Dear all, I have experienced depersonalization and dissociation for years now, initially not knowing what was wrong with me. It has gone worse and I feel so sad , not remembering who I am. I sit passively a lot, I do not feel any life around or inside me anymore. It seems all I can do is grieve for my body getting ever weaker, and wondering where my identity, my feelings and my spirit have gone. It is the most frightful thing I ever experienced.
I can't make any choices anymore for they all seem wrong. I have been living in isolation for a long time. I can't function properly anymore and feel a disgrace to myself and everyone else. My will to live has collapsed also. I do not even feel like a human being anymore.
I know that I have to work on, turning around a lot of negativity, thinking differently, and becoming strong. Also I really miss a place and people to belong to. This is a bit of a lengthy despcription, but it feels so awful to have become such a different person which I don't want to be. I do not want to go to God afterwards and have to tell Him that I just passively sat my life away because I did not know what to do or how to heal anymore. It is said that I should love myself and others, but I can't. Please, if there is anyone out there who can send healing, I would be so very grateful. Thank you very much.
Hi, you appear to have something in common with one of the Admins in Astral Viewers. His name is Quinqua. You should talk to him. He's experienced depersonalization before. He is very intelligent and I'm sure he'll provide great advice first hand!
This is from wiki, by the way:
Depersonalization disorder (DPD) is a dissociative disorder in which the sufferer is affected by persistent or recurrent feelings of depersonalization and/or derealization. The symptoms include a sense of automation, going through the motions of life but not experiencing it, feeling as though one is in a movie, feeling as though one is in a dream, feeling a disconnection from one's body; out-of-body experience, a detachment from one's body, environment and difficulty relating oneself to reality.
Occasional moments of mild depersonalization are normal;[1] strong, severe persistent or recurrent feelings are not. A diagnosis of a disorder is made when the dissociation is persistent and interferes with the social and occupational functions necessary to everyday living. Depersonalization Disorder is thought to be largely caused by severe traumatic lifetime events including childhood sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, accidents, war, and torture. Drug use may be a mitigating factor. It is unclear whether genetics play a role, however there is evidence of physiological factors with respect to DPD.
Depersonalization disorder can be conceptualized as a defense mechanism as the core symptoms of the disorder are thought to protect the victim from negative stimuli. Depersonalization disorder is often comorbid with anxiety disorders, panic disorders, clinical depression and bipolar disorder.
Although depersonalization disorder is an alteration in the subjective experience of reality, it is by no means related to psychosis as sufferers maintain the ability to distinguish between their own internal experiences and the objective reality of the outside world. Sufferers are able to distinguish between reality and fantasy, during episodic and continuous depersonalization, and do not represent a risk to society since their grasp on reality remains stable at all times.[2]
You may read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder
Have you tried yoga or other exercises that promote a connection to the body?