Reflecting on the vagaries of english...

[beav31is]

Asking humans to be consistent is like asking a monkey to do calculus. Whoever made this language are retards.

The main problems with english are:
silent letters
  (whore should be spelled hor)
multiple definitions for 1 word
  (Burn all fags could mean burn homosexuals or cigarettes)
multiple words for 1 definition
  (I'm going to take a excrement, a dump, a crap, a load...)

[Parmenion]

Nice one Frank!

      []

[no_leaf_clover]

i don't think it's as much of english being a language created by idiots as it is english words being created by.. unique people.

maybe guinea pigs were named as such as an insult to one of the discover's relatives that lived in new guinea. you never know.. until you look it up anyway..

[jilola]

English was created by people with all to many sharp implements and amazingly short tempers in a time when the implements were considered valid arghuments (sic) and could be used to prove a point.

2cents & L&L
jouni

[Risu no Kairu]

Because the more money you give them, the BROKER you get! </bad joke>

[Lasher]

And don't forget that we

drive on a parkway

and

park in a driveway


(credit to Steven Wright)

Lasher

[Nick]

Greetings Frank,

That was very funny! [8D] Something else again is how the English language isn't always translated quite the way it should be.

These are actual signs translated in English (but not exactly as they thought)  

From a Japanese Hotel:

"It is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not read notes. -You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. -Please do not bath inside the tub."

A few more:
Acapulco: "The manager has personally passed all water served here."

Thailand notice for donkey riders: "Would you like to ride on your own butt?"

Rome laundry: "Leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

Zurich hotel: "Because of the unpropriety of entering guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose."

Swiss restaurant menu: "Our wines leave nothing to hope for."

and finally,

Copenhagen airline office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."




[] Very best,  

[Lasher]

LMAO Nick

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" He said "Why shouldn't I?".

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious."

I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian."

I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said, "Baptist!"

I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist church of god or Baptist church of the lord?" He said, "Baptist church of god!"

I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist church of god, or are you reformed Baptist church of god?" He said, "Reformed Baptist church of god!"

I said, "Me too! Are you reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!"

I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

Lasher

[Frank]

ROFL!!!

To you both.

Yours,
Frank

[Links Shadow]

Thank you for a great laugh everyone.  I love lite-hearted topics such as this.

[DG]

My friends,

English is bad, but help is on the way.

>>
>> The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement
>> has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for
>> European communications, rather than German, which was the other
>> possibility.
>>
>> As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that
>> English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
>> five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro
>> for short).
>>
>> In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
>>
>> Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.
>>
>> Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this
>> klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
>>
>> There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
>> troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like
>> "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
>>
>> In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
>> expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
>> possible.
>>
>> Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have
>> always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
>>
>> Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag
>> is disgrasful, and they would go.
>>
>> By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
>> "th" by "z" and "w" by "v".
>>
>> During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
>> kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
>> kombinations of leters.
>>
>> Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted
>> in ze forst place.
>>

[Frank]

DG: ROFL!!!

Yours,
Frank

[Nick]

DG,

Very funny! []


Frank,

Great topic. Lots of laughs! []

Very best,

[RoyHarper]

"neither pine nor apple in a pineapple"

Pine = The texture
Apple = Generic word for new found fruit and vegetables.

[beavis]

DG, that is supposed to show that taking the CRAP out of english  makes it harder to understand, but it would be easier if you werent already used to CRAP.

[Adrian]

Greetings everyone,

Plurals are also confusing to students of the English language. For example, if the plural of mouse is mice, why isn't the plural of house, hice?

With best regards,

Adrian.

[Rob]

ROFLMAO everyone!

I always feel *so* much better after a good laugh!!

cheers

Rob

ps French is little better. I pity people called Claire, every time you put "and" before their name (eg "John and Claire are going to the delicatessens") they are instantly associated with very tasty chocolate and cream confectionaries....oh well!

[jilola]

Goose/geese but not Moose/meese.

Actually after a while one's ear learns to mangle the plurals on the correct way, most of the time.

2cents & L&L
jouni

[Frank]

Dyslexia is hard to spell. Abbreviation is such a long word. There is no ham in hamburger and neither pine nor apple in a pineapple. French fries were not invented in France. Quicksand takes you down slowly. Boxing rings are square, and a guinea-pig is neither from Guinea nor a pig.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables then what to humanitarians eat? Why do people recite at a play, yet play at a recital? If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is a person who plays the piano a pianist, but a person who drives a racing-car not a racist?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, can electricians be delighted? Musicians denoted? Cowboys deranged? Fashion models deposed, and cleaners depressed?

Why are wise men and wise guys opposites? If horrific means to make horrible, why doesn't terrific mean to make terrible? And why is it when I wind-up my watch it starts, yet when I wind-up a story it ends?



Yours,
Frank