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Kundalini opening? Or spirit possession?

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DASH Project

This weird thing happens to me sometimes...it is happening tonight and is preventing me from getting any sleep. Last time it happened in full was ten days ago, which was also the first time it happened so intensely. Basically, I start feeling these weird sensations all over my body, my limbs start feeling tingly, jittery and a little bit numb and hard to keep still, generally I find myself having a greatly heightened sensitivity to noise and touch, my heart starts pounding, not always faster but definitely more intensely, and I feel a pressure on my right shoulder, along with imagined, somewhat sinister "hissing" in my right ear. Generally I feel very uncomfortable in my body when this happens, and at times I will almost involuntarily start moving my limbs, generally my legs but also my arms and head, for an indefinite amount of time, in sweeping patterns. Finally, when at its absolute worst, all this comes with the sensation of my body being pulled apart from the inside, as if my head could pop off and float away at any minute, or I could jump out of my own body. Sometimes I even start hallucinating demons crawling on or in my body, or parts of myself exploding off of me.

When this happened ten nights ago, my mom was over, she saw the sweeping motions I was making with my body, and was convinced I was undergoing a kundalini opening/healing...to her, it felt overpoweringly positive. I believed her at first, until I kept doing this four many hours with no end in sight, at which point I started worrying more and more that I was possessed by a demon. Now I suffer from a very intense and persistent fear of damnation for being a non-Christian, so that night I pretty much almost converted to Christianity just to exorcise the "demon" from my body. I recited bible passages to exorcise demons and nothing happened. I also felt urges to take my own life, as the whole event felt more like a bad nightmare that I could "wake up" from if I killed myself...thankfully my mom drove me over to her house around 3:30 AM, and I stayed the night over at her place. I said one last prayer to Jesus to heal me, before attempting to go to sleep again, and then I saw blurry hallucinations of a creature on my right side, whispering "Jesus is lord" repeatedly before fading out, and then a few minutes later the symptoms died down and I was able to rest. My prayer seemingly worked that time, though it made me afraid because I was worried that Jesus is the only way to get rid of these symptoms when they happen, which must mean that I will go to hell when I die if I am not a Christian. Please help.

Finally, my mom told her healer friend about my experience, and she said an unpleasant spirit had made its way into my body, and that it has happened to her before as well, but she got rid of it. I am eager to hear what you guys think is going on. I am very afraid.
I am a one-man religion. I follow my own path. I imagine and create my own gods and goddesses. I fight for them every day, for it gives me meaning...

I am a KYRDAN

Astralzombie

There's really nothing anyone can tell you that will make you feel better. You have to decide for yourself if believing in Jesus will save you or not. I for one see it as rather silly now after years of having the same fears you do.

We have been over exposed to so many negative ideas that it's hard not to think about them. When they resonate with our fears, they can overwhelm us. If eternal damnation and spirit possession makes sense to you then you have to decide a course of living that will help you.

This fear based thinking no longer has any power over me but I had to decide that I could live with the consequences of being wrong. After all, what choice do I really have?
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
Mark Twain

DASH Project

Quote from: its_all_bad on June 25, 2013, 11:54:19
There's really nothing anyone can tell you that will make you feel better. You have to decide for yourself if believing in Jesus will save you or not. I for one see it as rather silly now after years of having the same fears you do.

We have been over exposed to so many negative ideas that it's hard not to think about them. When they resonate with our fears, they can overwhelm us. If eternal damnation and spirit possession makes sense to you then you have to decide a course of living that will help you.

This fear based thinking no longer has any power over me but I had to decide that I could live with the consequences of being wrong. After all, what choice do I really have?

It has since ended, it ended hours ago, and at this point I am less scared than I am curious as to what is actually going on. I'm just grateful that even though last time this happened I almost gave into my fear and converted, this time I stood stronger in my own beliefs.

I am very sorry for my somewhat broken record-seeming posts, but this fear that Christianity (more specifically evangelical Protestantism) is the only true religion, and that I will go to hell for practicing my own spirituality is my absolute worst fear, like so bad that it manifests demons. But like I said before my episode is over now, and while I would be lying if I told you confidently it will probably never happen again, at this point I am just curious as to what is actually happening. I don't believe in literal demons, but I do believe in demonic thoughtforms generated by this very intense fear, which may be the cause considering I see them a lot even with my eyes open. However I am open to the possibility that this is kundalini unlocking or something, the way my mom thought it was.

I will have you know I am very persistent, and am not one to convert to another religion out of fear. I just deal with a lot of doubt and fear and "what if" scenarios.
I am a one-man religion. I follow my own path. I imagine and create my own gods and goddesses. I fight for them every day, for it gives me meaning...

I am a KYRDAN

Lionheart

Quote from: DASH Project on June 25, 2013, 12:06:09
I just deal with a lot of doubt and fear and "what if" scenarios.
It sounds to me like your consciousness has decided that it is now time for you to confront your fears and handle them when they arise.

You can do it, once you prove to yourself that you can. Once you prove to yourself that these sensations and visions are just your own fear manifesting itself.

Good Luck and Safe Travels!  :-)


DASH Project

Quote from: Lionheart on June 25, 2013, 17:18:30
It sounds to me like your consciousness has decided that it is now time for you to confront your fears and handle them when they arise.

You can do it, once you prove to yourself that you can. Once you prove to yourself that these sensations and visions are just your own fear manifesting itself.

Good Luck and Safe Travels!  :-)



Good to know. What would you think would be some good advice for if it ever happens again? Because it probably will. Whenever it happens intensely, I find myself overcome with fear of the possibility that I may be possessed, along with the same old broken-record thoughts that the only way out is by converting to the one religion I fear is the only true path, thus giving into my fears, and that is the opposite of what I wanna do.

Funny thing is, the first time it happened I kept getting this thought in the back of my mind, telling me "I am on the verge of a breakthrough" regarding my fear of damnation. It was difficult to listen to with all the other, fear-based thoughts going on in the foreground, but it was still there, fairly intensely. And sure enough, for five whole days after the first event of this sort, I was experiencing greatly reduced hallucinations and symptoms (a lot of the time, it's like they were not there at all,) as it wasn't until I had a fear attack several days ago and tried to meditate to reduce the fear, that my meditation backfired due to the intense fear, and I wound up bringing back the hallucinations and the other symptoms, rather stupidly. I still don't have full control over my visualizations.

So yeah, any words of wisdom regarding what I should do if (or when) this happens again? The previous two or three times it happened I said prayers to Jesus to heal me, so I am thinking the next time this happens I might want to say no such prayer, just to see if it still goes away around the same time. What would you have me do?
I am a one-man religion. I follow my own path. I imagine and create my own gods and goddesses. I fight for them every day, for it gives me meaning...

I am a KYRDAN

Lionheart

#5
Quote from: DASH Project on June 25, 2013, 19:18:30
Good to know. What would you think would be some good advice for if it ever happens again?

Reach out to them. Talk to them.

If it's sounds, listen to them and send a mental message back that you they aren't bothering you.

You could also create your "safe zone". This is a place where you would feel peace and completely safe.

Mine is a very tranquil beach scenario, where I just like to sit and listen to the waves gently breaking on the shore.

By praying for something, you are reaching out to an external answer, when you should be looking inner!

Lionheart

 There is nothing wrong with Prayer. Don't get me wrong. It is extremely strong.

But instead of Praying for an external source to deal with your current problem, pray for the strength in yourself to see it through.  :-)

DASH Project

Quote from: Lionheart on June 25, 2013, 20:23:09
Reach out to them. Talk to them.
Reach out to whom? I am curious.

QuoteThere is nothing wrong with Prayer. Don't get me wrong. It is extremely strong.

But instead of Praying for an external source to deal with your current problem, pray for the strength in yourself to see it through.  :-)
That's actually a really good idea.
I am a one-man religion. I follow my own path. I imagine and create my own gods and goddesses. I fight for them every day, for it gives me meaning...

I am a KYRDAN

Bedeekin

Quote from: Lionheart on June 25, 2013, 20:23:09
There is nothing wrong with Prayer. Don't get me wrong. It is extremely strong.

But instead of Praying for an external source to deal with your current problem, pray for the strength in yourself to see it through.  :-)

and the satisfaction.. internally and externally, that you gain from expunging your own fears is immense. It's one of the keys to 'being'.

Lionheart

#9
Quote from: DASH Project on June 25, 2013, 20:39:00
Reach out to whom? I am curious.
The "Demon" or should I say "Intruder" that you are seeing.

Check out this "Sticky".

It explains the "Intruder" scenario to a "T".

http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_out_of_body_experiences/everything_you_could_ever_want_to_know_about_sleep_paralysis-t38734.0.html

Astralzombie

Just to be clear, I believe that Christianity's message is very beautiful and can provide some with a very fulfilling life. Sadly, I was overexposed to a lot of the negativity of it and was let down when I needed it most. I now mainly view this as a failure in me and not Christianity but what is done is done.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
Mark Twain

DASH Project

#11
Quote from: Lionheart on June 25, 2013, 21:07:58
The "Demon" or should I say "Intruder" that you are seeing.

Check out this "Sticky".

It explains the "Intruder" scenario to a "T".

http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_out_of_body_experiences/everything_you_could_ever_want_to_know_about_sleep_paralysis-t38734.0.html

Interesting, and thanks, only this isn't SP...I am generally fully conscious when this is happening. Unless of course the same principles apply to a situation like mine.

I feel I should also mention that tonight, when it's happening again, I am experiencing lots of muscle spasms on or near my tailbone...I heard that kundalini energy starts at the tailbone, so could it be possible that all this IS kundalini after all?
I am a one-man religion. I follow my own path. I imagine and create my own gods and goddesses. I fight for them every day, for it gives me meaning...

I am a KYRDAN

Bedeekin

Oh.. with SP you can be fully conscious.

SP is also not the same every time. It can be very subtle... or it can be violently obvious.

Astralzombie

Never underestimate the effects of SP. I believe science has done a decent job in explaining how we are affected during SP but says nothing as to why we have the experience. Science never can as that is the purpose of living in the first place, to figure out WHY'S for ourselves.

Personally, SP can be very enjoyable or downright terrifying but it never lasts long since I am aware of the state that I am in. If I have a FA combined with SP, I usually have to change the sheets. :lol:

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
Mark Twain

Bedeekin

haha.. I would say it's the other way around.. we know WHY it happens and why we feel certain things... It's a conscious awareness of the process the body normally goes through when not consciously aware, that is put into place when we dream to stop acting out the actions of the dream. It's a decoupling of the striated muscle groups. The question is... WHY do we actually have to dream and when did that happen in evolutionary terms... if at all.

It seems, according to foetus development, this dream process happens 39 days into conceiving... that also coincides with a massive DMT surge into the foetus via the mother and according to the Tibetan Book of the Dead it takes 39 days for the dead to complete the trials before they reincarnate into their next life.

DASH Project

It actually happened again last night, though because I attempted to go to sleep so early in the day (between 2 and 4:30 in the afternoon, because the same condition occurring two nights ago left me with absolutely no sleep, as even after it faded out around 3:30 AM I still could not get comfortable) it started happening much sooner, like around 4-5 PM as opposed to at night. Also, for these past two nights in a row of it happening, it would start with 3-4 hours of much more mild jitteriness, increased heart rate, and inability to sit still, only to build to its full "climax" (for lack of a better term) where I literally could not stop moving/pacing, felt an almost choking pressure on the right side of my neck, auditory and visual hallucinations of demons and hissing, the sensation that my head could fly off at any time, or that I would come flying apart from internal pressure if I tried to sit still. It was literally THE most uncomfortable full-body feeling I had felt in my entire life, possibly even more intense than it was eleven nights ago, and while I once again mentally resorted to the same old "I am possessed by a demon, and only Jesus can undo that" thought patterns, I never momentarily gave up my personal beliefs, instead just praying to Jesus in addition to (not instead of) the deities I usually pray to. Just like before there were no instant, miraculous answers to my multiple prayers, but the worst of the condition was over a lot sooner, like only an hour and a half max, as opposed to four or even five hours of nonstop terror and discomfort like when this first happened eleven nights ago, and by eventually lying down and "forcing" myself to lie still, I found the condition subsiding. Eventually around 9:30 it died down and I was able to get some rest, unlike the previous two times when I got no rest at all.

Finally, I said a thank you prayer to whatever entity may have caused it to be over sooner this time, and I heard Jesus's voice tell me that he DOES approve of my belief in spirit guides and deities that aren't just him, and that he's "but one of many." I am currently under the belief that it's not literal demonic possession, as I do not believe in demons, but perhaps an extreme manifestation of my worst fear, with the "intruder" that Lionheart mentioned (the one which sticks to my right side at the climax of the condition, feels like it's restricting my breathing, and hisses and whispers in my right ear) being a fear-based, demonic thoughtform or tulpa. Yes, I got freaked-out again this time, but I didn't let it make me even momentarily abandon my personal beliefs. My worst concern now is that it'll happen more frequently, or the worst part will continue for more than several hours out of one night, possibly impacting my ability to live my life. Any suggestions on how to possibly prevent it from happening again?
I am a one-man religion. I follow my own path. I imagine and create my own gods and goddesses. I fight for them every day, for it gives me meaning...

I am a KYRDAN

soarin12

It sounds to me like it could be panic attacks.  I have had these before and they literally make you feel like you're dying.  I never had the hallucinations with mine but who knows?  At the climax of these (they can last for hrs.) you really feel like you're loosing it and I could see anything like that happening.  What it is is you're body releases adrenaline. It is in "fight or flight" mode because of a fear you can't work out in your mind.

Try this next time.  Fill the bath tub with water as hot as you can stand and get in.  This worked for me.  You immediately feel warm and comforted and the attack should stop.  If you try it let me know if it works.  Good luck! :) 

Lionheart

 Dash, check out my recent post in SP thread here.

http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_out_of_body_experiences/everything_you_could_ever_want_to_know_about_sleep_paralysis-t38734.0.html;msg334887#new

It will show you that it does happen to others as well.

Last night I had my own challenge to overcome.

Bedeekin

It's a little bit difficult to be able to tell you that this is Sleep Paralysis... (mixed with anxiety attacks like soarin12 said)

I say difficult because you are painting and colouring the experience with a lot of religious iconography. Yes.. that's your prerogative and it's what you believe... but it's also potentially ruining your life.

I can empathise with you as to why you are relating these experiences to some sort of external force because I have been there.. in the same position as you. Mine had different fears... but the sensations and fear you speak of are the same.

The only true advice is to please bare in mind that millions of people experience this... you aren't alone. Some think they are being abducted... some think a witch is sitting on their chest... some think they are having a seizure... the list goes on. Some OUT-SMART the fear and go on to have Out of Body Experiences.

You can best put an end to them by NOT NAPPING. Don't go to sleep through the day or evening. It's simple really. Take into consideration that 95% of people who suffer from narcolepsy also suffer from terrifying Sleep Paralysis. This is due to their inadvertent bouts of sleep throughout the day.

DASH Project

Quote from: Bedeekin on June 27, 2013, 12:20:49
It's a little bit difficult to be able to tell you that this is Sleep Paralysis... (mixed with anxiety attacks like soarin12 said)

I say difficult because you are painting and colouring the experience with a lot of religious iconography. Yes.. that's your prerogative and it's what you believe... but it's also potentially ruining your life.

I can empathise with you as to why you are relating these experiences to some sort of external force because I have been there.. in the same position as you. Mine had different fears... but the sensations and fear you speak of are the same.

The only true advice is to please bare in mind that millions of people experience this... you aren't alone. Some think they are being abducted... some think a witch is sitting on their chest... some think they are having a seizure... the list goes on. Some OUT-SMART the fear and go on to have Out of Body Experiences.

You can best put an end to them by NOT NAPPING. Don't go to sleep through the day or evening. It's simple really. Take into consideration that 95% of people who suffer from narcolepsy also suffer from terrifying Sleep Paralysis. This is due to their inadvertent bouts of sleep throughout the day.

Actually, I have been experiencing the "early signs" of these attacks since yesterday morning (jitteriness, especially in the legs, pressure in my chest, occasional lightheadedness, etc.) but amazingly I have not had another major attack since it last happened two nights ago. I have a feeling this may have to do with my regulating my fear and preventing it from getting any worse. This healer who I speak with emailed me back about it yesterday and is under the belief that I AM being messed with by negative entities, but that if I raise my energy levels and get rid of my fear then they will not be able to affect me. I did as she recommended I do last night (drink distilled water with a bit of lemon juice in it, call upon my spirit guides and several ascended masters, and intend to be free of fear) and I did not have to deal with any such attack last night.

In fact, I felt the "rumbling" start in my torso as I was dozing off, but I wasn't afraid of it this time, and if anything it propelled me into what was actually THE best, most-memorable OOBE I have ever had! I am not sure if this rumbling was related to the kind that occurs with an attack, but I am under the impression that it was. I feel like by "letting it ride" and not being afraid of it I turned it into something resembling normal sleep paralysis, and triggered an amazing OOBE! I will write more about this memorable experience later.
I am a one-man religion. I follow my own path. I imagine and create my own gods and goddesses. I fight for them every day, for it gives me meaning...

I am a KYRDAN

Astralzombie

After my second OOBE, which was spontaneous, I made up my mind then and there that if I was going to hell, then I would go to hell but I was tired of the fear and wanted to know what was happening.

It takes conviction and this has been a long journey but if you're tired of being scared you'll have more of those wonderful OOBE like the one you just had.

Good luck.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
Mark Twain

DASH Project

Quote from: its_all_bad on June 27, 2013, 15:29:06
After my second OOBE, which was spontaneous, I made up my mind then and there that if I was going to hell, then I would go to hell but I was tired of the fear and wanted to know what was happening.

It takes conviction and this has been a long journey but if you're tired of being scared you'll have more of those wonderful OOBE like the one you just had.

Good luck.

Thanks. So do you think what I am experiencing is at all related to sleep paralysis? I did research on the symptoms and found that the symptoms of most cases of SP are remarkably similar to what I experience when having one of those attacks...pressure on chest restricting breathing, "choking" sensations, hallucinations (which I already experience even normally due to my fear, but which change, intensify and feel more vivid and "interactive" when I am having an attack,) auditory hissing/buzzing effects in my right ear, and intense terror. I heard panic attacks can have similar symptoms, but can SP or panic attacks also cause you to feel like you can't stop moving around, otherwise the tremors will overload your body and you'll jump out of your own skin or your head will fly off? I am curious.

I just wish there was a way to nullify the jitteriness and symptoms, as well as just the fear.
I am a one-man religion. I follow my own path. I imagine and create my own gods and goddesses. I fight for them every day, for it gives me meaning...

I am a KYRDAN

soarin12

Yes.  When I had panic attacks my whole body would vibrate uncontrollably and I would just pace back and forth.  If I tried to sit still the tremors would become extremely violent and I felt like I would not make it through.  I've also had horrible SP experiences.  With those, I had all the symptoms you did EXCEPT the body tremors because when you're in SP you're body can't move at all --it's paralyzed.  It sounds to me like the tremors are the panic attack part of the problem and then you move from there into SP.

soarin12

I'll add that once when I was having the worst panic attack of my life, (I was alone for the weekend.--no one to help me.)  I called an after hrs. doctor in desperation to ask for advice.  She told me about the hot bath idea and it worked like a charm.  Of course, it doesn't get at the root cause of the problem, but it stopped the episode I was having at the time.

DASH Project

Quote from: soarin12 on June 27, 2013, 18:31:11
Yes.  When I had panic attacks my whole body would vibrate uncontrollably and I would just pace back and forth.  If I tried to sit still the tremors would become extremely violent and I felt like I would not make it through.  I've also had horrible SP experiences.  With those, I had all the symptoms you did EXCEPT the body tremors because when you're in SP you're body can't move at all --it's paralyzed.  It sounds to me like the tremors are the panic attack part of the problem and then you move from there into SP.

Alright, good to know I'm not alone. So the panic attack somehow triggers SP-like auditory/visual hallucinations, intense, unbearable terror, pressure on my chest and right side of body, and all those other things? I'm just confused as to how it can happen when I am not going to sleep or waking up, since my eyes and brain are clearly not in a state of trying to sleep, and I read that the brain generates all those intense, terrifying hallucinations and other symptoms from experiencing a state between being awake and being asleep, so it doesn't make sense how I would experience those while wide awake. However, I am not sure completely but it seemed that most if not all of these attacks started happening while I was lying in bed trying to sleep, so my attempting to doze off may have triggered it. I have not ruled out the possibility that it can happen while I am out of bed and doing other things (since the "precursor" symptoms such as jitteriness can certainly occur while I am awake and doing other things,) but I think I have yet to experience another attack when I am not trying to go to sleep. And last night, I felt it coming but refused to give into fear, and instead it turned into regular, non-scary SP and sent me into an awesome OOBE!

I have been keeping the more mild symptoms under control all yesterday and all today, though I am still afraid of going to sleep tonight and triggering another attack. But I am guessing the fear is what causes it. But can panic attacks just happen spontaneously as well? My attacks are spontaneous, and generally don't have a direct trigger attached to them, save for higher levels of ambient fear in the back of my mind.

QuoteI'll add that once when I was having the worst panic attack of my life, (I was alone for the weekend.--no one to help me.)  I called an after hrs. doctor in desperation to ask for advice.  She told me about the hot bath idea and it worked like a charm.  Of course, it doesn't get at the root cause of the problem, but it stopped the episode I was having at the time.

Alright, I'll give that a try...but I seem to recall that the first night it happened I felt like taking a bath, so I did, but it didn't do anything to stop the movement, and I needed to get out of the bath because I was afraid I'd splash water everywhere. Now to be fair, I don't remember the water being all that hot, it was more a typical warm bath, but still, I am afraid to try it for fear it doesn't work and it proves to be something far more sinister than a panic attack. But I will probably give it a try anyways.
I am a one-man religion. I follow my own path. I imagine and create my own gods and goddesses. I fight for them every day, for it gives me meaning...

I am a KYRDAN