Is feeling "In Love" all the time just impossible?

[Eternal_Soulmate]

Hi everyone...

I just feel the need to share this personal matter, I hope I'll get some answers...

I'm 27 and I must say I have a problem with Love... I can't seem to hold that Big L feeling for more than 6 or 7 months... after that it just disapears and changes into "care about a partner"

I wonder why this keeps on happening, My goal would be feeling in love all the time wich I see as True Love!  I allways seem to fall from the cloud and start to be influenced by "typical" material maters and my relationships end more or less after 2.5 years

Is this normal?? Does this happen to everyone and though it happens they mary... have kids and hold on to eachother just because they are scared to be alone?

I wonder... should I give up this dream or is my faith worth it and should I continue my search till I find the One... or
Am I wrong and should accept this "I care about You" and hold on to what I have?

 This matter makes me very sad and though I trust my feelings they overwelm me!

Please help!

[joya250]

hi there.  I'm 28, and I've had many relationships over the years.   Each one tends to last about a year and a half.   Actually, it typically has been that I lose interest around the year mark, and then waffle back and forth for many months before cutting loose.  Each man I can honestly say I loved -- but I love myself the most and must be true to my Self and my needs.

I think you may be confusing "love" with "infatuation"   And perhaps you've heard this before.  They say (whomever "they" are) that infatuation lasts from 3 to 6 months before you start to lose the stardust and the lust that tends to make our pulses race and our eyes blind to a more even view of reality and the relationship.

There is nothing wrong with you, so don't worry.     And don't give up.   I know it is cliche, but you must truly truly truly love YOURSELF first -- and know that you deserve Love, and trust that by living your life fully, and without fear, you will attract the nessecary partners or people to you, according to your changing needs.

One thing is that you see others who may have married too quickly -- and now their needs no longer match up with their partner's.   But then they feel stuck with children, a house, etc.  -- and end up becoming more trapped then free.  You see this, so you should know that you don't have to jump into marriage.

Enjoy life, enjoy learning, enjoy sharing energy with other people...  let it  flow.   Pretty soon you'l find yourself in love with everybody.   You have many, many more years of happiness ahead of you.    Try not to get caught up on the "needing to be in love" thing.

Just my 2 cents  
joya

[Rastus]

Do you Love yourself?  How do you Define Love?  Are you comparing Love to Unconditional Love?

Simple question, complex answer.  How can you Love another, or have another Love you if you don't Love yourself?

I married a Soul-Mate, so I'm biased.  Don't think it was all beer and skittles, in many ways it's harder on a person, becuse your comparing prior incarnations to this one, as well as time on the other side of the Veil BEing in Unconditional Love (granted most of this occurs subconsiously).  Once you get it all worked out, it's very much like it is on the other side of the Veil, the energetic connections are intense.

[Eternal_Soulmate]

I think you may be confusing "love" with "infatuation"   And perhaps you've heard this before.  They say (whomever "they" are) that infatuation lasts from 3 to 6 months before you start to lose the stardust and the lust that tends to make our pulses race and our eyes blind to a more even view of reality and the relationship.

Thanks Joya... I had to check what infatuation ment and I think I understand.
It sure is a good question you mentioned!

Probably I do mix them but in my opinion they should not be seen as a separate issue.... it takes more than hormones and chemistry to feel such great power of connection in between 2 beings... though I can understand it is not comparable with a "perfect" couple that have been together for ages and die in eachother's arms... it should be respected as a start of something bigger (not sure if I explain myself very well)

A couple can achieve great decisions during this period like mariage, kids and so on... though it is a game of roulette
I'm aware that love involves a lot of understanding and chaneling... but if in the begining it can be so perfect.... why does it have to change???
You could move mountains and overcome everything when u feel this "crush"

What if that moment was really true love and we just can't handle it?


As for Rastus....

Thank u as well for this more filosofic view... I will answer your questions and maybe you can chanel a bit on my personality

Yes I do love myself!! But I have to love somebody to be able to love myself... It's just how I am ... I can't help it to "get lost" when I don't have a partner I love
Just because I feel useless and I don't want to be here only for myself... I know this is weird answer but thats how it is?!

Defining love... umm that is not a simple Question!  I'm not sure I can answer that without influence of our society so I will just tell u this...
Love for me is like water air fire and earth....
It makes u light and fluid.... It fills you with life.... It gives u the strenght of ten giants!
That is love for me...My life for you

Thank u!

[joya250]

... but if in the begining it can be so perfect.... why does it have to change???

Everything changes, everything is in flux...  you change, your needs change... and I think someday you'll look back and find that your entire view on Love has changed.

Good luck with everything!   (((Eternal Soulmate)))

joya  

[Naiad780]

My boyfriend and I describe it as "crazy love" vs. "sane love."

A friend of mine says, "Love is what happens when the hormones wear off."

In my experience, that overwhelming, spark-flying, dizzying feeling does wear off simply because the relationship is no longer new.  However, it evolves into a more relaxed and gentle kind of love.  It's the difference between "OMG OMG OMG!  I love this person SOOOOO much I can't think about anything else!!!!"  to "This person is very good for me and they bring me a lot of happiness, and now I can get back to life again with their strong support and love."  That does not mean that passion disappears, though, or that you need to settle into routine.

If you're with someone *ever* simply because you're scared to be alone, you don't need that relationship.  It's not good for you.  That's such a horrible mistake to make.

I guess, when you get to the point you're describing, you can ask yourself a few questions:

a) is this person good for me?  Do they bring out my best and help me to become better?  Do they make me feel good to be alive and to be myself?

b)  Can I live the life I want to live with this person?

and

c)  Do I know this person well enough to know?

Good luck!

[Rastus]

We have been married 17 years, and are more 'insanely in Love' than ever.  Sparks flying to make teenagers Blush and we are nearly 40.  Mind and Flesh beats out Flesh only anyday  

The only constant is change, if your realtionship doesn't change, then it's not maturing.

Eteranal_soulmate:

Yes I do love myself!! But I have to love somebody to be able to love myself... It's just how I am ... I can't help it to "get lost" when I don't have a partner I love

Read that very carefully.  Now read it again, there is your answer.  

It took me a very very very long time to realise the same thing.  My guides are like a cheerleading team, Love Myself/Love Others/Be Loved.  But, they aren't dependent.  Either you Love yourself or you don't, it's not dependent on another.  That's Co-Dependance, and vailidating yourself through another.  Harsh words, but you asked.

How can another Love and value you if you don't Love and value yourself?  How much value does your Love have if you can't apply it to yourself?  you cna't use anothers Love of you top replace your Love of self.

[Naiad780]

Rastus I hope we experienced different levels of spark-flying, because if me and mine were still experiencing ours I think we'd be large piles of jelly by now    

But I agree with what you said in your last post.  We are fed this romantic notion that we aren't complete without someone else and that we need someone else in order to love ourselves or feel worthy.  Bah, I say.  Love for yourself exists whether or not someone is there to share it or not.  That's what romantic love is--*sharing* love with another.

[You]

Love is a fire. If you don't feed it enough, it goes out. Build it too fast, you get burned. Feed it too much, it gets smothered. Feed it the wrong things, it gets toxic. Breath.

[markulous]

Yeah everyone from your parents to your teachers to your friends drill in your head that the best thing for you in your life is to be with another person and possibly get married.  That is just another one of those things that are passed down to us that are just wrong.

People say I am WAY too picky and I might never get married.  Well if I don't find the right person then I don't expect to just settle for less.  I know what I want from a woman and if they don't have it then I'm sorry I am not going to change my values for them.

I think sometimes people are NOT meant to get married but because of free will and their own stubbornness they do it anyway and aren't truly happy because of it.

[Legend]

Many people here have already stated similar things but I'll just put my 0.02$ in here.  What you are feeling is some form of "lust".  The love you claim to have or feel is just like you; a tiny piece of a bigger part.  There's something stronger than what you would describe as love and you can get a glimpse of it here too if you work on it enough.  You'll know it once you hit it.  It will traverse you like a strong warm wave (words fall short of the description) and it won't be physically linked to someone like the typical "love" you feel.  It's at a slightly higher level and can apply to any sex.  

Love or lust simply cannot last forever.  It's like the physical world; it gets worned up and eventually dies.

Hi everyone...

I just feel the need to share this personal matter, I hope I'll get some answers...

I'm 27 and I must say I have a problem with Love... I can't seem to hold that Big L feeling for more than 6 or 7 months... after that it just disapears and changes into "care about a partner"

I wonder why this keeps on happening, My goal would be feeling in love all the time wich I see as True Love!  I allways seem to fall from the cloud and start to be influenced by "typical" material maters and my relationships end more or less after 2.5 years

Is this normal?? Does this happen to everyone and though it happens they mary... have kids and hold on to eachother just because they are scared to be alone?

I wonder... should I give up this dream or is my faith worth it and should I continue my search till I find the One... or
Am I wrong and should accept this "I care about You" and hold on to what I have?

 This matter makes me very sad and though I trust my feelings they overwelm me!

Please help!

[Nostic]

These are the words of Osho from the book "The Book of Secrets".


IT SEEMS VERY DIFFICULT TO LOVE SOMEONE FOR TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY. WHY DOES IT HAPPEN SO? SHOULD LOVE BE A CONTINUOUS PROCESS? AND AT WHICH STAGE DOES LOVE BECOME DEVOTION?

Love is not an act; it is not something that you do. If you do it, it is not love. No doing is involved in love; it is a state of being, not an act. No one can do anything continuously for twenty-four hours. If you are doing love, then of course you cannot do it for twenty-four hours. With any act you will get tired; with any act you get bored. And then, after any act, you have to relax. So if you are doing love, you will have to relax into hate, because you can relax only into the opposite.

That is why our love is always mixed with hatred. You love this moment, and the next moment you hate the same person. The same person becomes the object of both love and hate; that is the conflict of lovers. Because your love is an act, that is why there is this misery.

So the first thing to be understood is that love is not an act; you cannot do it. You can be in love, but you cannot "do" love. Doing is absurd. But other things are also implied. It is not an effort because if it were an effort you would get tired. It is a state of mind.

And do not think in terms of relationship, think in terms of states of mind. If you are in love, this is a state of mind. This state of mind may be focused on one person or it may be unfocused - on the whole. When it is focused on one person, it is known as love. When it becomes unfocused, it becomes prayer. Then you are just in love - not with someone, but just in love, as you are breathing.

If breathing were an effort you would get tired of it, and you would have to relax and then you would die. If it were an effort, then at some time you might forget to do it and then you would die. Love is just like breathing: it is a higher plane of breathing. If you do not breathe, your body will die. If you are not in love, your spirit cannot be born.

So take love as a breathing of the soul. When you are in love your soul becomes vital, alive, just like it is breathing. But think in this way. If I say to you, "Only breathe when you are near me and do not breathe anywhere else," then you will die. And the next time you will be near me you will be just dead and you will not even be able to breathe near me.

That has happened with love. We possess -- the love object is possessed and the lover says, "Don't love anybody else. Only love me." Then the love is atrophied and then the lover cannot love, it becomes impossible. It doesn't mean that you have to love everyone, but you have to be in a loving state of mind. It is just like breathing: even if your enemy is there you will breathe.

That is the meaning of Jesus' saying, "Love your enemy." It has been a problem for Christianity, how to understand this saying, "Love your enemy." It seems contradictory. But if loving is not an act, if it is just a state of mind, then there is no question of enemy or friend. You are in love.

Look at it from the other side. There are persons who are continuously in hate, and whenever they try to show love they have to make much effort. Their love is an effort because their continuous state of mind is hate. That is why effort is needed. There are persons who are continuously sad; then their laughter is an effort. They have to fight against themselves. Then their laughter becomes a painted laughter - just false, imposed, put together, not coming from deep within but just arranged, no spontaneity in it but just artificial.

There are persons who are continuously in anger - not angry at something or someone, just angry. Then love becomes an effort. On the other hand, if love is your state of mind, anger will be an effort. You can do it, but you cannot be angry. Then you will have to create it artificially; it will be false.

If a Buddha tries to be angry, much effort will be needed, and then too it will be false. And only those who do not know him can be deceived. Those who know him, they know that that anger is false, just painted, created. It is not coming from within; that is impossible. A Buddha, a Jesus, cannot hate. Then effort is needed. If they want to show hatred, then they will have to do it.

But you do not need any effort to be hateful; you need effort to be loving. Change the state of mind. How to change the state of mind? How to be loving? And it is not a question of time, of how to be loving twenty-four hours a day. This is absurd -- this question is absurd.

It is not a question of time. If you can be loving in a single moment that is enough, because you never have two moments together. Only one moment is given. When one is lost, a second is given. You have only one moment always with you. If you know how to be loving in one single moment, you know the secret. You need not think about twenty-four hours, or of the whole life.

Only a single moment of love and you know how to fill a moment with love. Then the second moment will be given to you, and you can fill that second moment also with love. So remember, it is not a question of time. There is a question only of a single moment, and a single moment is not part of time. A single moment is not a process; a single moment is just now.

Once you know how to enter a single moment with love, you have entered eternity: time is no more. A Buddha lives in the now; you live in time. Time means thinking of the past, thinking of the future. And while you are thinking of the past and of the future, the present is lost.

You are engaged with the future and the past, and the present is being lost - and the present is the only existence. The past is no more and the future has yet to be: they both are not, they are non-existential. This very moment, this single atomic moment, is the only existence - here and now. If you know to be loving, you know the secret. And you will never be given two moments together, so you need not bother about time.

A single moment is always - and it is always in the shape of now. Remember, there are not really two types of "nows." This single moment is the same; it doesn't differ in any way from the moment that has gone before it, and it doesn't differ in any way from the moment that is going to follow it.

This atomic now is always the same. That is why Eckhart says, "It is not that time passes. Time remains the same. Rather, we go on passing." Pure time remains the same; we go on passing. So do not think about twenty-four hours, and then you need not think of the present moment.

One thing more. Thinking needs time; living doesn't need time. You cannot think in this very moment. In this very moment, if you want to be you will have to cease thinking, because thinking is basically concerned with either the past or the future. Of what can you think in the present? The moment you think, it has become the past.

A flower is there -- you say this is a beautiful flower. This saying is now no more in the present; it has become the past. When you come to grasp something in thinking, it has become the past. In the present you can be, but you cannot think. You can be with the flower, but you cannot think about it. Thinking needs time.

So in another way, thinking is time. If you do not think, there is no time. That is why in meditation you feel a timelessness. That is why in love you feel a timelessness. Love is not thinking, it is a cessation of thought. You are! When you are with your beloved, you are not thinking about love, you are not thinking about the beloved. You are not thinking at all. And if you are thinking, then you are not with your beloved, you are somewhere else. Thinking means absence from the now... you are not there.

That is why those who are too much obsessed with thinking cannot love, because even when they are there, even if they reach to the original divine source, even if they meet God, they will go on thinking about him and they will miss him completely. You can go on thinking about and about and about, but it is never the fact.

A moment of love is a timeless moment. Then there is no question of thinking how to love twenty-four hours. You never think about how to live twenty-four hours, how to be alive twenty-four hours. Either you are alive or you are not. So the basic thing to be understood is not time, but now - how to be here and now in a state of love.

Why is there hate? When you feel hatred, go to the cause of it. Only then can love flower. When do you feel hatred? When you feel that your existence, your life, is in danger, when you feel that your existence can be annihilated, suddenly hate surges in you. When you feel that you can be destroyed, you start destroying others. That is a safety measure. It is just a part of you that is struggling for survival. Whenever you feel that your existence is in danger, you are filled with hatred.

So unless you come to feel that your existence cannot be in danger, that it is impossible to annihilate you, you cannot be filled with love. A Jesus can be in love because he knows something which is deathless. You cannot be in love because you know only that which belongs to death. And every moment death is there; every moment you are afraid. How can you love when you are afraid? Love cannot exist with fear. And fear is there, so you can only create a make-believe that you love.

And again, your love is really nothing but a safety measure. You love so that you will not fear. Whenever you believe that you are in love, you are less afraid. For the moment you can forget death. An illusion is created in which you can feel that you are accepted by the existence; you are not denied, rejected. That is why there is so much need of love and of being loved.

Whenever you are being loved by someone, you create around you an illusion that you are needed by the existence - at least by someone. You are needed by someone, so you are not just futile. You are not just accidental -- you are needed somewhere. Without you the existence will miss something. That gives you a feeling of well-being. You feel a purpose, a destiny, a meaning, a worthiness.

When you are not loved by anyone you feel rejected, you feel denied, you feel meaningless. Then you feel there is no purpose, no destiny. If no one loves you and you die, there will be no feeling of your absence, it will not be felt that you are no more. No one will feel that you were, and now you are no more.

Love gives you the feeling of being needed. That is why in love one becomes or feels less afraid. Whenever love is not there you become more fearful, and in fear, as a protection, you become hateful. Hate is a protection. You are afraid of being destroyed; you become destructive.

In love, you feel that you are accepted, welcome -- not an uninvited guest, but rather that you are invited, welcome, waited for, received, that the existence is happy that you are. The one who loves you becomes the representative of the whole existence. But this love is basically fear-based. You are protecting against fear, against death, against the inhuman indifference of existence.

Really, existence is indifferent - at least on the surface. The sun, the sea, the stars, the earth, they are totally indifferent to you; no one is worried about you. And it is apparently clear that you are not needed. Without you everything will be as good as it is with you; nothing will be lost. Look at the existence superficially: no one, nothing, cares about you. They may not even be aware of you. The stars are not aware of you; even the earth which you call Mother is not aware of you. And when you die, the earth will not be sad. Nothing will have changed; things will be as they are and as they always have been. With you or without you, there is no difference.

You feel you are just an accident. You were not needed; uninvited you have come... just a chance product. This creates fear. This is what Kierkegaard calls "anguish." There is a subtle continuous fear -- you are not needed.

When someone loves you, you feel that a different dimension has come into existence. Now at least one person will be there who will weep, who will feel sorry, who will be sad. There will be tears; you will be needed. At least there will be one person who will always feel your absence if you are not. At least for one you have gained a destiny, a purpose.

That is why there is so much need of love. And if you are not loved, you are uprooted. But this love is not the love I am talking about. This is a relationship and a mutual creation of illusion - a mutual illusion: "I need you, you need me. I give you this illusion that without you my purpose, my meaning, my life will be lost; you give me this illusion that without me everything will be lost. So we both are helping each other to be in an illusion. We are creating one separate, private existence in which we become meaningful, in which the whole indifference of this vast space is forgotten."

Two lovers live in each other; they have created a private world. That is why love needs so much privacy. If you are not in privacy, the world goes on impinging upon you. It goes on telling you that whatsoever you are doing is just a dream, and this is a mutual illusion. Love needs privacy because then the whole world is forgotten. Only two lovers exist, and the indifference, the total indifference of existence, is forgotten. You feel loved, welcomed. Without you nothing will be the same. At least in this private world nothing will be the same without you.Life is meaningful.

I am not talking about this love. This is really illusory. It is a cultivated illusion, and man is so weak that he cannot live without this illusion. Those who can, they live without this illusion. A Buddha can live without this illusion, and then he will not create it.

When it becomes possible to live illusion-lessly - to live without illusion -- a second, a different dimension of love comes into being. It is not that one person needs you. It is coming to understand, to realize that you are not different from this existence which looks so indifferent. You are part of it, organically one with it. And if a tree is flowering, it is not separate from you. You have flowered in the tree and the tree has become conscious in you.

The sea and the sand and the stars, they are one with you. You are not an island, you are organically one with this universe. The whole universe is within you and the whole of you is in this universe. Unless you come to know it and feel it and realize it, you will not get that love which is a state of mind.

If you come to realize this, you will not need to create a private illusion that someone loves you. Then there is meaning, and if no one loves you, no meaning is lost. Then you are not afraid at all because even death will not annihilate you. It may annihilate the form, it may annihilate the body, but it cannot annihilate you because you are the existence.

This is what happens in meditation. This is for what meditation is meant. In it you become a part, an opening. You come to feel, "Existence and I are one." Then you are welcomed, and there is no fear and there is no death. Then love flows from you. Then love is not an effort -- you cannot do anything except love. Then it is like breathing. Deep inside you breathe love; in and out you breathe love.

This love grows into devotion. Then ultimately you will even forget, it just as you forget your breathing. When do you remember your breathing? Have you observed? You remember only when something is wrong. When you feel any difficulty, then you know that you have been breathing; otherwise there is no need even to be aware of it. And if you are aware of your breathing, that shows that something is wrong with your breathing process. There is no need of being aware of the breathing process. Silently it goes on.

So when you are aware of your love, the love that is a state of mind, it means that something is still wrong. By and by even that awareness is lost. You simply breathe love in and out. You have forgotten everything, even that you love. Then it has become devotion. That is the ultimate peak, the ultimate possibility -- you may call it anything.

Love can become devotion only when this awareness is lost, forgotten. It doesn't mean that you have become unconscious, it only means that the process has become so silent that there is no noise around it. You are not unconscious of it, but you are not conscious of it either. It has become so natural. It is there, but it does not create any disturbance inside; it has become so harmonious.

So remember, when I am talking about love, I am not talking about your love. But if you try to understand your love, it will become a step toward growing into a different kind of love. So I am not against your love. I am simply stating the fact that if your love is fear-based, it is just ordinary, animal love. And no derogation, no condemnation is implied; it is simply a fact.

Man is afraid. He needs someone who gives him the feeling that he is welcomed, he need not be afraid. At least with one person you need not be filled with fear. This is good as far as it goes, but this is not what Buddha or Jesus called love. They called love a state of mind, not a relationship. So go beyond relationship, and by and by just be loving. First you will not be capable of it unless you move into meditation. Unless you come to know the deathless within, unless you come to know a deep unity between the inner and the outer, unless you feel that you are existence, it will be difficult.

[Eternal_Soulmate]

 Wow Nostic! Thanks for this what moroe would call "SGE"
I'm printing it out cause its a bit big to read from the screen...

So u can't feel like this all the time I supose.... shame but I'll have to live with that.... There is a state of mind wich is similar but not based on loving one person... I experienced it once... I called it "been conected to the source"

It was a few years ago when I was a member of a chatroom called "NewAge RoundTable"... somehow chatting with others I managed feeling like my body was vibrating on a higher level... walking was like floating and I didn't sleep nor eat during 5 days (without feeling tired or hungry)

Each time we had a session talkin about the truth of life it was like each one of us was writing a phrase of a same story ....
I supose this feeling would not be possible to maintain either

I don't know why but I allways seem to sort of "investigate" feelings and reactions... I like to learn how I and other people react.
Is this a bad thing?    

Thank u all for your support

[JAW]

Thanks Nostic I really enjoyed reading that, Im bookmarking it and reading it again soon. Very wise.

[Eternal_Soulmate]

NOSTIC

You've just changed your Avatar to Lord of the Rings.... Just today when I gave my girlfriend the Trilogy as a christmass pressent!!!
What the hell???
This might be a sign  

[Nostic]

NOSTIC

You've just changed your Avatar to Lord of the Rings.... Just today when I gave my girlfriend the Trilogy as a christmass pressent!!!
What the hell???
This might be a sign  

LOL, what a cool coincidence. I got the box set trilogy a few weeks ago myself. I always change my avatar. I usually get bored with them fairly quickly. Funny thing is I don't even post here that often... but I do lurk around every day.

And I'm glad you gained  something from the passage that I posted.
Osho IMO is the best, most insightful spiritual teacher that I've ever read. He explains things in such a simple way, but at the same time, he's soo deep. The man will hurt you with his wisdom! LOL!  

[vunderbal]

then too, there is the matter of the "dopamine rush"..if you look into studies of tantra they will surely discuss this, the differences between the love oxytocin love and the dopamine rush....the dopamine rush is responsible for fetishes, for the love hangover, sort of and all sorts of adrenalin junkie sort of obsession with the newness of love or something....also...what about the very many faceds you have and the very many faces of your lover, do you know of them? do you seek them out in your partner? sometimes people feel unfulfilled and so they then seek out another as if the partner was not evrything...sort of...do you act in a similiar fashion always or do you have a sort of role for yourself? if you are static and fixed this could probably lead to the sort of maintenance feeling rather tahn a growing, a constructive nurturing feeling, sort of- the viability of the whole deal..you wonder if it is growing or whether or not you can look forward to anything....perhaps. perhaps not. but there is a definate case for the heart love...the open hearted feeling- this is for sure very definately.....i can only recite little bits that have caught my eye that i have read, wondered about and heard...i cannot tell you how to apply them for i am only starting to learn myself....but there is something to it...i urge you to look into the teachings of tantra, very seriously...the reports of healing there are awesome and very amazing-i wonder why it isnt a regular part of society, in fact.

[vunderbal]

people in tantra report heart orgasms....and a very calm, relaxed feeling of well being- not the sort of insatiable just want more addictive aspects of our dopamine rush based sex which it very much seems that our society is presenting as the reality or something i cant knock it you know!it is fun, but if you are experienceing trouble with your feelings it makes uber sense to look into this matter through tantra i am thinking! good luck remember: oxytocin vsdopamine and tantra....these are my points to add for you. Good luck sir!

[vunderbal]

oh by the way, i am in love very deply right now and things between us seem to go perfectly-if you want to consider the source, you know, we make other people jealous and wonder about their own matchups just by being together. we are very close and very deeply attached to each other...i mean we enjoy each other...just even making up things to laugh about together stuff like that-but we are wiedos foh shoh-anyways he came along just as i ended another relationship where my partner was "the equal opposite" or some retarded such nonesensical-thing and said to myself, you know i have seen too many people who seem to form the left and right hemispheres of a brain...each of them kinda behaving like a half wit, seriously! ugh!  or relationships where they just did not have similiar interests nor did they work well together, but actually diluted each other's strengths-or just plain didnt find one another interesting...some folks sorta think of it as balancing and perhaps maybe certain qualities of the one would undo them should they be allowed to partner with someone very similiar...but i think that is bs actually, for i formed the conclusion based on several examples of irritating unions i saw around me and situations in my own life that i didnt need to be kept safe from myself and a lover didnt need to be my protector-nor give me whatver it is i dont have!! i never realized i had just sorta accepted some seriously silly examples as just the norm or the only reality possible but as soon as i confronted this that is when things got better!! furthermore i totally decided that fellows who need a 'helper' to keep them safe whew! right off the bat, they surely should be avoided for that is just codependence awaitin' to happen! oh and finally...perhaps when surrounded and immersed in your love it is hard to know what you feel haha...because relatively it has just become the everyday...only when withdrawn would you feel that same yearning for closeness when you were first getting to know each other...and perhaps people avoid certain changes in themselves before their lover whom they feel knows them so well, as it could be threatening to everything- that sorta goes back to the other parts of yourself commentary...and finding other sides to them that arent necessarily played up by your relationship but rather, sort of never get encouragement or any noticing.

[beavis]

The idea that 2 people should stay together monogamously for a long time comes from the same people who burned witches and stoned people who asked questions (Socrates, for example).

If you want to stay with 1 person that long (not because its "bad" to leave), great. But its usually not practical. I need different people to avoid boredom. After you get to know someone well enough, you know what they'd say about most things, how they'd act in most situations... not much interesting left.

Then most people think "this is as good as it gets" or "its a sin to leave them or have 5 partners at once".

[crispassion]

Hey this is a great thread! Love is one of those things we find really confusing for a long long time. Eh, nobody teaches us this stuff at school, right?!  

We don't even have the vocabulary for it. Look, this post probably won't be as long as I'd like, because it's a beautiful day outside and I want to go for a long walk in the sunshine! All of us seem to instinctively feel that there should be this 'soulmate' out there for us, and we may have thoughts and fantasies concerning what this would be like - to be with our soulmate. Where does this come from? Some believe the idea is instilled in us at a young age by society, fairy tales, "true love" stories etc. Maybe it is an illusion.

But this doesn't change the fact that even as a very young boy, I had a definite sense that I should be expecting the 'arrival' of sombody sometime. It makes sense that with all these people on this huge Earth, that there would be someone with whom you share a purpose, share goals, share interests, share feelings, share passions, share a common joy in each other's presence, and have a common spirit?

When I fell in love for the first time at 17, I thought I 'd found that person. It was an early stage in life to go through such strong feelings, but looking back on this (I'm now 32) it is clear to me that though it was an extremely important relationship for both of us, we weren't truly a compatible partnership. (It turned out that she realised this before I did - so I ended up dealing with the hurt!).

I've been through many relationships since, the longest being six years, and the most recent being almost 4 years. No matter how much of a friend the other person is, or how much fun you have at times, you always know deep down if this is just an important but temporary stage in your life/learning/growth. Sometimes you ignore this because you need the lesson REALLY bad! So you overstay your welcome and get stuck.

I have just left my last relationship and dear friend precisely for those reasons and because I believe I have met my soulmate (strangely met her at the recent Robert Bruce workshop, amongst a flurry of concidences and signs...). It is the strangest feeling. You know each other, yet you have only just met. You feel that you have been together before somehow, somewhere... Distance is no object, you still feel each other whenever you want to. We are constantly discovering similarities, shared thoughts, shared hopes, shared opinions. We are laughing regularly at the crazy situation we have found ourselves in, but my God we are grateful for it.

I'm just starting out on this new adventure, and dealing with the pain of saying goodbye to my old life. It's only been a little over two weeks! So I'll have to get back to you further down the line...

Right I'm off for that walk.

Good luck to you all in finding your different ways to love, I hope we all meet at that destination...

Cris.  

[Astral Soul]

I have often felt love from many people and view not only lovers, but friends and family as soulmates too.  We all share thoughts, feelings and laughter.  It's what brings people together in this crazy universe!

[cristaphin]

ooo looks like it's my turn to share my thoughts  Yay!

When I was younger, I remember having the "well, how do you know it's the right one" and "I like them; How come I can't seem to connect on the level I want, or how come it fades"?

Dunno.

From the first get together with my husband I remember feeling content. So I suppose my answer to the first question is that all unhelpful "Well now, you just know."

I've been waiting for that intense infatuation, that flutter, that he's my all, feeling that I had with boyfriends. The only time it seems to show is when he's doing something that could end his time here in this incarnation. Or when I feel so overwhelmed with love and gratitude that it leaks out of my eyes.
Other then that, it's always been a friendship that makes me look forward to getting old.  Sometimes one of us has a really bad idea.  Another perspective is nice. Every blue moon we really irritate the snot outta each other.  That's good though, without a little conflict, it's not so easy to grow.

As a general rule we use each other to practice kindness, tolerance, respect, acts of understanding and kindness, and listening/communication skills. (As well as using the other person pick on, rhyme or sing at when we're bored. Yes, we are both geeks, so what?)
After all once that initial rush is gone, what is left except another human, just like you are?
After the dating stage when you've put your best foot forward, all that is left is who you are. The real 'them'.  "They" aren't too bad. I think I can live with 'them'.

Don't worry about it. As Nostic says, it's all an illusion anyway.

Personally, i'm happy with my illusionary playmate .

Happiness and peace

Cristaphin