Yes, I realize I haven't posted in a while.
I need help.
I've been growing increasingly depressed. Most of this revolves around not wanting to move on from past relationships. It's like I put out all the love I can and none ever comes back. Maybe I'm just not seeing it, but I feel that most people just think I'm annoying. I don't know.
The problem is as follows:
I cannot move on.
There, I said it.
I loved a girl, and I tried to move on. I tried and fell in love with another girl, and it faded away. I'm stuck. I can't do this on my own. Maybe (or probably) it's this attitude that's causing this... I just need a sign, please!
I need to know somehow that things will get better and I'll find the one that will make me forget all of my past troubles and enable me to look forward to life, rather than dreading it.
I know it seems like I'm pathetic or w/e...... I really don't care. I need your help.
Please...
Thank you.
-Don
The only thing that will help is time, its nice that you love her, you can still love her you just cant be with her , if you truly do love her set her free
in a few months you will start to feel better i promise you
:NoY:
Sigh... I've been like this for almost two years.
I haven't said much about it on here, though...
Losing a relationship is akin to a bereavement. You spend some time grieving for everything you feel that you have lost and everything that you now cannot have. You lament the destruction of all the dreams you held close and dear and you wonder how you can ever piece together a new dream of a viable and desired future.
No one can tell you how to find yourself looking to the future, rather than to the past, but it should be possible given time and many can offer suggestions. The essence, though, is to let go of the pain you've lived through and the anger associated with the loss of all you felt that you had.
Another point you mention is the feeling that you need someone else to give you personal validity. Have you considered that it's very unfair to place such a burden on another person? It's your own responsibility to be yourself and to find your own path in life. Someone else can come into your life and walk alongside you for a while or even for a lifetime but, even within that partnership, you are still responsible for your own life and your own evolution. We must each learn to be self and to find self. Think how much more you can then offer another person, once you know where you are centred.
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed. It is not a nice place to be.
The trouble with a sad heart is that it's difficult to fix rationally. This said, one of my lecturers once said to me'
"You can learn through wisdom or woe, the choice is yours"
And the choice is yours. You can choose to be wise, to hold your head up, to be positive, to look forward to life's adventures, to take opportunities, study, work, travel, go to gigs, eat nice food, enjoy all the good times. We all have dirty days too, some more than others, and these are tough, but you just need to ride them out. The good days are all the sweeter because of them.
There are good times ahead. But if you tell yourself you can't be happy until you find someone else to make you happy, then you will miss all of those good times because you will be closed to them. You will make the same mistake again. You will meet someone and rely on them for happiness, and when they don't meet your expectations, (nobody can make you happy all the time) you will be disappointed, and sad, and so it will continue, until hopefully one day you will get it through your head that you are the only person that can make you happy. This, my friend, is learning through woe, and it sucks.
If you want to learn through wisdom, please take my advice. Scrunch up all the negative thoughts in your head, pull all the sadness out of your heart, scrunch it up into a ball along with all the negative thoughts and throw it far away. It's gone. Now you have space in your heart, and in your head, for happiness and contentment. Take a deep breath, relax. Open yourself to life. There are good days ahead, I promise. Make sure you make the most of them, because life is too short to waste. Be the best person that you can be, enjoy yourself, and when you do meet someone, enjoy that too. But most of all just chill, take one day at a time, do stuff you enjoy, the rest will follow. Make the decision today, to enjoy the rest of your wonderful life. Sending you much love and healing.
Quote from: gilly k on November 15, 2011, 17:26:00
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed. It is not a nice place to be.
The trouble with a sad heart is that it's difficult to fix rationally. This said, one of my lecturers once said to me'
"You can learn through wisdom or woe, the choice is yours"
And the choice is yours. You can choose to be wise, to hold your head up, to be positive, to look forward to life's adventures, to take opportunities, study, work, travel, go to gigs, eat nice food, enjoy all the good times. We all have dirty days too, some more than others, and these are tough, but you just need to ride them out. The good days are all the sweeter because of them.
There are good times ahead. But if you tell yourself you can't be happy until you find someone else to make you happy, then you will miss all of those good times because you will be closed to them. You will make the same mistake again. You will meet someone and rely on them for happiness, and when they don't meet your expectations, (nobody can make you happy all the time) you will be disappointed, and sad, and so it will continue, until hopefully one day you will get it through your head that you are the only person that can make you happy. This, my friend, is learning through woe, and it sucks.
If you want to learn through wisdom, please take my advice. Scrunch up all the negative thoughts in your head, pull all the sadness out of your heart, scrunch it up into a ball along with all the negative thoughts and throw it far away. It's gone. Now you have space in your heart, and in your head, for happiness and contentment. Take a deep breath, relax. Open yourself to life. There are good days ahead, I promise. Make sure you make the most of them, because life is too short to waste. Be the best person that you can be, enjoy yourself, and when you do meet someone, enjoy that too. But most of all just chill, take one day at a time, do stuff you enjoy, the rest will follow. Make the decision today, to enjoy the rest of your wonderful life. Sending you much love and healing.
Jeeeeeesus that was supposed to say "dirty" not "dirty" and I tried to modify it and I couldn't and then I quoted the whole damn thing when I didn't mean to ! SORRY !!! Having an attack of total doofus time I got some sleep, SORRY ! :|
NO !!! Every time I type the word I mean it comes up as 'dirty' I'm not typing dirty I'm typing ess, aitch, eye, tee tee, why, why does it DO THAT !??! :|
It's the naughty word cleaner, installed to protect our sweet sensibilities.
I hope you feel better soon, Don.
Quote from: donzieja on November 15, 2011, 06:43:16
Sigh... I've been like this for almost two years.
I haven't said much about it on here, though...
Quote from: donzieja on November 15, 2011, 06:43:16
Sigh... I've been like this for almost two years.
I haven't said much about it on here, though...
When I get in a slump that lasts for too long, I drastically change my schedules/routines and try to work on something I haven't done in a while. When I get stuff done, either work or hobbies, I feel good about what I've accomplished and it makes me more positive and confident in myself. The main point is that when you get into a depressing lifestyle and it starts to become a daily habit, you can change that lifestyle to one with more sense of accomplishment.
I don't know if this applies to your situation, but I'm throwing it out there.
Sometimes it goes beyond a mere rut. Sometimes, one can feel that the whole reason for living has been removed and that there is basically little point to drawing breath. Alongside that deep despair, however, there will likely be other emotions such as anger and blame.
Anger and blame can be dealt with by invoking calm and forgiveness when they rear their heads and there are tried and tested remedies for many other emotions. Dealing with the despair of pointlessness is likely only dealt with by finding purpose to keep going, a fresh reason to keep drawing breath with the conviction that life can make sense once more.
Wow, thank you guys.
I never thought anyone would care as much as you all do.
I've devised some sort of plan: I'm going to try my best to make others happy, and hopefully that will reveal some things to me that I didn't know, and eventually the happiness will come back to me.
Hope. That's my plan. If I don't care about life, why should I care if I'm happy or sad during it?
I guess I might as well make the most out of what I have... Make new friends, and go new places. No matter how difficult that is, I think I can pull it off at one point or another.
And no, I'm not just going to sit there waiting for things to get better. I should do things about it, such as trying to not be paranoid all the time. It will be difficult, but I like a challenge, so bring it on.
Thank you all for your support.
It means a lot to me.
~Don
P.s - I have bipolar, so it may seem that at some points I am doing worse. Keep in mind that this is a part of a cycle I've dealt with since birth, so I'm not saying to ignore it, but if I happen to post here during one of my lows, ask me if it's bipolar. As simple as that is, it helps.
P.p.s - I recently began counseling my best friend over depression. It seems I'm better at helping other people than myself, though making my best friend better did make me feel better about myself, so I guess.... I can make myself better. I just need to put out what I want to come in. It's awesome what you can find out while just typing randomly.
THANK YOU ALL!!!!
~Don
From what you wrote about its helping if someone asks you whether the bipolar condition is causing your lows, you might benefit from reading "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. He spends much of the book discussing what he calls ego and learning to recognise when you are in a state that's not beneficial to yourself and taking a mental step back from it. It seems that you already do that but need someone else to trigger it.
Hey buddy just wanted to say Hello :lol:
He ya!
You don't seem pathetic to me, but very human :).
If you want to hear my opinion, here it goes:
- if you feel that you love others with full throttle but you don't get anything back, maybe you are trying to express your love in ways that are invisible for your loved ones, simply because they would need you to manifest it some other way, so they could absorb it. It is pretty easy to make a victim out of yourself unconsciously and wander how is it possible that no one loves you when you gave your everything - apparently for nothing.
- if you "love" someone because you expect something in return, or expect that you will find someone who will love you because you can't love yourself, or don't want to feel alone, pathetic etc. - you might doing it wrong.
- relationships end. People die. Become estranged. Whatever. "You don't belong to people forever." Or at all. You can trick yourself into thinking the opposite, but the only thing you achieve with this that you will feel abused, left alone, cheated along the way. Again and again. So trying to enjoy things while they last, and even if they are not what you expected might be a better idea.
- it is always easier to help others "solve" their problems or to give advise. You don't have to be in their shoes so you don't have to take responsibility for their decisions. But because of this you don't really understand their problems, they can even misunderstand their problems, so you can easily cause more damage in the long run with your easily given advises. Sharing your opinion or putting things in a different perspective should be enough for them to solve their own problems. On the other hand, how can you help others when you can't help yourself? Do you even need to save someone except yourself :)?
- I am not trying to give a pep talk here, just sharing my conclusions drawn from my own life, so don't feel offended.
rain