Just looking for advice mostly

[ReceptviCanatvr]

(I post this same message in another forum as well.  Just hedging my bets )

Hi. First off, my name is David. How are you all doing?  

I am writing this in order to ask a sage person his advice concerning my life and why I am in such a rut and what I can perhaps do to extricate myself from it.

---------If you don't want to hear a lot of whining about personal problems, then do not read any further. ---------

For about three years now my life has been quite stagnant and horrible (when I say stagnant I mean it quite literally, as I have basically just been sitting around for about 3 years, not working, going to school, hanging out or anything.) I am 20 years old and I do not have a driver's license, I am not in school, I have crippling emotional problems including Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and Depression which are keeping me from going out and doing the things that I need to do in order to get my life back on track (such as getting a driver's license which I can't do on account of my B.D.D.), and my mind - which was my most treasured possession - is in a state of declension and I am not - in my opinion - even half as intelligent as I once was and am not able to do the things that I love doing any longer - such as study languages. Reality has steadily been taking on very surreal aspects of late; I almost feel sometimes as though I could reach out to touch a wall and palpate nothing but emptiness and diaphanous illusion. This adds to my discomfort and misery greatly.

Another problem of mine is that my depression is further aggravated due to my fatalistic views on life - my feeling that I have no freedom whatsoever and am just God's stupid, unloved, and unwitting puppet in his sadistic little marionette show. I don't feel as though I were able to make decisions for myself and effect in my life the things that I desire most. I hate that He won't just let me make my own mistakes. If what I desire isn't good for me then just let me experience what I want, realize that I was mistaken, and move on, 'cause no amount of his telling me that my priorities are misplaced is going to make me change them.

With regards to my Body Dysmorphic Disorder, it is so severe that I had to drop out of school because of it and I do not look at people directly (i.e. not face to face) lest I should experience tremendous discomfort and misery, realizing that they have seen unobscured the ugliness of my countenance. I also am unable to look in mirrors and I go about everyday wearing a bandanna so as to conceal my hair which I deem to be quite ugly, even going so far as to sleep with it on. It has also resulted in my not having any friends (B.D.D. that is - not so much the bandanna.  Although I imagine that many people find the fact that I wear it everyday rather off-putting and that wearing it doesn't exactly conduce to my having tons and tons of friends.)

I am extremely suicidal and I would certainly kill myself if a) I had the means to divest myself of vital breath relatively painlessly and b) there weren't anyone in my life who would suffer as a result of my ending my life.

I very very often ask God to just let my soul be destroyed or sent to hell because I cannot bear this existence. There is literally NOTHING that brings me joy in this life. Nothing. I can't stand it. All I want is to not exist and yet God doesn't love me enough to do even that for me. I feel so hopeless and as though I will never attain any of the things that I desire out of life and will be doomed to experience all the things that are retrograde to my will for all time. What's more, I am not even sure that I want anything out of this existence; it all just seems so pointless that I really only want to not exist....

Anyways, forgive me please for being so whiny. Even if you offer me no advice or counsel at all, my rant was somewhat cathartic and thus this post worthwhile - I suppose.

Thank you for your time everyone. I appreciate it.

[James S]

Hi David,

I'm not going to offer any great magic bullets or sure-fire cure-all here. Just something simple.

Think about just one thing in your life that you don't like. Something small, almost insignificant. It's a good place to start.

Write that one small dislike down on a piece of paper, then under it write down the the exact opposite - the thing that you would like to see in its place, the thing you wish could be true. When you write that positive opposite of the thing you dislike, start the sentence with words like I AM, or I CAN. write it down as if what you wish to be real has already happened.

Write that positive "wished for" sentence somewhere where you can see it each day, and each day, simply repeat that sentence to yourself a couple of times. Keep going with this for a few weeks.

What this is doing is programming your subconscious with something positive. You say something often enough and it becomes a pattern that is fed into your subconcious, and your subconscious believes everything it is told 100%. if it hears you say or think something often enough, it will believe you, and make that something real in your life.

What I see from your post is a great deal of negativity at work in your life. If this post is an example of what you believe about yourself then this is what your feeding your subconscious, so this is what your subconscious is bringing into your life as reality.

Now try turning it around. Just one small step at a time is all you need. Reprogram your subconscious with one small positive thought at a time.

That's all you really need - some positive thoughts - positive affirmations about yourself and your situation. Nothing magical or mysterious about it. Just the power of the subconscious to have an influence over our lives.

Please don't think that I'm talking just some "power of positive thinking" new-age platitudes. I'm talking as someone who suffered severe depression and was for a time suicidal. Positive affirmations really do work. I've experienced them personally, and I continue to use them each day to make little bits of my life better.

Blessings,
James

[andonitxo]

It is said that the more physical limitations the more evolution is achieved in a normal life. So aside of your present feelings try to gather energy and change your viewpoint.

If you believe you're bonked think there's always someone even more bonked, which in fact happens.

I'd consult some good astrologer. Your physical aspect is the result of your personal energies. Maybe it's some kind of burden you've carried from your previous life.

Meditate on the energies that are causing the illness and find out its core, after all this 3d-ness is but a fake invention of physicist.

Perhaps it's easy to say not being in your shoes... but ugliness can be as beautiful as beaty itself, the key is in the viewer, not in the viewed one. Look at yourself with beauty and proudness, what the hell!.

[ReceptviCanatvr]

Thanks very much to all of you for your time and your suggestions.  I appreciate it.