the strength to quit smoking?

[beavis]

It sounds as easy to make him quit as it is to make a straight man gay. You're screwed.

[Yafey]

I believe your father has the stranght to stop smoking. You also have to believe that he has the power to do it. But everything depends on the man himself, so he must change his point of view about smoking and his helth. You may try softly to change his view, talking is the only way i think. Trying to help in a hidden way, without his knowlidge about that is not recommended i think. He must want the change and than it will come. Try to make him want the change.
May be doing some sports will make him see that smoking is an obstacle.
I personally dont know how to help in other way. May be there is a method to be done in the astral, but i dont know it. Sorry.
I wish your father stop smoking.
Good luck!

(sorry for my bad english [:I])

[curiousgirl]

heh heh, well, i wasn't sure if this was one of those things that shouldn't be done without the person's knowledge, so i figured i would ask.  sigh... i'll try to think of some way to convince him... thanks, though! [:I]

[shadowatcher]

What pisses me off (forgive the crude language, but I feel very strongly about this) is that they legalize Ciggarates and Alchahol, and then make Marijauna illegal. Marijauna is nonaddictive, it can be taken in a way wich doesnt cause cancer and it is pacifying and relaxing.

[quant]

I wouldn't say Marijauna is totally non-addictive.  People can depend on it to ensure they feel relaxed, and to feel how they were feeling last time they smoked it.

[curiousgirl]

haha, well i think that people who get addicted to marijuana are mentally dependent instead of physically dependent.  and it is amazing how alcohol is one of the most destructive substances, as in destroying people's lives, and even taking lives on a daily basis, and it's perfectly legal.  many people become alcoholics, which ruins their own personal lives and tears families apart (it almost tore mine apart), and people on alcohol can ruin other people's lives when accidents occur due to drunk driving or drunken violence. while it's true that marijuana has its negative points, it seems to be less destructive, or at least not as destructive as alcohol.  it's just society's weird taboos about drugs and stuff that keep it from being legal, more than it really being a horrible substance... guess people are more comfortable with the idea of someone getting drunk than "high".

[Tenacious]

Curiousgirl-


I was a smoker for 5 years, started at 15, ended a little while ago.  However, I did start back up(its hard, and I can see why now[xx(]) And the best way I quit was hypnotherapy.  I paid $50 to quit smoking, and I did just that. For 6 long months I quit, but then I screwed up by getting really trashed from beer and started again.  Your father obviously needs to quit, just like I do, because it is BAD..duh wonder why [].  It is his decision, but you must help him along, throw him hints like "Dad I love you, and I care for you, don't you love me?  Please quit FOR ME and YOURSELF.  The for yourself part is VERY important because I didn't quit for my family, I did quit for myself, for the love of myself, and I am going to quit again.  The most important thing is that he sets out a plan to quit, you can't just say "I quit" because it is too hard that way(tried several times, no success)  He needs to first cut down by 1 less cigarette a day, then once he reaches a min level of say 5, then he can quit, and STICK TO IT.  My father smoked for 20 years, he has quit for 15 years or so, and he is just fine.  I hope this is to some help, and talk to him. If he gets defensive, tell him that you only want to talk because you care for him  Also talk to the member in here who is a hypnotist, he may help you out.  I can't recall his name, I think its Hypnotist... Good luck!

1 more thing, once he quits, you should encorage him to join a gym, and you should go too!  That way he can build a strong body, as well as forget about smoking.  Once he has a new body, he will not want to smoke.(At least in theory he won't[] )

-Tenacious[]

[curiousgirl]

thanks for the suggestions, tenacious.  hahahahaha one problem, though, with the hypnosis thing...  my dad does hypnosis on people for their problems (usually very successfully), so i would think it would occur to him to have hypnosis done on himself... *slaps forehead* argh.. i don't know what's up with him.  i'll figure something out, though.  maybe he just doesn't know anyone who knows how to hypnotize or something.  or maybe he's had hypnosis done and it didn't work.  thanks again, anyway!  i'll see if i can have any success with your suggestions!

[WalkerInTheWoods]

To me it sounds like your dad does not want to quit. You cannot make someone do something they do not want to do. So the only way I can see that you can help him to quit is to give him an incentive to quit. Something I can think of is to tell him that you would like to spend more time with him. Do something you both enjoy such as going to the gym, sports, or whatever. Then tell him that you really cannot stand the smell of the smoke and that you care about your health and do not want him to smoke around you, so ask him not to smoke when you are going to be doing your thing together. Hopefully he will enjoy spending time with you more than smoking.

There is nothing wrong with alcohol when used responsibly. In moderation wine and beer have health benefits. Alcohol was made illegal at one time in the US, but it caused more problems than it cured. People still wanted alcohol, so criminal organizations gained power by supplying the demand. The use of alcohol goes beyond just wanting to get drunk. It is part of many cultures, used a lot in cooking, etc. And contrary to popular belief most are responsible drinkers. But like with anything, people can become obsessed with something. But this is usually to make up for other problems they have, which is probably your father's problem. He may well be substituting smoking for dealing with some problem he may have. Spend more time with him and maybe you can find the real problem and help him deal with it.

[GhostRider]

quote:Originally posted by curiousgirl

is it possible to ask for people's help in giving strength to someone to quit smoking?  my dad is a chain-smoker.  he quit smoking for like 12 years, and then a few years ago he started again.  then he quit for a long while, and now recently he's started up yet again.  but now it's much much worse than before.  he smokes so much it's scary.  it almost seems like he's trying to commit suicide with smoking (i doubt that's what he's doing, but i'm just amazed at how many packs he goes through).  if my mom or i try to talk to him about it, he just gets angry and defensive, and says he'll try to quit soon.  but he just can't seem to do it.  and this is not only a health concern for him, but for everyone, because we're constantly inhaling his clouds of smoke, and he's not even considerate enough to smoke outside... he gets mad if we say anything about his smoking.

ANYWAY, is this simply just something he has to resolve completely on his own (which, from the looks of it means that we're all doomed) or is it possible to uh, send some energy to him to provide him with extra strength to quit?  i don't know much about this healing stuff, yet, so i don't know what is or isn't possible.  thanks!

 Speaking as an ex-smoker, you're going about this ALL WRONG!  Taking an advesarial or a guilt-trip approach to him is not going to win you any favours.  You only succeed in making this a combative situation.  Your father sounds like a fighter, and what do stubborn fighters do when faced with an attacker?  They dig in their heels and fight back.

My suggestions to you are as follows...

 a.)- Start to heal the rift between the two of you by telling him you're sorry for being an anti-smoking Nazi.  That is basically how most smokers view aggresive non-smokers such as yourself, relation or not.  Tell him how you feel in a CONSTRUCTIVE manner, but a friendly manner and basically ask him to forgive you for being too agressive but that you only did it because you love him.  

b.)- Then once you have made that concesion to him ask him to kindly respect you and your mother by smoking in one room of the house or using a smoke-away ashtray and a damn good air filter beside him where he smokes.  Remind him that it's only fair (do it nicely and in a mature manner) that he conceed this to you guys if you and your mother are going to lay off him.

c.)- Suggest something like EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) combined with some hypnosis when and ONLY when he's ready to quitt.  Remind him that you'll be there to support him and if he fails, that's it's all-right, someday, you know he'll quitt.

I suggested what I did in the way that I did because honey, he ain't gonna quitt untill he's damn good and ready to.  That's the bottom line.  And despite what you may feel like doing, pushing him, nagging him, harrassing him, etc... ain't gonna help.  In fact, as you so clearly pointed out... he is smoking even MORE now.  But even though I suggest what I do to you, I would still get him to conceed you one little point and that is to confine his air-pollution to a smaller, more environmentally controlled area.

I wish you the best of luck, and my prayers are with you.[8]

[curiousgirl]

WTF???  I never said that we were nagging, harassing or anything!  my mom has only just gently hinted at him quiting, and made subtle statements or jokes, and i never even say anything to him because i know he'll get mad.  even with my mom's subtlety and/or polite questioning on his plans to quit, he gets mad.  i was only pointing out that it does not OCCUR to him to be considerate to the rest of us.  my brother, who's a smoker, usually opens a window or goes outside, and whenever he notices his smoke bothering someone, he tries to find a way that it WON'T bother anyone.  there are smokers who think about others, and there are smokers who don't.  many smokers i have known usually consider others.  my dad doesn't... and if he notices that we're bothered by it, if we end up coughing or whatever, he either gets annoyed or ignores it.  some smokers get really snippy and defensive very easily, and he is one.  you are jumping to conclusions about what we have been doing.  we have been FAR from aggressive, hints at him quiting are only mentioned once in a while, and we always try to state things in a way that is polite and careful of his feelings.

[WalkerInTheWoods]

quote:Originally posted by curiousgirl

WTF???  I never said that we were nagging, harassing or anything!  my mom has only just gently hinted at him quiting, and made subtle statements or jokes

Point of view, it is everything. To you and your mom it is just jokes and subtle hints. To him it could well be seen as nagging. Those suble hints every now and then can become very annoying. Instead try what GhostRider suggests and just talk it out. Subtle hints usually do nothing, especially in situations like this.

[GhostRider]

[GhostRider]

Curious Girl stated,#1.)- "WTF??? I never said that we were nagging, harassing or anything!"

#2.)- "there are smokers who think about others, and there are smokers who don't. many smokers i have known usually consider others. my dad doesn't... and if he notices that we're bothered by it, if we end up coughing or whatever, he either gets annoyed or ignores it. some smokers get really snippy and defensive very easily, and he is one. you are jumping to conclusions about what we have been doing. we have been FAR from aggressive, hints at him quiting are only mentioned once in a while, and we always try to state things in a way that is polite and careful of his feelings"

Curious girl, it is you have over-reacted and I cite your comments towards me as indicators that you may not realize just how combative you are.  I'm not trying to paint you or your mom out as evil, or bad, or bullies.  What I am attempting to do is point out that despite everything you THINK you know about your dad's situation, that because of the situation he is in now, you can do NO right.  It's one of those damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don't situations.  In your father's situation, he probably is over sensitized to most things right now, and it wouldn't matter what you did, only that it would appear as an unwanted intrusion on his affairs and feel quite agitating to him 99% of the time.

I and friends of mine have been there before, it's easy to spot once you go through and the attitude you display towards me is quite indicitive of the attitude you must avoid with him.  Yes, ask him, or try to see it through his eyes.  I know you don't want to hear this... but if he's reacting in the manner you describe, then he is not seeing your help as benignly as you think it is given.

Quote#3.)-"if my mom or i try to talk to him about it, he just gets angry and defensive"

You also need to understand that no-one EVER quit smoking or quit do anything for very long at the behest of another.  This is not a road you can walk with him.  He must do part of the road alone, the first couple of stretches.  Just stand on the side lines and support him, even when, no, scratch that, ESPECIALLY when he fails.  This isn't Jenny Jones, it's real life and it calls for a real persperctive.

[curiousgirl]

all i can say is, point of view does not make something so.  i know that in his point of view we sound like we are nagging and annoying him, but that does not mean that YOU should be assuming that that's what we are doing in truth.  you came straight out and said that my mom and i are being aggressive and nagging.  if you want to "constructively" help me you should just kindly and tactfully point out that no matter what we do, he will see it as nagging or attacking, so we should just not even bother saying anything, instead of stating it as if that's what YOU think we are:  aggressive, nagging women.  your approach is rude, in my opinion.  maybe i'm overly sensitive, but i don't think that the "uh-uh, honey" approach is the best you could have taken.  some similar statements have been made in previous posts, and were done in a polite, nicely stated manner.  the below quotes just sound like you think these things about us, without even knowing exactly what my mom and i have done, or said, or anything.  they are stated as if they are your point of view, not my dad's.

quote:Taking an advesarial or a guilt-trip approach to him is not going to win you any favours. You only succeed in making this a combative situation.

Start to heal the rift between the two of you by telling him you're sorry for being an anti-smoking Nazi.That is basically how most smokers view aggresive non-smokers such as yourself

And despite what you may feel like doing, pushing him, nagging him, harrassing him, etc  

Tell him how you feel in a CONSTRUCTIVE manner, but a friendly manner and basically ask him to forgive you for being too agressive but that you only did it because you love him.  

Remind him that it's only fair (do it nicely and in a mature manner) that he conceed this to you guys if you and your mother are going to lay off him.  ("lay off him"... that's what we do most of the time.  my mom has only said things on occasion, particularly when he's having health problems.)

 

i understand what you are saying about his point of view, but his point of view is already very apparent to us in his reaction to even our friendliest rare attempts, that's why we don't even say anything to him anymore.  but in your statements there's not enough differentiation between his point of view and your own... that's where the problem comes in.

the truth of the matter is, we have said things so rarely to him (and when we do, we always "tiptoe" lightly around his feelings when we do to make sure he doesn't take it as nagging or guilt-tripping since he's so freakin' sensitive), and lately for a very long time we have not said a single word to him.  i think i've only said something once this whole time, and my mom usually only said something when he was having problems with his health and he was expressing his misery about how he can't breath or something like that!  she's only asked about his plans to quit (rather timidly) a couple of times. we never asked him to quit for our sake because we know it won't work, since he seems annoyed enough if we show any kind of suffering from his smoke.  my mom has asked him (politely, as always) a few times if he could smoke outside or in another room, or open a window, but he's too lazy to do it and just doesn't think about it unless we want to have to keep reminding him, which we don't want to, since we know he'll get annoyed.  we have left his quitting entirely up to him because we know that there is nothing we can do about it, and that doing it for our sakes is not enough to drive him to quit (it is very obvious from his lack of concern for us).  but we can't help but cough sometimes (i have sensitive lungs from some past lung infection) and it is not an attempt at guilt-tripping.  we just cough.  

the purpose of this topic was to ask for help for him outside of all those quitting-smoking techniques, because he tries them and they do not work.  he's successful at hypnotising other people for their problems, but i don't know what the deal is with hypnosis on him... it just doesn't seem to work.  we know that quitting is entirely up to him and his own inner strength, but from what i have seen there is simply not enough there for him, and my mom says he already has emphysema (sp?) and he has tons of other health problems, and well, his time is gonna run out all too soon.   he's been wanting to quit, and has been working at it, but failing pretty miserably.  i know he will succeed eventually, because he has succeeded a few times before.  this time around has just been particularly worrisome, and all i wanted was to see if it was a good or bad thing to ask for people's prayers or whatever to help him along.  i have this fear that time is kinda running out.

my statements about how the smoking is not just a problem for him, but for us, too, was to illustrate that it's important for more than one person.... i'm not just wanting to save someone who seems rather unconcerned about his own health, i'm also wanting this for the sake of the rest of the family, that's how intensely he smokes.  even the dogs smell like smoke!  the statements were not anything i've ever mentioned to him, ever.  i know he'd just get irritated, and so the complaints have never touched his ears.  the complaints were just to the people of this forum.  so he has never had to deal with that kind of guilt-trip.

anyway, since i first put up this topic a long while ago, it seems he's lightening up a bit on the smoking.  guess he's starting to gain some inner strength.  well, thanks again people for your helpful posts.

[curiousgirl]

is it possible to ask for people's help in giving strength to someone to quit smoking?  my dad is a chain-smoker.  he quit smoking for like 12 years, and then a few years ago he started again.  then he quit for a long while, and now recently he's started up yet again.  but now it's much much worse than before.  he smokes so much it's scary.  it almost seems like he's trying to commit suicide with smoking (i doubt that's what he's doing, but i'm just amazed at how many packs he goes through).  if my mom or i try to talk to him about it, he just gets angry and defensive, and says he'll try to quit soon.  but he just can't seem to do it.  and this is not only a health concern for him, but for everyone, because we're constantly inhaling his clouds of smoke, and he's not even considerate enough to smoke outside... he gets mad if we say anything about his smoking.

ANYWAY, is this simply just something he has to resolve completely on his own (which, from the looks of it means that we're all doomed) or is it possible to uh, send some energy to him to provide him with extra strength to quit?  i don't know much about this healing stuff, yet, so i don't know what is or isn't possible.  thanks!