Wacky classified ads (satire)

[Kodemaster]

Classifieds: No matter how long you work, an ad in the classifieds never stops working.

001 LOST AND FOUND:

Lost: My mind. Please help! Call Howard at 1-206-555-3700.

002 ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Wanted: The beast in my dreams...the one that makes them loony! Call the cops at 555-FIND if you find him.

You are out there! The little boy who always says hi to me, but never told me your name. Please call the number above.

006 AUCTIONS:

Auction at 13 Elm Street. Broken Voltron figures, dead cows, hockey masks and more.

010 WHOLESALE, RETAIL AND WHATEVER:

Lifetime supply of Sitagin, Just like the energizer bunny commerical! $40. 333-0000.

Money for sale! $20 bills only $26. Call 1-900-IM-CHEAP. Only $10 a minute.

011 APARTMENTS, UNFURNISHED:

A 1 room apartment with water, 1 3/5 baths, 2 windows, no pets allowed. Call 555-RENT and ask for ext. 3SHACK.

012 APARTMENTS, FURNISHED:

The perfect place! Brass beds, 3 temperature shower, working toilets, gold seed dish and more. Birdcage Ltd. 555-CAGE.

020 FARM ANIMALS:

The perfect animal for all your farm work! All different colors and so easy to take care of! Call the Parakeet Center for more information at 000-BIRD.

021 REGULAR ANIMALS:

Buy, buy, buy! Dogs, cats and hamsters. Call 334-DOGS to buy,

022 ANY OTHER LIVING CREATURES:

Humans sold by the pound! Call Jeffrey at 1-800-4ILL-BUY

030 INFORMATION FOR SALE:

Underground alien bases! Call Jentech at 315-UFO-RIDE to buy some information.

032 SERVICE FOR SALE

We scratch CD's, records and crush cassettes. Reasonable rates. Call 555-Crush.

100 Vacation space for rent

Swampland! Free outhouse with every stay. Call OUT-HAUS.

120 AUTOMOBILES

PPHPTTMOBILES! All makes and models. Starting at $500. Seats and tires extra. Call 555-STINK.