Hi everyone,
This is my first post in this part of the forum so I hope i'm not in the wrong place ^^;
I've been taking reiki courses all the way up to master level so I thought I wouldn't be running in to problems like this, but I guess sometimes healers need help from other healers to find what is wonky at times.
I'm not sure how to describe my problem since I'm having trouble grasping the core of it. What I'm bothered by most is the fact that I can't seem to relax.. ever. I've tried meditation during both day and just before bed. If I do it during the day I get sleepy and have to take a nap to get back on track. At night I try to either just relax or astral project. I usually get a feeling of strong discomfort in my legs and arms from this or I do get a feeling of some kind of altered consciousness but it never gets further then this as if my energy body or mind just seem to refuse to "step outside" or let go.
I've had nightmares for many years and overall felt like crap mentally but this was taken care of through reiki treatments and initiations. Basically I think I'm fine.. I feel fine, but I "know" I'm not. There is still something there beyond my reach and grasp, something preventing me from letting go. I don't know it is fear or something else. A clear sign of this is that my dreams, even though I do have lucid dreams at times or am overall skillful at getting out of nasty situations in normal dreams is that those dreams are still pretty screwed up. There is a lot of pain and danger in there. Always some kind of struggle for survival, fighting. Never those beautiful cool things people talk about.
I never even dream about this world I live in, it is always different worlds unless it is related to my past, but those dreams I can tell they are there to resolve stuff ._.;
I just want to be able to have dreams that can put my mind at peace instead of scrambling it. I want to be able to relax and focus my mind... or at least find an answer to all that ... sick destruction and constant struggle that I experience during dreamtime.
If someone could help with healing or if anyone is willing to chime in and maybe give a clue to whats up beyond my own understanding I would be very grateful.
- Silwer
Silwer,
Your problem sounds familiar to what I went through a few years ago.
I went to a very good energy healer for a few sessions.
I complemented his work with my own meditation on my energy body.
My abdomen has always been impossible to relax. What I did was ask the question, "what is this sensation all about?"
I intuited various past life personalities and "retrieved" each one as I met them. For the most part, they were victims
of some brutal death, whether by man, and animal, or situation (e.g. childbirth).
The more I "dug", the more of these personalities I met and moved along... it seemed unlimited.
Then one day, I encountered a personality that preceded them all. I call him the "Viking."
He recklessly killed many people in his lifetime.
Now, I can't say I've completely solved my energy body situation, but I realized that at the core of my problems
was either a major karma imbalance or a self-inflicted punishment to train my soul to do a better job keeping my incarnations in check.
Moral of the story, there is a story embedded in your situation. A story that might span many past lifetimes.
I suggest during meditation to ask for more information about your discomforts. Don't worry if the messages you get at first
seem strange. Imagination is one of the best gateways into the spiritual world and whether or not the messages are "factual," it could lead to healing.
A recent audio I released with help of my deep-voiced friend might help :-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqPNuwJLARU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqPNuwJLARU)
-michael
Sounds very similar actually, my sacral chakra has always been the one screwing up the most.
I love how this works, the same night I posted this I lay down to try and deeply relax myself before sleep. I'm starting to get rather quick at slowing my breathing but this time I noticed more clearly what that discomfort is about. The whole left side of my body is frozen up and terrified of any meditation/energy practice. It just refuses to be a part of it and the more I relax the more it fights back. I poked it with questions a bit and got that it is afraid because of something that has happened before, that it will get hurt again or that something will happen.
It is funny that you've mentioned past lives, I talked to a healer once who mentioned that I've also had many lives where I have been a victim of brutal deaths. My personal experience is that I've also had a life where I was quite a hateful killer with no mercy or regret. (I've met this one in my dreams and it is an angry stubborn soul that doesn't want to chill out and move on...)
In my current life I've already had a bunch of karma to rid myself of since it was passed on by generations of my family, and I've faced my punishment for betrayal of a friend in a past life. So it makes sense when you say there might be something from the past influencing the setbacks I experience ...
I don't know much about "retrieving" past personalities but I'll look in to it,
Thank you a lot Mendel, you just gave me a big part of the puzzle and suddenly it all makes sense ! :D
Daily meditation designed to balance energy and bring in positive energy and release negative energy would also be a good idea. Definately get things in order before trying to AP or OBE.
I am sending you some positive energy:)