Dad?

[sashamasha]

More than anything, I want to know that Dad has successfully crossed over and is ok.  I want to be sure that he is not tied to this lifetime but that he went to the light and all that and is visiting us, not stuck here, thinking that he's still alive.  I made the mistake of telling my mother about a vivid dream of my dad (below) and she gave the very disturbing comment "Well I think he is coming to say goodbye and wants us to let him go."  This really angered me because I don't see why I should have to grieve him twice, and push him away.  It seems to me that the past several months before his illness were preparing me to continue to communicate with him.  Why should I deny all that?

A number of things have happened.  While he was still in a coma, and losing his battle and totally nonresponsive, we were all home during a huge snowstorm and suddenly the lights went out on our street, a tree across the street fell (apparently the same thing happened 27 years ago during his first surgery) and the air absolutely was filled with what I can only describe as a blue charge.  Little blue pieces of light, very thick.  In my mind's eye, I saw a man standing in the kitchen, having a good time and watching us.  I thought "who the heck is that guy?" Later I realised it was probably Dad, & he really went quickly downhill from there.  

Since then, I often see a very deliberate blue light, either in shards or pieces, or in a little patch.  I always feel very happy when I see it, and I associate it with Dad.   My sister saw a shadow sitting and dozing on the couch in front of the tv at their house, complete with his cat resting behind his head as she used to do .  she felt like she woke him mid nap and startled him, and he held his breathe because he hadn't meant for her to see him.  Or something.  

Across the Atlantic, there have been many times where all of a sudden I feel like Dad's here, and I feel like he is asking me questions and talking to me.  I've been just trusting my instincts and rolling with whatever comes to me, and answering back in my mind, hoping my own hopes aren't coloring these impressions.  A few times he came to the bar and I swear he sits across the table or next to me and has a beer and quizzes me about work.   There are tiimes that I think surely I am just hoping this is the case, but when it happens I am filled with such a calm assurance, that I don't want to dismiss these moments out of hand.

When I practice (I'm a singer) is when I particularly feel him.  In the month before he was sick, I started to-- for lack of a better description-- channel...SOMETHING... while singing.  Something very joyous or alive, which would help me along.  I'd been learning to step aside and turn off my conscious, chatty, overanalytical (paralysing) mind and had GREAT results with this.  A huge freedom.  After this happened, I feel him there are well.  Not coming through the top of my head like the others, but in the room filling me with confidence and cheering me on.  He came to my audition yesterday and it went really well.  I think someone else was there as well, or else he moved around a lot.  He did not show up in blue here, but as a sort of overexposure where his head would be.  Like a dark sun, kinda, but less opaque.  

I'm still seeing a very frequent appearance by a bright pinpoint light, also a somehwat more diffuse white light surrounded by an amber color, as well as a frequent violet light, of varying sizes.  I still wonder who these all are... particular angels, guides, visiting spirits, etc. so that I know who I'm looking at.  Yesterday I also saw something dart past the doorway at home, I thought at first it might have been my little black and white cat until I realised they were both behind me.  I wonder if this place has the little pixie thingies I used to have in NYC.  It was running, not floating.

Back to Dad:  I was really sad that I couldn't sit with him at christmas and tell him all the stories of my misadventures here, and decided to write to him anyway.  I started a private blog, and have been writing to him every night.  Sometimes it's strange because, in a way, I don't know whether to write to him as Dad who was just Dad, or Dad who is also part of a greater spirit who maybe knows a lot more now.  I find myself writing to him both ways.  Sometimes I feel strange telling him about my ghostie things, because we didn't talk about that, though I know my sensitivity came from him.  Then I think, well, hell.  He's dead; so I guess if he's reading it he'll understand.  Ha.  I sometimes "know" when he has read my letters, sometimes I feel like he digests them very quickly and wishes there were more.  

When I go to bed, I've been doing a little meditation from a Sylvia Brown cd, where I walk along and go to this little room I created in my mind's eye, and talk to dad there.  He is the only one I can clearly see & hear so far. Lately I can hardly keep myself awake soon after I enter the room, and have been having very vivid dreams of him.  The other night I forgot to write to him before bed, however, and I feel like WHOOSH he was there.  Kind of ticked off that I didn't write, and so we had a conversation righ then and there.  He wouldn't even let me go to the meditation room.  I kept laughing, it was pretty funny.  

Last night's dream was the most vivid yet, and the most un-dreamy, most lucid.  But he sort of ran through the room all of a sudden (the dream suddenly started with a jolt with my family all standing in our old living room in the house I grew up in, near the piano, talking).  Anyway Dad appears out of nowhere from the staircase or to the staircase, as if he is in a huge rush and looking for us. I don't think I ever saw him move that fast in real life, ha.  My brother and I called out Dad!! And went after him, brought him back and he was sort of out of breath, I hugged him and he seemed a little weak.  He appeared a little drawn, as if he'd been ill, and his voice was a little haggard.  His appearance was different from the other recent dreams where he looked very strong and healthy.  And yes, I've already had the dreams in the beginning where he was dying all over again or appeared just a million times worse than he really did.  In this dream, he appeared distracted but he was there to see us, so mission accomplished.  It was kind of like he didn't quite know what he was doing and was in danger of fading a bit.  I asked him to please visit us as often as possible and he said he comes and will keep coming as much as he can.  He needed to visit Mom, who was right there, & he was starting to say something (I think) about telling everyone every time I see him, or something about every time, all he said was every time and I ran with it...  and then he faded and I woke up.  As I woke up more I heard him call my name, but it also sounded as if he were tired, his voice was a little thick.  

If anyone else has had experiences similar to these, I would really love to hear from you.  Even though I have faith in the truth of these things, it's always nice to have a little validation.

[RedWolfHealgDrmr]

Your mothers perceptions are good enough for her while yours are good enough for you, they do not have to be the same for both of you.  You are definitely seeing your dad as he means for you to.  He wants you to know he has chosen to remain near his family for whatever reason.  It does not mean that he is unhappy, he knows he is no longer in physical form but is happy to remain with all of you for the time being.

If I can impart one thing to you regarding your mother and you it is this:

Each person is entitled to their own perceptions, it is the right of each of us as individuals of the one.  People are learning it is no longer important to fight to be right.  We can respect the perceptions of others without needing to accept them as our own.  When everyone can see this is true, the world will be a much different place than we now know it.  The knowing of that one single truth will stop wars!

Of coruse it means learning to not be attached to others accepting your truth as theirs which only means you are welcome to accept this truth or not, grin.

Balance, Red Wolf

[sashamasha]

I hear where you are coming from, and I am less panicked by her comment now than I was this morning.  It seems she believes that I am keeping him here unhappily, and my hope is that he is visiting, not bound here.  I do not wish to keep him here against his will.  I am also here alone in a foreign country coming to terms with both my father's death and my very sudden development of sensitivity on my own, and that doesn't help my perspective on differing opinions.  Thanks for your reply.

[wisp]

Hi sashamasha,
Sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. I remember reading your post about your dad's circumstances. I really felt for you on that, and now.

I can help you validate. My dad lived five months after a lung mass was found on a chest xray. He was not one who related to spiritual matters, he did support those who were. It was the best I could do to discuss visualization and hopefully other potential healing methods. He was clueless when the time came for him to get in gear and heal. I didn't give up hope, but he did. He was very intelligent but indoctrinated in modern (scientific) medical beliefs.Nothing wrong with that if one knows it's limitations compared to spirit,spiritual, and alternative medicine.

Anyway, the grief afterwards was immense. Normally a happy person, the grief was like no other I had experienced. I was riding the wave of emotion pretty well, especially since I had no choice (no place to run or hide).

A few dreams at first. His eyes were red and slanted. I was frightened of him. I hadn't had any plans of after death communication with him. Being new to regular dream recall at the time, all I knew to do was record the dreams.

After awhile he went into this "lame" act, similar to what you wrote about your dad. The message I perceived was that he was "acting" this weakness and illness. In other words, saying, "I'm okay". Later, a very normal him was looking through one of my windows. He slipped out of sight as soon as I caught him in my sight. I knew then he was definitely okay. He was about 30 years old and wore the clothes he wore at that age.

Since then, he has been briefly in a few of my dreams. Each time, normal looking. He's in my dreams when he chooses to be I suppose.He might even become a guide to me, and that's pretty cool.

I wish you and your family the best in your new era.

[sashamasha]

Thanks, Wisp.  I'm glad to hear that your dad visits you, and  that you've had similar experiences.  

I wanted to add that I've dreamt of Dad almost every single night since he was sick, the difference in those dreams being that always looks super healthy, content, very much a part of the action in general though always a bit detached from me and everyone else in the dream.  For example we will all be at a party and he will be sitting quietly looking at some photogrpahs.  In the most recent of these, we were in a car and he made some conversation to the driver but not to us, and chuckled at what we said.

I'm starting to believe that this very lucid dream I posted above with his visit was his figuring out how to visit and fully interact, and that it took a lot of energy for him.  My sister had a similar dream earlier that evening (I am 6 hours ahead), but my mother and brother don't talk about this stuff.  It is very like my dad to figure something out, read like crazy and try to do it before he's ready.  

Thanks everyone for reading.  It is really great to know that there are people out there who know what I'm going through, especially in the context of all the freeky deeky dreams & i see dead people stuff going on in my life.

[wisp]

Red Wolf,
You said you are into patterns. Your input would be interesting!

sahamasha,
I have to say I understand everything you said. There is so much to say of what I've discovered. It is about putting the pieces together. The pieces of glass makes me think of this.

I was lucky in that I developed a system early in life. I can't say it works or applies to anyone else. I really should write down my earlier experiences but it gets the best of me. That's why I keep alot in my head. Some things I catagorize as dreams. Your on the right track.

I would list some of this but it wouldn't make sense except to me.  Plus,the pieces are not altogether.There are parts of what I have discovered others relate to.

To make a long story short, I had a major energy change several years ago.I didn't connect it at the time, but this energy change happened on the eve my dad's 51st birthday. It is interesting to connect dates and numbers stemming from this discovery.The dates apply, but only to me. I can't help but to think there is a pattern or consistency to all of this. I was talking about this to a group one night. One gal out of the group piped up and said she "gets it". She couldn't put it in words either. She wrote down the birthdates of her family. I could pick up on the pattern too, but no more than that. Interesting thing about this young woman, I can see or enter another dimension looking at her aura. She has moved away now, but her family is near enough that I will see her again in some way.

This may not apply to everyone else. I discovered at a young age, seeing the commonalities between my mom's side of family and my dad's side of the family. Dates and numbers form a pattern and significance as the years go by. For instance (and there's many more of these) my mom was born in (19)28, my dad in (19)26. The number 27 has become a number of significance to me. I was drawn to what you said about the lightening experience 27 years apart. A person could crazy trying to figure this out too fast and before proper time.

As I write this I draw blanks on what else I've intended to say in addition.

My parent's birthdays have a mirror affect. Mom, 26th day of the 28th year, dad, 28th day of the 26th year.

If your a singer, you use the right side(common rules) of your brain. Numbers are a left brain activity (common rules).

There is a symetry aspect reguarding the physical make-up. This is a general statement because you wouldn't understand my family and our physical strengths and weaknesses. I suspect this symetry is a pattern.

I could talk about symetry, but it's still abstract to me right now. For instance, I've known for some time my vision in my right eye is slightly different than in my left eye. If I say anymore before I can properly explain, it will sound crazy.

During my energy change a number of years ago I experienced seeing dead people briefly. There were another kind as well.They were not dead but continuing in another world, namely, all, except one of my dad's brothers. These same ones show up in my dreams sporatically.  ...It's an ongoing saga.

Hope this helps.

[sashamasha]

Yes!! I'm glad you wrote this, because I also have a bunch of other stuff like this that's been floating around in my head like soup for years.  My parents had the number 5 and 6 all over their lives, in complementary ways, and I have the number 3 and the number 42 in relation to my entire life, and in particular all the males in my life, from childhood on.  I understand what you are talking about.  I couldn't possibly say what it means, either.

As for eyes, I also have different vision in each eye, and as a kid I learned to just shut up about it because doctors & my mom thought i was making it up.  It doesn't sound crazy to me at all.

[wisp]

sashamasha,
I thought this was interesting enough to mention to you. I was thumbing through the book, "Hands Of Light"(Barbara Brennan). On page 48 it mentions the right eye is governed by the 7th (crown chakra) and the left eye is governed by the 6th (head chakra).This could explain that indeed, each eye is different in some way.

[sashamasha]

oh that really is interesting.  How do you find this book, I might try to get my hands on it when I am in the states if it seems worth it.  I have to do all my book gathering while I am in the US since it's too expensive & unreliable (on my side) to have things shipped here from England.

[wisp]

I found it in the Health (or near there) section at Barns & Noble book store. A friend of mine (Reiki instructor) recommended the book. Altho a bit pricey (26 dollars plus tax) I haven't regretted it. It makes a good reference book.

I tried to scan an excerpt for you...but my computer is on the verge of crashing as it is.  

I've shopped books online before (within the US). I'm not sure how the prices are elswhere (or any shortcuts for that matter).

Bantam New Age Books has a website, www.bantamdell.com

I will try to send an excerpt from the book again if your interested.

[sashamasha]

If your computer is up to it, I would be very interested indeed, thanks!  Meanwhile I'll hunt online...

[wisp]

Okay.

Oh, I found more info on the last page of the book.

Barbara Brennan, Inc.
P.O. Box 2005
East Hampton,NY 11937

phone:516 329 0951
fax: 516 324 9745

E-Mail  bbi.office@barbarabrennan.com

or visit ...   www.barbarabrennan.com