Honesty?

ange.connell · November 17, 2012, 09:15:34

Is honesty always the best policy? If you know for sure that somebody is living a lie do you tell them? Should they have the right to know the truth or do you carry on letting them believe in falsehood?

Bedeekin · November 17, 2012, 09:29:42

The falshood manifests as 'ego'. We all use ego like a band-aid... to cover up our fears and insecurities and what we consider our shortcomings.

To attack this EGO can lead to the person becoming either defensive or hurt... no matter how you try to put it to them. They probably know this truth Ange... deep down. That's why they live this lie.

It is up to you whether you point this out to them, but be wary that there ego will most probably rise up and defend the truth that hurts.

Maybe try to lead them to discovering it rather than pointing it out directly.

desert-rat · November 17, 2012, 10:15:09

I think a lot depends on what we are talking about . If you think some one is ugly , then just keep quite . If they are a very bad driver , drive drunk or while on drugs , then set them straight . Living a lie covers a lot of ground . From cheating on a spouse , to being a spy , ect. desert rat

rain_88 · November 17, 2012, 11:54:15

I think it shouldn't be your concern. If it is good for them, let them have their way. On the other hand, pointing out others' "lies" and "flaws" might also be ego driven, since you assume you know it better. And yeah, they will probably get offended and won't even listen, no matter how you approach the subject. Seems like a waste of time to me

.

But yeah, honesty is always the best policy when it comes to YOU. Be honest with yourself. I think it takes so much courage that you won't be bothered with the rest

.

Lionheart · November 17, 2012, 12:57:28

Quote from: ange.connell on November 17, 2012, 09:15:34
Is honesty always the best policy? If you know for sure that somebody is living a lie do you tell them? Should they have the right to know the truth or do you carry on letting them believe in falsehood?

We all tend to see what we need to see, when we need to see it. It's not lying or being dishonest if you stay "mute".

Mini stapler · November 17, 2012, 13:52:26

If it's something that's going on that effects this person but he/she is clueless about it, tell them if they have a right know. from my experience keeping secrets from people who trust you, even if you think you're protecting them, will end up with them hating you for it & feeling betrayed.

If it's something more like some delusion they have about themselves, just be tactful about it, being told outright your an awful singer when you think you're brilliant could get a bad reaction

but if they come to realize it themselves, with a little help from a friend

they'd probably take it better.

desert-rat · November 17, 2012, 15:33:38

We all live in our self made world , more or less . There are many people that you could try to set stright , and it would do no good . Most reasonable people will at least talk , even if they wont change there belief system or way of life . To the o.p. of this thread , state what you mean by living a lie , and believeing in a falsehood . desert rat

Xanth · November 17, 2012, 16:38:04

Quote from: ange.connell on November 17, 2012, 09:15:34
Is honesty always the best policy? If you know for sure that somebody is living a lie do you tell them? Should they have the right to know the truth or do you carry on letting them believe in falsehood?

Honesty is always best, yes.
However, the question you're asking isn't honesty for yourself.
If this individual is living a lie and they know it, it's up to them to come clean... it's not your job to police other people.

This question is one of the reasons why religious wars happen... because one person believes another person's religious beliefs are false, so they try to convince them otherwise.

It's not your job to help other people grow. You can't help other people to grow. Other people have to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.

Bedeekin · November 17, 2012, 17:05:51

Unless it's your lover, spouse, child or someone very close... maybe yourself?

Szaxx · November 17, 2012, 19:26:08

Sometimes life is sad, living a lie is part of this sadness. It creates a negativity that will have an effect on those choosing this lifestyle. It always affects others around them too.
To take on this lifestyle the person will need a brilliant memory and no soul.
Honesty is the best policy, a saying with inherent merits. No looking over the proverbial shoulder and having to make constant lies as a cover-up. It's not worth the hassle.
In relationships it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. If this dishonesty is part of a relationship then where's the love?
A sadness indeed.
If you're witness and not party to it you're one suffering the negativity that follows the dishonesty.
A friend will tell you everything. A best friend will tell what's needed to know.
Decisions have to be made...

Bedeekin · November 18, 2012, 13:03:59

Are you there Ange... I think that's as much as you're going to get on the information you provided.

Xanth · November 18, 2012, 16:38:22

Quote from: Bedeekin on November 17, 2012, 17:05:51
Unless it's your lover, spouse, child or someone very close... maybe yourself?

Well obviously there aren't any hard and fast rules or anything...

One has some serious questions to ask themselves should they find themselves in such a situation. There aren't any easy answers...

In the end, you have to do what feels right "for you"... everyone makes their own bed, there comes a point when they have to eventually sleep in it too.

There was a point that Adyashanti made during one of his talks... it was about people what people term "falling out of love".
You don't fall out of love, it's a misnomer. You love someone so much that you know that what's best for them is to not be with them anymore.
You can still "love" them... and have this occur. Life is life afterall. We all try to protect ourselves from life in one way or another... the language we use reflects this.

ange.connell · November 20, 2012, 13:56:26

Hiya all

Thanks for your responses. Still don't know what to do. Its complicated. I know she has been lied to and she is living in some sort of fantasy world.

Its always good to get opinions for others. Makes you examine things.

Xanth · November 20, 2012, 20:01:31

Quote from: ange.connell on November 20, 2012, 13:56:26
Hiya all

Thanks for your responses. Still don't know what to do. Its complicated. I know she has been lied to and she is living in some sort of fantasy world.

Its always good to get opinions for others. Makes you examine things.

You know exactly what to do.

Follow your heart and make a decision based on Love, not fear... and you'll be just fine.

roman67 · November 21, 2012, 02:21:04

Quote from: Mini stapler on November 17, 2012, 13:52:26
If it's something that's going on that effects this person but he/she is clueless about it, tell them if they have a right know. from my experience keeping secrets from people who trust you, even if you think you're protecting them, will end up with them hating you for it & feeling betrayed.

If it's something more like some delusion they have about themselves, just be tactful about it, being told outright your an awful singer when you think you're brilliant could get a bad reaction but if they come to realize it themselves, with a little help from a friend they'd probably take it better.

I totally agree with your reply in both situations.

News:

Honesty?

Lionheart