated into the physical emotions that created the identity.
It's a cruel, cruel game. But it is all self-created and it can be self-fixed. I am working on the realization that if I am to affect the outside (job, life, etc) I have to change the inside. That's how it works folks, not the opposite way. Science has proven this, beyond a reasonable doubt and Scientists are starting to realize that most of what they thought they knew was irrelevant. You can not measure what you can not perceive.
So I'm in a major process of repair. I have long periods of non-thought. I do not allow myself to be exposed to any negativity, TV, News, Media, Magazines. It's all an illusion for the red cells. Do you understand? I do. If you don't then perhaps you have not yet begun to awaken. You, as well can not come back and tell me there is a fine line either. THERE IS NO LINE, UNTIL YOU STRIP YOURSELF TO THE CORE AND START OVER. Then, only then will you see clearly. Stop thinking negative thoughts. Do not feel the need to voice your opinion. Be careful what you are exposed to. Don't listen to any negativity, from anyone. Meditate, multiple times a day. Have some clarity in this FOG of life. Remove the ego. Recognize every one of your actions.
Your brain feeds on the very things that you have created for it. Your brain feeds on the very emotions you have lived with and will create situations, subconsciously to ensure that it gets fed. Be aware, recognize this. I think I have this game figured out. Now applying these principles and putting them into practice is the major difficulty. Why? BECAUSE YOU WILL FORGET. Your subconscious will make you forget. Why? Because it's designed to protect you, but it is the very thing that is ROBBING YOU OF YOUR TRUE ESSENCE.
Peace be with you.
Kevin
Hello Kevin,
I can hear, that you have chosen the path you want to walk - peace be with you on your journey my friend!
I am sorry to hear that you didn't get much out of the EFT technique, but at least you tried using it, and you have it at your disposal whenever the need arises :wink:
I have chosen my path too. It involves (over time) to change the pain inside from sheer terror and pain, and into bliss full understanding - and peace.
I accept, that I am a human being. Everything I think, sense, feel and do is a PART of me, and to say that ie. anger doesn't exist inside me, or trying to suppress or combat something inside - or trying to starve it to dead - is for me (on my path) a sure way to commit slow suicide. One emotion at a time, one opportunity at a time, one situation at a time.
I try to look BEHIND the individual thought that pops up uninvited, to see what inside of me triggered that thought in comparison to what situation I find my self in - and to (perhaps) over time get a handle on that feeling/energy deep inside my subconscious, recognize it for what it is, accept it, understand it, and finally forgive it / release it - and thereby forgiving my self. (And in that process turning a little bit more of my unconsciousness into consciousness).
My path says, that I can think what I will, Feel what I will - but my ACTIONS has to obey two single "laws".
- If it harms no one, then do it
- Protect the weak from the strong.
That has also been the single most difficult thing, to sort of "erase" what society has told me is right and wrong. (To get out of all those "Thou shall not .....", and think of the consequences of my actions, rather than the action itself).
That is why I also have to accept your chosen path, even though it sort of "saddens" me to read it ?!? ... (I don't know why actually, but something behind your words saddens me).
Just remember, that the opposite of Love is NOT hate, but ignorance - and the opposite of Hate is not Love, but forgiveness :)
...How is it, that every REAL deep-felt empathy has it's roots deeply buried in transformed pain? .... Why is it, that the best person to help ie. an alcoholic go through his/hers inner pain when quitting alcohol, is a former alcoholic? ... (One that has ACCEPTED that inner part of him/her completely!).
The path that I have chosen for my self tells me, that the word "to heal" is in its essence to "Make a whole of what is broken into pieces...". In order to recreate the original beauty of my self, I have to sort of "use" each and every piece of my self. An example could be, that I have no understanding for when I read about ie. a murder. I feel a deep fear and hate inside me, while I read it.
Before I would REACT on those feelings, and speak up loudly and sort of "distancing" my self from the story on that murder. Now I have found, that while I did that, I also distanced my self from the feelings of Hate and Fear inside of me(!).... Now I try to accept the feelings inside of my self, and let the story be a sort of "guide" or "pointer" to some broken piece inside of me, that I need to heal.
....And the amount of negativity and fear that the media projects is growing, but at the same time MY ability to Embrace what those projected feelings / those stories does to ME is also being enlarged.
And what I hope to end up with ? .... Me understanding and embracing ALL of me :lol:
I believe, that you can not TRULY understand inner peace, if you don't TRULY understand inner war! (Like Light<-> Dark etc.)
It is my hope, that your Path brings you to what you are missing. I find, that our paths has so many things in common, and yet I feel that they are miles apart .... (go figure :? )
With kind regards, and many thoughts...
Kenneth