Europa Dreams

[SpectralDragon]

In a short story like this you have to find creative ways to create characterization. From what little of the character you see here (because it's a short story) you know she has a relaxed lifestyle. That's about it. Perhaps you could describe her thinking a bit more. Have the reader get inside the main character's head. show her opinion on more things around her.

the dreams she had were interesting, and the last part surprised me. you did that very well.

you might want to describe the surroundings just a bit more. kind of hazy there.

Overall I loved this story. Keep up the writing, fellow author []

[The Bard]

quote:Originally posted by SpectralDragon

In a short story like this you have to find creative ways to create characterization. From what little of the character you see here (because it's a short story) you know she has a relaxed lifestyle. That's about it. Perhaps you could describe her thinking a bit more. Have the reader get inside the main character's head. show her opinion on more things around her.

the dreams she had were interesting, and the last part surprised me. you did that very well.

you might want to describe the surroundings just a bit more. kind of hazy there.

Overall I loved this story. Keep up the writing, fellow author []

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I agree, I could have put more personality to her and given a better mental picture of her surroundings.

[The Bard]

This is a story I wrote for a group anthology called Horseshoes and Time. http://neilgaimanboard.com/6/ubb.x?q=Y&a=tpc&s=733605825&f=588609765&m=2546001022&p=1

Warning it contains adult content

I would love feedback. Writing stories is a new thing for me. I have written countless journals of real life experiences and poems. I also have 5 published poems.

Europa Dreams
Gayle Smith-DeLeon(c)

  Soul rising from a dreaming mind, silently swimming through space, defying time at the speed of thought.  Humans do it a lot but most aren't aware of the worlds in which dreams take them, only vivid memories of the unusual.
  Audrey was not aware as she was swimming through space.  She recognized Jupiter as she flew up close and felt pulled towards it.  She saw what looked like a sphere of etched glass and flew right into it.  At first everything went black and then she noticed phosphorescent creatures and plants around her.  Fish, colors, and plants she had never seen.  It felt like she was looking through someone else's eyes.
  Wow! This is a strange dream, she thought.  The word "dream" echoed through her mind as though someone other than her had said it, like someone repeating a word they are trying to make out the meaning of.  She saw some large phosphorescent creatures that reminded her of squids.  They slept on a bed of what looked like glow-in-the-dark moss.  The water felt so real flowing through her.  She heard, "It's been a while since I felt humankind."
  She started feeling like she was falling through a whirlpool, until, boom!-her whole body was jolted awake.  Her clock radio was blasting Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon." She felt a bit woozy.  "Damn! It's 8:15 a.m.-I'm late!"
  She quickly jumped out of bed and threw on the blue polyester work uniform with the words "Endless Franks" written on it.  Then she tied her long mane of thick curly black hair into a rude knot on the back of her head and put her work hat on over it.  She splashed water on her face.
  She looked at her puffy eyes and her pale white skin.  It looked like she hadn't slept for days.  Her naturally red lips were chapped and she had bags under her eyes.
  Her black cat, Blues, jumped up on her shoulder and purred in her ear.  "I don't have time to cuddle, Blues," she said as she nuzzled her face into the cat's furry body and then gently sat her back on the floor.  Audrey dashed out of the front door, running through the park the two blocks to work.
  She panted as she clumsily stumbled into the door.  The smell of hot dogs and chili made her hungry.  A loud booming male voice yelled, "You're fired!  I told you if you're late again this would happen." She looked up, frazzled and disheveled into Lloyd's face, his bald head shining from the sun rays in the window, hands rubbing chili on his dirty apron.  He handed her her last paycheck, saying, "You look like crap!"
  "Please, Lloyd, give me another chance.  I swear I'll never be late again."
   "That's what you said last time.  Scram."
  She slunk away, staring at her feet and shuffling home in tears, oblivious of the beautiful day surrounding her.  In the moist spring air, a lovely mist danced across the pond and the sun peeked from behind a patch of clouds with silver linings.  Cedar waxwings sang from the oak trees overhead.  All of this went unnoticed by her as she walked through the park to her house in Woodstock, Vermont.
  She walked in the house and slammed the door so hard that the horseshoe she had hung above it fell to the floor.  It nearly hit her.  She picked it up and said, "You were supposed to bring me good luck," and set it on her little TV.
  The small living room was cluttered with dirty laundry, and strewn with books and papers.  She had no shelves, just crates of books and papers.  There was an old green recliner in the middle of the room facing the TV.  Both the kitchen and living room were the same room but she seldom ate at home.  The kitchen counters were dusty and unused.
  Forgetting her hunger, she plopped onto her recliner and stared into space.  Her body felt strange.  It felt like there was someone with her, looking through her eyes.  At that thought she felt an energy stir inside her and a pleasing sensation move through her heart.  She started drifting into sleep and lifting from her body.  Something held her astral body and was taking it somewhere as she flew through space.
  Something more powerful stopped whatever had her.  She heard and felt thoughts that she didn't understand, until she heard something say, "Goodbye, little human.  Remember us-the Old Ones." She felt a different energy hold her and something else said, "Ah little one I hear you've been to Europa before, all on your own?  My, it's refreshing to see a human who can get past my gates in her sleep.  I've grown disgusted with most of your kind."
  Blues jumped on her lap, jolting her back awake.  She felt disoriented and like something was moving around inside her body.  
   "Okay, I'm sorry I forgot to feed you," she mumbled to the cat and got up and opened a can of cat food.  She remembered her own hunger and decided to go to the local coffeehouse for breakfast and to chitchat with friends.
  At the coffeehouse a bunch of her Deadhead friends were getting ready for a road trip.  They were headed to Crystal River, Florida.  "Yeah man, boats killed 95 manatees last year.  So we're having a concert benefit to save the manatees," said Clyde to Audrey while she ate her falafel.  
  Audrey put down her sandwich and said, "I had a weird dream with far-out sea creatures and squids last night.  Maybe the dream and getting fired is a sign for me to go to Florida too.  If I find someone to watch my cat, can I hitch a ride with you guys?"
   "Of course you can, if you can help pay for gas."
  It didn't take long for her to draft her sister into house-sitting and to cash her last paycheck.  She grabbed up all the jewelry she had made for craft fairs in hopes of selling some to Deadheads on the road.  It might help pay for next month's rent.  She packed a few provisions, picked up her horseshoe and said, "Maybe I should bring you for luck," and slipped it in her backpack on the way out the door.
 
  Audrey rode in an RV with five Deadheads on the way to Florida.  Her friend Clyde road in the back with her, along with his new girlfriend Jazz and another couple she vaguely knew from Clyde's band, named Bill and Laura.  The owner of the RV was a man named Oscar.
  Jazz was looking through Audrey's jewelry and picked out two pieces to buy.  Clyde reminded her to go easy with the money.  She ignored him and whispered to Audrey, "My daddy's loaded.  If I ever need money he'll wire it to me."
  Jazz was a blue-eyed blond with a short pixie haircut.  She wore a lot of dark eyeliner, and had a pretty face full of freckles.  She was a few inches shorter than Audrey and had small firm breasts and a slender waist.
  Audrey was big-boned compared to Jazz, but she had curves and large breasts more like Laura.  Laura was a short, curvaceous Mexican girl with long black hair down to her knees.
  Clyde looked agitated and said to everyone in the camper, "Jazz's dad got her a week's reservation for a cabin at the Sawtooth trailhead on the Withlachoocee River for her birthday.  So our Lodging is free.  There are horses we can ride on the trails and a beautiful river."
   "Yeah, I just turned twenty yesterday," giggled Jazz.  "My folks used to take me to Sawtooth once a year.  I just know everyone will love it."  Everyone responded with happy birthdays.
   "Oscar can drive but has no money.  He will need gas and toll money from all of us and asked me to find out what all of you can afford," said Clyde.
  Bill swore under his breath and then said, "I don't have much money so this is all I can pay for gas." He tossed a fifty-dollar bill at Clyde.  Bill was a bit of a cheapskate.  Laura made up for it by saying she could put a hundred in on gas.
  Bill was around the same height as Audrey.  He was a chubby white man with shoulder-length blond hair and a receding hairline.
  Audrey handed Clyde a hundred dollar bill and said, "I can pay a lot more if you need it.  I know these RVs suck up a lot of gas." He smiled and gave her a hug.  Jazz looked uncomfortable.  She knew Clyde and Audrey were ex-lovers who broke up three years before because Clyde got caught cheating on her with one of the groupies of his reggae band.  She hadn't spoken with him for a couple of years, but they had eventually become good friends again.
  Clyde was a very handsome black man with beautiful, big brown eyes and a scar on his right cheek that did nothing to diminish his good looks.  He had thick eyebrows that joined as one and wore a goatee on his firm jaw.  Over six feet tall, he towered over everyone.
  Audrey felt flustered by his hug.  She had forgotten how good he smelled.  Jazz got nervous and dominated the airspace with chitchat about horses and swimming with manatees.  Bill picked up his guitar and started singing "Box of Rain" and a few other songs.

  Oscar had been driving almost twelve hours straight, except to get gas and take a couple of bathroom breaks.  Audrey was getting concerned and went up front to talk with him.  Everyone else had fallen asleep.  They hadn't gotten out of Woodstock until noon.
  She asked, "Would you like me to drive for awhile?"
   "No thanks."
   " Would you like some coffee?"
  He smiled at her and showed her a big thermos full of tea, and asked, "Would you like some Green tea? I don't drink coffee.  I wouldn't mind someone talking with me while I drive.  Have you ever been to Florida before?"
   "No, have you?" she asked.
   "Yes, I lived in Crystal River as a boy."
   "Oh, so what's your favorite place there?"
   "I love the river and the sea creatures but the place I miss the most is the pyramids."
   "You must be joking.  There aren't pyramids in Florida."
   "Oh yes there are-and I can prove it to you."
   "I have to see this.  You must be pulling my leg."
  She loved looking at the shadows dance across his beautiful face while she chatted with him.  Oscar was Seminole Indian and had traveled to a Vermont Rainbow Gathering the year before and decided to stay in Woodstock for a while.  She knew him by name but only in passing.  She often caught herself staring at his long black hair, black eyes, and chiseled features.  She found him very attractive; she had a thing for tall men.  She was 5'6" and he was about five inches taller than her.

  They talked for hours, and Audrey paid all the tolls until the sun rose.  He had driven for 18 hours when he drove off I-95 and said to Audrey, "I have a gold pass for staying at National Parks.  We are near Fort Frederica's Monument.  It is located on St. Simon's Island.  I figure I can sleep until noon and all of you can get up to have some breakfast.  There is plenty of food in my kitchen for everyone.  I know it sounds weird staying at an old Fort but I've been there before and it is a beautiful place.  There are oak trees, an herb garden, Spanish moss, and grape vines there."
  After he got there and they all ate, he kicked everyone out of the RV and asked to be woken up at noon.  They lost track of time going through the museum and exploring the grounds.  At one point Audrey leaned against the footbridge that protects the huge grape vine and wished she had slept.
  Clyde walked up to her.  She asked, "Clyde, is it true there are pyramids in Florida?"
   "Ha, I don't think so.  Why do you ask?"
   "Oh, Oscar told me there were."
   "Hmmm, Oscar doesn't usually bovine excrement people.  Bill is the biggest liar of the group.  Maybe there are, but I don't know anything about it."
  At 1:00 p.m. they woke Oscar up.  Clyde and Jazz sat up front with him.  Bill and Laura sat at the table and read.  Audrey curled up on the bed that still smelled like Oscar.  She drifted into sleep.  Once again, she dreamed of Jupiter and flew into the ice crystal shard moon with the strange phosphorescent creatures.  She knew they were the Old Ones and she was welcome there.
  She felt euphoric as she woke up and noticed that the RV was no longer moving.  She realized Oscar was in the bed with her but he was fully clothed and laying at the foot of the bed.  She smelled pine; she heard a river and horses outside.  
  Oscar woke up and said, "We got here around six and couldn't wake you up.  You missed the horseback riding earlier.  I got worried about you and fell asleep watching you breathe.  You kept clucking the name Cthulhu.  Did you read about him before the trip?"
  She blushed and asked, "Why worry about me? I was just sleep deprived.  I was saying Cthulhu because I've been reading Lovecraft."
  Oscar looked at her sternly and asked, "Did you take any chemical drugs to help you sleep?  We were afraid you overdosed on something.  It seemed like you were barely breathing and no matter how hard we tried, you wouldn't wake up."
   "Hmmm, no I didn't take any drugs and it's not like me to not wake up, but I dreamed a really odd dream and it's the second one this week.  In each dream there is Jupiter and what may be a moon, and I become part of this giant squid."
   "Oh, cool dream.  Listen everyone is asleep.  Do you want to take a walk outside and see a little of what you missed today?"
   "Sure."
  Everyone was asleep in the cabin.  The moon was full and glowed like a Chinese lantern overhead.  The smell of pine and horses was strong.  He brought her down by the river, threw off his clothes, and dove into the water.  Audrey was amazed at how beautiful he was as she gazed at his long, sleek silhouette under the moonlight.  She too stripped off her clothes and jumped into the water.  
  They merged together in the river and under the moonlight, two lovers spiritually bonded, entwined in a lovers' knot.

  The next day at the benefit, Audrey danced eloquently to the ripples of the bass guitar strings while her curvaceous body rippled and undulated like the waves of the sea, the shimmy of her shoulders shaking to the rhythm and her feet stomping with each drum beat.
  Clyde's band was singing a song called "Keys":
Ripples of guitar keys,
Sounding soft
Upon my ears,
Rolling drums,
Rolling heartbeats,
Vibrant songs
That Weave and Sew

A way to go,
A winding path,
A Spiraling wonder,
A Healing flow.

Check out the
spirit dancer
Shape changing
Necromancer,
In her temple

Her steps spin magic
In your souls

A way to go,
A winding path,
A Spiraling wonder,
A Healing flow.

Wake up your spirit,
Can you hear it,
The breath
of the land,
Living earth,
wind song singing
through your city dust.

A way to go,
A winding path,
A Spiraling wonder,
A Healing flow.

  When the music stopped, Oscar, who had been drumming, came over to her and said, "Wow you're a great dancer."
  Blushing, she said, "Thanks."
  He sat next to her on a boulder.  Oscar handed her a bag of magic mushrooms.  They both ate them.  He got back up to play more music.  
  In front of the stage, she started flowing with the music again.  She looked up and smiled at Oscar as he played his drums.  She moved her arms out first like wings and then rippled them like snakes, while her hips swayed in figure eights.  Occasionally she'd twirl around and shimmy her hips at a change in the music.
  A voice in her head said, "Watch out, you can shake down a mountain with that shimmy, priestess."  She felt a sensation from her head to her toes like someone had run their fingers from her breasts along the curve of her waist.
  Colors and lights from people's auras radiated from their bodies.  She saw what looked like tentacles wrapped around people and reaching inside them, but no one seemed to notice.  Then she saw the beast himself.  
  In the center of the group was a being shaped like a squid.  Sometimes he seemed to change into something that reminded her more of a dragon.
   "Ah...so you've wakened to my dream, little priestess.  See, you are all my puppets and each of you plays part in my dreams.  I've been quite bored these days.  Like a swarm of pests I sometimes wipe some of you out and cut back on the population.  I use natural disasters but luckily your little wars do the job for me.  I would have thought you humans would be more evolved but I see there are quite a few barbarians still."
  She shut her eyes and kept telling herself it was just the mushrooms and tried to clear her mind of the voice that was invading it.
  When it was time for the next band, Oscar got off the stage and helped put away their equipment.  He then grabbed Audrey's hand.  He pulled her towards a wooded area where they could still hear the music.  The wind blew her hair wildly as they hid from the crowd and kissed.  They danced together, somehow shedding their clothes.  She mounted him where he lay on top of her silk dress.  She undulated her hips and spine along with the flow of the music.  They both reached bliss right when the music stopped.
  They fell asleep in spite of all the noise from the benefit and later woke up and joined their friends.  Clyde was the only one sober, so he drove the RV back to their cabin.  Oscar and Audrey stayed in the RV while everyone else slept in the cabin.
  That night as they slept, spooning each other, they both dreamed the same dream:
  They were inside Europa and one of the squid creatures spoke to them.  "We are the Old Ones.  There was a time we traveled space but now we sleep and dream.  In your planet's ocean sleeps and dreams Cthulhu.  Your ability to astral travel here has caused him to stir.  You must beware: he is brewing a storm."

  The next morning Jazz woke them with blueberry pancakes.  She had arranged for them to ride horses along the trail.  Bill and Laura declined but Clyde, Oscar, and Audrey came.
  At first the group started out together on horseback.  Clyde had never ridden a horse before and was having trouble getting use to it.  He couldn't handle the horse trotting or cantering, so they had to let the horses walk slowly.  
  Clyde wasn't in a good mood but he couldn't admit that it bothered him to see Audrey with Oscar.  It was the first time she had been with anyone since she left Clyde and even though he was with Jazz he still carried a torch for Audrey.  He blamed his bad morning on the horse and started swearing at it every time it tried to stop and eat the tall grass.
   "Can't you see the horse is bored?" Audrey said, as Clyde kicked at its sides and tried to get it to move on.
  Oscar whispered over to her, "Somehow I get the feeling that horse is going to bolt if he keeps swearing at it."
  Right when he said "bolt," the horse did just that.  It went into a full canter and next thing Clyde knew, he was on his butt.  Oscar raced after the runaway horse.  Clyde was okay but for his wounded pride and a twisted ankle.  He got on Jazz's horse and they headed back to the cabin.  Audrey kept going to find Oscar and the missing horse.
  She kind of enjoyed being on her own a bit and started talking to her horse about how foolish Clyde was.  A voice in her head agreed.  She realized she and the horse had a telepathic communication going.
  The horse was a palomino, white with dark freckles.  Her name was Snowstorm and she liked to be ridden and was very people-friendly.  Snowstorm was thrilled to have a human who saw her as an intelligent being riding her.  She trotted in such a way it seemed like more of a dance.
  Audrey was petting her neck and whispering, "You're a magic horse, aren't you, Snowstorm," when Oscar showed up with Clyde's horse in tow.
  Oscar laughed and said, "I guess that's what Clyde gets for picking the wildest horse of the bunch.  The black stallion that Clyde picked was very high strung.
   "Listen Audrey, now that the gig is over and Jazz arranged to stay here for the week, there is no reason that we need to feel obligated to stay here with them.  In fact I think it's causing some tension.  I get the feeling Clyde is jealous."
  Audrey chuckled, "It serves him right," then added, "where did you want to go then?"
   "I thought it might be fun to go to the pyramids today, and afterwards I know an isolated spot by the shore where I can park the RV.  We can have a campfire tonight on the beach and enjoy some private time."
   "I think that's a great idea, but for right now I want to stop here by the river and let the horses drink."
  They had reached a little clearing by the river that had a picnic bench.  Audrey sat on a rock and dipped her feet in the water.  Oscar sat behind her and rested his chin on her shoulders while he felt her breasts.  The horses stayed near even though they didn't bother to tie them up.  
  Jazz showed up for Clyde's horse and invited them back to the cabin for lunch.  They rode back with her.  Clyde was napping while they ate and Bill and Laura were sitting on the porch singing Jefferson Starship's "Miracles."

  Later, at the pyramids, Oscar and Audrey lagged behind the tour guide and group when they reached the temple mound.  Oscar told her, "These pyramids align with Orion's belt like the Giza Pyramids.  I think the Old Ones were said to have traveled here from outer space."  He lit some sweet grass and smudged their energy, but a security person made him put it out.  They both prayed together and then decided to leave for their camp at the beach.

  The spot Oscar had picked was a wooded area with a private beach outside of Crystal River.  They spent the rest of their day making love and swimming there.  They had a little campfire and had eaten some sandwiches when a storm started blowing in.  
  Oscar put the fire out and both of them started grabbing their things.  The waves started getting huge and a fierce wind blew in.  Audrey turned and looked at Oscar as he was grabbing his backpack when she noticed that a huge, monstrous squid creature had washed up on shore and had grabbed Oscar's foot and started pulling him towards its large, gaping jaws.  Oscar was yelling and screaming for help while trying to peel the tentacle from his foot.  
  Audrey reached in her backpack, grabbed her horseshoe and flung it into the eyes of the beast.  She pulled Oscar out of the blinded creature's grip, and they both ran to the RV and drove back to the cabin at Sawtooth.  
  They both stripped out of their wet clothes and curled up together on the bed.  "Do you think that creature was Cthulhu?" Audrey asked.
   "No he sleeps and dreams.  It must have been one of his servants who was sent to put a scare in us."
  The rainfall lulled them to sleep in each other's arms and they both dreamed together again.  This time they were in the ocean and Cthulhu was with them.  He said, "I will set off the Ring of Fire and destroy a large group of your kind unless you can answer my riddle within five minutes."
   "Why would you want to do that?" asked Audrey.
   "Silence, human.  Only I may ask questions here and I can squash you like an asteroid if you annoy me!  This is my riddle: Who is the human who had the most visions of me and what did he do with the dreams I gave him?"
  Audrey wasn't good with riddles under the pressure of time limits.  She looked over at Oscar who said, "That's easy: the answer is H.P. Lovecraft and he wrote your dreams."
   "Your answer is correct.  You may wake up now."

   "Oscar, Audrey wake up!  What are you two doing sleeping over here?  You're missing a great band," said Jazz as she and Clyde stood over them.  
  Oscar sat up and said, "Hey, thanks for waking us up.  I don't want to waste my mushroom trip by sleeping through it."  He grabbed Audrey's hand and they headed over to the stage where they started dancing.  Oscar asked, "How's your trip so far?"
   "It's been great but ever since I started reading the Necronomicon I've had the strangest dreams...."

The End
____________________________________________________________

*By the way I just want to make it clear that just because my character uses Mushrooms doesn't mean that I do. I did try them in my teens but I happen to be allergic to them. In my old age I choose natural legal highs like dancing.