standard silence meditation and participation in reality

[Chaos Mage]

Hello.

I've always been a firm believer in meditation.  Every human that I face on a daily basis denies that meditation has any power or effect, and that it is, not in their words but close to it, 'worthless'.  These are people that have never meditated in their whole lives!  I can not imagine a life lived like that, no wonder they have such an age on their faces.

So when I enter a meditation, here is what I do.
1.find a decent spot to sit, either on a chair outside or on the Ridge or Hill, I call it Ridge
2. take my posture and straighten the back, unless I'm in the reclining chair outside
3. let go of my focus of reality, and instantly alleviate all stress or worry concerning reality 'as I know it'
4. begin to breathe slowly and deeply
5. go through a period of discomfort as the body settles and burps or farts or some such, and then again as I either close or open my eyes
6. continue breathing, slowly and as deeply as I am able, while not focusing on reality, or not focusing on anything at all, eyes are either closed or open
7. usually, there is some form of disturbance as a woman talking in the distance which I clearly hear speaking, usually about me in a derogatory way, or a cat walks by saying hello or I want in or some such, and the meditation is either dropped or pursued until there is no more disturbance
8. usually, especially when drunk while meditating (which I haven't been since autumn last year), if eyes are open, the vision which I am seeing begins to turn entirely white, or there will be some form of symbol that appears out of the reality, usually in a white, glowing color
9. there is a definite loss of bodily sensation, and the sound of the friction causing the atmosphere can be clearly heard after about twenty minutes of those aforementioned steps
10. normally, once reality whites out, the urge to go back to what I was doing takes over and I get up, feeling very light headed, as if on drugs, and immediately go and smoke a cigarette

Now, that is what has been happening for about three or four years.
When I was a child, meditation was similar to that, except that instead of turning white, reality would become utterly black.
As a child, I would often enter a different 'base camp' kind of plane of reality.  More than once, I had entirely negated 'this reality', and entered a stage ground for a return to reality in a supremified state.
Quite often, while in that state of darkness and infinite empty space, I would encounter my real mother and her star craft, and there would always be the man-in-black to open the portal back to reality.  Or rather, to this reality.  Often, there was the sign of a lamp post which I would see myself standing at, almost like in that one story, Narnia or some such.

Now, the thing of it is, 'participation in reality'.
I have learned from my time spent training in the Brainwave 'shadow plane' that we must choose to participate in any type of reality.  Reality does not move unless we are the one agitating it.  It almost seems like violence!  To think, that the pristine and pure reality is either pure white or pure black.
If we are not focusing this reality, or any reality at all, then that reality soon ceases to exist.  Somehow, breathing and air itself is connected to the process of 'dissolution of reality'.  In my early experience, I could get incredibly 'high' just by a simple ten minute meditation.  And it was always like returning to reality as I would walk home from the Hill or Ridge.
As a child, I was extremely proficient at meditation.  Eventually, after losing certain specific organs to theives, namely, the penis, and another time, a sixth toe that had grown overnight, and other things throughout my sorrid mortal history, well, I took to phantasy and had a long semi trance that built up to a rifting climax after three years.  I had, in truth, almost become a 'planeswalker', which seems to me to be what an effective APer really is.

So, the nature of our lives is participatory.  If we are not focusing and retaining or absorbing any type of reality, then we return to the original state.  We can do anything we want, it's like Sai Baba says, "I am God and you are God, only you don't know it yet.".  There is infinite experience.  Meditation is simply the release of focus of a specific reality or type of existence, and gaining the original existential state.  From there, we can go on to brighter futures and fulfill our dream or hope for life.