How to Undo the Damage

[PeacefulWarrior]

Thank you for posting this message Tisha.  I back up everything you have written.  The whole point of these forums is to share, to grow, to learn and yes, to argue.  To argue, what!?  Yes, to argue.  By the word "argue" I don't mean mud slinging and verbal abuse however.

First of all, lets look do quick yet in depth review of the term "argument."  The term dates is a noun and it dates back to the 14th Century and has it's roots in Middle English and Latin (arguere).
The easiest definition of the term is: "discourse intended to persuade."  One of the reasons we come here is to learn and to teach.  Many of us in here feel that we have some understanding (although I will be the first to admit that mine is limited![])  So when we believe something we often present an argument, or a discourse intended to persuade.

Another definition of the term is as follows: "A coherent series of statements leading from a premise to a conclusion."  Once again, nothing wrong with that..it's a natural and normal method of intercourse or communication between intelligent minds.

So there is nothing wrong with an "argument" BUT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG when people start using foul language, belittling one another or attacking one another in any malicious way.

The key, in my opinion, is to not post in anger.  If you stop and think about it, the best way to defend yourself or a principle is to do so in a calm collective way.  If the other person is being irrational or mean, let the truth be shown to everyone.  Sometimes we just have to let people makes asses of themselves (butt= a donkey OR a silly or stupid person).  

And, like Tisha said, if things are obviously out of hand, the moderators will step in and take care of it...that way we as members of a peaceful community don't have to get our hands dirty by flinging the mud back at the idiots who slung it int he first place.

Best,
Dan

[Tao]

I agree.. Tisha... an i must agree that sometimes i founded myself in there.

How did it get a Sticky that fast


meik

[sharkey]

Hello Tisha,

Nice cleavage.

Cheers, Sharkey.

[shaman]

Thanks for your posting Tisha,

I must admit, however, that in comparison to other site/forums I visit frequently, there are not many problems here... I am not saying there are not any, though I cannot say I saw one... Anyhow, I wanted to say that it looks like a nice site where people are not 'banging' on each other too much. Maybe because the moderators have been able to erase these messages before I read them, or maybe because I got use to see what's going on on other sites where war is raging.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say that so far so good over here on this forum!

Cheers to all []

[Mustardseed]

Nice point good point Thanks Tisha
OOps keep spelling your name wrong

[Aries]

And what a wonderfull invention the edit button is!
-Aries

[Nay]

Too bad SD and I didn't take Tisha great advise before we got out of hand. []

http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=5350&whichpage=2

Good reason to have this brought to the active topics again (thanks for the idea on that SD)

I hope others will think before doing what we did..[:I]

~Nay

[Tisha]

(I'm on the road, using someone else's laptop. I felt the need to weigh in on this important topic now, rather than wait until the end of the month!)

Sometimes, we all get crabby and post things we really wish we hadn't.  The only reason I feel qualified to post this message is that I've probably been guilty, at one point or another, of some of the things I bring up here. Here is how to undo the damage, or better yet, avoid it in the first place:

1.  First, never engage in a public "tinkling contest" with a person.  You'll both end up covered in tinkle, and no one wants to read it anyway!  Many of us are tempted to engage in public arguments because:

a) we want other people to take our side; and/or
b) we want attention.

If you have a problem with a person, please resist this temptation, and send a Private Message to that person instead.  If your issue is with a real ISSUE, however, the discussion belongs on the public Forum for all to weigh in on.  Think about this hard before making your choice; ie., PM or public post.

2.  There are better and worse ways to disagree with each other.  On Astralpulse, we want people to genuinely care about each others' personal growth, and express themselves in ways that demonstrate this caring.  Of course, we don't always get what we want.  So no matter what other people say, make sure your own posts stay honest and respectful, even if you strongly disagree with the other person, and even when the other person is acting like a wretch.

3.  Sometimes someone says or does something that REALLY sets you off.  I mean the top of your head is ready to blow off.  Before you flame that individual, ask yourself:  What is this person displaying that is so infuriating to me?  Stupidity?  Arrogance?  Cruelty?  Then ask yourself about the last time YOU did something stupid, arrogant or mean.  (Hint: it probably wasn't that long ago. WE HAVE THE STRONGEST REACTIONS TOWARD PEOPLE WHO ARE MOST LIKE US.)

4. So you lost it.  So you had a bad day, said something mean online for the whole world to see, and you feel rotten about it.  What do you do?  You APOLOGIZE, just like you do in the so-called real world.  Not only do you apologize to that person in a private message (PM), but you swallow your pride and apologize publicly.  Not only do you need to redeem yourself with the people you hurt, you have a whole international set of people who are developing opinions on you based upon what you post!

5.  You can edit your posts.  Really!  If you are logged in, you can click on that little pencil next to your post and delete the offending material, explain yourself a little beter, or even apologize for something that's too late to undo.  

6.  Sometimes, if things get really bad, a moderator will step in and lock a topic, or delete a post, or even delete a whole topic.  If this happens to your issue, topic, or post, you might get very upset.  Please understand that our intervention is not meant to offend you personally; it's action meant to make Astralpulse a safe place to be, for the good of all members.  Topics can be unlocked after things cool down.

7.  If you notice an Astralpulse member being agressive, abusive, or threatening, we need your help.  Please send one of the moderators a private message and report the problem.  Moderators will use their best judgment in dealing with that person, first by trying to correct that behavior, and if that doesn't work, by encouraging that member to take his/her agression elsewhere. Sometimes working with a person can take some time; please be patient while we work on matters behind the scene.

I hope my posting this topic helps everyone enjoy their time on Astralpulse a little better.  Have a great day!