My paradox I know for sure that to live in the moment will regain what I had but

[beavis]

You cant change until accepting what you are now.

My mind is unbalanced compared to what it used to be. I could fix it, but I've been too lazy or distracted with unimportant things.

I used to feel the "vibrations" everywhere all the time. My mind touched everything around me. There was no border between being in and out of the body. More than just the experience of it, small objects often moved a little when I thought it (telekinesis), and patterns of events flowed with my mind, never knowing which of my thoughts or the events caused the other.
"psi wheel in a clear closed box 2" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKJGb4RNRB4

My paradox is I know for sure that to live in the moment will regain what I had and more, but too often I dont because of the pain of not having what I could so easily regain.

Living in the moment is a practical thing. It works for the laws of physics, each point being affected only by what its touching (including higher dimensional entanglement). It works for doing your taxes, when you build and use a strategy one moment of thought at a time and experience every moment of strategicly doing your taxes, however painful it may be. It works for performing miracles, which are really just ways to use physics or other things that people dont yet understand.

Moving things with the mind only works when you're not trying to do it except just a little. Its a balancing act of your whole subconscious mind at once. You look at the target (like aluminum foil balanced on a needle or a hammer leaned against a wall so any slight push would tip it) and just observe every little movement and shape of it. Think about what it would feel like to be in the same space as it, but be careful not to cut your metaphysical parts of your body on sharp aluminum foil because you can damage yourself. Just observe the moment of observing it. Commit yourself to have the same thought regardless of what happens, while you still look at it. If it accelerates turning left or right, either way I'll think the same thing, just observing it. Live in the moment of whatever is happening, and when you do that for long enough, sometimes just a few seconds, it will move as if something outside of your brain wanted it to. It is outside your brain. Its your spirit. Its you, and your brain is letting it take control. Your brain and spirit can learn to become one mind, unlike how it normally works brain overpowers spirit and spirit gives up.

I've had about all I can take of "spirit gives up" on touching the world around me, of being part of my mind. This makes it worse. Not living in the moment. But it motivates me to solve the paradox.

I am not happy to live a normal Human life or anything close to it. But I'm not interested in the pathetic paths religions offer either. It doesnt get the job done. You're still primarily Human. It bothers me that I feel more Human than I really am. I'm primarily a spirit or part of the high dimensional field of physics or whatever you want to call it, and I find it outrageous that I should pretend to be anything else. But I have to pretend because memories of being a spirit fade. Would you wait until death of your body to be what you really are?

I have to solve the paradox. I often do, but not for long. Its not so much knowing the answer as having the strength to use it, which is another part of the paradox as many kinds of strength come from living in the moment.

But who lacks strength? We're all god(s), just really confused about how to use those parts of ourself.