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Author Topic: A sad story about my girlfriend and her new girlfriend.  (Read 3230 times)
int33h
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« on: August 14, 2006, 16:56:03 »

I hope somebody helps me to understand and accept obstacles, the situation I am in. I am going to post here a mail to Tom Chalko, the author of "The Freedom Of Choice" book. If there is a soul, capable and experienced to help me, please do so.

----------------------------
Hi, Tom,

I do not know if you are there, will you try to understand me and what will be your answer. But please try to.

I am having hard times... 2.5 years ago I have met a good girl at the concert. This meeting was so much extraordinary that there were no doubt we were there to meet each other. Everythng was going well until now, we loved each other and we do love each other now.

Recently she has met a girl and now she loves that girl too and she has sex with her too.

I tried to understand that, I tried very hard to accept that. For a moment I accepted that third person and my girlfriendís relationship with her, I accepted that third person so much, that I began to feel love.

Yesterday we returned from 3-day country-side holodays. This was first time we three met together. During these three days I experienced so much feelings, - love, saddness, disappointment, but I never felt anger. Two girls were together all the time. My girlfriend asked, if I am ok, and I answered Yes. I did so every time, even if it was obvious that I wasnít. I have never asked anything from my girlfriend. It is up to her, how much love she gives me, and so she loved me.

The feeling that I cannot get rid of is jealousy. I tried hard. Even if I accept the third person, I do not see possibility to accept their relationship.

Tell me Tom, is it natural, that we love each other with my girlfriend, and she has such relationship with her girlfriend at the same time?
What do you think about monogamy? My current understanding is that monogamy is a must at least for me, I cannot overcome that.
Please note that I am not talking about sexual monogamy, instead, I talk about indivisible, inseparable love between two persons.

Thank You very much,
I hope to hear from You soon.

Andrejs V, Latvia
« Last Edit: August 14, 2006, 17:01:31 by int33h » Logged
MisterJingo
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« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2006, 17:43:52 »

In my opinion, the fact your girlfriend has found someone else (irregardless of their sex), and is actually openly telling you about it, shows she perhaps isnít into you as much as you are into her.
 It might be hard to hear, but it shows a tremendous amount of disrespect towards you.
Some people can cope with open relationships, but if you canít, you also canít change your girlfriends mind. Youíve at least got to contemplate this relationship is over. And if it is, for the short term you should cut all contact, to give yourself time to heal and get over her.
 Break ups of any kind are terribly hard, but hanging onto a hurtful situation will just keep causing hurt to you.
 It seems your girlfriend has made her choice; else she wouldnít be openly cheating on you.
 Whatever you decide is the best course of action for you, I hope you find happiness in that choice.
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« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2006, 17:43:52 »

logoVisit the website of Astral Pulse creator Adrian Cooper.

Home of the best selling book Our Ultimate Reality.

Astral Projection, Metaphysics and many other subjects.

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WalkerInTheWoods
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« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2006, 12:19:59 »

Nothing is permanent, even relationships (or especially). People may come into our lives to remain with us for the rest of ours, or they come in for just a short time. Many times those that are just around a short time have a profound effect on us before we are to part paths. This girl seems to have shown you many things that you can learn about yourself, but you need to be honest both with yourself and with her. You may love her, but that does not necessarily mean you should be together. For the fact that you have posted this I think that you already know what you want and need to do.
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int33h
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« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2006, 23:57:24 »

Love is a miracle.

To love someone means to accept him/her first without any doubts.

To love someone means not to bound him/her in any way.

To love someone means not to demand anything.

Forgiveness is essential, because love is not about errors and failures, but acceptance and forgiveness.

Love is not property, it cannot be owned.

Love is the highest feelings possible, blissful and free.

Love does not hurt, but we do by our choice and free will.

Love may be infinite, it is by our choice and free will.
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MisterJingo
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« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2006, 00:20:41 »

Love is a miracle.

To love someone means to accept him/her first without any doubts.

To love someone means not to bound him/her in any way.

To love someone means not to demand anything.

Forgiveness is essential, because love is not about errors and failures, but acceptance and forgiveness.

Love is not property, it cannot be owned.

Love is the highest feelings possible, blissful and free.

Love does not hurt, but we do by our choice and free will.

Love may be infinite, it is by our choice and free will.

That is all very noble, and I appreciate its sentiments. But while we are bound in these physical bodies and dictated to by hormones, Love can hurt, dominate and possess.
 There are also many types of love, and many reasons for love to form. I have been in a relationship where I loved the person so much, it was not healthy. It was all encompassing and it hurt. I since learnt that such love was infatuation, lust, and a host of emotions masquerading as love.
 The best advice I have ever recieved on this subject simply stated the person you love should not complete your life, they should compliment it.

I've actually found that piece of advice Smiley :

Quote
Well, having been through that crap and now being married... i have to say that those intense "love" situations are mere infatuation. People simply underestimate the strength of infatuation. Most people think: "If it is  not as strong as love, its only infatuation." This simply isn't true. Infatuation can border on obsession at times. True love is not crazy. True love is perfect sanity. If you are overwhelmed by emotion, its not love in my book. Its more like addiction.

What do you do now? You realize that what you had wasn't love. Love  doesn't leave you feeling the way you do. Love hurts? No, addiction  hurts. Infatuation hurts. Consider what you are feeling as withdrawl from  a powerful drug. And keep looking for that honest, open love. Love that  lets you be yourself.. and not some crazed addict.


I think it is a mistake to look for someone to "complete" you. Its a  childish fantasy. Whats more beautiful is when two whole people come together to make two complete people. Your love should only add to your joy of  life.. not become it.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2006, 00:24:40 by MisterJingo » Logged
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BadCookie
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« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2006, 04:35:11 »

Well love is not real it is chemicals in are body your in love with the chemical reaction to her. Just make sweet love to both of them at the same time and you will feel better. Dont let a woman hold you down keep strong brother  evil
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int33h
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« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2006, 11:47:31 »

BadCookie, 1) You talk about chemicals. You are right, many of our spiritual activities reflect in our physical body as chemical reactions therefore giving us some kind of physical feelings. 2) For me, being strong does not mean to give up as soon as problems come.

MisterJingo, do You have an idea who will dictate You when Your body dies? Have You possessed Love? How much Love did You possess? Where did You get it? And after all, what do You call a Completed Life?
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WalkerInTheWoods
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« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2006, 13:13:28 »

Quote
Well, having been through that crap and now being married... i have to say that those intense "love" situations are mere infatuation. People simply underestimate the strength of infatuation. Most people think: "If it is  not as strong as love, its only infatuation." This simply isn't true. Infatuation can border on obsession at times. True love is not crazy. True love is perfect sanity. If you are overwhelmed by emotion, its not love in my book. Its more like addiction.

What do you do now? You realize that what you had wasn't love. Love  doesn't leave you feeling the way you do. Love hurts? No, addiction  hurts. Infatuation hurts. Consider what you are feeling as withdrawl from  a powerful drug. And keep looking for that honest, open love. Love that  lets you be yourself.. and not some crazed addict.


I think it is a mistake to look for someone to "complete" you. Its a  childish fantasy. Whats more beautiful is when two whole people come together to make two complete people. Your love should only add to your joy of  life.. not become it.


I agree!
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Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.
BadCookie
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« Reply #8 on: August 17, 2006, 04:44:23 »

BadCookie, 1) You talk about chemicals. You are right, many of our spiritual activities reflect in our physical body as chemical reactions therefore giving us some kind of physical feelings. 2) For me, being strong does not mean to give up as soon as problems come.

MisterJingo, do You have an idea who will dictate You when Your body dies? Have You possessed Love? How much Love did You possess? Where did You get it? And after all, what do You call a Completed Life?

Without a body and all of its chemical reactions i think one could not learn emotions mabye thats one reasion we are here to develop huh
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int33h
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« Reply #9 on: August 17, 2006, 09:11:25 »

BadCookie, You still focus on chemical reactions, but not the source of them. Anyway, do You think You won't be emotional after You leave Your body? Won't You love? Won't You feel good or bad or stressed about something? Is it at all possible to be non-emotional?
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MisterJingo
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« Reply #10 on: August 17, 2006, 09:18:55 »

Quote
BadCookie, You still focus on chemical reactions, but not the source of them. Anyway, do You think You won't be emotional after You leave Your body? Won't You love? Won't You feel good or bad or stressed about something? Is it at all possible to be non-emotional?

And this is one of the inconsistencies of modern AP philosophies. Firstly, being OBE bears no resemblance as to what existence after death will be like because we are still attached to a body. So any emotion or desire felt OBE could quite easily come from the body. Secondly, the more progressive AP philosophies see that sexes are biology based, so male and female has no relevance in the astral outside of belief i.e. one might believe they have a sex, but they are consciousness. Emotions seem to be deeply attached to biological existence, just looking right down the spectrum of the animal kingdom shows us this. Why cannot emotions be belief systems too? People like to think of this idea of universal love and goodness, but I really donít think it has to be that way. As one drops the beliefs, one sees there is just existence, action and reaction. Anything else is self imposed.
 Perhaps this love which people talk of is simply a misinterpretation of the oneness of everything. While physical, we attempt to interpret such concepts within our knowns, and love could be the closest thing to that we have got. But just because itís close does not make it the same.
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