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Racial/lower class profiling

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Hi guys, I kind of regret this will be my second thread I've started but, I feel like it important. I don't have the answers to this, I can only hope that stimulating some discussion where I traffic, maybe the message will reach some people and enact some change in the world.

Today at about one thirty me, my fiancé, and my four year old son, go to target to try and talk him into buying and wearing a costume tomorrow, and pick up some things we need at home. My fiancé is the one bringing home the bacon, atm. I'm a stay at home daddy, I just can't let my boy go, out of my sight to be watched by strangers.. I just don't trust humanity with my fragile sensitive beautiful boy. He is my treasure. Anyways, it scares me.. plus he is to shy and sensitive, he wouldn't thrive.

Sorry I got side tracked, anyways, we are not super wealthy people. We live in low income housing and maybe we weren't dress to the nine today, but we weren't looking thuggish thuggish by any means. My fiancé has to work at three and it's one. It's cold out, we are all bundled up in our hoodies that are ripped up at the end of sleeves and I got my cap on. I'm a brown skinned guy, although my parents are both white, I know it doesn't make sense to me either, but again, I digress..

We have all of our things and we walk up to the self check out line. There is a group of adults in there thirties talking with some of the employees and I can't tell if they are in line. I lock eyes with a woman and I'm looking to inquire about the line, but instead they say someone has lost a wallet. My fiancé and me are both a little confused we apologize for their situation and are about to enter the line when the woman asks, ' have one of you found a wallet that MAYBE, POSSIbLY, didn't belong to you...?

.. I am a bit naive, I don't steal therefore I don't even care to think my fellow man does, I don't point fingers at people when things do t go my way, so when I'm accused of something I might need a moment to catch up.

I say no.. and I smile a bit kinda chuckle at the absurdity.. , ' why? What are you trying to say?'

They go on to tell us they have talked with loss prevention and we are on video camera stealing their wallet and the police are on the way...  I know they are bluffing, I fact I think the whole thing is comical and am even looking forward to waiting and dropping knowledge like little pretty gems on these ppl, but my fiancé has been profiled in the past. So have I, a lot. She doesn't take kindly to it, I can tell she is on the edge. I tell the group of ppl I'm going ahead to loss prevention room to ask what this is all really about. I knock on the door with the number code and little eye hole. They are viewing cameras atm. I inquire, they reply that they have made no accusations of lost or stolen property and only just found out the woman lost it and are in the process of viewing the tapes, and the police are indeed on their way.. I come back to them and my fiancé just loses it, she is holding our four year old, and she didn't curse or lash out at anyone, but very loudly begins to make statements regarding their morality .. and weight.. and double chins.. and... lol.. poor thing.. I got her out of there told everyone I'm sorry for her outburst but this isn't the first time something of this nature has come about and she is sick of it. I told target I could leave my number but I had to get her out of there before things got worse. They didn't want it and I got my girl and son out of there.

She is ashamed of the way she acted. She knows you have to grow up when you have a child. She just couldn't handle herself. She works so hard for what little things we have. It really really affects people negatively when we are profiled and stereo-typed.. I wish she hadn't gotten upset, so that I could school everyone involved on proper manners and turn the event into something positive, yet, I can not blame her. It takes a behemoth of adversity and danger to shake me. She is tough to but she has an anger problem. What can I or anyone do to change this. I feel like this kind of abuse, is probably on the rise right now. It should make everyone sick to see this happen to people. It's the contrary I've found. Not only are people pointing fingers and calling names but the bystanders could care less, and no one will stick up for their fellow man or woman, afraid that to stand up for the moral character of a stranger, even when the bystanders know and hear how rediculous this is, nothing is gonna change no one will stick up for you. And that's ok. I don't mind. I can stick up for myself, but what if they did that to another young woman, and she did something really bad because she felt cornered and scared. Idk.. hope this can create a dialog. This really happened not five hours ago now maybe six. Thanks for reading guys.


Look, skin color should matter no more than eye or hair color. You know a long time ago I got so angry I threw a very heavy coffee table at the wall. I am not easy to rouse nor am I violent and typically don't show out like that. But that one time I did. My husband had the perfect solution for calming me down and pointing out the absurdity of what I had just done in the most perfect way. He sat and watched me do this with a totally curious look on his face. He waited till the coffee table had slid to the floor and I just stood there with a look that probably wasn't any too pretty and he says with a smile, "You feel better now?"

Done and done. I laughed so hard and I think about those simple words said with only curiosity and care even today. So I think sometimes pointing out the absurdity (in a non-judgmental way) in a situation might sometimes be the cure.

Be the observer, you don't always have to act but acting is more productive most times than re-acting. In other words don't let others determine your mood. So they profiled you, big deal, that's just human nature. No need proving them right.


I never thought anything of it, myself. And I don't even mind when say one time I was profiled at an art store looking at things and the manager is over heard saying, oh yeah. Got some bad guys over here, huh. Before he comes to check me out. I live in Montana, there is literally no culture here. Anyways it never bugged me. I get it even. But it bugs my fiancé a lot. And so it bugs my kid a lot. It's not right, and before I had a kid I didn't know there was even a problem.


Nameless, I agree. Proving them right is the worst thing you can do. I just wish I could do something to illustrate it to a large audience. Atleast it feels this way in my hometown and idk how America feels. But just because you can't be bothered to get out of ur sweats in the morning or put on some make up, ppl shouldn't be profiling my gal. One time her and I were getting out of our vehicle and coming around to get the baby in the backseat and an older couple pulls up and says please don't tell me you are leaving this child in the backseat are ya? Like what? Why did you ask ME that? We are young parents we gotta ghetto vehicle, we aren't bad ppl. It didn't bother me these things I shrug at and it's no big deal, but I guess I gotta work on my girl toughening up her skin a bit, huh?


Nameless, that is good advise about using levity or some remark of a non judge mental nature to get a point across.


It is kind of funny that today out of everyone in target, I or my fiancé were the ones who appeared most likely to steal someone's wallet.. pretty crazy lol


Thought I would revisit this. The world has lost it's ever-lovin collective mind is what I think.

Today I went to Harbor Freight just to browse around. I don't get out much being in my sixties with essentially no life to speak of so when I say browse I really mean it although I did buy a few things. I was tailed half-way through the store by one of those undercover store cops. LOL

Poor guy, I used to have his job a few decades ago, lol. Boring as hell. I thought of twitching my behind and giving him googly eyes just so he'd have something to talk about later. But nah, I didn't do that I just let him follow me around. Figured if I tripped or anything maybe he'd catch me before I split my head open. Besides, being it was Harbor  Freight I suppose he doesn't get much chance to follow a female around. :-D