spiritual confusion

bomohwkl · July 14, 2003, 17:20:02

I recommend http://thefreedomofchoice.com/
I think a few years before I realize some of the messages ovelooked and even a few years to prove it to myself via my own experience.

James S · July 14, 2003, 17:30:47

"is anyone identifying with me here?"

MAN am I ever!!!
It seems every new piece of information that comes along pulls me in a new direction, and there has been more than once that I've felt like just ignoring it all.

Fortunately for me I have a guide that isn't so easy to ignore, and now and then gently encourages me.

The voice you spoke of - "you are on the right track", etc. That is your guide - most likely your higher self - the voice of reason.
Let your guiding voice, and your feelings and intuition tell what direction you should be going in. Dont push either. Just sit back and let yourself be taken along for the ride. You'll learn that if you allow yourself to be guided by your higher self, things seem to fit into place.

If you are struggleing with your beliefs, and feel bound down and confused by them, go to the Astral Pulse main site and read Robert Bruce's article The Catchbasket Concept. It will really help you make sense of it all.

When you do feel yourself on the right path, you will also start see how this path can integrate itself in your day to day material life.

I'm not going to say the confusion will ever stop. We humans are entirely too curious a creature for that to ever happen. But if you can get your belief system stabilised on solid foundations and start to find that groove in your life where physical and metaphysical work together, the effect of that confusion greatly lessens.

Good luck, and don't worry.
James.

Jonas K strand · July 14, 2003, 17:57:38

hello rodentmouse.

i pretty much share some of the feelings you talk about. its sometimes as if i have given old things up and i have no idea if this path is leading to more understanding or if its just "in mind". so many different things is true to people, thats confusing to me.

this awarething makes me feel good but im sure i dont use it as i should. ... "my mind was wandering, ohh, i can see that clearly, i was thinking of that russian pornostar again. oh, im so good at this awarenesthing. i want to ride it again!" so... is this leading anywhere? anyone know? to me it is a repeted return to the state of now. not more or less.

talking to strangers. i sometimes try to look upon myself as a sacrifice. not a poor one but a happy satisfied. and all that goes wrong in the conversation or what its about is just another wound that is just a litle song to my god. it relly helps me in many situations to keep this attitude up. sometimes this works as a trigger for me being a very happy sacrifice doing things i never thaught i would do.

best

jonas

Mirador · July 14, 2003, 21:07:23

RodentMouse,

First of all, put that reefer down, lower the music. You are your best advise: take a vacation. You have have tried to hard, and exhausted yourself. Go get some energy back, with whatever you do to recharge your batteries.

Mirador

rodentmouse · July 16, 2003, 11:55:53

Bomo... ive read TFOC which i thought was brilliant, but people like Tom Chalko are on different levels of awarenss to people like me.. i know that i have choice but it gets too much when i try too always make the right ones.

Jonas- YES, i have realised how unconsious i am when random thoughts are running rampant through my mind- its that jolt of being aware of the moment which shunts me back into full consciousness and stops the thoughts- but permenently being in this state of awareness seems impossible- its like teaching yourself never to daydream again..
but i feel an intuition that if i were constantly in the state of "NOW-ness" i would be more aware and less controlled by my unconsious thought processes.

thanks for reply

Jonas K strand · July 16, 2003, 15:51:06

have you done much of breathfocus meditation? its very nice and it sometimes leave me with a quiet mind. and that quiet mind is not runing for daydreams just like that. it makes me inspiered to keep on being aware until im back on the old track.

i have an idea about this daydreamingthing. instead of going to daydreams we can bring them to here and to now. it sounds very good to me but i dont know if it is possible. at least it sounds logic.
i have never been aware in a daydream. awareness just smash them up.

im sorry, this is way from what this thread is about.

i think you will have to fight or surrender. im sure something will have to die in us and a slow death of the ego is painful for the ego, after all we are our egos in many ways. when we are reborn we cant get that old one back and dont you agree, its seems a difficult task getting back to where you were before? i think. and to me its not worth it. though its tough sometimes.

best

jonas

bomohwkl · July 16, 2003, 18:42:10

rodentmouse
It takes a few years for me just to appreciate some of the marvelous truth. Requires lots of self-reflections.

rodentmouse · July 18, 2003, 15:18:33

Jonas- yes i use breath focus meditation- and yes, i sometimes practise about 20 breaths worth in the toilets at work if i get to stressed, imagining pure, healing white light permeating my being with each breath.

It calms my mind too.

i think i know what you mean by daydreaming- do you mean consiously going into a daydream and creating it as you go along?

for projection training, i sometimes imagine walking through my house and noting all that my "mental senses" can pick up, i mentally go into the kitchen, and mentally eat an apple, re-creating its taste- mentally...

is this like a conscious/aware daydream.. when i stop mentally walking round my house, i feel the same kind of jolt when i become aware of my body again as i do when i come out of an unconsious daydream.

if im right, then id agree that its well worth cultivating as a skill.. this consious daydreaming or visualisation.

about the ego- id say part of the confusion comes from not wanting to lose or change my self-identity, but at the same time wanting to evolve spiritually- its like i want them both but i cant, i have to choose, and i dont know what i want.

with me it seems i never have mental or spiritual security, because with this whole spiritual ascention stuff, my beleifs and ego are contantly being tested, smashed, rebuilt, changed, altered, re-directed etc.... its like i never have security in who, what and why i am for even 5 minuites.

the problem is, this contradicts the point---- *enlightenment*.

BOMO- elaborate please- i dont get it??

Jonas K strand · July 19, 2003, 07:40:55

rodentmouse

does it really? contradict enligtenment?

it doesnt seem like that to me. ofcaurse, if one feel like excrement waking up being someone else every morning, thats not good but the constant change is just part of the truth for me. i imagine enlighetenment as the understanding of this changes and that they will never stop, how they work and how they effect each other.

isnt this the charm with all this. we never know were we end up and what is going to happend next in our lives? if we live more "normal", this changes will still take place but we maby focus on things that doesnt seem to change. how we look, for example- when we understand that our apperance actually do change it comes as a shock. maby enlightenment is to never aloud oneself to get shocked by what we allready knew.

i look upon my newfound pendulum (thanks to mayatnik and the others in the pendulumthread) as a way to be in a constant changing. to use pendulum was one week ago very far from what i thaught about myself. it imediately made me see some things about myself very clearly, some of my fear and the fact that i want to control everything for example.

ha en god dag alla

pretty similar languages after all... isnt it?

jonas

rodentmouse · July 14, 2003, 16:37:47

hello good people

since i got into everything this site is about most of my time is spent thinking now about how little we know, and how amazing the cosmos is and that its our duty to understand it...

i got into wanting to AP about a year ago- a while after this, i started learning how to meditate, then i took up Tai Chi and now ive recently started yoga..

i do all these now because the idea of higher realities and inner dimensions fascinate me, im really eager to tap into the faculties of the mind which allow us to experience them...

the problem is i have lost touch with my normal life- i always have a desire in mind to be mindful and aware of everything i say, think and do..

IM also thinking a lot about karma, im afraid that in my own ignorance, i may do something wrong which comes back to me in the future...

i try to be as good a person as i can be, and try to act in a way that, as far as i know is gods will- hence, acting in accordance with gods will, i will evolve, spiritually.

But somedays it all seems to crash down, and im left with a mess of ideas and practises which i dont understand at all.

theres voiceS in my head saying "you are on the right track"
"you understand" and "you are being egotistical, stop it" "stop thinking you know, when you dont"

also, questioning weather fate exists causes me lots of confusion, e.g. learning tai chi- i was questioning weather i was always meant to take it up- as if controlled by a higher power.

i have been trying to be aware of being brainwashed by the amount of eastern philosophy ive been reading the last year- but its a bit of a mental struggle when i try to apply these spiritual values and ideas into waking situations e.g. talking to strangers (which i find hard)

is anyone identifying with me here?
i am thinking of giving all my "higher pursuits" a break, even meditation... so i can just get back to how simpler my mind was before i got into it all.

i feel im stuck with the beleifs ive developed in the last year- because they seem so likely now (fate again)...

its like im stuck with this burden of constantly trying to evolve spiritually and better myself as a person.

its very lonely anyone know what im on about here?

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spiritual confusion