Mental Mind looking for an answer? [trust]

[Karxx Gxx]

Hey.

I've been doing my thing, self awareness, feeling, 'being', letting go, breathing, that part. And one thing that always seems to happen is my mind wanting to know "how did i get here? what did i do?" For example, ill be in a certain state of being and it has to know what was the last thing to get there. Was i letting go? Was i giving up? etc. Basically trying to get a grasp of some technique.  There were times I tried to convice my mind that I dont need to know, but it doesnt hold onto that idea well.

I've cycled through the same types of heigharcial ideas , varying in different statuses. As in, what is the most important word  I NEED to know. Is it breath? is it... So one week it would be this , another week it would be that. Then this again. What are the top 3 words.  But it would always need to find ONE. ONE i could always fall on so to speak. Something I can do. A technique.

And with every idea, there are exceptions. Especially because it usually takes intent to execute. If im focus on one technique (to achieve my goal- a state of being), it can leave less room for other things to hold my intent. I.E if im focused on breathing, it will be harder to execute dancing, playing games, conversing, etc. So all in all, for one idea to rule them all is near impossible. Even if breath helps in a thousand ways, its not the answer my mind can keep. To each their own.

Now, the only idea that my mind has (and will) keep at all times seems to be the word Trust.   This has been there at #1 before but it didnt grasp. It is a hard thing to 'excecute' for lack of a better word. And 'Trust what? '  mind says. And a reply could be any word, once again.  Breath. Let go. Feel. Do nothing. etc.  But it did help me waiver less in doubt. So time passes, and recently I finally am able trust. Mind doesnt say Trust what? Not even Trust trust. (although that may be what is happening, my mind voice doesnt hold onto 'Trust trust' but simply 'trust')

With an experience I had, I know to vibrate not-trust brings an experience that is less wanting. And what idea can really counter Trust? Its not something I really need to execute as more so something I need to remember. I know what it is like to be in tune with that word. To vibrate closer to that word. What actions I need to take. It's like a guied of sorts. This allows more flow than other previous ideas. Important to note, its not that I am trusting a certain action to take. Its that I simply trust first and the action i need to take comes out. Whatever is expressed while im in tune with that word is going to be what I want. If i agree or not doesnt matter too much. I dont judge what i do. I dont know what roads will lead to what, but i beleive something out there 'higher self, etc' does. I believe im connecting to a knowing-ness and that knowing-ness guides me through the word Trust.

My mind is at peace with this word, and so am I. It takes no willpower to trust. I wont be exhausted. Other things do for me do since it takes constant focus and intent.
If i flow into a natural expression, it shouldnt take as much willpower as anything else imo.

Tis been only 2 days of latching onto this word only, but it sure does feel good. Good enough for me to post it and not worry about having a new revelation that trumps this (like a new word as #1)

Edit: HA. Funny thing, the last post I made also said this is the word for me. Forgot all about that. Funny how I strayed from that path again! Sorry for the repeat. But hey, this is proof that it is something that is deeper than one would think! NEVER AGAINNNN